Chapter 15 #2
There was a crowd in the kitchen after dinner, with Cash rinsing dishes before stacking them in the dishwasher.
Chase scrubbed a saucepan in the sink, and Miller and Danny wiped down the counters.
I grabbed a cloth and went and did the same to the dining room table.
Avery oversaw things while Wilder took Gracie off to help her get ready for bed, and it didn’t take long until everything was neat and tidy.
Cash and I were still in the kitchen when Avery came over and pressed a dinosaur sticker to Cash’s shirt.
Cash’s face lit up, and a moment later Avery stuck one to mine as well.
I shot him a look and he shrugged, and I decided not to question it further.
I was a fan of anything that made Cash smile like that.
We didn’t stay long after that because we needed to feed the kittens, but by the time we left, I had six new numbers in my phone and a promise from Avery that he’d bring Gracie by to see the orange kitten next week. I was feeling pretty damn good—better than I had in a long while.
“I almost want to walk home,” I said as we stepped off Avery’s porch. “I haven’t had so many carbs in a long time. No regrets, though.”
Cash tucked his hand into mine and we headed toward where I’d parked.
“Oh,” he said, stopping. “I just want to grab a book.”
We changed course and went next door.
The house was dark, with only the living room light on, and at first I thought we were the only ones there.
Then I heard soft voices coming from the kitchen and, a moment later, a rattle of bottles as though someone had wrenched the refrigerator door open hard.
Cash and I had just reached his bedroom doorway when Chase came barreling out of the kitchen.
“What an asshole,” he said when he saw us and rubbed frantically at his face.
Cash stepped forward and then froze in his tracks when Chase held something up. It took me a second to see what it was, and it still didn’t make sense. It was a plastic Transformer. The red and blue one.
“Optimus Prime,” Cash whispered.
“Right? What a dick!” Chase blinked rapidly.
Behind him, the kitchen light came on and Lee leaned out into the hallway. “Did you want another beer or not, Chase?”
Cash darted forward and gave Chase a hug.
Chase hugged him back and sniffed and said, “I guess.”
He padded back to the kitchen and into Lee’s arms. A moment later they both moved out of our sight.
“What was that about?” I asked softly.
Cash’s chin shook and he cleared his throat. “Tell you later?”
“Okay,” I said.
Cash pushed open the door to his room, turned the light on, and was brought up short by the sight of a second Transformer.
This one was yellow and was lying on top of his pillow.
Cash’s breath escaped him in a huff, as though someone had punched him in the stomach.
Then he darted forward and picked the toy up, cradling it as gently as if it was one of the kittens.
“I,” he began, and then shook his head as words failed him.
“Is it a good thing or a bad thing?” I asked him. “I have no idea what the deal is here, but are you okay?”
He managed a nod and then squeezed his eyes shut. “It’s good.”
Relief washed over me.
“I…” He sucked in a breath. “I came to get a book.”
He grabbed one off the top of the stack on the floor and tucked it under his arm. Then, still clutching the yellow Transformer, he took me by the hand and led me out of his room and into the kitchen.
Lee was standing there with his arms wrapped around Chase. Chase’s back was to us, which I was sure was the only reason he said what he did to Lee: “I love you too.” Then he added, “Asshole.”
Which seemed on-brand for him, and Lee knew it too, because he grinned broadly.
“Hey,” Cash said softly, and Chase stepped out of Lee’s embrace and turned. “I just…” He darted forward and hugged Lee too. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Lee said.
“You told him about this, didn’t you?” Chase said, clutching his Transformer and scowling.
“Yeah, I did,” Cash said. “Back when you wanted to break up, to help him understand why you had your head so far up your ass.”
Chase’s expression softened for a second before he schooled it back into a frown and said, “You can stop talking again anytime.”
“Love you too,” Cash said and pulled Chase in for a hug. When they parted they both had eyes that were suspiciously damp. Chase followed up the hug with a gentle punch to Cash’s shoulder. “Now get back to your fluffy kittens and whatever the fuck it is you and Beardy McManBun here are up to.”
He gave me a narrow stare.
Beardy McManBun? I might have been offended, except he’d nailed it. But I got the feeling Chase wanted to see what I was made of, so I met his gaze and said, “That’s Doctor McManBun, actually.”
