Chapter Twenty-One CASEY
Chapter Twenty-One
CASEY
I cannot believe that it’s my seventh night of this cruise, and I’m only now finding out that the cool kids have been partying late into the night at La Dame this whole time! Apparently after their fancy French dinners, the place turns into a little nightclub. Excuse me? Left out much! (Never mind that I’ve been otherwise occupied, it still stings.)
Javier was the one to tell Sienna about it.
She let me in on the secret when she found me sitting in my desk chair, staring aimlessly at the wall. I told her about quitting Bon Voyage .
“ Yes ! Wonderful. About time, but”—she swirled her finger around my desk chair—“ this is not what we’re doing. We need to celebrate !”
I’m here in La Dame with Sienna now. It’s the perfect setting for a bunch of rowdy folks because it’s a compact restaurant with tons of booths and sexy low lighting. Around thirty or forty people are all clustered together while the DJ from the pool blares some of the best music of my life.
It really feels like the gang’s all here. Bella, Jenna, and Avery are draped over a few of the Nat Geo guys. No shocker there. A few veterans from the New Yorker are breaking it down on the dance floor. A waiter, who’s undone most of the buttons on his La Dame uniform to reveal a seriously buff chest that could fit right in with the Magic Mike cast, is passing around a tray of shots like a badass, and I take one gladly before downing it in one go.
“I think I’m drunk!” I shout into Sienna’s face.
She laughs. “You’re definitely drunk!”
“Oh my god, I love this song!”
It’s a club remix of Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody.”
“You already said that!”
“Cool! I have no recollection of that! Maybe I have amnesia!”
Sienna holds up my hand with its empty shot glass. “I think it’s just the alcohol!”
“Okay!” Then my eyes widen like I have a brilliant plan. “I think we should get more of it!”
“I think we should find a chair!”
“No! You pulled me out of a chair, remember? Back in my suite. I’m a free woman, Sienna. You can’t stop me!”
At this point, I think it seems like a perfect idea to climb on top of the nearest table and start singing along to the song. Does it take me two attempts to hoist myself up? Sure! Do I still get resounding cheers from the crowd once I turn and start shimmying my hips and singing to them? Ab-so-fucking-lutely!
And just as I finish the chorus, giving it everything I’ve got, I see Phillip near the front door of the restaurant, encircled in the light from the hallway. He’s just walked in, hands in his suit pockets, brow furrowed. Our eyes lock, and I can’t help a huge sappy smile from spreading across my face. I brace myself for more of that angry scowl, but he doesn’t seem annoyed that I’m up here, potentially damaging one of the tables in his fancy restaurant. He watches me dancing with humor in his gaze. Then he points to me and then points to the ground. The gesture is obvious: get down .
Instead, I beckon with my fingers, trying to draw him closer in time to the beat.
He shakes his head.
Phillip!
Fine.
I’ll just have to keep singing to him. And I do. Oh yes. That chorus is building again. Can you feel it, Phillip? The music? That longing I keep running from?
I shake my hips and lift my arms and feel the summer anthem like it’s a part of me. My eyes squeeze closed, and I smile, wishing Phillip would come away from the door and admonish me. Is he getting annoyed now? Wanting to drag me out of here?
But when I open my eyes again, he’s left his post. Alarmed, I find he’s weaving through the crowd, getting to me faster than I thought possible. His gaze never wavers. It’s like he’s on the hunt.
He slides past Sienna and Javier and the two guys standing directly in front of my table. I didn’t even realize they were there, but Phillip steps in front of them without even a passing glance.
Oh, hello there, blue eyes. Come to get me?
“You’re going to hurt yourself,” he yells over the music, but still, that smile plays on his lips. He’s having to war with himself. Punish me or ...
I shimmy all the way down, lowering myself on the table until we’re at eye level, and then I lean in for a moment, singing, as our lips almost graze. Phillip’s eyes darken with dangerous intent as I peel back and stand again, spinning around.
I’m grinning; of course I am. It feels so good to play this silly game with him, to just be reckless and free and feel all those emotions you’re supposed to feel when you’re young, before the responsibilities of life weigh you down so heavily that you can’t even remember what it is to be carefree and silly. To make mistakes and revel in the consequences.
Phillip’s hand reaches out and grips my ankle, and then it slides higher so that I gasp and whip around. He can’t touch me in public, right? Surely, he won’t.
We’re talking about the world’s most private man! I doubt he’s the PDA type. I can’t even imagine him holding hands with a woman in a public setting, but he’s quickly disproving my theory. His hand reaches up to grip my thigh, and he tugs until I’m tipping down and falling forward, off balance. That’s his intent, of course, because he’s there, catching me around the hips and sliding me down the front of his body.
