Chapter Thirteen
Eliza
“Ms. Jans,” Dr. Brennan began, her voice gentle but clinical, “the genetic testing confirms what the bone density scans suggested. Lily has Type I Osteogenesis Imperfecta, commonly known as brittle bone disease.” Then she frowned.
“And I can’t wait to get in front of a judge, not only to confirm this in your support.
I also want to make it clear people without medical degrees should keep their medical opinions to themselves. ”
The air felt too thin suddenly, my lungs struggling to capture enough oxygen. Three days had passed since Ms. Winters had taken Lily away. Though Knuckles had come through for us and she’d been returned mere hours after she was taken, I knew I’d have nightmares about it for the rest of my life.
The legal fighting had mostly taken place without the need of my presence.
Lana did stuff. Knuckles did more stuff.
And a guy named Tonio had visited with me and Lily for the better part of an hour.
After Tonio’s visit, things settled. I have no idea what happened to Ms. Winters and didn’t much care.
But if I never saw her face again, it would still be too fucking soon.
Then came the medical terminology in waves. I knew I’d have questions later, but I couldn’t really process anything beyond the fact I had a diagnosis. And I wasn’t crazy or overprotective.
“Type I is the mildest form,” Dr. Brennan said, perhaps noticing my overwhelmed expression. “Many patients lead full, active lives with proper management.”
A small mercy, then. The mildest form. I clutched the fact like a lifeline while my mind raced backward through years of uncertainty and fear.
“Ms. Jans?” Dr. Brennan prompted. “Are you following me?”
I nodded, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat. “As much as I can.” I gave her a small smile though I kind of felt like I might pass out. “Please continue.”
Relief and vindication battled with a new grief blooming in my chest. Relief someone finally believed me, we had a diagnosis, and a path forward. Vindication my maternal instincts had been right all along. But grief, too, sharp and unexpected, for the permanent nature of what Lily faced.
“There is no cure for OI,” Dr. Brennan said, as if reading my thoughts. “But with proper management, we can reduce fractures and improve her quality of life. There are medications and therapy showing promising results in children at strengthening bones and reducing pain.”
I thought of Lily at Haven, safe with Lavender and the girls for the afternoon. Lily, who had returned from her very few hours in foster care more clingy and fearful than before. Lily, who now asked every night if she would wake up in her own bed.
“Will she always break so easily?” I asked, my voice sounding distant to my own ears.
Dr. Brennan’s expression softened slightly.
“The fracture rate often decreases after puberty, but she will always need to be cautious. Physical therapy will help strengthen her muscles to better support her bones. We’ll want to limit high-impact activities.
Swimming is excellent exercise.” Dr. Brennan leaned forward slightly.
“Ms. Jans, I want you to understand this diagnosis is actually good news in many ways. We now have a clear treatment path. And most importantly, this definitively rules out any concerns about non-accidental trauma.”
I closed my eyes briefly as tears threatened.
When I opened them, Dr. Brennan was watching me with quiet understanding.
“I have already sent my findings to the Department of Children’s Services,” she said.
“I made it explicitly clear Lily’s fracture history is entirely consistent with her diagnosis and inconsistent with typical abuse patterns. ”
“Will that be enough?” The question slipped out before I could stop it, my voice cracking with the weight of uncertainty. “To keep her with me?”
“The medical evidence is conclusive,” Dr. Brennan assured me. “And I understand Judge Whitmore has already issued a temporary order returning Lily to your custody while reviewing the case?”
I nodded, remembering the moment Lily had been returned to me, her small body launching into my arms. “Yes. Three days ago. But the same thing happened before and Ms. Winters came back…”
“Then this report should close the investigation completely.” Dr. Brennan shuffled through papers on her desk, pulling out several glossy pamphlets and a prescription pad. “Now, let’s discuss Lily’s treatment plan.”
For the next twenty minutes, Dr. Brennan outlined what our new normal would look like.
Quarterly bone density scans. Bisphosphonate infusions every few months.
Regular physical therapy. Vitamin D supplements.