His lips ticked up in a flash of a smile before he quickly smoothed out his expression, but it was too late. I’d seen it.
I smiled back. “Goodnight, Chase.”
Laughing silently at Chase’s glower, Cash led me toward the front door.
Later that night we stayed on the couch in Uncle Jim’s tiny living room way past what should have been bedtime.
In my case, it was because I didn’t want to leave Cash yet.
In Cash’s case, I suspected it was because he also didn’t want to go to separate beds, but he didn’t know how to ask if we were sleeping together.
But the couch was comfortable, and the movie was mindless enough that we could watch it without thinking about it, and we both silently agreed to stay where we were.
I lay on my side, spooning Cash. I had my chin hooked over his shoulder so I could see the TV.
His shoulders shifted every few minutes, plastic clicking as he put the yellow Transformer into a new pose.
I had one hand resting on his sternum, and it shifted slightly whenever he did.
I felt him tense a moment before he finally let his words out.
“We were seven or eight, and this kid at our school had all the Transformers. We were so jealous!” Another few clicks of plastic.
“It was all we could talk about. And a few weeks before Christmas, they turned up in our parents’ closet.
Optimus Prime and Bumblebee. Optimus Prime was Chase’s favorite, because he got to pick first. And we couldn’t have the same favorite, so I picked Bumblebee.
But that was okay, because I really did think he was cooler.
I liked that he was bright yellow and he wasn’t afraid to stand out. ”
I rubbed the heel of my hand gently against his sternum.
“Anyway, a few days before Christmas, we pissed our dad off. And he took them out of the closet, and made us open up the boxes, and smashed them up in front of us.”
He said it so matter-of-factly that my blood ran cold. “Holy shit, Cash.”
He shrugged. “Anyway, I cried, but Chase just stuck his chin out and said, ‘I didn’t want it anyway!’ Because he wouldn’t let Dad win, even when he was a little kid.”
I wondered if we were close to time travel being a thing so I could go back and beat the shit out of the twins’ parents.
“It wasn’t the worst thing he ever did,” Cash said. “Just, I remember it really well. And Chase never talked about Transformers again.”
I lifted a hand and traced his shoulder, the soft fabric of his T-shirt sliding under my fingertips. I thought of the faint shadowed scars on his skin underneath.
He gave a jerky nod. “Yeah. Scalding shower. That was worse.” He drew a breath and let it out slowly.
“But then we ran away and came here, and Danny found us, and I know what we have doesn’t look like much from the outside, but it’s more than I ever expected to have.
And every time I think I have everything I want, it gets better.
And sometimes that’s scary, because the more you have the more you can lose, but I’m working hard not to be afraid of wanting more. ”
It might have been more than he’d ever said to me before. I pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “I’m sorry that happened to you. And I think you’re amazing.”
The plastic robot clicked again. “Is it okay if I tell you something I want, even though I know it can’t happen?”
“Of course.” I ran a hand down his side. “You can tell me anything.”
“I wish…” He trailed off, and I waited. I could sense him gathering the words up like a stack of pebbles, ready to fling out into the world. “I wish that you were here for longer.”
And maybe with someone else that might have felt like the start of a guilt trip, but that wasn’t Cash.
He wasn’t asking me to commit to anything.
He was just being honest about his feelings.
He was enjoying what we were doing as much as I was, and he wasn’t ready for it to end.
Neither was I, and I found myself shying away from the thought.
“I know. But I’m not going anywhere yet.
We still have weeks.” I kissed his shoulder again and slipped my hand under the hem of his shirt, touching bare skin.
Cash gave a pleased hum. Then he leaned forward and carefully placed his Transformer to one side and squirmed until he was facing me, giving me a hesitant smile.
“Maybe we should make the most of the time we have.”
He leaned forward and kissed me. His lips were soft and he tasted of apple pie and cinnamon when I pressed my tongue into his mouth.
He gave another hum, except it was almost a moan this time.
Then he pulled me closer so our bodies were aligned and started to move against me in a slow, rhythmic grind.
I found myself matching his rhythm, one hand cupping his ass to hold him in place as we rocked against each other.
Our kisses grew more urgent and it wasn’t long before my erection was pressing uncomfortably against the front of my jeans.
