Chapter 2
CHAPTER TWO
NYROBI
By the time I made it to my car, I felt like I had been holding my breath since I walked into that office. I shut the door, tossed my purse in the passenger seat, and just sat there with both hands wrapped around the steering wheel.
Damn, carry a baby for a large lump sum that’s not even mine don’t sound too bad. All I have to do is carry the mothafucka.
Well, that was what they made it sound like, but ain't no way something like that came with an all I had to do. I wasn't slow. There were doctors, shots, appointments, contracts, restrictions, and probably a bunch of other shit I hadn't even thought to ask about yet.
Still, every time my mind tried to scare me out of it, I thought about that good free money.
I pulled my phone from my purse and called Kendra before I could talk myself out of it.
She answered on the third ring.
"What's wrong?"
I frowned. "Why something gotta be wrong?"
"Because you don't call me in the middle of the day unless your mama done pissed you off, you need to borrow something, or some shit done happened."
I couldn't even argue with that.
I started my car but didn't pull off.
"You busy?"
"Not really. What's up?"
"I need to tell you something, but you gotta let me finish before you start all that extra shit."
Kendra got quiet for half a second.
"Now I know it's some shit. Go ahead."
I looked back at the hotel through my windshield.
"You remember that lady I told you about from the hospital?"
"The rich one?"
"I never said she was rich."
"Bitch, you said she offered you money for a vending machine sandwich like it was nothing, bought you food, and had on a purse that probably cost more than your car. She rich."
I laughed because she wasn't lying.
"Yeah, her."
"What about her?"
I rubbed my palm against the steering wheel. Saying it in my head was one thing. Saying it out loud made me realize how crazy the shit actually sounded.
"She asked me to have her baby."
The phone got silent.
I pulled the phone away from my ear to make sure the call hadn't dropped.
"Kendra?"
"I heard you."
"Then why you ain't saying nothing?"
"Because I'm trying to figure out what the fuck you just said."
I closed my eyes.
"She wants me to be her surrogate."
Another few seconds passed before Kendra damn near screamed through the phone.
"HER WHAT?"
"Girl, stop yelling."
"Nah, fuck that. What you mean her surrogate? Like pregnant? Big stomach? Water breaking? Push a whole human being out your pussy surrogate?"
"Yes, Kendra. What other kind is there?"
"Oh, hell naw."
I rolled my eyes and put the car in reverse.
"See, that's why I said let me finish."
"Finish what? You can't even keep a plant alive."
"Fuck you."
"I'm serious. That little flower I bought you for your birthday was dead before the next weekend."
"A baby is not a fucking flower."
"Exactly! It's worse!"
I pulled out of the parking space laughing even though my nerves were still all over the place.
Kendra had been my friend long enough to know when I was about to do something she considered stupid. She also had a habit of deciding it was stupid before she even knew the whole story.
"Can I finish now?"
"Go ahead, Fertile Myrtle."
"You're irritating."
"And you're considering renting out your uterus. We both got problems."
I shook my head as I pulled onto the road.
"They offered me over 100k."
The phone went quiet again.
This time I smiled because I knew exactly what happened. Her whole opinion had just got slapped upside the head by that number.
"Kendra?"
"Hold on."
I laughed.
"No, because you was just doing all that talking."
"Shut the fuck up. How much you said?"
"You heard me."
"Say it again."
"One hundred thousand or better…"
"For one baby?"
"For carrying their baby, yes."
"Cash?"
"I don't know if they're gonna hand me a damn duffel bag, Kendra. We ain't get that far."
"Well, you need to get that far."
I busted out laughing.
"Now look at you."
"Shit, I didn't know we were talking that type of money! You made it sound like they offered you a Target gift card and some Pampers."
"See how quick your morals changed?"
"My morals ain't changed. They just got a price."
I laughed so hard I had to slow down.
"You're stupid."
"I'm practical. There's a difference."
Once I stopped laughing, I turned the air up and let the cool air hit my face. The joking helped, but it didn't change what was sitting heavy on me.
"I don't know, though."
Kendra's voice changed. "What's stopping you?"
"Everything."
"Like?"
"I gotta get pregnant with somebody else's baby, for one."
"Technically, you just carrying it."
"I know that, but still. What if I get attached?"
"You don't even like kids like that."
"That don't mean shit. If something growing inside me for nine months, kicking me, moving around and all that, how I know what I'm gonna feel?"
Kendra didn't have a smart answer that time.
I kept going.
"And what if something happens to me? People act like pregnancy is just cute pictures and baby showers. Women die having babies."
"That's true."
"Exactly."
The money sounded good, but I wasn't about to act like I didn't understand what I would be risking for it.
My body would be the one changing. My body would be the one getting stuck with needles and pumped full of whatever medicine they gave surrogates.