Careful monitoring of her growth and development.
A medical alert bracelet. Education for her school about activity restrictions.
My mind raced ahead to practical concerns.
Would my old apartment be safe for her? Would I need to find a new place with fewer stairs?
I wouldn’t need the same support system once Ms. Winters backed off…
and what about Cash? His presence in our lives had been used against me, but I couldn’t imagine living without his support.
“Ms. Jans,” Dr. Brennan said, pulling me back to the present. “Do you have any questions?”
A thousand questions swirled in my mind, but only one made it past my lips. “How do I keep her safe?” My voice broke on the final word, the enormity of our situation crashing down around me.
Dr. Brennan’s expression softened. “Children with OI are resilient, Ms. Jans. You’ll find a balance between protection and allowing her to live fully.
The resources I gave you should help.” She sat back in her chair.
“There is no one perfect way to do this. It’s like with any other thing with children.
You work until you find a happy medium between keeping her safe and letting her be a happy six-year-old. ”
“Thank you,” I said, surprised by the steadiness in my voice. “For believing me when no one else would.”
Dr. Brennan nodded, her professional demeanor softening just slightly. “You knew something was wrong, and you fought for answers. Lily is fortunate to have you as her advocate.”
As I stood to leave, clutching our new life plan in my arms, all the fear and uncertainty began to transform into something determined. For the first time since this nightmare began, I knew exactly what my daughter needed and how to help her.
When I got back to our suite at Haven, I spread the medical pamphlets across the coffee table, creating a makeshift roadmap for our future.
My coffee had gone cold hours ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to move, to break the spell of finally having answers after so many years.
Lily played quietly in our bedroom, her soft humming a comforting soundtrack to my research.
The apartment at Haven felt like a sanctuary tonight, a place where we could begin to build our new normal without judgment or suspicion.
When the gentle knock came at the door, I knew it would be Ash even before I opened it.
Something about the hesitant pattern of his knuckles against wood betrayed his lingering uncertainty about his place in our lives.
I pulled the door open to find him standing awkwardly in the hallway, his thin frame diminished by his obvious nervousness.
In his hands, he clutched a small stuffed giraffe.
I looked past him to Hannah, who’d escorted him to my door, and nodded at the other woman.
She gave me an encouraging smile before leaving.
“I thought Lily might like another friend for Mr. Flopsy,” he said by way of greeting. “The lady at the store said giraffes are popular this year.” The careful neutrality in his voice matched my own guarded posture.
“She loves giraffes,” I replied, stepping aside to let him enter. “She’ll be happy to see you.”
Ash nodded, moving past me into the apartment. He’d come by once an evening since Lily returned home. I’d given Hannah permission to bring him in once a day and to let him inside the courtyard any time we were outside.
“How did it go with the doctor?” he asked, his eyes finding the scattered pamphlets on the coffee table.
“She confirmed the diagnosis as Osteogenesis Imperfecta, Type I.” I watched his face for an indication of his thoughts.
I’d texted him about the appointment but hadn’t shared details yet.
“It’s the mildest form and there are treatments, but not a cure.
Dr. Brennan said she’d stabilize somewhat after puberty.
There’s still a lot for me to go through.
” I sounded as tired as I felt. The stack of papers could have been bigger, I supposed, but trying to filter out the medical jargon enough to actually understand what the doctor’s office considered “simple instructions” made understanding it all difficult.
It didn’t help I felt mentally and physically exhausted.
Ash nodded slowly, absorbing the information. “But now we know, and we can help her.”
The “we” caught me by surprise, though it shouldn’t have. Whatever our past, Ash had made it clear he wanted the chance to be part of Lily’s future.
“Daddy?” Lily’s voice came from the hallway, her face lighting up when she spotted Ash. She moved toward him carefully, still not feeling safe, even with me nearby. I didn’t blame her.
“Hey, Lily-pad,” Ash said, kneeling down to her level. “I brought you something.” He presented the giraffe with a little flourish, making Lily giggle.