I reached down between us to unbutton them, pausing long enough to ask, “You good with this?”
Cash cupped a hand around the obvious bulge in the front of his jeans and grinned. “What do you think?”
I laughed softly. I loved seeing this unfiltered, snarky side of him. “I think I’d like to take care of that, if you’ll let me.”
And then I rolled over and slipped off the couch and onto my knees in front of him, waiting for his response.
Cash’s eyes grew wide, and then his grin widened and he sat up, fumbling with the zipper on his jeans in his haste to yank it down. I took that as a yes.
Once his zipper was open, I fished his hard dick out of his underwear.
I wrapped a hand around it and stroked once before taking him in my mouth.
Cash sucked in a sharp breath when I ran my tongue along his shaft, and a low groan escaped him.
The sound was addictive, and I wanted to hear it again.
I set up a slow, steady rhythm, teasing the head with my tongue as I sucked him off, and I loved the way his breath hitched when I swallowed around him.
His fingers ended up tangled in my hair, like he couldn’t stop himself from touching me—just like I couldn’t stop touching him, or thinking about him, or wanting to make every remaining day I spent with him special.
I reached up and cupped his balls, rolling them in my palm, and Cash’s dick spurted precum, the taste flooding my mouth. I inhaled the scent of him, sharp and musky, letting it fill my senses before I sped up my movements, bobbing my head up and down.
I teased him like that, dragging my tongue along his length until a light tremor ran through his body, letting me know he was close.
His breath came in quick gasps, and the muscles in his thighs tensed under my hand.
When I tugged gently on his balls, Cash made a startled noise and his grip on my hair tightened as he thrust forward into my mouth and came down my throat.
It had been a while since I’d given a blow job, but I didn’t remember it ever being this satisfying.
I swallowed around the length of Cash’s cock as he came, then worked him through his orgasm with soft kisses until he was squirming.
His chest heaved, and I pulled off and gazed up at him.
His cheeks were stained with color and his eyes were as bright as his smile, and warmth filled me at the knowledge that I’d made him look like that.
Taking Cash apart was becoming my new favorite thing.
I shoved a hand down the front of my jeans and jerked myself off quickly, too impatient for anything else, and it only took three or four strokes before a low groan escaped me and I was coming as well, spilling over my knuckles.
I used the hem of my tee to clean my hand, then rested my head against Cash’s bare thigh, more relaxed than I could remember being in a long time. I was drifting toward sleep when I was interrupted by Dog standing in front of us, whining desperately.
“Do you need to go out?” Cash asked him. Dog whined again. “I’ll take him.”
“I’ll come.” I gave him a lazy smile. “And then bed?”
He grinned and helped me to my feet, and once we’d taken care of Dog and fed the kittens, we went upstairs and I led Cash by the hand into my room.
We got into bed, where I rested my head on Cash’s chest in a reversal of our usual positions, and Cash played idly with my hair.
He ran his fingers through the strands and traced lazy patterns on the nape of my neck, and it was perfect.
I remembered how he’d flinched at my touch when we first met and reflected on what a difference a couple of weeks had made.
But then, Cash was different now too. In the short time I’d known him, I’d seen a change in him as he’d gotten more confident.
I was glad he was coming out of his shell and I liked to think I had something to do with that, but at the same time, I envied him.
How was it that Cash was managing to get his shit together but I still had days when I struggled to know what the fuck I was doing with my life?
And that was the real issue—what the fuck was I doing with my life?
Was I really going to leave Goose Run, where I was, if not happy, at least less miserable, and go back to Cincinnati, to an empty apartment and a job that was slowly crushing my soul? Even thinking about it made my stomach drop.
Cash wasn’t the only one who wished we had more time.
As Cash’s soothing touches had me drifting toward sleep, I found myself wondering if there was any way to keep what I had here—and if I’d be brave enough to take that leap if there was.
I thought again of Uncle Jim’s offer to sell me the practice.
He’d made it so casually that at the time I’d assumed he was joking, but maybe he’d meant it?
When the phone rang at two in the morning and I drove out to Trent Lee’s farm, I was still pondering the question. Things were going well for me in Goose Run. If I stayed, was it possible they’d get even better?
So of course, right when I got my hopes up, everything turned to shit.