Chapter 16 The Choice
Don't Give It Up for Me
Riley knew something was wrong before Adrian said a word.
It was the way Adrian stood in the kitchen that morning, holding his coffee without drinking it.
The way his eyes kept drifting toward the window.
The way he seemed to be somewhere else entirely.
Riley was sitting at the dining table with his laptop open, reviewing the latest documents for his studio.
He closed it.
"What happened?"
Adrian looked at him.
"Nothing happened."
Riley raised an eyebrow.
"That's not true."
Adrian gave him a tired smile.
"You know me too well."
"I've had practice."
Adrian walked toward him and sat down.
For a moment, neither spoke.
Then Adrian said, "The hospital wants an answer."
Riley already knew what he meant.
"The international program."
Adrian nodded.
Riley took a slow breath.
"Okay."
"I haven't decided."
"You should take it."
Adrian looked at him.
The answer came too quickly.
Riley knew it.
Adrian knew it too.
"Why?"
"Because it's an incredible opportunity."
"It is."
"You've worked your entire career for something like this."
Adrian remained silent.
Riley reached for his hand.
"You should go."
Adrian looked down at their joined hands.
"What about us?"
"We'll figure it out."
"What about the pregnancy?"
Riley's heart tightened.
"We'll figure that out too."
Adrian studied his face.
"You sound very certain."
"I am."
Riley smiled.
"You deserve this."
Adrian didn't answer.
Riley continued.
"You could lead a program that changes trauma care internationally."
"I know."
"You'd work with specialists from around the world."
"I know."
"You'd have opportunities you've never had before."
"I know."
Riley squeezed his hand.
"Then don't give it up."
The words were easier to say than they were to feel.
Inside, fear had already begun spreading through him.
He imagined Adrian leaving.
He imagined long flights.
Time zones.
Video calls.
Hospital corridors thousands of miles away.
He imagined going to appointments alone.
Hearing their baby's heartbeat without Adrian beside him.
Feeling the first movement and having no one there to share it with.
He imagined standing in the nursery alone.
He imagined opening the studio alone.
He imagined giving birth while Adrian was delayed somewhere because of an emergency.
Every image hurt.
But Riley pushed them away.
Adrian had spent years building his career.
He couldn't become the reason that career stopped.
Riley knew what sacrifice could do to a person.
He had seen people abandon dreams because they loved someone.
He didn't want Adrian to become one of them.
"I mean it," Riley said.
Adrian looked at him.
"I believe you."
Riley smiled.
"Good."
But Adrian didn't smile back.
Instead, he asked, "Do you want me to go?"
Riley hesitated.
"Yes."
The lie tasted bitter.
Adrian watched him carefully.
Riley looked away.
"I want you to have everything you've worked for."
"That's not what I asked."
Riley's throat tightened.
"I know."
"Then answer me honestly."
Riley stared at the table.
"I don't know."
Adrian's expression softened.
Riley took a breath.
"I want you to be happy."
"I am happy."
"With me."
"Yes."
Riley looked up.
"Then why wouldn't you take it?"
Adrian was quiet.
"Because I don't know if the life I wanted ten years ago is the life I want now."
Riley's chest tightened.
"You'll regret it."
"Maybe."
"You could regret staying."
"Maybe."
Riley swallowed.
"I don't want you to wake up five years from now and wonder what you could have done."
Adrian reached across the table.
"Riley."
"I mean it."
"I know."
Riley tried to smile.
"I'll be fine."
Adrian looked at him.
"Will you?"
"Of course."
"Really?"
"Yes."
The answer came too quickly again.
Adrian knew.
Riley knew he knew.
Still, Riley continued.
"I can handle the pregnancy."
Adrian's face changed.
"I can handle the studio."
"Riley."
"I can do both."
"I know you can."
"And you'll call."
"Of course."
"We'll video chat."
"Yes."
"I can send you pictures."
"Yes."
"I'll tell you everything."
Adrian looked at him.
"You shouldn't have to tell me everything through a screen."
Riley's eyes burned.
"I know."
The words escaped before he could stop them.
Silence followed.
Riley looked away.
He had finally admitted the truth.
He didn't want a screen.
He wanted Adrian.
He wanted his hand during appointments.
He wanted his arms around him when pregnancy became difficult.
He wanted to wake beside him.
He wanted Adrian to feel the baby move.
He wanted them to prepare for parenthood together.
But he couldn't ask Adrian to abandon the opportunity.
At least, that was what Riley told himself.
He stood.
"I need to finish the studio proposal."
Adrian watched him.
"You don't have to."
"I want to."
Riley walked toward the kitchen.
His hands trembled as he filled the kettle.
He turned away so Adrian wouldn't see.
Behind him, Adrian remained silent.
Riley stared through the window.
He imagined the future again.
A different country.
A different time zone.
