Chapter 24
24
Ibrought the drink to my lips, but before I could take a sip, it got switched to a cup of water. Again. Tasha pushed Ryder with both hands. “Get lost, Ride.”
He smirked but said nothing, pouring the booze at his feet and sauntering away.
The party was held at a house on the other side of the lake. Some guy from Tasha’s year in high school and his older brother. People were spread all over the yard on the lakeside, a few couples making out around the bonfire or on the dock.
Tasha left to find Ronald. I found myself alone for a total of twenty seconds before a guy I’d never met joined me. Longish, curly light-brown hair, tanned skin, and piercing chestnut eyes that bore into mine. “Ava, right?” I nodded. He held out his hand, his palm enveloping mine as we shook hands. “Chris.” His eyes roamed around “Welcome to my kingdom.” A large teasing smile lit up his face.
“Oh, you live here?” I looked at the Southern mansion on my right, all white with a Juliet balcony on the second floor and columns supporting the roof all around. Black shutters, a large staircase, immaculate green lawn and flower beds, and a matching garage at the end of the large crescent driveway.
A serious expression filled his eyes. “Yeah, this is my palace.” His shoulders sagged forward.
“Well, I love it.”
“I’ve heard you are here for the summer. And that you can serve Ride his ass on a platter. Is the rumor mill wrong about you?”
I snickered. “Pretty accurate so far.”
“How do you like Feather Lake?”
“That’s a tricky question,” I said.
“Not from my point of view. It’s either a yes or a no.” He watched me with a raised brow.
I sighed. “It’s a bit more complicated than—” From the side of my eye, I spotted Ryder walking toward us. Snaking my arm through Chris’s, I asked, “Wanna gimme a tour? I need a drink.”
His smile stretched wide, and his eyes sparkled in the low light of the early night. This boyish look fit him.
“My pleasure. Let’s go. I happen to know where the good stuff is.”
With red cups filled with a mix of lemonade and pomegranate vodka, we settled amongst a group of people on the back deck where a blunt was being passed around. When it reached me, I flicked my hand and refused.
“Not a weed fan?” one girl with a throaty voice asked before coughing.
I offered her a tight-lipped smile. “Nah.”
The only time Iris and I had tried pot, out of curiosity, was last year after she convinced her cousin to sell us some. The burning sensation in my lungs and fits of cough that followed were enough to deter me from ever giving it another try. The other night, with Ryder, I surprised even myself when I asked for a puff. He always made me want to push the limits. Even my own.
As if he were a magnet to my eyes, I saw him dismissing two guys and nearing the house. If he raised his eyes, he’d see me. Backing one step and pointing to the dock, I asked Chris, “Your boat?”
“Yeah. What about it?”
I pinched my lips together, trying to come up with an escape plan. Before I could tell him what was on my mind, Chris spoke up as if he’d read my thoughts. “Wanna go for a ride?”
“Sure.”
“Awesome.”
We walked side by side toward the water.
“The other night, I noticed you when you danced with Tash on the bed of the pickup truck. But I thought you were Ride’s girl.”
A loud chuckle tumbled out of my mouth. “Me? Nah. We’re not even friends. We can’t stand each other.”
“I felt some heavy vibes between you two. Everyone did.” He shrugged.
“Must have been hatred. There’s a lot of it where he’s concerned.”
“Then let’s go away for a while.” He helped me into the jet boat, with a red deck and a silver wave decal on the side. A wakeboard tower was mounted on the top of the hull.
“Fancy ride,” I said.
“Well, my parents’ latest bribery attempt so Declan—that’s my brother—and I don’t request some quality time with them. They’re married to their work and are barely ever here. The boat is supposed to be a great diversion to forget they’re never there for us.”
“I’m sorry. It sucks.”
“Well, don’t be. We’ve been raised by nannies. At this point, our folks are more like strangers having a sleepover one week a month than parents to us.” He fished two cans of beer from a compartment below his seat and offered me one.
“You sure it’s safe to drink and drive?”
“No. But I’ll be careful. I swear. And I only had one beer hours ago.”
“And the spiked lemonade before that.”
“Nah, mine was water. I gotta keep an eye on the party so it doesn’t get out of control. My big bro is not trustable, too busy sleeping his way around to care.”
