44. Epilogue
Carter
One Year Later…
“Are you sure you want me to put these out in the cooler?” I lift up the case of beer.
“Hollis is a grown adult. He said he was fine if we drink around him, and I don’t want him getting pissed and thinking that I don’t trust him,” Nash explains.
“Do you trust him?” I ask carefully.
“Yeah, to some extent. He’s been clean for over a year, which isn’t the longest he’s been clean, but there’s something different about him this time. I think he really wants to stay this way.”
I sigh. “Okay, you’re right. I’ll put them out there, but please keep an eye on him.”
“Do you know who you’re talking to?”
Laughing, I say, “Yes, actually. Sorry. I don’t know why I said that. When will Jericho and party be here?”
“Should be here any minute now.”
And just like that, the door swings wide open and in steps a man that looks like a sharper version of Nash, like he’s the same person but born in an earlier decade.
Jericho walks in with Miles right behind him. They’re both very attractive in very different ways. Jericho is dark-haired like Nash, tall and with a bigger build. Miles is smaller than Jericho, and blond like his sister that walks in right behind him, with her son attached to her hip—hence party.
Nash walks right to his brother and gives him a big hug. It makes me so happy to see them together, and judging by the look on Miles’ face, he’s thinking the same thing.
When they part, Jericho turns to me. “It’s nice to finally meet you in person.”
“Likewise.”
He gives me a hug, we go through official introductions, and I show Audrey and Noah to their room, and Miles to his and Jericho’s, while Jericho helps Nash figure out something with the grill.
“Thank you,” Miles says. “For hosting all of us. I’m so glad my sister and Noah could come.”
“Of course, you’re all family,” I say.
“Is Hollis still coming?” he asks softly.
“Yeah, as far as I know. Why? Do you know something?”
He shakes his head, looking a little worried.
“No, I’m just wondering. Jericho kept saying he wasn’t sure if he would show.”
“Nash is confident he will.” I shrug.
“Guess we will see.”
“Have you met him before?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I’ve seen photos and heard him on the phone, but he’s always kind of doing his own thing. I think this will be good for him.”
“I think it’ll be good for all of us,” I say.
“Uncle Miles, come look at this!” Noah runs into the room, grabs Miles’ hand, and basically drags him into the room across the hall.
I already know what he’s excited about. Maybe Nash and I heard that he likes firetrucks and maybe Nash and I bought him a giant firetruck Lego set that is well above his age range—but he has all these adults here to help him build it.
The only problem will be getting it home, but we’ll figure it out.
“Holy crap!” Miles shouts, sticking his head out. “How are we going to do this? That thing is huge. There’s like a million pieces.”
I laugh, holding my hands up. “Blame Nash.”
Once everyone is settled in their rooms, we make our way downstairs to help finish setting up everything outside.
Hollis should have been here by now, and I’m worried now that he won’t show.
I don’t know how it’ll affect Nash. If he’ll be upset or just accept it.
Apparently, neither him nor Jericho have seen Hollis in years.
Hollis prefers to keep his own life, do his own thing, and I think that’s the trauma talking.
Seeing his brothers is probably a trigger and that sucks, but he’s doing his best over there.
Just like Jericho and Nash are doing theirs.
Around three, the doorbell rings, but I know it isn’t Hollis. We invited Heather, Anthony, Ryan, and Teddy over to this cookout because they’re family now too. Nash spent days building a path for Ryan to get to the back in his wheelchair. He likes to help with the garden, especially the pumpkins.
Teddy wags her tail and jumps up on me, so I lean down to pet her. She kisses my face and I laugh, trying to tame her. But this girl has come out of her shell, and there is no calming her around familiar people these days.
“Everyone is out back,” I tell Heather.
“Anthony is already bringing Ryan around.”
She comes into the house and we walk through to go out the sliding glass door. She goes into the yard with everyone else, and I stand in the doorway and look out at all the people in our home—my heart swells because I can’t believe I finally have this.
Everything is good right now. Everything.
Jason Mercer is in jail on multiple charges, including shooting Nash and killing Ryan, since the woman testified against him. Nash has tried getting in touch with her, but apparently her and her husband moved right after the trial. Sometimes I think of her and wonder if she's okay.
The man Mercer shot right before Nash survived and is all healed, living his life. Nash checks in with him every now and then to make sure he’s doing okay.
Nash is back at work with no lasting effects from the gunshot, except for some aches here and there. He’s still working cold cases, still closing them left and right like he was made for it. I think he was.
I’m still working through some things, and some days are harder than others. I still go to group. Nash comes with me sometimes. I still work at the library. I still do things to stay close to Ryan because I am convinced he’s the reason I am who I am today and why I have Nash.
Nash says I don’t give myself enough credit for doing it myself, but maybe I’m not ready for that yet. I’m not ready to take that on, so it’s easier to let Ryan carry that for me. And honestly, I don’t think he’d mind. I think he’d truly be happy for me, for what I have.