Adrian exhausted after another day.
Riley sitting alone in their bedroom.
A baby moving beneath his heart.
He imagined whispering goodnight to Adrian through a phone screen.
The thought made his eyes sting.
He wiped them quickly.
He heard Adrian approach.
"Riley."
"I'm okay."
"You don't have to say that."
Riley turned.
"I'm not asking you to stay."
Adrian looked at him.
"I know."
"I'm serious."
"I know."
"I don't want to be the reason you say no."
Adrian's expression softened.
"You think that's what this is?"
"What else would it be?"
Adrian stepped closer.
"This isn't about you holding me back."
Riley looked away.
"It could be."
"No."
Adrian's voice was quiet.
"You've done this before."
Riley looked at him.
"What?"
"You take care of everyone."
Riley swallowed.
"That's not bad."
"No."
Adrian reached for his hand.
"But you disappear inside that role."
Riley shook his head.
"I don't."
"You do."
Adrian's eyes were gentle.
"You did it when I was recovering."
Riley stayed silent.
"You made sure I ate."
"You needed help."
"You stayed awake when I couldn't sleep."
"I wanted to."
"You gave me your cards."
Riley looked down.
"You've always found ways to give."
Adrian squeezed his hand.
"But now you're doing it again."
Riley's eyes filled with tears.
"Doing what?"
"Putting my happiness ahead of your own."
Riley shook his head.
"I'm trying to protect you."
"I know."
Adrian pulled him closer.
"But who is protecting you?"
Riley couldn't answer.
Adrian rested his forehead against his.
"You tell me that I don't have to earn love."
Riley closed his eyes.
"Yes."
"You tell me that I deserve care."
"Yes."
"Then let me care about what you want too."
Riley's tears finally fell.
"I want you here."
Adrian held him.
"I know."
"I want you at every appointment."
"I know."
"I want you beside me when the baby moves."
"I know."
"I want you there when our child is born."
Adrian's arms tightened.
"I know."
Riley cried against his chest.
"I just don't want to be the reason you give up everything."
Adrian kissed his hair.
"You aren't."
Riley looked up.
Adrian wiped his tears.
"I need you to understand something."
"What?"
"The opportunity is mine."
Riley nodded.
"But so is this family."
Riley stared at him.
"And I have to decide what kind of life I actually want."
Riley's breathing slowed.
Adrian continued.
"I don't want to choose based on fear."
"Then don't."
"I won't."
They remained together.
Riley realized something uncomfortable.
He had been so focused on protecting Adrian from regret that he had forgotten to admit what he wanted.
He wanted Adrian home.
Not because Adrian owed him anything.
Not because Riley couldn't survive alone.
But because they were building a family.
And families were supposed to be built together.
Adrian looked at him.
"Tell me the truth."
Riley wiped his cheeks.
"I don't want you to go."
Adrian nodded.
"Thank you."
"But I still want you to have the opportunity."
"I know."
"I don't know how both can happen."
"Neither do I."
Riley looked at him.
"But we'll figure it out."
Adrian smiled.
"Together."
Riley nodded.
For the first time that morning, he allowed himself to stop pretending he was fearless.
He didn't know what Adrian would decide.
He didn't know what would happen to the international offer.
But he knew one thing.
He didn't want love to become another reason he had to disappear inside someone else's dream.
And Adrian knew it too.
He could see the familiar pattern clearly now.
Riley was once again putting someone else's happiness ahead of his own needs.
This time, Adrian wasn't going to let him do it.
A Different Kind of Success
Adrian spent the next two days thinking about the offer.
He didn't avoid it.
He didn't make a decision in anger.
He didn't allow fear to decide for him.
Instead, he looked at everything honestly.
The contract remained open on his laptop.
The numbers were impressive.
The responsibilities were significant.
The opportunities were extraordinary.
For years, Adrian would have signed without hesitation.
But those years belonged to a different version of himself.
He had once measured his worth by how many people depended on him.
The hospital needed him.
Patients needed him.
Colleagues needed him.
Residents came to him for advice.
Administrators trusted him with difficult cases.
The more indispensable he became, the more successful he believed he was.
He had never questioned the equation.
Until Riley.
Now, when Adrian thought about success, another image appeared.
Coming home.
Riley waiting for him.
A nursery.
A child.
A family dinner.
A hand reaching for his when the day had been difficult.
The two images seemed incompatible.
Adrian hated that.
He had spent his entire career believing that good decisions were the ones where all variables could be managed.
This wasn't like that.
There was no perfect answer.
There was only a choice.
That evening, Adrian sat with Riley at the dining table.
The contract was between them.
Riley looked at it.
"Have you decided?"
"Not yet."
Riley nodded.
Adrian looked at him.
"I need to tell you something."
"I'm listening."
"I was afraid."
Riley reached for his hand.