Chapter Five #2
“You know I try to stay away from that. I don’t care about view count or likes or any of that. I just want music. All those videos you have me filming once a week are bad enough, I don't need any more of that crap.”
“Reels, babe. They're called reels. And don’t be like that. Thanks to them, your latest single was number one for ten weeks straight,” she scolded me. “But someone posted the footage from last night and it’s gone viral. Everyone’s talking about your encounter with the crazed fan in the hallway.”
“What?” My whole body went numb. How did they manage to get the footage?
“It’s not the whole thing, just a minute before Carter got him, but it’s out there.”
Those girls. The two girls who came out of the bathroom. It had to be them.
“It’s not bad. It clearly shows that he held you against your will, and with the stuff that came out of his mouth, anyone can see he was not right,” Cassie rushed to explain.
“So, what’s the problem?” I frowned.
“Well, it’s okay for now, but you need to make a statement.
You know that in today's environment, things can turn quickly. One minute they’re full of sympathy, and the next they could be tearing you apart for being rude to your fan and having your security chuck him into the wall to get him away from you because you’re such a diva. ”
“But—”
“I know, I know,” she said like she was soothing a baby. “But you have to do it. Also, tonight you’re doing a pre-show meet and greet with one set. Unplugged. For the press. After the statement.”
“I’m doing what?” I yelled.
Everyone stopped in their tracks. I could feel eyes on me, probing from every direction.
Cassie grabbed my forearm and rushed me to my dressing room. “Come in here. You shouldn’t be standing in the middle of some random hallway.”
“Cassie, babe.” I tried to pull her to a stop, but she was having none of it.
After she got me behind closed doors, she threw her phone and folder on the chair and her shoulders slumped.
“I’m sorry, Harley, but there’s nothing I can do. I tried to reason with Tim, but he said he’s on strict orders from the heads. And honestly, I do agree that you need to make a statement.”
“I’m not disagreeing about that. I know you know your job, and if you say it’s needed, I trust you. It’s the other part of what you’ve said I have a problem with,” I grumbled completely aware that once again there was nothing I could do except do as I was told.
It was funny. I was yelling about being free when I met Carter, about how I didn’t want to be put on a leash. As it turned out, I already wore one. One that was called the music industry.
All my illusions and dreams had slowly faded away once I stepped into this world, and it became glaringly obvious that it was nothing more than a business.
There was no magic of long jams and writing sessions.
There was no chance of me entering a bar and surprising my fans with an impromptu set.
There weren't even wild parties to be held, even if that wasn’t my idea of fun.
All I got was a schedule of where I was supposed to be and at what time.
What I should say. What I should wear. The only writing sessions I had these days were held in my hotel rooms. On occasion, I would even get told what I should write, something that was becoming uncomfortably more regular.
The only jam sessions were the ones that happened on the tour bus, but those didn’t last long.
We were all too tired to actually enjoy them, and the music all but fizzled out.
The only fun I got these days was on a stage before thousands of my fans. That was the only freedom for me. Everything else was planned, scheduled and thought over a million times.
Sighing, I turned back around and walked to the door.
“Where are you going?” Cassie hurried after me.
“Well, if you want me in front of reporters, I can’t go looking like this, can I?” I swept my hand over my body, pulling Cassie’s eyes to my attire of wide leg black pants and a faded tour T-shirt that had holes all over it.
“I guess not.” She frowned. “Give me a sec, I’ll go with you.”
As she hurried back to all her folders, phones, earbuds, and what not else, I walked out.
“Wait,” she called. “You need to wait here until I find Carter. It’s not safe for you to go alone.”
I rolled my eyes and turned but continued to walk backwards. “It’s safe. That man from last night is locked up. There’s not some creep waiting to jump in front of me again.”
“Harley, you need to wait until I find him.”
“I’m fine, Cass.” I rolled my eyes again.
Cassie just stared at me like I suddenly spouted two extra heads.
I wasn’t able to take her silence and her stare, so I shrugged. “It was just one creep at a club, nothing more.”
“It was one creep that showed up while your bodyguard was standing ten feet away,” Cassie lowered her voice, before she lowered the boom. “Creeps are real, Harley. And they’re everywhere. You need to be careful.”
“Cass, babe, I’ve been dealing with creeps since I was seventeen.
You know this. The moment I started singing in bars the number of them went up.
Men had been telling me what to do, how to act, what to think and how they knew me and what’s inside my soul even before they knew my last name. This is nothing new.”
“This is different,” she pushed, her words trembling.
“Because Tim says so? Because Carter is here?”
“Because your hands are shaking.”
I looked down, and fuck me, they were. I was positive I had all the nerves and turmoil from last night locked down tight. That was what I did. I locked everything down, until I found the words to let it out in the form of a song. I shook them out and let them fall against my legs again.
That stopped the shakes, but I didn’t miss the worried look in Cassie’s eyes. This one was different. It felt like she could see what was inside me. Like she could see all the pain, all the insecurity. I couldn’t let that happen.
No one got to see that.
All they got, and all they ever will get, is Harley Thorne, the rockstar. Not Harley, a woman who was so lonely I felt I could cry and never stop. Only a handful of people knew that version of me, and even they didn’t get all of me.
But none of them were here.