31. Chapter 31
Chapter thirty-one
H ours later, magic still floods my veins in radiant waves.
I’d felt it in those desperate moments in the atrium with Niko at my feet, peeling back my skin to lay all my secrets bare. Shimmering, wild. An infinite palette of color waiting for me to dip my fingers into. And when I arrived at the Grove to Niko entirely drained, death wrapped so tightly around him, I thought his bones would crumble with the pressure, I hadn’t even had to search for it.
My fear for him sliced through the vessel that held my magic in place and it spilled through me, an inexorable wave. I hadn’t stopped to consider what the cost might be—I’d simply acted on the same instinct that’s kept me free for so long, an instinct that somehow now extends to Niko. A feeling that if he hurts, I will hurt, too.
There’d been no thought, no strategy. I saw Niko surrounded by the Strayed and imagined—no, commanded —him safe. And so, he was.
I hadn’t kept us safe by running; I’d done it by standing my ground. Not fighting because I was cornered or forced or trapped—but because I chose to.
It was liberating. The numb hollow I’ve existed in for over a century has been chased away by Letum, by Niko—by my own power. My blood runs faster, the rhythm of my heartbeat steadier against my chest. My skin no longer feels too tight for my bones, the shattered pieces of my heart no longer so sharp. I feel both settled in my body, and like I’ll vibrate right out of it.
Even Niko’s foul mood isn’t enough to smother the light blooming in my chest.
He’s hardly looked at me since I woke in the Grove to his face hovering above mine. His terror had been a visceral thing, one that dug into my lungs and made me want to reach for him. I’ve never seen Niko afraid—never seen his usual arrogant swagger fall away to reveal anything so vulnerable. It had been unnerving to see such a powerful man undone, but a part of me hoarded it away like a spoil of battle.
The King of Carrion doesn’t kneel before anyone, but for me, he’s been brought to his knees twice.
Niko’s fear still radiates off him now, as he stares out the carriage window. Sour and pointed, like weapons dug into the space around him to gore anyone who comes too close. Even his death feels wrong, shivering with unnatural tremors in the air between us.
When the wheels roll to a stop before the towering facade of the Lunaedon, he moves arduously down the carriage stairs and onto the gravel drive, like each step is painful. His skin has somehow gone even paler than its usual snow-white, and as he stalks away from me, I notice the unmistakable spasm of his hands.
Sam, Tiernan, and Marina had all stayed behind at the Grove to assist Adira in sorting out my mess. Trapping a few hundred Strayed beneath the earth in a kingdom where one cannot die has presented its own problems, the first being Adira’s worry for the soil around the roots of the Nyawa.
With the extent of the wreckage, I doubt they’ll be returning any time soon, which means there will be no one to help me with Niko if he collapses in the entrance hall. Anxiety wrenches my stomach as I follow him into the palace.
Candlelight flickers softly in the iron sconces, casting shadows over the ornate details of the hall. My boots sink into the plush carpet, and for a moment, I pause on the threshold to breathe in the dark warmth of the castle.
There’d been a terrifying moment when I first glimpsed the destruction of the Strayed, the sheer number of them, that I hadn’t been sure I’d see the Lunaedon again. Hadn't been sure I'd have another chance to feel the comfort of the magic threading through the palace—Niko’s magic. I haven’t felt at home anywhere since my father sold me off, but this place, with its dark allure and shadowed corners, is a comfort.
Despite the power roiling through me, exhaustion pulls heavy alongside it. A warm bath to wash the soot and ash from my skin sounds divine and curling up in Niko’s bed sounds even better.
Niko doesn’t appear to agree, as rather than heading to the stairs, he turns instead down the corridor leading to the throne room.
“I…I thought you’d want to rest.” I don’t know how much power he used before I arrived in the Grove, but judging by the carnage, it was enough to push his body to its limits.
He halts without looking at me, his shoulders rising and falling deeply, like he’s gathering what little strength remains. “I think it’s best if I sleep somewhere else tonight.”
Niko’s words feel like a surprise blow to my sternum, and I stumble like he's hit me. Anger exudes from him in variating layers, some so tangled, it’s impossible to determine the source. Is he mad I left the safety of the Lunaedon after he’d done his best to assure I wouldn’t? Is he angry I stopped him from destroying himself entirely?
Or perhaps his anger lies somewhere deeper, in the injustice of the world itself. Piled like hot coals year after year, and then left to smolder in his soul.
“You told me you wouldn’t leave me alone,” I remind him softly.
Niko drags a hand through his hair and mutters a curse under his breath, as his death spirals out suddenly like he’s lost his grip. The ribbons wind through the air, like black silk in the lantern light as they dance around my feet. For a wild moment, I hope they’ll touch me even if it hurts; that they’ll pull me to him in a way he’ll never do himself.
“I’ll send for Tiernan to come back and sit with you. He’ll be apt enough protection for the night.”
With that, he stalks down the corridor, his death streaming behind him.
“I don’t want Tiernan,” I fire back, fury surging up my throat as I chase after him.