“I was dancing,” I say with a pouty bottom lip.
He keeps me pinned against him, not saying a word.
I peer to the left to see curious stares aimed in our direction. My cheeks flush with color.
“People are watching us,” I warn him as his eyes fall to my mouth.
And then ignoring my warning, he leans forward and kisses me.
I give in to that kiss like it’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Easier even than falling into bed at the end of a long day, sliding into the warmest bubble bath ever concocted, picking up your absolute favorite book.
His tongue slides into my mouth, and I press against him, giving him everything that my sober mind is too scared to relinquish. Take it , I seem to say now. Have everything.
My hands reach around to grab his butt, and he laughs and breaks away.
“ Casey .”
“What?” I’m not the least bit contrite. “You have a great butt.”
He takes my wrists and pulls me off him, keeping ahold of my hands.
“You should know ... the editor of Bon Voyage contacted my assistant, wanting you kicked off this ship. She said you quit today?”
“She can’t have me kicked off! I’m in international waters. Try and get me !”
He laughs and shakes his head. “How drunk are you?”
“Very. Excellently drunk.” The song changes. “Oh my god, more Whitney ! Is this some kind of fantasy come to life?”
“Did you quit, Casey?”
My eyes widen with excitement. “Yes! And you know what? Should we have drunken sex? Like really good, shameless sex?”
“That seems like what we’ve already been having ...”
My shoulders sag. “Oh, true. Hey, hey—remember when I gave you that blow job?”
His eyes pinch closed. I think he’s trying not to laugh.
When he looks at me again, I see a flicker of frustration. I’m not surprised. It was bound to show up eventually.
“I can’t figure you out. You’re all over the place, Casey. Is it the alcohol? I don’t understand why you blew me off earlier.”
“Oh, it’s really simple.” I speak loudly so he can hear me over the music, and then I point between us as I continue. “We can’t date each other! I’m a lost person with no real future plan for myself, and you’re like really put together and great!”
Seems like simple math to me. Two plus two equals Casey and Phillip are destined to be star-crossed lovers. The equation only balances out to tragedy.
He reaches up to smooth his hand around my neck so his thumb can glide over my pulse point. Ooh la la. That’s heavenly.
“You didn’t even give me a chance to explain how I feel about you,” he says sadly.
Panic seizes my chest, sobering me slightly. We can’t go here. “It’s better if we don’t discuss it. Like, obviously I’m attracted to you, and you’re attracted to me; I can see it. God, even now, you look at me like you want to eat me up.”
He smirks. “I do.”
My heart starts to race, but I try to laugh him off. “Jesus, Phillip. You’re so intense.”
His hand on my neck tightens infinitesimally. “I’m not usually this way.”
I puff out a disbelieving breath. “ Yeah, right .”
He comes closer, brushing his hips against mine. “You do this, Casey. You make me feel like I’m finally fucking waking up, you know? I’m seeing what it’s supposed to be like.”
“Like what’s supposed— oh my god .”
I layer my hands over his mouth. “Don’t say another word! Are you absolutely out of your mind ? We are not doing that! We are not going to have great sex in fun tropical places and mistake it for falling in love. That’s like cruise ship–fling rule number one. I’m shocked you don’t know this.”
When I trust that he’s not going to continue down the same road he was headed, I slip my hand away from his mouth.
“Can we go talk somewhere?” he asks, nodding past the crowd and toward the doorway.
“Yeah, I’m starting to get a headache anyway.”
There actually is a finite amount of time a human brain can listen to Whitney Houston blaring at full blast, and I’ve reached it. I’m more than happy to let Phillip drag me out of La Dame. On my way, I blow a kiss and shoot a wink at Sienna, who’s dancing hot and heavy with Javier. I haven’t had the chance to ask her how serious they are. Have they set tight parameters around their relationship like we have? (Also, are they failing as miserably at upholding those parameters as we are?)
The thought drifts away with a new immediate need.
“Water.”
I’ve never been so thirsty in my life.
Phillip has my hand, and he knows where to go, even if I’m suddenly feeling drunker than ever. “I’ll take you back to your suite.”
He calls the elevator, then leads me inside, watching me beneath his black lashes so that eventually, I’m forced to ask, “What?”
He shakes his head.
“You’re hopeless, Phillip Woodmont.”
“And you’re—”
“Drunk,” I insert, trying to cut the tension. I feel like I have to keep us in check. He’s certainly not going to!
“Tell me why you quit your job.”
