20. Chapter Twenty
Chapter twenty
Carter
Another Saturday.
Another morning with Teddy.
I sit with my back against the wall, running my hand over her head and down her back. She lets me do that now, when she never used to before. I can’t go near her tail though; that’s when she starts to stiffen.
“You poor baby,” I say softly, watching as she sleeps gently against my leg. “You poor sweet girl.”
The door opens from down the hall, and I frown.
Teddy jumps up and runs to her corner. No one comes in here at this time because they know I’m with her.
She’s fine with me but only when I’m alone.
Everyone who works here and volunteers is aware of how much I’ve been working with her, and they appreciate it because I’m her only chance at being adopted.
She has to get used to people, and I’m making progress with her.
I stay where I’m at. Maybe someone is bringing in another dog or something. Once they’re done, I’ll get Teddy back over to me. A few dogs start to bark or yip.
The footsteps don’t sound animal though. I don’t hear the tip-tapping of dog nails on the floor. It sounds like two sets of footsteps…
“Hazel?” I say when she stops in front of the door. “What are you—”
But then someone comes up beside her. A large brick house of a man.
“Nash?”
“You have a visitor,” Hazel says softly. “Well, you and Teddy.”
“What are you doing here?” I ask him, my mouth dropping open. I’m so confused.
“I’ll leave you two,” Haze says with a wink and walks away.
“I needed a break from work and thought maybe the place could use some help.” I don’t know what to say, so I just stare at him. “Is this Teddy?” he asks, pointing at her.
She’s sitting in the corner of her cage, half covered by her pink blanket, looking out at him with terror in her eyes.
I can’t help but smile. “Yeah, this is Teddy.”
“She’s beautiful,” Nash says.
I huff a small laugh. “She sure is. Have a seat out there. As long as you don’t mind getting dirty?”
“You don’t want to know the things I’ve had to touch in my day,” he comments as he sits on the ground.
His back is on the wall right beside the door, so I can see his legs sticking forward, but not the upper part of his body.
He’s close though. If I stuck my hand through the rungs, I could touch him.
His hand is right there, strong, rough, resting on the cement beside him.
I turn my attention away, back to Teddy.
“Come here, girl. It’s okay. Nash is a friend.
” Her tail wags and she looks like she wants to move but she doesn’t.
“Come on,” I say again. “It’s okay.” I hold my hand out, and she comes back, her body low to the ground.
She stops beside me, looking out at him cautiously, like maybe we’re in cahoots.
I guess we are, but not in the way she’s worried about.
“Turn your hand palm up,” I say. “Something about that makes her feel better.”
He does as I say without hesitation, turning his hand over so it’s facing upward. I stare at it, wondering what it feels like, but again, pull my attention back to Teddy.
“See, girl. He’s fine. He’s a good guy. He’s helping me with Ryan’s case.”
I lift my hand just an inch or two, showing her that I’m here. She touches it with her nose, then settles beside me, resting her head on my leg again. Relief washes over me.
Animals always know if people are bad. They have different senses than us humans. And though she is afraid of just about everyone, if Nash was giving off bad vibes, I think she’d have stayed where she was.
“When I first started coming here, I couldn’t get into the cage without her growling at me,’ I explain.
“It was never a violent growl, just a warning to tell us to stay back. We thought they’d have to put her down.
But eventually, she stopped. She let me in.
Each visit got easier and easier, and now she lets me pet her. ”
“You’re doing a good thing,” Nash says, his voice calm and even.
“I wish I could do more.”
“You can only do what you can. Nothing more.”
My fingers brush through Teddy’s soft fur as we sit in silence.
Well, as much silence as there is in a shelter.
One dog barks non-stop, but thankfully it isn’t a loud bark.
It does get a few of the other dogs going now and then though.
Teddy is always by herself, away from the other dogs because they stress her out.
We do our best for her with what we have.
“How long are you staying?” I ask.
“However long you are.”
My chest warms, and I can’t help but smile. It’s a smile I feel over my entire body and I’m glad he can’t see it.
“I’m going to stay with Teddy for another ten minutes or so. Then you can help me with the rest of the stuff. Since you’ll be here.”
“What exactly is the rest of the stuff?” he asks.
“Cleaning litter boxes, refilling food, which you will be so good at because those bags are heavy.” I smirk. “Then we get to walk the dogs.”
I hear him huff a small laugh. “Sounds great.”
Ten minutes pass quickly. I tell Teddy I have to go, but I’ll see her before I leave, like I always do. The moment I shift, she runs back to her corner. I leave the kennel and turn to face her. “See you later, girl.”
I look down at Nash, who is still sitting on the dirty ground. He’s dressed in jeans, boots, and a long-sleeved t-shirt. Hazel must have shown him where to leave his jacket. Strange seeing him in something that isn’t slacks and a button up—and missing the gun that I usually see at his hip.
“Do you need help getting up?” I ask.
He rolls his eyes and gets to his feet, standing to his full height. I look up and up. I forgot how tall and big he really is. Or maybe I just never realized before. He has to be at least 6’2”, which gives him about five inches on me.
I hadn’t noticed how in-shape he is before now, probably because of his clothing choice. But with the shirt he’s wearing, I can see the tone in his arms and chest.
“Come on,” I say, turning to head out the door before I start getting weird thoughts about him.
Cleaning the litter boxes is never anyone’s favorite thing to do around here, but Nash handles it like a champ.
“You ever have pets?” I ask.
“Not really.”
“What does that mean?”