He untied the cables anchoring us to the dock, pressed the lever, and the boat drifted into the water. Darkness had almost taken over the entire sky. Just a few brushes of vibrant pink and orange decorated the blank canvas. We flew across the water until the house became just a dot on the horizon and we could no longer hear the music blasting or the loud chatter of his friends.
Seated at the front, I took a sip of the cold beer and closed my eyes, letting the wind sweep my face. Every cell in me relaxed, and I felt at peace. And free.
No one to look out for me. Or give me orders.
Chris decreased the speed of the boat, and I opened my eyes just when he stopped in the middle of a little bay.
His contagious smile returned. “This is my favorite spot. During the day, we can see almost the entire expanse of the lake.”
“It’s peaceful.”
“How do you like your summer here so far?” he asked, sitting next to me.
“It depends. But it’s growing on me.”
We exchanged small smiles. I sipped on my beer, enjoying the sound of silence and the water lapping against the boat hull.
“What’s the story with Ride? He’s a complicated person, but he’s not as big a jerk as he pretends to be. We used to be friends a while back.”
“Nothing to tell. He can’t stand me. Always finds motives to pick fights. We never see eye to eye. Nothing interesting, I swear. His jerk ways aren’t a pretense around me.”
Chris pondered the information for a minute, looking in the distance, before turning toward me again. “Let’s say if I were to kiss you now, I wouldn’t have to be afraid of his acting out, would I?” He lifted one golden brow, the same color as his curly hair, a tentative smile stretching one side of his lips. He sat so close I could get the faint hit of beer on his breath. And the heat from his body.
My heart vibrated with a new awareness. “Technically, no. But who knows? Ryder could decide it’s against the rules he’s playing by and could throw a fit. He forgot to share those rules with me.” I swallowed, conscious of how Chris’s attention moved from my mouth to my throat. “The thing is…I’m seeing someone.”
His fingers pushed the rebel tendrils of my hair away as the wind picked up. “You left a heartbroken boy back home?”
The air charged and wrapped around us.
I shook my head. “I met someone who lives here. Not here here, but in Medora Beach. I like him. Sorry.”
His eyes fused with mine. “Don’t be. He’s a lucky guy. I wish we had met first.”
Shivers ran through me.
“You cold?” he asked.
I rubbed my arms with my hands. “A little.”
Chris moved to grab a blanket from under his seat and a bottle of tequila. “This should help.”
Enveloped in the blanket, we passed the bottle back and forth. My eyes watered when the alcohol coated my tongue. Chris let out a clear laugh. “Not a liquor drinker either?”
I blinked, puckered my mouth, and wrinkled my nose, praying for the burn to dissipate.
“Not really.” My finger traced the outline of the tattoo on his forearm. “Did it hurt? When you got inked?”
“Nah. For the time it lasted, I liked the sting.”
“Why a mountain?” I asked.
“Reminds me of where I come from. I was born on the mountainside of the state. We moved here when I was thirteen. Left my heart there.”
“I dig it. It’s nice.”
“Why do you look sad?” he asked, once the alcohol we drank melted some of the walls I had built around me.
“I’m not.” Just his assumptions were powerful enough to tie knots around my stomach.
Chris’s eyes were glued to mine. “There’s sadness lingering there, in the deep reaches of your eyes. I can see it. Why do you push people away then?”
I tilted my head to the side. To avoid answering, I took another hit of the tequila and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
His fingers closed around my chin, and he forced me to turn in his direction.
“Hey, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to.” He waved his other hand around. “Here, this is a safe place. Nobody is judging you. Not me. I’m doing all kinds of stupid shit all the time, expecting my parents to react. They never do. Instead, they send me their lawyer, fill my bank account, or do just about anything to avoid admitting we don’t have a relationship. That we’re a broken family. Whatever I do, they don’t care. Sometimes I feel invisible.”
I recognized my pain in his. When I used to cut myself, I was trying to feel things. Because I always kept my emotions and feelings hidden from everyone else. And for once, I was trying to not feel invisible. To myself. To remember I was alive. And not just some robot. If Chris could blame his parents for his fucked-up existence, I couldn’t even blame anyone else but me for mine. And circumstances and a weak mental health or warped emotional response to stress.
“You’re not”—I held his hand—“invisible. Your value isn’t defined by your parents’ standards. Don’t prove anything to them. Whatever you do, do it for you. To be a better version of yourself. What they think or don’t think sucks, but you’re not them, and they are not you.”