I stare ahead, ignoring his attention. Counting those little glowing numbers changing as we ascend decks. “I’d rather not.”
“Fine. Tell me, at least, if that’s why you were upset yesterday?”
Ugh! “Yes. Partly.” I rush the words out, hoping to get this over with fast. Now, in my current state, I can’t exactly remember why I didn’t want to bring Phillip in on everything. Because it’s messy and chaotic? Oh well. He’s not under some assumption that I’m a perfect Vivienne type. That ship has sailed . “Also, I was sad because it’s been a hard few weeks. Moving out of my grandmother’s house and having to put her things in storage ...” I shake my head, hoping to push past the fresh wave of sadness. “In some ways, I feel like I’m experiencing her death all over again. It’s been harder than I realized it would be. And do not get me started on work. Gwen Levis can go screw herself, for all I care. My exit from Bon Voyage was not exactly amicable, and I refuse to apologize for it.”
He squeezes my hand, trying to reassure me.
No!
We’re not doing this.
I turn to him. “Enough of that. Now tell me, what are the chances that we’re about to get it on once we get to my suite? Fifty fifty? Seventy thirty?”
He tips his head, smiling. “Zero. I’m stone-cold sober.”
“ Such a disappointment,” I say once the elevator reaches my floor. “So then why are you coming up here with me?” I ask, leading him down the hallway.
Outside my door, I present my key card to him like I’m Vanna White; then he swipes it and we’re in.
“Can I interest you in a drink?”
“I thought you needed water.”
My eyes go wide. “Yes! Water.”
I forgot about my thirst, but now it’s come back with a vengeance. I practically run toward my minibar and fill up a crystal glass, guzzle it down, and then have another.
Once I’m done, I turn to Phillip so I can ask something I’ve been wondering about. “So you have no idea where Vivienne is? She left last night?”
He’s still near the door. He’s been taking in the suite while I was quenching my thirst. Now, he looks at me. “She’s probably back home by now. I’m not sure. We haven’t been in contact since our breakup, beyond a few awkward texts, and after last night, I doubt she’ll be calling me anytime soon.”
“Was she upset when you didn’t take her back?”
I bet she was. My heart hurts just thinking of being in her position. I could never imagine breaking up with Phillip. If I were lucky enough to trick him into dating me, that man would have a ring on his finger so fast. We’d be down the aisle ASAP. I’d be so scared to lose him that I wouldn’t want to take any chances. And she just ... left him ?
“She was surprised, I think, by it. I assume she thought it would go differently. Sienna didn’t really help things.”
I wince before looking at him. I’m relieved he doesn’t look annoyed.
“I don’t think I would have turned Vivienne down and rubbed it in her face that I’ve already moved on, but it’s better this way. Now, no one is under any assumptions that the relationship will be restored.”
“Hold on.” I put my hand out like a police officer directing traffic. “What do you mean about the moving on part?”
“Sienna brought you up, and Vivienne was curious.”
My eyes practically bug out of my head. I knew Sienna brought me up in front of Vivienne. But I didn’t know Phillip spoke about me! That’s different! “What did you tell her?”
I must know, but Phillip doesn’t answer. He kicks off his shoes by the door—a gentleman—and then starts to peel out of his jacket.
My mind immediately goes to the gutter. My eyes are on a slow descent down to his crotch. “I thought you said we weren’t getting it on. Have my chances improved?”
I think my dancing eyebrows will surely win him over, so I’m shocked when he still shakes his head. “Not tonight. Come sit down with me, will you?”
“Can I change into my pajamas first?”
“Yeah. Go.”
By the time I walk back into the living room in a cute matching pajama set (the only one I own and only because I found it on sale at Target, stuffed in a clearance bin), Phillip’s sitting on my couch. Because someone gave him the exact script on how to make me fall in love with him, he has poured me a fresh glass of water and dug around in the snacks near the minibar. There’s an assortment of candy and chips laid out on the table for us to share. All kinds of junk that immediately has my mouth watering.
I sit down to peruse my bevy of options and go for candy first. Wild, considering everyone knows that the snack pattern goes salty, then sweet, salty, then sweet ad infinitum. It almost feels sacrilegious to do it the other way around. I pop a few M we stop resisting our connection for the time being, and we revel in it. Then after ... I don’t know. We put a continent’s worth of distance between us and hope for the best!
“Also, a basic ground rule,” I start to add, and he nods for me to continue. “I’m not going to ask you what you’re doing or where you’re going after the cruise, and you won’t ask me either. We don’t exist to each other after this, okay?”
He cups my cheek, leaning down to kiss me.
“Okay.”