I think it’ll burn straight through me as I careen around a corner and into the throne room. The lanterns have burned low, leaving the glow of the starlight through the giant stained-glass windows as the only source of illumination. It wreathes Niko in a soft halo—makes his skin paler and his shadows darker, as he stares out at the kingdom below him.
“Is that how this is?” I demand hotly, charging up behind him. “I do one thing to piss you off and you go back on everything you’ve promised? Is that the kind of man you are?”
Niko lets out a hoarse laugh and turns to me with a disbelieving look. “One thing, Willa? One thing to piss me off?” He shakes his head. “You’ve spent every moment since we met pissing me the fuck off!”
He grits his teeth and levels me with that onyx stare, but to my surprise, there’s no fury in it. There is only pain and self-loathing, and something oddly close to regret.
It’s enough to remind me that while my magic cost me nothing, Niko’s demands everything he has. And though he’d been cruel, he’d done it to protect me. He knows the hollow that exists after giving up pieces of yourself—the emptiness that never fully abates—and he’d tried to keep me from it. To take the burden on himself, as he always has.
Before I consider it, I take his hand, interlacing our fingers together. The cool feel of his power washes over me, and I shiver despite the warmth of the palace.
Niko jerks in surprise, narrowing his gaze in warning. But he doesn’t pull away.
“I’m sorry, Niko,” I tell him softly, giving him the words I wish someone would have given me. I’m sorry for your pain. I’m sorry for the way you’ve torn yourself apart and given up all the pieces to everyone else. I see the holes. I know what they cost.
“For what?” he replies, his voice low and dangerous as he drags his gaze from our interlocked fingers. “Pissing me off? Disobeying my orders?”
“You’re not my king,” I reply through gritted teeth, squeezing his hand in mine. His eyes flash furiously, as my own anger clogs my throat like a hot knot. Even as the words ring hollow in the expanse of the throne room. “And I’m not yours to order.”
Niko’s jaw works rapidly, his eyes devouring every bit of light around him. Like he may lunge at any moment and prove just how his I am. Instead, he says, “Well then…perhaps what you’re sorry for is nearly getting yourself captured by Dawson and damning both our worlds? Or is it for wielding a magic you have yet to grasp, and burying a myriad of poisonous souls in the sacred soil of the Grove?
For once, his words don’t spike my anger higher. Instead, they stoke a deep sadness for Niko’s isolation, and a vicious determination to not allow him another moment of it. He may be able to push everyone else away with a few well-aimed words, but most peoples’ hearts are made of soft hope and tender love. Mine is made of iron claws and barbed wire. It’ll make him bleed long before it lets go.
“I’m sorry you were gifted so much power,” I tell him steadily, stroking my thumb over his. His lashes flutter, an unbidden reaction, like the simple movement is too heavenly for him to resist. I do it again. “I wish it didn’t hurt you.”
“ Don’t ,” he snarls, yanking his hand back to his chest. “Taking lives should be painful. Otherwise, I’d be no better than the Strayed.”
“You don’t deserve to be in pain because of one choice, Niko. One moment—”
“It was not one moment.” His words are guttural as he takes two charged steps toward me, his inhuman gaze glinting with malice. “I have death in my heart every minute of every day. It has rotted my soul, turned my blood to sludge, embedded itself in my bones.”
Another step, and there is no more space between us. But I don’t cede any ground, refuse to give him an inch even as his death circles around us both.
“Death rages through me, and Pan’s end did nothing to quell it. If I could bring him back just to watch him die every day, I would. I do not forgive. I do not forget. I will always burn with it.”
A dark thrill shoots through me at his words; at the savage cruelty lining his face, the lethal-edged lines of his body. Niko means to scare me away, but instead, my magic begins to hum beneath my skin as it recognizes its counter. I create and Niko destroys. Not my equal, but my perfect balance.
And what have I done my whole life but burn?
With regret and hatred? With fury and vengeance? It didn’t abate when I snuck into the Amelioration doctors' houses and slit their throats; nor when I gazed upon the graves of my father and sister. I’d burned so hot I couldn’t feel it anymore, not even as the world around me crumbled into ruins.
Until Niko woke me up. Forced me to drag the burn to the surface; to feel its flames and worship its power. My power.
“Do you understand me, Willa? You want the truth about what happened? About me and my villainous heart? Well, here it is. I escaped the Strayed when I was fifteen and left everyone behind. I sailed away to other worlds and lived an entire lifetime without a thought of what horrors I’d abandoned a thousand others to. I didn’t care if the Aeternalis kidnapped a million other children, so far as I was left out of it.”
His death jerks at the sound of the dead king’s name, spiraling up from my feet and into the air around us. But Niko has eyes only for me, his gaze blazing as he takes in my every detail, every miniscule reaction. Waiting for a flinch, I realize. He wants me to run.
But my feet are planted. My chin is raised high. I’m not going anywhere.