“Wow, I didn’t picture you as a deep psychology shit kind of girl.”
“Well, I spent an awful lot of time in therapy. Guess I learned a few things.”
I appreciated he didn’t press me to explain myself. That he respected my boundaries.
“I was right about you then,” he said. “There’s pain in your eyes.” He shrugged. “We’re not so different after all.”
“I guess.”
He studied me for the longest time. “Are you okay, though?”
I exhaled. “Yeah. I am. I will be. It’s a long process, but I’m getting there.” I watched him. “Are you? Okay, I mean?”
He busied himself ripping the label from the tequila bottle. “Nah. I’m not. Trying to be, though. Very much, though.”
“At least you’re aware.”
“Yep.”
We took another sip, but our conversation had somehow killed the mood.
“Wanna go back?” Chris asked after a beat.
“Yeah. I do.”
The liquor had helped in washing away my worries. I relaxed in my seat and enjoyed the ride back.
We berthed at the dock, and Chris held out his hand to help me out. I hooked my arm around his, tipsier than I thought myself to be.
“You okay?” he asked, against my ear.
I nodded.
“I’m sorry. It was stupid to drive the boat while drinking. You were right earlier. I should do better.”
“Thanks for taking me, though. I had a great time.” I lost my footing, and he wrapped an arm around my waist, my body flush with his as we stepped down the dock. “Everything will be okay. For you. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
“I’ll try?—"
“Here you are,” Tasha said, hopping in our direction and cutting our conversation short. I could tell from the exaggerated tilt of her lips she was as tipsy as I was. She grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. “So, you and Chris, huh?” she whisper-screamed, wiggling her eyebrows.
I nudged her. “Stop starting rumors.”
Chris’s smirk, when I caught his eyes, confirmed he’d heard everything she said. His happiness faded when a tall silhouette neared us, pulling dark shadows in its wake.
My heart sank.
“Where the fuck were you?”
Chris slapped his shoulder, his bright smile back in place. Gone was the guy who shared about the emptiness in his life not so long ago. “Ryder, my man. Give Ava a break. Go and annoy someone else. She’s under my watch tonight.” To prove his point, he inched closer, circled my waist with one arm, and pulled me to him, away from Tasha. “See? We’re best of friends.”
All shades of red flashed across Ryder’s face. His gaze bounced between Chris’s arm and my face, finally ending on the palm still resting on his shoulder. With a shrug, Ryder yanked away. “Are you fucking drunk, Mackenzie?”
“Not your business,” Chris said. “Now leave us alone. We’re still getting to know each other, and you’re in the way.”
Ryder pushed him back, both hands hitting Chris in the chest. “No fucking chance.”
I sighed as my eyes met Tasha’s rounded ones.
“What’s your problem, Ride?” Chris asked in a calm tone, trying to disarm the situation. “Are you jealous?”
Ryder clenched his hands at his sides. “Don’t provoke me, or you’ll meet my fist. I swear, Mackenzie, don’t start.”
“Ava and I are having a great time. Stop interfering in her business. Now move, or get the hell out of my property.”
I straightened and stepped forward before speaking in Chris’s ear. “Thanks. I can fend for myself. He’s just being his usual jerk. Warned you. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of him.”
Both his arms wound around me. “You sure? I can kick him out if you prefer. Your call.”
Without looking in Ryder’s direction, I could feel the smoke coming out of his nostrils.
I dropped a chaste kiss on Chris’s cheek. “Thanks for tonight. I had fun. I’ll see you later.”
“I had fun too. Thanks for listening.”
I followed Ryder to a corner of the yard, where two guys were smoking weed. Ryder took the blunt and sucked on it until the tip lit red, then blew the smoke away before ordering them to get lost.
“Getting high to discuss something with me. Wow.” I clapped my hands. “Real mature. I thought we had concluded it was a shitty habit the other night. Go ahead, get zonked. It makes everything so much better.”
Ryder squinted but said nothing for a while, ignoring me.
“Talk or I’m going back out there,” I said, motioning to the house behind me with my thumb. “Unlike you, Chris is a decent guy.”
Ryder remained silent. I rocked back and forth on my heels, fidgeted with the bracelet around my left wrist, and rolled my eyes as the first stars shone upon us, erasing the pinkish stripes decorating the sky.
