Chapter Fourteen #2
I should have felt self-conscious -- my body marked by motherhood and years of stress -- but the naked adoration in Cash’s eyes made me feel beautiful in a way I hadn’t in years.
He bent to press his lips to the hollow of my throat, then lower to the edge of my bra.
My head fell back against the wall as sensation overwhelmed me, his beard creating delicious friction against my sensitive skin.
Cash scooped me up again, carrying me toward the bedroom. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing kisses to his jaw, his ear, any part of him I could reach. The bedroom was dim, illuminated only by the light spilling in from the living room, casting long shadows across his bed.
He laid me down with unexpected tenderness, his weight settling over me as he captured my mouth again.
The feeling of skin against skin was electrifying, his chest hair creating a tantalizing friction against my breasts.
I arched up into him, seeking more contact, more pressure where I needed it most.
Cash traced the curve of my waist, cupping my breast through the thin fabric of my bra. He released the front clasp. When the garment fell away, he paused, rising up on his elbows to look down at me.
“You sure I’m what you want?” he asked, his voice strained with the effort of holding back. “We can stop if --”
“Don’t you dare,” I interrupted, pulling him back down to me. “I want you, Cash. Like I’ve never wanted another man in my life.”
Something fierce flashed in his eyes before he lowered his head, taking one nipple into his mouth. I gasped at the sensation, arching my back off the bed as he circled the sensitive peak with his tongue. He palmed my other breast, thumb brushing over the nipple.
I found the waistband of his jeans, fumbling with the button fly. Cash helped, shucking his pants and boxers in one smooth motion before returning to help me out of my yoga pants and panties.
Cash wasted no time before fastening his mouth over my pussy.
He swept his tongue through my folds with firm, deliberate strokes making my back arch off the bed each time he flicked my clit.
I whimpered, my fingers clutching at the sheets as the first wave of pleasure washed over me.
Cash gripped my thighs, holding them open as he explored me with devastating precision.
“Oh God,” I whispered, one hand flying to tangle in his hair.
He hummed against me, the vibration sending shock waves through my pussy. His tongue circled my clit before flicking across it, building a rhythm that had me writhing beneath him. When he sucked the sensitive bundle of nerves between his lips, my hips bucked involuntarily.
“Cash,” I cried, tugging at his hair. “Oh, God!”
He looked up at me, his eyes dark with desire, his beard glistening with my arousal. The sight alone nearly pushed me over the edge. “Let go, lil’ Liza,” he murmured against my inner thigh. “I got you.”
Before I could respond, his mouth was on me again, more insistent now. He slid one thick finger inside me, then another, curling them to hit the perfect spot while his tongue worked magic against my clit. The dual sensation overwhelmed me. I felt myself climbing higher, teetering on the edge.
“Cash, please,” I whimpered, tugging at his shoulders. “I want you inside me. Fuck me.”
He rose above me, his powerful body caging mine against the mattress. The sight of his eyes dark with desire and his muscles tensed with restraint, made me ache with the need to come. He reached toward the nightstand, fumbling for a condom.
I watched him tear open the foil packet with his teeth, my heart hammering against my ribs. This wasn’t like before. The desperation and pain didn’t drive my need. This was deliberate. A choice. Us choosing each other.
Cash positioned himself between my thighs, the blunt head of his cock pressing against my pussy. “You’re sure?” he whispered, his voice strained with the effort of holding back.
I reached up to cup his face in my hands, pulling him down for a kiss. “Absolutely.”
He pushed forward slowly, stretching me in the most delicious way. I gasped against his mouth as he filled me completely. Cash remained motionless for several heartbeats, his forehead pressed against mine, our breaths mingling.
Then he moved, setting a rhythm that had me groaning with each thrust. Cash watched my face as he moved within me, adjusting his angle until I cry out in pleasure. “That’s it,” he murmured, his Tennessee drawl thickening with desire. “Let me hear you, darlin’.”
My usual reserve crumbled under his attentions. I heard myself making sounds I never had before, desperate little whimpers and breathy moans that seemed to drive Cash wild. With every surge forward of his body, my clit scraped against him, stoking the fire until I writhed beneath him.
