Chapter 6 #3
“Exactly. Tell your face that.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Whatever.”
We walked outside together.
Nyrobi stopped beside her car.
It wasn't until then that I really looked at it.
The shit had seen better days…way better. There was a dent near the back, the paint was doing something strange near the hood, and when she unlocked it, she had to pull the handle twice before the door opened.
Billion looked at the car. Then at me and I knew that look.
I immediately shook my head.
“Don't.”
He ignored me.
“That car reliable?”
Nyrobi looked at him.
“It got me here.”
“That wasn't what I asked.”
“It'll get me home too.”
“You sure?”
“Mr. Stylez.”
“What?”
“Don't start counting my problems.”
He frowned.
“I wasn't.”
“Yes, you was. Rich people see one broke thing and start trying to fix everything.”
I pressed my lips together.
Billion looked offended.
“Who said I was trying to fix it?”
“Your face.”
I lost it.
He cut his eyes at me.
“Oh, now faces talk?”
“Apparently.”
Nyrobi opened her door.
“My car is fine.”
It made some little struggling noise when she started it. All three of us stood there. Nyrobi slowly looked at us through the open window.
“Don't.”
I turned my head because I knew I was about to laugh.
Billion wasn't as nice.
“That shit sound fine to you?”
“It started, didn't it?”
“Barely.”
“Goodbye, Mr. Stylez.”
He laughed.
“Drive safe.”
“I was planning on it.”
She looked at me.
“Text me when they tell you what's next.”
“I will.”
“And don't text me at seven twenty-three in the morning.”
My mouth dropped and Billion immediately started laughing.
“I told your ass.”
Nyrobi pulled away with both of us still laughing.
Once her car disappeared from the parking lot, Billion looked at me.
“Her apartment.”
I sighed.
“I know.”
“What happened?”
“She didn't say.”
“You ask?”
“Twice.”
“Of course you did.”
“She told me she had it.”
“You believe her?”
I thought about the way her face changed when that message came through.
“No.”
“Me neither.”
“You weren't even back there.”
“Didn't need to be.”
I looked at him.
“Don't go digging into her business.”
“I ain't.”
“Billion.”
“Kaizleigh.”
“I mean it.”
He opened my car door for me.
“She said she got it, let her handle it.”
“I ain't said nothing.”
“You thinking.”
“Now you reading faces too?”
I rolled my eyes and climbed into my car.
He leaned against the door before I could close it.
“How you feeling?”
I knew he wasn't talking about Nyrobi anymore.
I looked back toward the clinic.
“Scared.”
He nodded.
“But excited,” I added.
“That's okay.”
“I don't want to get too excited.”
“Then don't.”
I looked at him.
“That's your advice?”
“What you want me to tell you?”
“I don't know.”
He reached inside and took my hand.
“We ain't got a baby yet.”
“I know.”
“We ain't even got a cleared surrogate yet.”
“I know that too.”
“So don't jump ten steps ahead.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“No, it ain't.”
That shut me up.
Billion looked toward the building.
“You think I don't want this shit too?”
“I didn't say that.”
“I know you didn't.”
His thumb rubbed across the top of my hand.
“I'm just trying not to watch you get too far in your head before we even know if she can carry.”
I looked down. He was right and I hated when he was right.
“I really did look at new cribs yesterday.”
“I know.”
My head snapped up.
“How?”
“Search history on the iPad.”
“You was snooping?”
“No. You left twelve tabs open.”
“Oh.”
He laughed.
“Crazy ass.”
“Damn you.”
“Love you too.”
He kissed my forehead and closed my door.
I sat there for a minute after he walked toward his truck.
The clinic had warned us from the beginning that this wasn't guaranteed.
Nyrobi could pass every test and a transfer could still fail.
She could get pregnant and something could still happen.
I knew that better than most. But knowing all the ways something could go wrong had never stopped me from wanting it to go right.
My phone vibrated.
For one stupid second, I thought it was Nyrobi already.
It was the clinic portal.
New test results available.
My heart jumped even though I knew it was way too soon for everything.
I opened it anyway.
Nothing life-changing. Just the beginning. Numbers and tests. One tiny piece of a process that still had a long way to go. But I sat there staring at that screen with tears burning my eyes like somebody had just handed me a positive pregnancy test.
Because for years, every appointment had been about what was wrong with me.
My eggs. My pregnancies. My losses.My body.
Today wasn't. Today, for the first time, we had actually started doing something different. And maybe that should've scared me more than it did. I was trusting another woman with something I had wanted so badly it had damn near broken me every time I lost it.
Nyrobi wasn't pregnant. She wasn't even fully cleared yet.
But as I sat in that parking lot watching Billion pull away in front of me, I let myself have something I hadn't allowed myself to hold onto in a long time and that was hope. Not enough to buy the crib but enough to leave the damn tab open.