“She’s beautiful,” Lily declared, accepting the gift with reverent hands. “I’m going to name her Spots.” She hugged the stuffed toy closely.
“Spots is a perfect name,” Ash agreed solemnly.
“Will you stay for my bedtime song?”
Ash looked to me for permission, doing his hardest not to overstep when he’d never been one to really care about anyone’s feelings. The man was genuinely trying to get this right with me and Lily.
I nodded, surprising myself with how easily I granted his request. Perhaps it was the exhaustion of the day. I didn’t want to argue with Ash. Not about Lily. If he wanted to be part of her life and Lily’s mental or physical health weren’t at risk, I’d never keep them apart.
After helping with her bath and making sure she brushed her teeth, I tucked Lily into bed like I did every night.
I sat next to her and sang her lullaby. I’d made it up when she was just a baby.
There was no doubt Ash remembered when I saw him blinking back tears as he watched Lily’s eyelids droop sleepily.
Once she’d drifted off, I dimmed her lamp -- she’d taken to wanting a nightlight since the first time Winters took her -- and pulled her door partway shut. I slept with my door open so I’d hear her if she needed me, but I didn’t want light or noise from the living room to disturb her.
Ash and I moved to the coffee table. Silence stretched uncomfortably until Ash cleared his throat.
“I should have been there,” he said. “For you and Lily.” The simple admission hit me with unexpected force. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, but I blinked them away, unwilling to cry after such a long, emotional day.
“Yes, you should have,” I agreed, no heat in my words, just tired truth. “But you’re here now and we appreciate the support.”
“I made everything worse when I came back,” he continued, his voice roughening with emotion. “I just kept fucking up.” He glanced toward Lily’s room and lowered his voice. “Sorry. Messing up.”
I almost smiled at his self-correction. “You did,” I acknowledged. “But you were trying to protect her in your way.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. “We both want what’s best for Lily. She’s what’s important.”
Ash nodded, watching me organize the materials. “How are we going to do this? Co-parenting, I mean.” The question hung between us. I considered my words carefully.
“You can see her whenever you want,” I said finally. “But I need stability for her, especially now. No disappearing again, Ash. No more choosing your friends over your daughter. And she stays with me.”
“Of course.” Ash nodded emphatically, his gaze steady. “I know I have a lot to prove, but I’ll be here. I’ll do anything. I’ll be with her at every doctor’s appointment. You won’t carry this alone anymore.”
We talked for another hour. Catching up. Having conversations we should have had before Ash got arrested.
Before he left, Ash reached over and grasped my hand.
“I know you have feelings for Cash.” I sucked in a breath.
I’d been expecting this conversation but had no idea what to say or even how Ash would react.
“It’s OK,” he said, waving me off. “I actually approve. By all accounts, Cash is a great guy. And I will be forever grateful for the way he comforted Lily. She likes him too.” Ash flashed me a grin.
“She likes you too, Ash.” I sighed. “I don’t know what I want with Cash. I need to focus on Lily now, but I’m not going to lie and pretend I don’t have feelings for him. I just… don’t know exactly what they are yet.”
Ash held my gaze steadily. “Yeah, you do.” Then he left.
I stood in the silent apartment for several seconds, kind of at a loss on what to do. I cleaned up the coffee table and stacked all the reports and literature I’d been given in a pile to look at after I’d rested.
Tonight I needed to reset my mind and, more importantly, my mindset.
I needed to focus on moving forward rather than looking back.
I had a plan. The women of Kiss of Death had become the most solid support system anyone could ask for, so I had backup.
The only real question hanging over me right now had been brought front and center by Ash.
So, how did I feel about Cash? Contrary to what I’d said earlier, I kind of felt like I needed to make the decision to either talk to Cash and find out if my attraction and deeper feelings went both ways, or cut him out of my life.
If I did the latter, Lily would be robbed of a positive male influence she would need.
If I talked to him and he didn’t feel the same way, I didn’t think I could handle seeing him, especially when he found a woman.
Fuck. Maybe I had more than just feelings for Cash.