I'd be the one throwing up, getting fat, not sleeping, going to appointments and eventually pushing out a baby I was supposed to hand over to somebody else.
Granted the money could change my life, but so could one pregnancy.
I stopped at a red light.
"And then it's them."
"What about them?"
"They're married."
"Most people hiring surrogates probably are."
"I know, but it's just..."
I stopped because I didn't know how to explain it.
Kaizleigh had been nothing but nice to me.
From the first day I met her, she had treated me like a person instead of somebody beneath her.
Even today, sitting in that office, she never made me feel like she was buying me.
But there was something about Billion that made the whole situation feel even stranger.
Maybe because he barely talked. Maybe because when he did, his voice had this calmness to it that made you listen.
Or maybe it was because I had just sat in front of another woman's husband and asked if I was expected to fuck him.
I wanted to crawl under my damn seat just thinking about it.
"And I embarrassed the fuck out of myself before I left."
"What you did?"
I groaned.
"I asked them if I had to sleep with him."
Kendra screamed.
I immediately pulled the phone away from my ear.
"BITCH!"
"I didn't know!"
"You asked that woman if you had to fuck her husband?"
"I did not say it like that!"
"How the fuck else do you ask that?"
"I said, 'So that mean I gotta sleep with Mr. Stylez?'"
Kendra started laughing so hard she couldn't even talk.
I gripped the steering wheel.
"It wasn't funny when I was sitting there."
"Nah, this shit is hilarious."
"I was confused!"
"Nyrobi, they got doctors for that shit!"
"I KNOW THAT NOW."
She kept laughing.
"Stop laughing at me."
"I'm trying."
"No, you're not."
"I know his ass had to be sitting there like, well damn."
"He ain't say nothing."
"Oh, he definitely thought something."
"Kendra."
"What?"
"Kaizleigh was sitting right there."
"Exactly. I know she went home and checked that nigga."
"She didn't even act mad."
"That don't mean shit."
The light turned green, and I pulled off.
"I don't want no problems with nobody marriage. That's another thing."
"You ain't gotta have no problems. Take your money, carry their baby, give it back, and go live your life."
She made it sound so simple. Maybe that was what I wanted it to be.
Nine months of my life for enough money to change the next nine years of it.
Probably longer. I could get Mama somewhere better to live.
I could pay off everything sitting in my name.
I could stop checking my account before I pumped gas.
I could go back to school if I wanted to.
Hell, I could finally figure out what I wanted out of life without every decision being based on what I could afford.
Hell, I could actually find time to get my pussy played in because as of right now I didn’t want to be touched by no nigga that couldn’t fix all my financial problems. I had spent so much time surviving that I didn't even know what it felt like to have options.
"What would you do?" I asked.
"For that money?....Shittt.”
"Yes."
"Girl, I'd already be at Walgreens buying prenatal vitamins."
I laughed.
"I'm serious."
"So am I. You know how long it would take us to make that kind of money working regular jobs?"
I did. That was the problem. I knew exactly how long. Too damn long.
"Just don't say yes because you desperate," Kendra added.
That caught me off guard.
I glanced at the phone sitting in my cup holder.
"You just told me you'd already be taking prenatals."
"Because I'm me. I'm talking about you now."
I got quiet.
Kendra knew me better than most people. She knew how bad things had gotten with Mama. She knew about the bills. The job applications. The nights I had gone to bed hungry and lied the next morning saying I wasn't hungry because there wasn't enough food for both of us. She knew all of it.
"If you do it, do it because you really think you can handle it," she said. "Not because you feel like you ain't got another choice,” she added.
I swallowed.
"But what if this is my choice?"
"Then make sure you know exactly what you're choosing."
For once, Kendra had said something that didn't make me want to cuss her out.
I pulled into my apartment complex and parked.
Mama's bedroom window was visible from where I sat.
The blinds were cracked open. That little apartment had been eating every dollar I made, and it still wasn't shit.
The air barely worked right. The kitchen sink leaked whenever it felt like it.
Our upstairs neighbors stomped around all night like they were training for the damn Olympics.And somehow, it was still home.
I stared up at that window.
That money could really get me and my mama up out of here.
That thought alone was dangerous.
"You still there?" Kendra asked.
"Yeah."
"What you thinking?"
I grabbed my purse and shut the car off.
"That I'm probably gonna do it."
"Probably?"
I looked at our building one more time before opening my door.
"Yeah. Probably."
But by the time my feet hit the pavement, I knew I was lying.
There wasn't no probably about it. I was scared as hell, I had a million questions, and I didn't know the first thing about carrying somebody else's baby.
But I knew what broke felt like. I knew what helpless felt like.And I damn sure knew what it felt like to watch my mama get sick while I stood there trying to figure out which bill I could afford not to pay.
If carrying Kaizleigh and Billion Stylez's baby could change that, then I already knew what my answer was. I just wasn't ready to say it out loud yet.