Chapter Twenty-One
Cassie trudged across the field, her whole body numb.
He’d shut down just like she’d feared, looked at her like a stranger.
Like he’d never even known her. She should have told him sooner.
He was right, she hadn’t been honest. She’d waited and waited for the right time, but there was never a right time.
She should have just come out with it. If she’d been up front from the start it might have made a difference, but now she’d never know.
She tried to slip inside unnoticed but ran into Shelly, hair damp from the shower, clumping down the stairs with a load of laundry.
“Nothing,” Cassie said when Shelly gave her a look.
“Bullshit. Your eyes are red. You told him, didn’t you?” Shelly set down the laundry basket, and Cassie gave in and sank to the bottom step. No point trying to evade her sister, she would hunt her down and make her talk.
Cassie sighed miserably. “I don’t know what I expected. I knew he’d be disappointed, but I thought maybe we could talk it through. That he might understand. But he actually accused me of being part of the problem.”
Shelly squeezed next to her so they were sitting bottom to bottom like they used to. “What problem?”
Cassie gave a dispirited wave of her hand.
“I don’t know, all of it—deforestation, climate change, child labor, who knows.
” Her shoulders slumped. “I feel bad about cutting this up. I do.” She lowered her voice, but the TV was on and their dad couldn’t hear.
“But who else is going to give us three-point-two million?”
Shelly rubbed the back of Cassie’s neck, which was one massive knot. “The guy’s crazy about you, it’s obvious. Give him a day or two. It’ll blow over.”
“You don’t know him. It won’t blow over.”
“Really? He seems so laid back.”
“He’s not laid back, he’s intense in his own way. He just doesn’t look it.” Cassie pressed on her temple, which was beginning to throb. “Oh Shel. I don’t see a way to put this back together. He can’t forgive that I didn’t tell him we’re selling to Weber. That was the deal breaker.”
Shelly looked heartened. “That’s a good sign.”
“It is?”
“The guy’s been burned. Badly from what you say. This is something he cares about, and he feels like you weren’t honest.
“That’s what he said.”
“See?” Shelly nudged her. “So call him and apologize.”
“I did apologize, but he didn’t want to hear it.” She leaned her head on Shelly’s shoulder. “And nothing’s going to change. We’re still selling.”
“He probably feels bad too. Give it a day and call him. Maybe he’ll have a change of heart.”
“I doubt it.” Cassie heaved herself off the stairs. “Let me make a couple of calls then I’ll make Dad lunch. You’ve been on duty all morning.”
“You’re in love with him.”
“What?” Cassie said faintly.
“You heard me.”
“Don’t be silly.” But the blood rushed to her face. Was she in love with Glenn?
“You should see yourself when he’s around.
” Shelly was warming up now. “You’re like a sixteen-year-old.
You were never this way with Phil. Don’t get me wrong, I liked Phil, but you two always seemed more like partners at one of those stuffy New York firms. You know, Sawyer, Linden and blah blah blah. ”
“For God’s sake, don’t drag Phil into this.” Cassie began hauling herself upstairs, but Shelly abandoned the laundry and followed.
“You’re head over heels. I haven’t seen you this happy in years.”
“But I’ve only known him two months.”
“So? Toby and I got engaged after six weeks.”
“Well, you two are nuts. Anyway, how would this ever work? Never mind that he’s not talking to me anymore, he’s got a business here and I live in New York.”
“Why do you have to live in New York?” Shelly tagged after Cassie into her bedroom and dropped onto the bed.
It felt like they were back in high school when they hung out for hours in one room or the other.
Their dad used to gripe that he could have saved the money and bought a house with one less bedroom.
“Shel, just stop. Okay? I work for the city, I live in New York. And I wasn’t up front with him.
He’s not going to get past that.” Cassie sat at the small desk and opened her computer, but her heart was back in the field, the look on Glenn’s face.
How fast they had unraveled. How miserable and final it felt to walk away.
Her insides felt hollow, like everything hopeful had been scraped out of them.
“The point is you’re in love with him,” Shelly said. “I told Toby, I said, Cassie’s crazy about this beekeeper. He’s very hot, better hope I don’t stay too long.”
