48/Renee
I carried a bouquet of spring flowers out to the cemetery.
It was a beautiful day. I had always loved May.
The weather was perfect and warm enough that you didn't need the heat, but not so hot that you had to run the air conditioner.
But more than anything, May was special because it was Lisa's birthday.
I moved over to her gravesite and stared down at it.
LISA RAE MILLER. LOVING SISTER, FRIEND, AND WIFE.
I lowered myself onto the grass and placed the flowers in a plastic vase that I had brought the year before.
“Hey, sis. So much has happened since I last came to visit. Can you believe it? Kayla is getting married this summer. I am so happy for her. Danielle’s daughter is due any day now. Can you believe it? Danielle’s messing with some crazy mothafucka, and me and John are getting a divorce.”
I pulled my feet to my chest and talked to my sister for over an hour before I finally said goodbye.
My eyes were red by the time I made it home. As I pulled into the driveway and noticed a BMW parked at the curb.
Immediately, my mood soured.
I went ahead and pulled into the garage, then headed inside. As soon as I walked in and dropped my purse on the counter, I heard the doorbell ring.
I hurried to answer it and groaned at the person standing on my front porch.
“Hey, Renee,” John said.
“What are you doing here?”
I couldn’t believe this booty bandit had the nerve to show up at my door.
“I knew you would be home this weekend because you wouldn’t miss your sister’s birthday.”
His fat ass was already pissing me off.
“I asked why you’re here.”
Not waiting for an invitation, John pushed past me and entered my house.
“I need to talk to you, and you’ve been ignoring all my calls, so I didn’t have a choice.”
“No shit. We don’t have anything to talk about.”
“Yes, we do.”
I closed the door and swung around. “John, what the hell do you want?”
He moved over to my sofa and took a seat. “We need to talk.”
“You should’ve thought about talking before you decided to poke a niggas in the ass.”
“Can we let that go for a moment?” He had the nerve to looked embarrassed.
“How am I supposed to let that slide? That was some grimy shit. You had me fucking yo man. Come one John… what the fuck?” I threw my hands into the air and fell back onto the sofa. “I put up with all of your sexual issues for years.”
He leaned forward. “What issues?”
“Your dick half worked. And all you wanted to do was play with my damn nipples. No matter how many times I told you to stop, it didn’t matter. You still tweaked and tweaked and fucking tweaked.”
I shook my head.
“I thought I was going to lose my damn mind. But nooo! ‘He’s a good man,’ everybody said. Especially Lisa. She insisted that I stay with you.”
My throat tightened.
“So I did. And look what the fuck it got me.”
I could tell I was starting to piss him off, and that was something that rarely happened.
“I didn’t come here for this.”
“Then tell me. What the hell is so damn important that you had to drive all the way down here?”
John swallowed. “I’m HIV positive.”
My heart stopped. “You’re what?”
Oh hell no. I know I didn’t hear him right.
Did that booty bandit just tell me he was HIV positive?
My anger suddenly fizzled like a helium balloon.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Renee, you need to go get tested.”
Immediately, I got defensive. “For what? I’m not the one fucking other men. You are.”
John took a deep breath and rose. “Shemar doesn’t have it.”
It took me a moment to process what he was saying.
Then my eyes narrowed. “I know good and damn well you’re not trying to say you got it from me.”
I could tell he was choosing his words carefully. “Where else would I have gotten it?”
I sprang from the sofa and aimed blow after blow at his face.
“I ain’t gave you shit, you sick fucker!”
I screamed as my fists connected with his chest and shoulders.
He grabbed my wrists and forced my arms to my sides. “I didn’t come here to argue. I just wanted to tell you so that you could get tested too.”
“Ain’t shit wrong with me!”
Tears rolled down his cheeks.
For the first time since I’d met him, John looked scared. Not embarrassed. Not ashamed.
Scared.
“Please go get tested,” he pleaded.
I yanked my arms free. “Get the hell out of my house!”
I marched him to the door and threw it open.
“Renee—”
“Out!”
John hesitated for a second, then slowly stepped onto the porch. I slammed the door behind him. Then I stood there.
Frozen.
Suddenly unable to breathe.
Because for the first time since he had walked into my house...
I was terrified he might be right.