“Okay, never mind. I’m gone.” Before I could put too much distance between us, his digits clutched my wrist, and he tugged me back to him.
His eyes were menacing. Gone was the aquamarine hue around his pupils. They looked black and deadly. “You’re not.”
I yanked my hand from his grip and threw both arms over my head. “Change your music. This song has been played too many times. I’m done.”
Ryder’s shoulders dropped, and the anger in his eyes ceded its place to impatience. And something resembling fear.
“You went on a ride with him after he’d been drinking. Chris is always drunk as fuck. Everybody knows that. It was reckless.”
“First, Chris is a nice guy. Stop trying to insult his character. Second, none of this is about you. Third, I was never in danger. Stop meddling in my business.”
He took another puff of the joint still clamped between his fingers. “Drinking and driving is a big no. I don’t care whether it’s a spaceship or a boat, it’s dumb. I figured you were smarter than this.”
“Stop trying to solve me. Chris was being my friend. Unlike you. All you do is piss on my parade, pretending you care when we’re both aware you don’t. You get hard on the power it gives you to boss me around.”
My words hit him where it hurt because Ryder flinched. “You’re clueless.” His annoyance was fully back.
“You infuriate me, and this conversation is leading nowhere. I’m?—”
Misty walked over to us and put an end to our argument.
“What?” Ryder barked, his fingers returning to my wrist to prevent me from leaving and securing me next to him, as if to protect me from some invisible danger. His eyes said, Just a sec. I’ll deal with this. We’re not done.
“Ride, I gotta talk to you.” Misty used her most syrupy voice, the one grating on my eardrums. If I didn’t know better, I would think she looked preoccupied with something.
“Not now. I’m busy. Later.”
She grimaced and sent an annoyed expression my way. She stole the joint Ryder was still holding and brought it to her lips. “It’s kind of important. I think I might be… Well, I’m late.”
Ryder coughed, and his hold on my arm tightened.
“And here you are. Getting high,” I said, sarcasm clear in my tone. “Impressive. Keep leading by example. Your baby will be a lucky one.”
Misty murdered me with her eyes.
Ryder’s attention ping-ponged between the two of us, and he looked torn.
One of his fingers pointed at me. “Wait here. Don’t think about pulling another one of your acts. I’ll be right back. We. Are. Not. Done.”
“Yes, we are.”
“No. I’m fucking serious. Stay here. Listen for once.”
Yeah, yeah. As if I’m about to start doing what you order me to.
“Tash,” I called out to my friend after Ryder left me to my own devices. She spun on her heels, Ronald by her side.
“Hey girl. Where have you been?” Her gaze perused the area around me. “Did you ditch Ride? He’s usually wherever you are.”
“Nah, I have Misty to thank this time. Wanna leave? Before he comes back and tries to rule my actions.”
“Oh, let’s get out of here. Like superspies. Sleepover? You could stay at my place.”
I joined my hands in prayer. “Yes, please. Knowing Ryder, he’ll carry out his guard duty by my bedroom door to make sure I don’t leave the house.”
She linked her arm with mine. “Ro,” she addressed her boyfriend, “mind driving us?” She turned to me next. “He only drank soda all night.”
“Follow me, you two.” Ronald grabbed the car keys from his pocket and led us to our exit.
Once again, Ryder was about to ruin my night. And I wouldn’t let him.
Take that, jerk.
“Chips or popcorn?” Tasha asked after I cleaned up my face and changed into the night shorts and T-shirt she lent me.
“Huh…popcorn. Are we watching a movie?”
“Depends. We could also keep drinking. I make an incredible punch, and it so happens my parents are out.”
“Sounds good.”
After we split the punch in two—she didn’t lie about it tasting like cranberry juice with an edge—we ended up in her bed.
“What are you watching?” my friend asked, surfing our options.
“A horror flick?”
“Oh, you like to be spooked? I prefer romcoms.”
“Nah, I like it when everything isn’t just a colorful happily-ever-after with no substance. Sometimes, I enjoy the shades of gray. Nobody’s life is only fun and kittens all the time. We all have darkness in ourselves. We all hide secrets. Being cheerful all the time is a pretense, not real life.”