Cassie groaned. “You told Toby about this? Don’t you have anything better to talk about than my love life? Such as it is.”
Shelly picked up Cassie’s old stuffed dog and gave him a toss. “I didn’t tell him the good parts.”
“There aren’t any more good parts.” Cassie rescued the dog from Shelly.
“Don’t toss Frederick around like that; he’s fragile.
” She set the dog down gently on the dresser.
It would take weeks to box up everything they wanted to save and sort the rest for Goodwill.
The thought of all that had to be done was exhausting.
Shelly got up off the bed. “I’m telling you, Cass, don’t let him get away. He’s a good guy, and they don’t come along very often. You can figure out the rest.”
“You’re coming with me Friday, right?” She’d been dreading the appointment with the genetic counselor for weeks, and now it was here. She felt bereft at the thought of not sharing the results with Glenn. How he’d been suddenly excised from her life.
“You know I am.” Her sister sat down again and kissed Cassie on the cheek. “Give him a call, you’ll feel better.”
Cassie shut the door once Shelly had gone downstairs but didn’t bother opening the brief she was working on.
No way could she concentrate. She pushed up the old frame window as far as it would go and gazed out over the pebbled driveway and the lush field.
If her dad didn’t have those damn bees, she wouldn’t have met Glenn in the first place and life would be so much simpler. But her heart tumbled at the thought.
She hadn’t been straight with Glenn. She couldn’t blame him for being upset.
She sealed up everything difficult—what happened to her mother, the medical history she still hadn’t shared with Andrew.
So painful to look it all in the eye. She hadn’t told Glenn the truth about selling to Weber because she was afraid deep down of how he’d react.
She’d been afraid of losing him and she had.
She set Frederick back on the bed, and the ancient dog toppled over.
Her phone pinged with a text and she lunged for it, heart in her throat.
But it was only Shelly. Did u call him yet?
It’s been 10 minutes
Call him!
She didn’t respond. She climbed onto the bed and wrapped herself in the old floral comforter that had been there forever.
Her mom had bought her and Shelly matching comforters when they were in middle school, and such things seemed important.
It had become faded and frayed, but she couldn’t throw it out.
She still felt her mother’s hand in choosing it.
Cassie had lived all her adult life in fear of forgetting, but she couldn’t forget a single word of the argument with Glenn.
How he was so done he couldn’t wait to get away from her.
Why couldn’t she forget that? Memory was so sneaky.
It stole what you wanted and tossed the rest back like so much debris.
She rolled away from the yellow light spilling through the window. Spring with its relentless optimism beating down on her. If she had an ounce of energy she would get up and close the blind. Instead, she pulled the comforter over her head.
Was she in love with Glenn? Even now, her belly quickened at the thought. Her mutinous body. She reached for her phone and hit his name before she could talk herself out of it, but after two rings she knew he wouldn’t pick up.
“Hey,” she said when his voicemail came on.
The same terse message about beekeeping she’d heard the very first time she’d called.
A stranger on the other end of the line.
“It’s me. I…I’m sorry about the way I handled this.
I should have been up front. Can you call me?
Please.” She didn’t say anything about the appointment with the counselor. It wasn’t fair to do that to him.
And who knew if he would listen to the message or just delete it.
. . .
Jeanette Torrington’s office was located on Tenth Avenue in Mt.
Sinai Hospital’s westside location. Cassie had run past countless times on her way to Riverside Park but had never given it much thought, just another hospital in a city full of them.
But inside was a woman who terrifyingly would tell her future.
Shelly held her hand as they rode up the elevator. “You okay?”
Cassie nodded, but her heart was thundering like she’d just stepped off a curb and narrowly missed getting hit by a bus.
She wasn’t okay. How could anyone be okay in this situation?
For a moment she thought about turning around, but they’d come all this way.
And she wanted to know. Didn’t she? At least she didn’t have to worry about their dad.
They’d hired a nurse to stay with him, and Andrew would be there too.
She checked in with the receptionist then took a seat next to Shelly in the bland waiting room. Across from them, a young couple held hands, the woman just visibly pregnant.
“I’ll take notes,” Shelly said, “don’t worry about remembering everything. It’s too hard when you’re in the middle of it. Toby came with me.”