Chapter 35
ESSENCE
Matthew wakes me up the next morning by jumping into my bed and shaking my arm.
“Aunt Essyyyyy,” he whines. “Wake up and come play with me!”
I groan and try to cover my head with the comforter, but Matthew quite literally plays tug of war with me. He’s surprisingly strong for being so little, and in the end, I surrender.
“Okay, okay. I’m awake,” I say with a laugh, reaching out to tickle his belly. He giggles and jumps off the bed.
“Come on, Aunt Essy!” Without waiting for me to get up, he turns and runs out of the room.
I have to pee really bad, but I don’t know if Ebony is awake yet, and I don’t want Matthew running around the house by himself.
Getting out of bed, I put on a sweatshirt and go into the living room.
Ebony is sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee and scrolling through her phone while Matthew plays with his blocks.
I sit down next to her. “Good morning,” I say quietly.
She doesn’t look at me as she says, “Morning? It’s almost noon.”
Her tone is curt, which means she’s still mad at me. I can’t say that I blame her, though. What I did was wrong, and I should have thought about that last night. I was too wrapped up in Dante and how good he was making me feel that I put my sister and nephew in a bad position.
“I’m really sorry, Ebony,” I say quietly. “What I did last night was stupid. I didn’t mean to do that to you and Matthew.”
Ebony sighs and sets her cup down on the coffee table. “I’m not mad at you for what you did, Essence. I’m just disappointed,” she says gently. “I’m not shaming you for wanting to spend time with Dante, but that could have been done some other time.”
I nod. “I know.”
We sit in silence for a moment, and then she looks at me with a cheeky grin.
“What?”
“What?” she echoes.
I furrow my brows in confusion. “What?”
She gives me a look that says, girl, really? “Hellooo? Dante?”
My cheeks instantly redden. “Oh.”
Ebony laughs. “I can’t say I entirely blame you for last night. Having sex in unconventional places is so much fun,” she says quietly, wagging her eyebrows suggestively.
“Have you and Chris…?” I trail off, but she knows exactly what I’m asking.
“Only once—in his office.”
I gasp and scoot closer to her. “Really? You never told me that, sis.”
She waves a dismissive hand. “It was so long ago, but it was probably the best we’ve ever had,” she admits.
“Is that when my nephew was conceived?” I ask in a teasingly stern way.
She nods. “Sure is.”
Ebony and I sit on the couch for a long time talking about relationships. There were men she’d dated that I had no idea she had been with before she met Chris, and if our parents had known, they’d have beat the shit out of her.
Eventually, we make it to my relationship with Evan, and I finally tell her everything he did to me while we were together.
She cries for me and promises to ask questions from now on so this doesn’t happen again. I reassure her that Dante is one of the good guys, and that he’d never do anything to hurt me.
Do I tell her he’d kill for me? Nope, and I certainly don’t tell her that he already has and that he’s the man who murdered Evan. That’s a secret that I’ll take to my grave, so Evan’s case will never be solved by the police.
After our heart-to-heart, I make the three of us sandwiches for lunch. We sit at the dining room table and listen to Matthew’s crazy toddler stories while we eat. When we’re done, Ebony asks me to watch him so she can go to the grocery store.
“I’ll be back soon,” Ebony says to Matthew as she slips on her shoes and grabs her keys. “Be good for Auntie, okay? I have to go to the store and get us some more food. You’re going to be a good listener while I’m gone, right?”
Matthew smiles and nods. I chuckle as she kisses his forehead.
“You really don’t have to go out, Ebony,” I say as she slings her purse over her shoulder. “I don’t want my being here to inconvenience you.”
After making sure she has everything she needs, she opens the front door and steps out onto the porch. “A childfree trip to the grocery store isn’t an inconvenience—it’s a break, sis.”
She closes the door behind her, and I watch through the small window as she gets into her car and drives away. I turn back around to find Matthew excitedly playing with his Dalmatian that I won for him last night.
“Can we go outside?” he asks hopefully.
I chuckle. “Sure thing, kid.”
Ebony and Chris were in the middle of renovating their backyard before he got too busy with work and never finished, so it’s not safe to play back there.
I go over the outside rules with Matthew, reiterating that he’s not allowed to leave the front yard for anything, not even to “walk” the Dalmatian.
“If you want to walk your dog, you and Aunt Essy will go together,” I say as I open the front door again. “Do you understand?”
He lets out an excited, “Yeah!” before running out to the yard.
I’m positive he’s still going to try and leave the yard, so I stand at the edge where it meets the street and walk back and forth. He does try to leave the yard a couple times when he sees a bunny or squirrel across the street, but for the most part, he stays close to the house.
Sighing, I look around the quaint little suburban street my sister’s family lives on. It’s like something out of a movie. Every single house looks exactly like one another: white picket fences, cream-colored paint, light brown roofs, and little black mailboxes with the red flags sticking up.
This could have been my life with Evan if he hadn’t been such an asshole, and we both made more money.
I love kids, which is why I chose to work with them.
Evan knew I’d always wanted kids of my own one day, but that never seemed to be a priority for him.
Despite the sadness I felt at getting older every year and not getting married and having kids, I was fine with that.
