Chapter 34 Braxton
Braxton
My palms are clammy as I stand outside the dining hall.
I feel like a damned coward. I’ve been standing in front of these doors working up the courage to step inside.
I know she’s in that room already. I know she’s waiting for me.
I know when I walk in, I’m going to see a burning hatred in her eyes.
The only thing I don’t know is if I’m ready to face that again.
Having to watch her loathing for me freshly bloom every time her memory is wiped clean has been one of the worst parts of this entire curse.
While her eyes flicker with hatred, my heart ignites with unrequited adoration.
A scorching love that mars me every time we have to restart this painful journey.
I used to wonder how many times someone could get burned before they learned their lesson.
The answer is more than I ever believed I could.
Now, I’m forced to ponder how much of myself I’ve lost in the process.
Piece after piece has been flayed from my soul and left to shrivel and wither away, and still through it all, I will never stop loving her. I only wish I could tell her as much.
Physically shaking myself as if that could rid these treacherous thoughts from the recesses of my mind, I push the doors open. Just as I thought she would be, Azalea is sitting there, and to my surprise, so is the mangy mutt she’s devoted herself to.
“Nice dog,” I clip before taking my seat.
I brace myself for her heated response, but I’m met with silence, which is far worse. I would rather she scream at me, and I fear her silence is profoundly louder.
When I gather the courage to pick my gaze up and look at her, I see that her complexion is almost sickly. The vibrancy that is usually filling her honey eyes is dull, and neither her cheeks nor lips are filled with the tantalizing blush they usually have.
“What happened?” I jump to my feet, not caring how crazed she believes me to be. After all, to her, this is our first dinner together.
She blinks herself out of her daze, before lifting her eyes to me.
When our stares collide, I stop in my tracks.
There’s a ghost swimming in her vision, haunting her, but with what I can’t tell.
I watch, partially mesmerized, as her slender fingers lift to run across her bottom lip.
Though her leering irises still rest on me, her eyes are a whole world away.
“Azalea.” My voice is soft as I try to bring her back to me. Her finger curls slightly, pressing her nail into her bottom lip. “Wildflower,” I gently press.
Hearing her nickname seems to do the trick in pulling her back to me. I watch as her entire demeanor snaps to attention.
“You shouldn’t have kissed me last night.”
My head rears back, shock ricocheting through my system.
“What did you say?” My voice is barely audible, and I’m sure I must have misheard her.
Unperturbed by my clear spiraling, she continues, “It was inappropriate. If I’m ever to escape this dreary castle and and leave your grating presence behind me, the only thing I will have left is my name and honor.
And you’d be an even crueler wretch than I imagined if you take that from me as well. ”
“You remember our kiss.”
“Well, despite what you so clearly believe, I’m not incompetent.”
“W-what do you remember of the kiss?” My mind flashes to me dropping to my knees before her. Burying my face between her legs. Her crying out my name. My heart pounds against my ribs, and my blood thrums so loudly in my ears that I fear it will keep me from being able to hear her answer.
Azalea’s brows furrow, and I can’t tell if it’s because she’s trying to remember more of last night or because my reaction is confusing her.
When she begins rubbing her temple with her middle and pointer finger and blows out a harsh breath, I’m able to deduce that it’s because she can’t remember more.
“I clearly must have had too much wine last night, and it impaired my judgement,” she bleats, her cheeks going pink. She tries to subtly push the full glass of wine next to her plate further away from her as she comes to this conclusion.
When my eyes continue to bore into hers, she knows that answer isn’t good enough for me. Drawing her lips into a tight line, she crosses her arms over her chest. “The details are fuzzy, alright? Clearly, you took advantage,” she hisses.
“You kissed me.” The statement leaves me before I can think better of it, and I can only hope my idiocy doesn’t cause her memory to start slipping through more than the curse seems to be allowing.
It’s clear from her confusion that she doesn’t remember all of the events of the previous night, like what led to our kiss or what happened after it, including my admission of the nature of my curse.
“Okay, fine, yes,” she snaps. “I kissed you. But you shouldn’t have let me, and it will not happen again.”
“Don’t be so sure of that.” Goading her has become such a regular part of my routine, I find this quip slips out of me with barely a second thought. When I see the indignation dance in her eyes, I can’t help the gloating grin that fills my features. Sometimes she just makes it too easy.
She bounds to her feet, bringing herself nose to nose with me, and Sky’s Divine does she smell delectable. Like a fresh meadow of flowers after a spring rain. “It was a lapse in judgment.”
“Of course.” Though I’m agreeing with her, my words are dripping with sarcasm.
“I had too much to drink,” she presses more firmly.
We’re still nose to nose, and my fingers itch to grip the back of her neck and pull her flush against me, closing the rest of the distance between us.
“Whatever you say,” I taunt.
“What does that say about you, really? Letting me kiss you while I was in such a state?” She presses her body closer to mine, thinking I won’t catch the split second her eyes drop to admire my lips.
“You already believe me to be a monster.” I wrap my arm around her back, stopping her from coming to her senses and stepping away from me. The feeling of her body against mine drives me half mad. It hasn’t even been 24 hours, and I want, no, need, to taste her again.
“Believe me, if there was a knife in reach, I would have it pressed against your throat.”
I roll my eyes before a rakish grin takes over my face. “Full of false promises, aren’t we, Azalea?”
“There’s nothing false about it.”
“There’s a knife right there.” My eyes point to the serrated blade next to her plate. “Go on, grab it,” I taunt. Her nostrils flare.
Knowing she’s lost this battle, I watch as she accepts defeat before realizing just how close we’ve gotten. I drop my hand from her back, letting her step away from me. The cold air that swallows the space where her body was just occupying sends a jolting chill up my spine.
“I would like to retire to my room now.”
Not waiting for me to give her any response or permission, she turns toward the door, her dog quick on her heels. As her hand reaches for the doorknob, I stop her.
“Azalea.” She doesn’t turn when I say her name. “How long have you been here?”
Now, she tosses me a withering glare over her shoulder. “I don’t remember. Your wretched curse has made sure of that.”
I suck on my teeth, trying to swallow my frustration. I need this answer from her.
“How did you come across that thing you decided to keep as a pet?” I nod my head toward the dog, who somehow is giving me a bored expression that mirrors Azalea’s as she turns to face me.
“Is this some kind of weird test?”
I let out an exasperated breath. “Humor me,” I deadpan.
“Well, Luna,” she emphasizes the dog’s name as if I’m going to make any kind of effort to remember it, “Was hurt near the forget-me-not bushes after you attacked her.”
“Attacked her? She—” I cut myself off with a shake of my head, and it’s only when I take that pause that realization sinks in. “You remember the attack?”
“Honestly, Braxton, how little do you think of my intelligence? Yes, I can remember what happened a few days ago.”
My mind spins, or is that the room spinning around me? “I have to go.” I turn abruptly, leaving the dining room and racing for my study. Once inside, I swiftly close and lock the door behind me.
I need quiet.
I need to think.
I need to find answers. The fact that her memory wasn’t wiped completely clean could mean so many things, and I need to find out if this is good or very, very bad.