“Cash,” I breathed, feeling pressure building low in my belly. “Need… to… come!”
“Me too, baby,” he growled, his rhythm faltering slightly. “Come for me. Wanna feel you milkin’ my fuckin’ cock so fuckin’ hard.”
His words pushed me over the edge. The world contracted to a single point of white-hot pleasure radiating outward and consuming everything in its path.
I cried out his name as my body clenched around him, wave after wave of sensation filled me to bursting.
All I could do was hang on to Cash for dear life.
He followed moments later, his face buried in my neck as he groaned my name like a prayer. His body shuddered above mine, within mine. We remained locked together, neither willing to break the connection as our breathing gradually slowed.
When he finally rolled to the side, he took me with him, keeping me close against his chest. I could hear his heart thundering beneath my ear, gradually returning to its normal rhythm. His hand stroked lazily up and down my spine, raising goose bumps in its wake.
“Thank you, Cash. Thank you so much.”
Cash pressed a kiss to the top of my head.
“No, baby. Thank you for takin’ a chance on me.
I swear I won’t let you down.” He groaned, clearly unwilling to move, but there was the condom to deal with.
He padded to the bathroom, snapping the light on as he did.
When he returned, it was with a wet cloth.
To my embarrassment, he insisted on cleaning me up before leaning in to kiss me gently once more.
He then tossed the cloth in the direction of the bathroom and climbed back into bed beside me.
We lay facing each other in the rumpled sheets, our bodies intertwined.
Cash’s heavy-lidded gaze studied my face as if memorizing every detail.
His hand moved lazily up and down my bare back.
The silence between us felt comfortable.
Outside his window, the compound had quieted for the night, the occasional distant rumble of a motorcycle the only reminder of the world beyond this room.
“What are you thinking about?” Cash asked, his voice a low rumble in the quiet space between us.
I smiled, caught by the simple intimacy of the question. “That I should be more freaked out by this than I am.”
His eyebrows raised slightly. “And why aren’t you?”
I considered the question, allowing myself to really examine my feelings rather than deflecting as I normally would. “Because it feels right,” I admitted finally. “And not much has felt right in my life for a long time.”
“What do you want from this, Eliza? From us?”
The directness of his question should have sent me retreating behind my walls, but something about the vulnerability in his expression kept me present. “I don’t know exactly,” I confessed. “I just know I want there to be an us.”
His fingers paused momentarily before resuming their path. “I want there to be an us too. More than I’ve wanted anything in a long time.” He hesitated, seemingly weighing his next words. “But I need to know what you’re comfortable with. How I fit into your life, into Lily’s life.”
The mention of my daughter brought reality rushing back, not as a cold shock, but as a gentle reminder of my responsibilities. “Lily adores you,” I said softly. “You’ve been so good with her, Cash. Better than her own father was much of the time.”
“I love her,” he said simply, the words carrying the weight of absolute truth. “But I need to know where the boundaries are. I don’t want to overstep. I think Ash and I have come to an agreement but as far as I’m concerned, this is more your decision than his.”
I reached out, tracing the line of his jaw with my fingertips, feeling the scratch of his beard against my skin.
“I’m scared,” I admitted, the words barely audible.
“Not of you, but of wanting this so much. Of needing someone after handling everything alone for so long.” I swallowed hard, forcing myself to continue.
“I’m not good at needing people. I needed Ash and he chose his friends over me and Lily.
I can’t go through that again. More importantly, Lily can’t.
She was too young to remember much the first time, but now… ”
Cash captured my hand, pressing a kiss to my palm. Warmth spread up my arm. “Good thing I’m stubborn, then,” he replied, his eyes holding mine. “Because I’m not going anywhere, Eliza. Not unless you tell me to.”
“I don’t want you to go,” I whispered. “That’s what scares me the most.”
He leaned in and kissed me gently, brushing a lock of hair away from my eyes. “We don’t have to figure everything out tonight,” he said. “We’ve got time. But I need you to hear me when I say this isn’t casual for me. You and Lily… You’ve gotten under my skin in ways I never expected.”
