07
Bellusdeo fell in beside Kaylin, which was awkward until Mandoran dropped back. Severn remained where he was—but that was
fair, given what she’d said to Teela. He was her beat partner. If Teela wasn’t here on behalf of the Halls of Law, fine. Kaylin
felt that she was.
As they walked, she told Bellusdeo what Teela was investigating, and why; she was certain Teela had said very little.
“But Lord Nightshade has survived.”
“So far.” Kaylin hesitated. “I’m not sure he’s going to make it. Annarion’s upset. Teela’s angry—but she went to the site
of the attempted assassination to investigate. There was evidence of magic—a lot of magic—on and around the site. I’m less
clear about what happened before she met up with you. I know she was following or tracking traces of someone who was taking
advantage of the border zones.
“I’m not sure she wants you involved.”
“That’s unfortunate for her. This fief is mine. Barrani who move within the fiefs—and who do not serve the fieflords—are a threat to the security of the fiefs. What are
you not telling me?”
Kaylin hesitated. She was a terrible liar, and Bellusdeo had always been perceptive.
“Everything’s a mess. Nightshade’s injury.
Annarion’s reaction. The cohort’s reaction to Annarion.
Teela’s reaction. It’s not just one thing.
Teela’s been interested in Barrani Lords for a lot of her life, but this feels .
. . different. I don’t think her prior interest was connected to Nightshade, the fiefs, or the border zones until Nightshade was attacked. ” She hesitated again.
“Go on.”
“I want to know what Shadow did in your world that led to its fall.”
Bellusdeo nodded, which wasn’t the reaction Kaylin expected. “Shadow attacks are chaotic and unpredictable—and I am uncertain
that some of those attacks were noted until it was too late.
“You’re aware that Shadow can transform the living.”
“The one-offs.”
“Yes. I am not certain what the rules that govern that transformation are. I was trapped in, enslaved by, Shadow—but I was
not changed or transformed by the duration of my stay. My Ascendant, Maggaron, was not transformed by it either. I am . . .
uncertain whether that was providence or the Outcaste’s influence.”
Kaylin frowned. “I know Shadow tries to transform what it touches—but I know that I could carry Spike.”
“Spike?”
“Remember Spike? The ball? I’m talking to one of the sisters, aren’t I?”
Bellusdeo grinned; it was an almost foreign expression on a familiar face. “Right.”
“My Bellusdeo’s okay with it?”
“What an odd use of the genitive. You would consider her the dominant personality, but yes, she has allowed me to speak. She
was the warrior queen—the last of us to fall. I was more of a scholar and a mage, magic being useful in the growing war. Given
the extent of the war, she wasn’t required to learn many of the finer arts—there was no time. What she refined was combat.
“But we had Ascendants supporting us, and we had the Norranir as our vanguard. I see they survived; it is good to hear the drums.” Her smile dimpled. That was definitely not Bellusdeo’s smile. “I was very proud of those drums.”
Kaylin stumbled as the full import of what this sister was saying sank in. “You created the drums?”
“I did. Interested in talking, now?”
“Not yet, but I will be. But I need to know your name. I mean, the name you were called before you . . .”
“Died?”
Kaylin swallowed. “Before that, yes.”
“Logia. I was called Logia.” Her smile deepened. “I was called many other things in my life, but I don’t believe they would
be considered polite in any company.”
“Not even with Dragons?” It was Mandoran who asked. He, like Kaylin, often liked to learn new curse words.
“Especially not Dragons. I would like to visit. I would like to see Mrs. Erickson and thank her again. And I would like to
speak with Helen about her former masters. Not her tenants,” she added, as if that needed to be said. “But the people who
controlled her before she broke free.”
“I’m sure Helen would love that.”
“I’m not,” Mandoran muttered.
I have to agree with Mandoran, Severn added.
Why?
Bellusdeo was always straightforward. Get to know her sisters before you offer them the same trust Bellusdeo earned.
Kaylin actually turned to look at his expression; it was friendly rather than neutral; it didn’t entirely match what his thoughts
conveyed.
What should have happened was a melding of experience into a single personality.
What did happen was different. Bellusdeo is now like the cohort; she carries distinct personalities on the inside of her head.
You prefer some members of the cohort over others; you’re naturally cautious around Sedarias, and completely relaxed around Terrano, Mandoran, Serralyn. This isn’t going to be different.
You don’t trust Logia.
I seldom trust anyone.
You trust me.
