Chapter Twenty
Harley
I opened my eyes and sighed in contentment then immediately frowned when I realized that I was alone in bed. Carter’s bed. I shifted and spied the clock on his bedside table.
Checking the time, I tried to mentally calculate, but my brain was still sluggish to understand what I was seeing.
“Damn,” I muttered as I shifted to lay on my back, my eyes going to the ceiling. I was asleep for over twelve hours. It was no wonder that it took me a minute to get to that conclusion.
Yesterday, after he got to me, Carter carried me from the hotel straight to the airport.
How he managed to organize a private plane in such a short time it took us to get from the hotel to the airport, I had no idea.
At the time, I couldn’t even form a coherent sentence, let alone help with transportation, but he didn’t need my help.
He took care of everything.
Took care of me.
As soon as the plane hit the tarmac, he whisked me away in a car that was parked at the gate, and didn’t stop until we reached the cabin.
Just as I asked him to, he brought me home.
He didn’t push, didn’t ask any questions. He simply brought me here, then guided me under the hot shower, and later put me to bed.
Throughout the night, sometimes I could hear him murmuring, and walking through the cabin, clearly dealing with the situation, but I was so exhausted I couldn’t tear myself from sleep, and just let it pull me under, ignoring everything else.
The door slowly swung open and I looked that way to see Carter leaning on the door jamb, his arms crossed over his chest, his hair mused like he was running his hands through it all night, a soft look in his eyes, and dark circles under them. “What are you doing over there?”
He smirked, “I like watching you.” His gaze swept over me in his bed, something shifted in his eyes, something that made warmth spread through me and he gave me a gentle look. “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” I sat up. “I’m sorry for freaking out on you yesterday”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
Thinking about it now, I felt like a fool. I should’ve known something was wrong.
“I thought the box was from you, that you sent me flowers or something. Looking back, the words on the card should have raised red flags, but I was thinking about you, how you said you were coming to me. And I guess…” I shrugged.
“I deluded myself into believing that that was you giving me a heads up that you were near. And then when I opened the box and saw what was inside-” I gulped.
“Why would anyone do that? Why would anyone take that many pictures of me, of us, in our private moments and…” I couldn’t even finish that thought, it didn’t make sense to me.
Carter’s whole demeanor changed, “Don’t think about it. Get it out of your head. That was fucked up, and if you dwell on it, you’ll drive yourself crazy.”
I got up from the bed, and crossed the room. “Are you okay?”
He flinched at my question like I lashed out at him, but he didn’t answer.
I took a step that brought me right in front of him and looked up into his cognac eyes. “Why do you look like you’re ready to go on a rampage, but at the same time, like you’re beating yourself up?”
His butterflies fluttered their wings as he looked down at me.
“I failed you. Again. I can’t stand the fact that this fucker gained access to you. A fucking gain, and I was nowhere near you. I hate myself for leaving you when I knew you were at risk.”
Fear made itself known in his eyes then. Seeing it, my heart gave a painful thump.
I reached out, and grabbed his forearm, “It’s not your fault. You were gone because you tried to figure out who is behind all of this. You were doing everything to keep me safe.”
“I left you all alone.”
“You had no choice. You couldn’t be in two places at once. And it was important for you to go.”
He scoffed, “Don’t just leave me off the hook. You could’ve been hurt.” He swallowed, “Or worse.”
I shuffled even closer to him, “That’s true.
But even when I was in that bathroom, scared out of my mind, I knew you would save me.
I knew you wouldn’t stop until you got to me.
There was never a trace of doubt in my mind that you wouldn’t come to me.
And there wasn’t a chance in hell you would let anything happen to me. All I had to do was wait for you.”
He looked like he didn’t believe me.
“I know something else too,” I murmured.
“What’s that?”
“I know I won’t let him beat me. As long as you’re with me, I’ll go back and finish the tour. I’ll sing my heart out night after night, and as long as I sleep by your side, I win. He won’t push me into darkness, and I won’t hide in the shadows. With you, I’ll shine, Carter.”
“God, you really believe that?” He looked at me like I was some kind of miracle.
“When I’m with you, nothing can touch me.”
Pain sliced through his eyes, and I squeezed his arm, “What was that?”
“I failed so many people in my life. I’m scared I’m going to fail you, too. Again. I’m terrified of losing you.”
I glanced down to his neck then.
The butterflies. They were his family.
And then his chest tattoo flashed in my mind.
“Why do you have a paper wasp tattooed on your chest?”
“They’re natural protectors of the butterflies while they’re in their cocoon stage.”
“But, why the broken wings?”
He shook his head, pain surfacing on his face.
Pain and shame. “The butterfly with the broken wing?” He asked, and continued after my nod.
“That’s for my dad. I was too young when it happened to do anything about it.
But the rest of them, they’re for each of my siblings.
I got the wasp after Chace and Alina’s ordeal.
For the third time in my life, I was nowhere near to help them. ”
“You were working, Carter. And they understand that.”
He shook his head, “ My work consists of making people safe, of finding the truth and eliminating it, making sure that my clients can go on with their lives. And when the same need arose for my family, I didn’t come.
I didn’t help. I was with a high profile client, making sure they were safe.
While my family was in danger,” his eyes shifted. “I should’ve been there.”
Pressure built behind my eyes, and my vision blurred, “Have you talked to them about it?”
He looked down and jerked his head in negative.
“You need to. You have to let all this guilt out. It’ll devour you. You can’t be alone in this.”
His jaw worked back and forth. “It’s better that way. They have beautiful lives now. They don’t deserve for me to dump my shit at their feet.”
“How can you say that? How can you even think it’s better?” I challenged. “You’re not hurting only yourself, you’re hurting them too. You’re denying them their amazing brother. You’re denying them a chance to know how great of a man you are.”
He scoffed, “I doubt there’s a single person on this Earth who would agree with you on that.”
My nails bit his skin, “Don’t do that. Don’t throw away my words.
I see you. I see how amazing you are. I feel it.
You’ve been taking care of me since the moment we met.
You’re gentle, generous with your time. I’ve seen you with Max and heard you talk with Chace on the phone.
No matter what, you have all the time in the world for them.
Do you honestly think Max would go so out of his way to be there for you, for me, if he didn’t also see that?
Do you think Cahce would tease you on the phone, if he didn’t think it, too?
You tried to hide it from me behind your scowls, and I’ll admit, it took me some time, but once you lowered your walls, that was all I could see. ”
“Dynamo,” he groaned, his eyes flashing.
“You can’t hide in the shadows anymore, Warden. I won’t let you.”
I shifted and moved into him.
Going up on my tiptoes, I touched his lips with mine.
Inhaling, I laid everything before him. I knew he would never let something happen to me. So I took a big breath, and let it fly, "Because, I love you, Carter Ryan.”