I think he and Nash would have loved each other, and maybe in another life, we’re all friends or something.
I don’t know. The whole thing can be a bit strange to think about, and most people don’t understand, but they don’t have to.
It’s my life, and I’m beyond happy with how things are going.
Nash and I understand what we have, and that is all that matters to me.
I step onto the deck, gripping the handle to shut the sliding door, when I hear the doorbell. Hope fills my chest that it’s finally Hollis and not a package delivery.
Standing on the other side is another man who looks exactly like Jericho and Nash, but younger, a little too skinny and pale, maybe an inch or two taller than both of them, but there’s no way this isn’t their brother.
“Hollis,” I say with a smile. “I’m so glad you could make it.”
“Sorry, my flight was late and my phone died. I forgot my charger and I didn’t have money to buy one and—”
“Hey, it’s okay. Relax. No one is mad. Maybe a little worried, but you’re here now.”
He blows out a sigh of relief, his shoulders sagging. I hold out my hand.
“I’m Carter, Nash’s boyfriend.”
“Yeah, I know by the photos.” He shakes my hand, giving me a tired smile.
“Come on. Everyone else is out back. I hope you’re hungry.”
“Starving. I have never been on a plane before, but I could have sworn they served food.”
I laugh. “Not anymore. They’re cheap these days.”
“All they gave me was this little bag of cookies and a can of soda. It was a six-hour flight.”
“That’s airlines for you. But don’t worry, we have plenty of food. Nash is grilling up burgers and hot dogs right now.”
Hollis looks around as he walks through the house, taking in all the paintings on the walls and the furniture. There's a look of awe on his face, and I think he's learning a lot about his brother right now.
I step outside first. Hollis hesitates, and I can see something on his face. Something familiar. Something I recognize. So I go back in and close the door before someone realizes he’s here and they bombard him before he’s ready.
“You haven’t seen them in a while, huh?” I say.
“It’s been years.” His gaze is out the window, staring at his brothers like he’s terrified.
“I lost someone too, and not to get into your business or anything, but I know how trauma works. I know it sometimes makes you afraid of the people you love.”
He looks at me like I’m crazy. Like how the hell did I know what he was thinking.
“Jericho and Nash love you no matter what, no matter how many times you fuck up. That’s what brothers are for.”
“Yeah, they’re great,” he says, his voice raspy. “It’s just…”
“A lot. Yeah. But you can do this. I know you can. Because all three of you are very much the same, and I’m sure you’re as stubborn as Nash and as Jericho, so I hear.”
Hollis smirks. “Maybe. I’m still trying to figure it out.”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-eight.”
“Well, it took me to thirty-one to figure it out, so don’t worry.”
“Thank you,” he says. “You’re a cool guy.”
“Come on. I know they can’t wait to see you.”
Hollis follows me outside, and the look on Nash’s face when he spots him is like…
pure happiness. He drops what he’s doing and walks right over, wrapping Hollis in a hug.
Jericho realizes what’s going on and he rushes over too.
I give them time to do and say what they need.
I man the grill, even though it scares the ever-loving hell out of me.
“Uh, you need some help?” Miles asks, coming over to me.
He’s so cute. Seriously adorable.
“What gave it away?
“Well, you’re standing about five feet from the grill reaching out with the spatula and I’m pretty sure you need to be closer if you plan to flip those burgers.”
“I hate cooking.”
He offers out his hand and takes the big metal spatula. “I’ve got this.”
“Thank you,” I say in relief. He chuckles, but handles it like a pro.
When the brothers are done, they join and we all enjoy the day. We have a cookout together like we’ve been doing it for a thousand years. Everything goes right. Everything is perfect. The day is warm with the sun out and blue skies.
When the sun is down, Jericho gets the fire going and we all sit around it, allowing the warmth of it and the day to soak into us.
We talk and share stories as we make S’mores and just enjoy our time together.
Nash’s brothers will be here for a few days, but it’ll go by quickly and who knows when we will be able to get together like this again.
I take a million photos with promises to text them to everyone.
I’m in awe of what we have, what we made together.
Everyone is talking, laughing, enjoying each other’s company.
Teddy is lying right by Ryan’s wheelchair.
He’s rested back and sleeping. The kid loves being outside, his parents weren’t lying.
Jericho, Nash, and Hollis haven’t stepped more than two feet from each other.
I love seeing them like this. It makes my heart happy in a way I didn’t know was possible.
Audrey has made friends with Heather, and Miles has been hanging around too, chatting with Anthony who is also a teacher. Noah has been busy working on his firetruck Lego, and even included Ryan in it. Teddy is probably in a coma from all the burgers I snuck her.
Nash and I built this together. We made this. We have this.
Nash looks over at me, catches my gaze, and he winks. I can’t help but smile.
I used to think surviving was the hardest thing I’d ever have to do.
I was wrong.
Living again was.
And it was worth every terrifying second.
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