But then Joseph’s face appeared in my mind, and it discredited my own beliefs. Still, he was an exception. An abnormality. I was sure he had bad days too. He just chose to not let them affect him. Something I couldn’t figure out how to do.
“I enjoy easygoing love stories with no real plot,” Tasha said.
“Me too. Sometimes. But if I have to watch a romantic movie, I’ll choose one with drama. And tears.” What I didn’t tell her was watching movies that triggered emotions in me was a great coping mechanism to deal with my own feelings. It helped force out stuff I would otherwise keep in.
“Do you miss your parents?” she asked after we settled on a horror comedy.
“Not really. We haven’t talked that much since I landed here. I need the break.”
“You would tell me the truth, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you kiss Chris earlier? You two looked cozy when you came back from your boat ride. I don’t know… There was a spark there.”
I placed my hands over my face. “I didn’t. He asked if he could. And for a brief instant, I wanted him to. We were sharing stuff, and it would have felt right. But I’m already kissing Joseph. I want to see it through with him. And kissing another guy felt wrong. Joseph and I, we’re not dating and haven’t had the talk about exclusivity or whatever we are, but he cares about me. And he’s always been nice to me. I wouldn’t kiss someone else behind his back.”
“Oh wow. You’re a saint, Ava.”
I threw a handful of kernels at her. “I am not. I swear. There’s a lot of darkness in me sometimes. And I’ve said terrible things to Ryder. When we fight, it’s so intense that sometimes I don’t think about my words before speaking them out loud. And then when I’m alone, I’m mad at myself for not shutting up before it escalated.”
“Ride loves to get a rise out of you. I’m sure it makes him hard when you two banter.”
I fanned a hand over my face. “Don’t put Ryder and sex in the same line, Tash. It’s wrong. Ugh. The last thing that I need is a visual of his dick.”
If only she knew he had appeared in every fantasy I had since moving here, she would have a blast. But that was secret information, not meant to be shared, even with my girlfriends.
“What did he say anyway when he cornered you earlier?”
“Something about not letting Chris drive the boat because he was drunk and I shouldn’t trust him.”
My friend gasped.
“What?” I asked.
“Drunk driving is a sour subject when it comes down to Ride. I bet you triggered the memories he would prefer to forget.”
His words from the other night replayed in my head. Sometimes, it helps me deal with shit. Memories I wish I could delete.
“What happened?”
She mimicked zipping her lips. “Sorry, not my story to tell. You’ve heard nothing about what happened since you moved here?”
I angled my upper body to face her. “No. Tell me. Everybody always keeps me in the dark. Ryder keeps telling me I have no idea, and so far, I understand nothing he says.”
Tasha sighed and grabbed my hands in hers. “Ava, I really would tell you, but if nobody told you, I don’t want to be the one to do so. Sorry. It doesn’t concern you, okay? Trust me. I’m sure when the timing is right, you’ll learn about it. But it won’t be from me.”
My pulse sped up. “Why do I feel like it’s about me somehow?” My voice had lost its previous zest.
“It’s not. We should catch some sleep. It’s almost three.”
“Tash, please. I won’t tell anyone you told me.”
“Ava, I swear, it doesn’t concern you. If you ask Ride, maybe he’ll tell you. Let it go for tonight. You have nothing to worry about.”
When I closed my eyes after Tasha turned off the light and we slid under the comforter in her bed, the feeling that people in my life were hiding something important crept up on me.
Ryder, my parents, Uncle Mason and Aunt Melinda, and now Tasha.
Something had happened, and they thought they were protecting me by keeping it from me. But it did the opposite. Anxiety crippled me, and I scratched the flesh of my left forearm until it burned. The exhaustion of the day and the booze I drank finally won the battle of wills, and I surrendered myself to nothingness.
Tasha dropped me off at ten to six the next morning. With a pep in my step, I walked toward Joseph, who was leaning against his truck. He lowered his head until his mouth molded to mine. “Had a great night?” he asked against my lips.
For the most part, last night had been fun.
“Yes. How long have you been here?”
“A few minutes.” He intertwined his fingers with mine and smiled, reminding me I’d been right when I refused to kiss Chris the night before. Joseph and I could be something real. I felt it.
When I unlocked the front door, I had no idea what we were walking into. The moment my feet stepped on the kitchen floor and I closed the door behind us, a new surge of anger washed through me.
“Seriously, are you kidding me?”