“It was only when I befriended Wendy that I even thought about anything other than my own freedom. She was a scholar of history and had traced her lineage back centuries to a family from London—a family who’d lost a boy when he was only a baby.” Niko’s eyes rake over me. “The family of Peter Darling.”
The air goes cold.
“By that time, Peter had become something of a legend in your world. A boy abandoned, who’d spun his imagination and created a new world. A world of adventure and freedom. But Wendy had begun to notice chilling patterns…the disappearance of children that was once temporary, now eternal. She’d mapped the patterns and tracked the slow, but definitive changes of society. And when she met me, my stories confirmed everything she’d suspected.”
Niko watches as my tongue wets my lips. As I shift slightly under his gaze.
“Together, we planned a return to Somnya. Wendy thought we could change Pan’s heart to what it had been when dreams were vibrant, and magic was pure. He’d always been obsessed with the idea of family, with what he’d lost—it was why he created the Strayed. An unassailable bond that he tested over and over, to make sure it would never leave him. Wendy thought if we could give him the love he so desperately wanted, it would unlock his heart. Return humanity to his corrupt soul and with it, light to both our worlds.”
Niko shakes his head in disgust. “Wendy cared deeply about others, but I…I only cared about her. I had no interest in saving anything or anyone, but I helped her learn to use her Darling magic to open the wards despite my misgivings, simply because I enjoyed the way she looked at me. I have no magic in your world, so she hadn't witnessed the horror of what exists inside me. She saw me as human.”
My breath freezes in my chest, as I realize the stories were wrong. Pan never loved Wendy Darling— Niko did. Enough to come back to the place of his deepest traumas, his loneliest years. Enough to damn his own kingdom.
“Wendy was right in her theories. Learning he had a family softened the Aeternalis’ heart, but after a thousand years of depravity and loneliness, he couldn’t curb his basest urges, even for her.”
Niko closes the last bit of space between us. His dark curls tumble over his forehead to frame his face as he gazes down at me.
“All I had to do to save Somnya was allow Wendy to suffer the attention of Pan for a few hundred years. To let him hurt her to his heart’s content, to twist and warp her love for him. To force her to prove that love, over and over, until he could finally feel something. Wen wasn’t like you…she was selfless to a lethal degree. She would have taken every bit of his abuse to save everyone else.” His expression is feral. “But she was mine and I couldn’t allow it . ”
My lungs begin to burn like all the oxygen has drained from the room.
“I drugged and kidnapped her. Forced her to open the wards at knifepoint. I sent her to a world where Pan would never find her. And so began our war. Death against creation. It ravaged the island, turned dreams into nightmares. It lost me my ship, my freedom. My soul.”
Death curls around him like wisps of smoke. “One night, I lured the Aeternalis to the Crocodile under the guise of ending our feud and promising to tell him where I’d hidden his most precious plaything. And then I carved his chest apart with a hook. He bled all over my favorite boots.” He cocks his head, his gaze monstrous. “The Immortal King. The Everlasting. The man who’d stolen me from my home. Who’d tortured me over and over. The boy whose power dreamed the very island into being. He bled the same color as everyone else. Everyone but me. ”
Niko leans in so his lips barely brush my cheek. “So, tell me again how I don’t deserve this pain,” he whispers. “When after two hundred years, I have learned no lessons.”
I gaze up at him in suspended shock as the meaning of his words rains down over me. Beginning at the top of my head, it washes over my shoulders in an icy deluge, just like his cool touch of death.
“What do you mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean, Darling.” The gaze he sets me with is brutal, but rather than stepping back, I inch closer. Close enough to feel his warmth against my skin, to get dizzy on the cool pulse of his magic. “Wendy was only my friend, and I damned the entire kingdom for her. What do you think I’d do for you ?”
His words aren’t soft, nor sweetly edged; they’re a ruthless confession. In the fathomless depths of his eyes shines a mixture of self-loathing and obsession, and my heart stutters at the sight of it. Something in Niko recognizes its mirror in me—and he hates himself for it.
And I should hate him, too. Death. Decay. Rot. The King of Carrion.
All the things that fester in the dark, that thrive in the shadows. But I was torn apart in the shadows and rebuilt as something different—a creature like Niko, cloaked in the things other people fear. My entire life I’ve been pushed aside, shunned, sacrificed on others’ alters.
I’ve never been chosen.
Not the way the Carrion King holds onto what is his. With claws and weapons, with fists and blood; with the covetous hold of death. Inescapable and enduring.
His obsession. His vicious cruelty.
I want it all if it means he’ll never give me up. Not for the sake of the whole fucking world.
“Tell me, Niko,” I breathe, pressing my body into the hard plane of his chest. His nostrils flare, and I swear, he stops breathing altogether as his voracious gaze searches mine. “Tell me all the things you’d do for me.”
“Ah.” He laughs darkly. “My selfishness speaks to you, does it, Darling?”
Without taking my eyes from his, I nod slowly.
“Then allow me to prove just how selfish I am.”
With that, Niko fists his bare fingers into my hair and tugs my mouth to his.