I nodded against his chest, his heartbeat steady beneath my ear. “It’s not casual for me either. It’s just there’s so much happening with Lily right now. I don’t want you to feel like you’re second place. You’re not. I honestly think Lily needs all of us. Me, you, and Ash. Just in different ways.”
“I know,” Cash murmured into my hair. “And I want to help with all of it, however I can. Whatever Lily needs, whatever you need. You say the word and I’ll make it happen.”
I pulled back slightly to look at his face. “Why? Why would you take all this on? My complicated life, a child with medical needs who isn’t yours, a custody situation I still don’t have fully resolved?”
Cash’s expression softened, his thumb brushing across my cheekbone.
“Because for the first time since prison -- hell, maybe even before -- I can see a future worth fighting for. And it all has to do with you and Lily.” His voice dropped lower, almost as if he was speaking to himself.
“Never thought I’d have a shot at anything like this.
” He snorted. “All I cared about was fortune and fame. Now, I see how unimportant both are in the grand scheme of things. Family is what gets you through life. You and Lily are my family now. Kiss of Death is your family.”
My throat tightened with emotion. I had no words adequate to respond, so instead, I kissed him, trying to pour everything I couldn’t say into the press of my lips to his.
When we finally broke apart, Cash rested his forehead against mine. “One day at a time, OK? No pressure, no expectations beyond what feels right for both of us.”
I nodded, grateful for his understanding. “I should get back to Lily,” I said reluctantly. “Pippa’s probably wondering if I fell off the face of the earth.”
Cash smiled, pressing one last kiss to my lips before releasing me. “Go on, then.”
I slipped from the bed, suddenly self-conscious as I gathered my scattered clothing. Cash watched from the bed, making no move to hide his appreciation of my body. Instead of feeling exposed, his gaze made me feel powerful, desired in a way I hadn’t for years.
As I dressed, Cash pulled on his boxers and jeans, leaving his chest bare. When I finished buttoning my blouse, he took my hand and led me back to Lily’s and my apartment.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked, the question casual but the look in his eyes anything but.
“Wild horses. Remember?” I rose on tiptoes to press one last kiss to his lips. What was meant to be a quick goodbye deepened when his hand cupped the back of my head, holding me close for a moment longer.
“Sleep well, lil’ Liza,” he murmured against my lips before reluctantly releasing me.
I stepped inside my apartment, wrapping my arms around myself as I pressed my back against the closed door.
My body still hummed with the aftereffects of our lovemaking.
Despite the late hour, I felt more awake, more alive than I had in years, as if parts of me long dormant had reawakened under Cash’s touch.
I found Pippa sitting in the armchair beside Lily’s bed, reading by the soft glow of her phone. She looked up as I entered, a knowing smile spreading across her face.
“All good?” she asked quietly, rising from the chair.
I nodded, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks. “Thank you. For everything. Everyone here has been so good to me.”
Pippa squeezed my hand gently. “Any time. She didn’t stir once.” She paused at the door, her expression softening. “I’m happy for you, Eliza. You deserve this.”
After she left, I stood in Lily’s doorway, watching my daughter sleep. Her face was peaceful, one hand curled around Mr. Flopsy’s worn ear, the other still clutching Spots the giraffe.
I checked the nightlight, adjusted her blanket, and pressed a light kiss to her forehead before retreating to my own room.
As I prepared for bed, my mind drifted back to Cash, to the belonging I’d felt in his arms. I knew better than to believe everything would be perfect from here on out.
Life taught me better too many times. For the first time in longer than I could remember, I allowed myself to hope for something better than mere survival.
I climbed into bed and shut out my light.
The soft glow of Lily’s nightlight as it filtered through her bedroom door and through my own, gave me an added sense of security, knowing I could easily get to my daughter if she needed me.
Cash had given me this. Kiss of Death had made sure my every need was met.
As sleep closed in around me, I whispered words of gratitude into the darkness, grateful for the unexpected turn in my life and for the people who’d shown me kindness.
And for the flicker of hope now burning bright within me.
Thanks to all these people, I knew I’d be ready to face whatever tomorrow brought my way. And I wanted to face it with Cash.