Chapter 11 A Future We Didn’t Expect #2
Then his expression became thoughtful.
"But knowing the risks isn't the same as being prepared for them."
Riley looked down.
"I know."
He rested his hand over his stomach.
The gesture was unconscious.
Adrian noticed.
"Do you want this?"
Riley looked at him.
"I think so."
"Think?"
Riley took a slow breath.
"I've wanted to be a father for a long time."
Adrian listened.
"But carrying a child?"
Riley smiled faintly.
"That's something I've barely admitted to myself."
"Why?"
"Because it always felt like a dream I wasn't supposed to say aloud."
Adrian reached for his hand.
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
Riley looked toward the window.
"Maybe because I was afraid people would think it was strange."
Adrian shook his head.
"I don't."
Riley smiled.
"I know."
They sat quietly.
The idea was still enormous.
It wasn't simply about pregnancy.
It was about changing their lives permanently.
A child would need time.
Attention.
Patience.
Security.
Love.
Adrian looked at Riley.
"We need to ask ourselves whether we're ready."
Riley smiled.
"Are we?"
"I don't know."
"Neither do I."
Adrian laughed softly.
"That's reassuring."
Riley leaned against him.
"Maybe nobody feels completely ready."
"Probably not."
"But we can prepare."
Adrian nodded.
They began making a list.
Not a formal plan.
Just things they wanted to think about.
Childcare.
Work schedules.
Finances.
The studio.
Adrian's hospital responsibilities.
Family support.
A nursery.
Medical care.
Everything that came with raising a child.
Riley added another item.
"Bedtime stories."
Adrian smiled.
"Obviously."
"Art supplies."
"Definitely."
"Family dinners."
"Yes."
"Lots of books."
"How many?"
Riley looked offended.
"There's no such thing as too many books."
Adrian laughed.
"Fine."
Riley added another.
"A home where the child can be themselves."
Adrian's smile softened.
"That's the most important one."
Riley looked at him.
"I don't want our child growing up thinking they have to earn love."
Adrian's expression changed.
"I don't either."
He thought about the affirmation cards.
The years he had spent believing his worth depended on usefulness.
He didn't want to pass that belief to a child.
"I want them to know they can fail," Adrian said.
"And still be loved."
"Exactly."
"I want them to make mistakes."
"Within reason."
Riley laughed.
"I knew there was a surgeon hiding in there."
Adrian smiled.
"But yes."
He took Riley's hand.
"I want our child to know that home is the place they can come back to."
Riley's eyes softened.
"That sounds perfect."
"It won't always be."
"I know."
"There will be difficult days."
"Of course."
"We'll argue."
"Definitely."
Adrian raised an eyebrow.
"You're very confident."
"I know you."
He smiled.
"And I love you."
Adrian's expression softened.
"I love you too."
They sat quietly for a moment.
Then Riley asked, "What if we're not ready?"
Adrian thought about it.
"Then we wait."
"And if we are?"
"Then we begin."
Riley looked at him.
The simplicity of the answer made his chest ache.
There was no pressure.
No deadline.
Just a choice they could make together.
Adrian closed the laptop.
"We don't have to decide today."
Riley nodded.
"But?"
"But I want to know what you want."
Riley looked at him.
"I want a family with you."
Adrian squeezed his hand.
"I want that too."
Riley smiled.
They spent the rest of the morning imagining what their home might become.
Riley talked about nursery colors.
Adrian argued that the furniture should be practical.
Riley wanted a reading corner.
Adrian wanted proper safety equipment.
Riley laughed at him.
"You are going to be an impossible father."
"Probably."
"You'll baby-proof everything."
"Absolutely."
"You'll read medical articles about every cough."
"Obviously."
Riley smiled.
"And I'll have to stop you from turning our house into a hospital."
Adrian kissed his forehead.
"Deal."
The conversation became lighter.
They imagined tiny shoes near the front door.
Drawings on the refrigerator.
A child running through the living room.
Messy breakfasts.
Bedtime arguments.
Holiday traditions.
Family photographs.
Adrian found himself smiling more than he expected.
The image was no longer abstract.
It was becoming real.
Later that afternoon, they sat together on the balcony.
Riley rested his head against Adrian's shoulder.
Adrian looked down at him.
There was one question he had been thinking about since that morning.
He wasn't sure how to ask it.
"Riley?"
"Hm?"
"Can I ask you something?"
Riley looked up.
"Of course."
Adrian took his hand.
"If we decided to do this..."
Riley waited.
"Would you ever want to carry our baby?"
Riley went completely still.
Adrian immediately added, "You don't have to answer now."
"I know."
Riley looked down at their hands.
Then he smiled.
"I think I would."
Adrian's chest tightened.
"You do?"
Riley nodded.
"I've never said this to anyone."
Adrian waited.
Riley's voice became quieter.
"Becoming a father has always been one of my biggest dreams."
He paused.
"But carrying a child..."
His eyes grew moist.
"That's been one of my quietest dreams."
Adrian gently lifted his chin.
"You don't have to keep it quiet with me."
Riley looked into his eyes.
"I know."
Adrian kissed his forehead.
They remained together beneath the evening sky.
There was no decision yet.
No appointment.
No timeline.
Only a dream they were finally brave enough to speak aloud.
And for Riley, that was already the beginning of something beautiful.
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