“I kept a kitten in my room once. Found the thing outside, cold and dirty and skin and bones. I was just a kid. Six, maybe. I don’t think Hollis was born yet. Anyway, I knew if my father found him he’d make me get rid of him, so I put him in a box under my bed.”
I already know where this is going, and my heart hurts.
“Learned real quick how easy it was to end a life,” he adds.
“I’m sorry, Nash. That’s terrible, but… you were just a kid.”
“Yeah, I know. I didn’t know any better. Thought I was doing a good thing. It was a hard lesson to learn, but something I always keep in the back of my head. Even when you have good intentions, things don’t always turn out right.”
I pour the clean litter into the cat box and return it to the cage, giving Skittles a scratch behind the ears.
Nash and I move to the next cage to clean up Tuna and Fish’s litter box.
They’re adorable calicos that came in together and wouldn’t stop meowing and pawing at each other through their cages, so we put them together.
They’ve been much happier since, and we listed them as a pair.
They can only be adopted together. Sometimes we just need our person with us.
“I never really wanted a pet growing up,” I say.
“Seems odd coming from you.”
I huff a laugh. “My parents told me that if I got a pet, I’d have to take care of it, and I didn’t want to do that. I always was the kid that would not do something if they didn’t absolutely have to.”
“Makes sense. What kid wants to do that?”
“Exactly. I had no siblings, and all my parents’ attention. They spoiled the hell out of me. I didn’t want any responsibility.”
“Are they still alive?”
“Oh, yeah. Alive and well, living in Scarsdale.”
“That’s not too far, right?”
“Nope, not at all.”
“Do you visit with them?”
I bark out a rough laugh. “No, I do not.”
“How come?”
I put the clean litter box back into Tuna and Fish’s cage, then close and lock the door. Nash is watching me carefully, and I finally look him in the eye.
“Once I was old enough to have my own emotions and realize other’s, I saw through their facade.
All that attention and spoiling they did was for show—nothing more.
They never outright told me they didn’t approve of me being gay, but there were signs.
So many signs. And after Ryan? Well, it only took a week for them to tell me it was time to get over it and get back on my feet.
Maybe ‘go to school now that you don’t have anyone weighing you down. ’”
“Fuck,” he mutters.
“Yeah…”
“Seems like we both hit the lottery with life, huh?” he says, a smirk on his face.
One thing I’ve learned about Nash is he tries to keep his sadness in check with humor.
A lot of us do it. I’m guilty of it too, but he does it all the time.
I wonder if he realizes. It’s not something I want to call him out on, though.
I don’t want to dig into open wounds. Especially not now, when everything feels so normal.
“Yeah, looks like it.”
We finish up with the cats, all of them with clean litter boxes, and we move on to filling all the food bins so we can come back and feed them.
“All right, this one is all you,” I say as I step back and cross my arms.
“What do I need to do?” he asks, looking at the bins and bags of food.
“Those bags,” I point to them, “need to get dumped into the bins. Just be careful. They’re heavy.”
Again, Nash rolls his eyes. He pulls the tab on the bag to open it, but nothing happens.
He tugs harder and rips off a tiny piece.
I roll my lips between my teeth and cover my mouth to hide the laugh as I watch him try to figure out how to open the bag.
He grabs another piece and pulls harder, but all he does is tear off another small piece.
He moves to the other end and does the same thing. Still, it doesn’t open. He turns toward me, raising a brow. “What the hell is the secret?”
I burst out laughing, unable to help myself at this point. But I feel bad for the guy, so I go over and help him.
“You have to look for the loop. It’ll be on this side, where the stitch looks like this. See the difference?” I show him both sides, then tug on the thread. “Pulling this undoes it all. And the sound—” I yank it so it makes the little zipping sound, and smile. “It’s so good.”
“It shouldn’t be that difficult to get into.”
“I mean… it’s not. But, okay…”
“Where does this go?” he asks.
“The bins are labeled by animal and food brand,” I say.
“Why are there multiple brands?”
I like that he’s asking questions, wanting to learn and not just doing it because I said to. Maybe that means he’ll come back again. I wouldn’t hate having him volunteer with me on Saturdays.
“People donate them, and some of the animals can’t have certain types of food, which is why we keep them separate. Plus it’s best to keep animals on the same food; otherwise, it can upset their stomach.”
Nash nods, then gets to work. He picks up the bags, dumps them into the bins. Opens others, does the same. I stand back and watch, enjoying seeing him like this.
Until the guilt hits me again, and I think I’m going to throw up.
I push through it though, because I’m not doing anything wrong.
I’m not. Even if Ryan was still alive, even if he was still here, standing here and watching an attractive man lift up heavy things isn’t wrong.
Ryan and I used to check out other guys together.
I’m just human. Nash is attractive, and anyone could see that.
Noticing it doesn’t make me a bad person.
I’m not doing anything wrong, I tell myself again.
“Done,” he says as he wipes his brow.
“Out of shape?” I ask smartly.
All he does is smile, which is not what I was expecting him to do. Always keeping me on my toes.
“Ready to walk the dogs?” I ask.
“Been waiting for it.”
We spend twenty minutes walking the dogs outside.
There are only a few at the shelter now, and Teddy always goes at a different time.
I’m the only one that she lets close enough to her that I can pet her, but others have to interact with her.
They feed her, walk her. She’s just terrified the entire time she’s doing it. At least with me, she’s relaxed.
When we’re finished, and the dogs are back in their spaces, we grab our things and head to the front.
“Thanks for coming today. I had fun,” I say to him as we walk outside.
He smiles down at me. “So did I.”