I’m glad I didn’t end up having children with him.
Coparenting would have been a nightmare.
Seeing the kind of father Dante was to Leo, I’m confident that he’ll be an amazing parent to our own kids. I just want to spend more time with him first before we jump into making such a huge, life-changing decision.
“Be careful, Matthew!” I call to my nephew as he trips over his own feet and falls onto the driveway. “Are you okay?”
He nods and continues to run around like he didn’t almost just wipe out. I swear this kid is invincible.
My eyes travel past Matthew to a few houses down where a familiar black truck catches my eye.
“Dante?” I whisper, squinting to try and catch a glimpse of who is sitting in the driver’s seat.
As if on cue, the truck starts driving and comes to a stop in Ebony’s driveway. The door opens, and Dante jumps down from the front seat. My heart races at the sight of him looking so good with his new haircut and dressed in a navy flannel button-down and his usual black jeans and boots.
It just now occurs to me that that’s what the masked man was always wearing, and somehow, I’d never paid attention to it. And same with his eyes. I don’t know any men other than Dante with those beautiful amber eyes.
It was so obvious, and I’d somehow missed it.
He goes around to the passenger side and grabs something off the seat. When he comes back around, he’s holding Lunchbox in his arms.
“Lunchbox!” Matthew squeals, running over to Dante.
Dante sets Lunchbox down so Matthew can play with him, and he comes over to where I’m standing.
“Hi, baby,” he says in that low, deep voice that makes my knees weak.
Even though I’m supposed to be mad at him, I can’t help the smile that breaks across my face. “Hi.”
“Sleep well?” he asks in an amused tone.
My stomach does somersaults; I punch his arm. “What you did wasn’t cool, Dante.”
“What did I do?” he asks, feigning confusion.
I look behind him to make sure Matthew isn’t listening, but he’s so engrossed in playing with Lunchbox that he doesn’t pay us any mind.
“You’re intentionally trying to get me pregnant, and I don’t like that,” I tell him honestly.
He frowns. “I thought you wanted kids.”
“I do, but we barely know each other.”
His eyes bore into me as he says, “I know everything about you, Essence.”
“You didn’t know I was on birth control until last night,” I point out with a chuckle.
He nods. “Touché, flower.”
“Plus,” I continue, “we haven’t had a proper date.”
“You’re right,” he concedes. “Why don’t I take you out tonight?”
My face flames. “I’d like that.”
He smiles, and damn, that dimple will be the death of me. “Me too.”
We stare at each other for a while grinning like idiots until I remember something.
“How do you know so much about me?” I ask. “I mean, now I know you’re the one that’s been following me for the past few months, but did you have cameras in my house or something?”
I’m only half-joking, but when he nods, my stomach drops.
“Really?”
“In every part of your house, and I cloned your phone so I could have access to it,” he answers honestly.
“So… You watched Evan beat the shit out of me for months and you didn’t do anything about it?” I accuse harshly.
His brows furrow. “Essence, if I had come storming in there, I would have had to tell you then that I’d been watching you.”
“And?” I snap, crossing my arms over my chest. “You were going to do it eventually, so why not a month ago when he started hitting me?”
Dante swallows and stares at me, no doubt trying to figure out what to say.
I sigh and roll my head around to relieve some of the tension in my neck. “I shouldn’t be mad at you. For the past few months, you’ve been the one to keep me from jumping off the deep end.”
Dante takes a step closer to me and puts his hands on my waist, bringing me closer to him. “You’re allowed to be upset with me, Essence. And you’re right—I should have stepped in a long time ago and put a stop to it. I’m sorry I let him hurt you for so long.”
I shake my head, tears beginning to sting my eyes. “It’s not your fault he hurt me. It’s my own for staying with him for so long.”
“Don’t you say that,” he growls, gripping me tighter. “Evan had no right to abuse you. You were scared and alone, and that made it hard to leave. I’m a firefighter, Essence. I’ve seen my fair share of abusive relationships. The cycle is hard to quit.”
I lay my head on his chest and listen to the steady beat of his heart. “I just want to be happy, Dante,” I whisper.
He kisses the top of my head softly and murmurs, “I know, baby. And I promise to spend the rest of my life making you and Lunchbox happy.”
At the mention of Lunchbox, I break down.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, concerned. He tries to pull away to look at my face, but I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his shirt. The familiar scent of smoke and woods envelops me and makes me feel so safe in this moment.
“You’re always including Lunchbox,” I say pathetically through the tears.
“Of course I do. He’s important to you, and you’re important to me,” he says quietly. “And I love Lunchbox, anyway. He deserves the best, too.”
I love you.
The words sit on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t bring myself to say them for some reason. Maybe because there’s still so much I don’t know about him, but I really do think I’m in love with him. The way he makes me feel is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.
Wiping my face, I finally pull away from him. He cups my face between his hands so gently, I’m hit with a fresh wave of tears.
Dante kisses my forehead softly, then my nose, and, lastly, my lips.
To be loved like this, to be cherished after so long of only knowing such terrible abuse is like finally seeing the sun after months and months of rain.
After feeling like I was suffocating for so long, I can finally breathe.