Chapter 3 – Carmen
The next period of blissful oblivion only lasts until just after I wake the next morning. During the oblivion I'm aware, but can't really process anything. I'm able to respond to simple commands and can participate in familiar routines, but that's about it.
I lament the loss of that state as memories slam back into my consciousness with relentless clarity. I can't escape them, and when my pained sobs bring H'Nue sprinting to my side, I find that I still can't talk either.
H'Nue frantically checks me over, searching for whatever might be causing me pain. He asks me yes and no questions, and I nod or shake my head accordingly. That calms him somewhat, but he doesn't ask the right questions, so I'm unable to convey that it's my past causing me pain.
I'd curled into a ball when my memories started to assault me, but with his initial questions answered, H'Nue gently coaxes me upright and into a clearer space. I don't protest when, after an external exam, he uses his fingers to perform an internal one. I know he's just eliminating possible causes for my distress, and frankly I've gotten used to his touch, even though most of my experiences have been while in oblivion. I still remember them, if dimly.
I stare dully at the wall, waiting for him to finish, tears tracking down my cheeks as I relive the horrific moment my entire family, and my closest friends, die right before my eyes. With the memory comes a crushing sense of guilt, though I don't know why.