I know you. Trust, for Wolves, is predicated on knowledge. It’s less about trust as you use the word, and more about predictability.
What appears as trust to you is knowledge: I know what to expect. I don’t know what to expect of Bellusdeo’s sisters.
Kaylin nodded. They died during the war; they’ve lived a long time as themselves, in theory.
Exactly. Bellusdeo is not an indicator of her sisters. She loved them; they loved her. But think of them as the cohort, except
in one body.
Do you think Bellusdeo has control of her own body now? I mean, do you think the sisters can wrest control from her? The question made Kaylin uneasy. On the plus side of that ledger, Logia didn’t seem to have the same knee-jerk rage Bellusdeo exhibited when confronted with
any new information about Shadow.
“I will not visit today—and I will attempt to inform you before I arrive. If you could gain Helen’s permission in the meantime,
I would be most grateful.”
Definitely not Bellusdeo. Kaylin nodded.
The Consort wishes to meet with you today, Ynpharion said, his tone very stiff.
You told her what happened?
Annoyance filtered into his tone. Of course.
And she still wants us to show up?
That is her expressed preference.
Were you listening when I went in to save Terrano?
Silence for a beat. I was.
Fine, then. Kaylin was only theoretically a Lord of the Barrani High Court, but she had many reasons for not wanting to tick off the Consort. You know there’s no way I’m going to be able to ditch Teela, right?
Ynpharion’s annoyance grew. An’Teela. She is An’Teela, one of the most powerful Lords of the High Court. Her existence demands respect.
Not at work, it doesn’t.
Helen was waiting at the door. She often did this, because she knew it was important to Kaylin to have family to come home
to. Today, however, she was looking both worried and almost militant.
“Terrano arrived,” she said as Kaylin leaned in for a hug. “His pallor is terrible, but he’s hiding it by being ever so slightly
out of phase. And he carried word—” She looked down at Kaylin as they separated, her eyes slightly narrowed. They’d lost their
normal appearance; they were black, with flecks of moving color.
“I suppose it would be too much to ask you to be careful?” Helen’s expression was resigned.
“Terrano—”
“Yes, dear, I know. I am fond of him, and I am grateful that you managed to save his life. But he is now putting your life
at risk because he is foolish and thinks caution is a word that belongs in a different language. To be clear, that language
would be one he doesn’t speak.”
Helen was fussing. Kaylin leaned into it, the way she leaned into Caitlin’s concern. Some people—Teela, prime example—hated
being mothered. Kaylin wondered if she would ever become one of them. Maybe she would if the people who expressed concern
treated her like a young child.
Maybe she’d accept even that. She wasn’t a child anymore, but some part of her—abandoned by death, and responsible for causing
more of it—might never grow up.
“As long as it is just a small part,” Helen said softly, “preserve it as you can. But never let it drive you, Kaylin. Never let it become the voice for all that you are.” Her hand cupped Kaylin’s cheek. “You’ve done that once. You’ve followed that path. It almost destroyed you.
“I do not wish to see you walk that path again.”
Kaylin swallowed, leaning into the warmth of Helen’s hand. “I thought I had nothing, then.”
“Yes, I know. Perhaps our lives—all of them, building or human or Barrani—are defined in the end not by what we have, but
by what we value, what we struggle so mightily to protect. You could have become anything; you became a Hawk. Your early life
could have defined you.
“I have met people—yes, even as a building—who became what had scarred them. The lessons they learned from the lives they
had been subjected to when they had no power defined the worth of power. Not of people. Not of hope. But of power.”
“. . . like Barrani?”
“Very like Barrani. But before we continue in that vein, Nightshade cares for his brother, and his brother—angry and disappointed—cares
for him. The cohort care for each other; they have built their lives around that. Perhaps, had they never been imprisoned
within the Hallionne, they would not have made that choice. But the past cannot be changed, and could it, they would not.”
“I’d change parts of mine.”
“Yes. But the cohort are much older than you; they understand that they cannot change only parts of the past without distorting
the whole of its fabric. And perhaps, if I could go back in time, I would change some parts of mine as well. When we are struggling,
when we are desperate, our fear and pain guide us. But it is not a good guide, and oft leaves regret and self-loathing in its wake. And I have wandered, as I often do. Come. Come in. Terrano is
waiting.”
“Is it safe for me to enter the house?”
“It will always be safe for you. But if you refer to what you somehow picked up, I am taking precautions. It has clearly not
caused damage to you.”
“Can you sense it?” Kaylin asked as she pulled away.