Chapter Forty-Five
My attention flies over to the Jeep, the bulky presence parked in front of the garage doors.
He wasn’t lying when he mentioned the maintenance; the car looks no different from the first time he picked me up in it.
Under the sun, the black paint job still gleams with a luster that time hasn’t dared to touch.
Parker stops walking when we reach the driveway but keeps his hand tight around mine. The weight of his confession is preventing me from spiraling out of orbit, but the restless beat in my chest makes me dizzy nonetheless. He loves me. He’s loved me all this time.
“You know what I did when I went home last night?” he says, his words cutting through the haze in my head.
“I watched Chungking Express, hoping to find some revelation in your favorite movie that might tell me what to do. But when I got to the end, I was more irked than anything.” A frown pulls at the edges of his mouth. “Do you think they end up together?”
“Faye and Tony? I don’t know, it’s hard to tell.” My brows draw together as I try to connect the dots. “She was only stopping by on a layover. He’s holding the grand opening for the Express, but she can’t attend it. The boarding pass isn’t even real, it’s just a napkin.”
“That’s weird. Why did I assume it was a happy ending the first time I watched it? I guess I figured Tony would go after her, if he was in love.”
“Parker, where are you going with this?”
He looks down at my hand and gives it a tender squeeze.
“When I got back to San Francisco, it was like I hit a wall. I threw myself into work because that seemed to be the only way to get around it. And then I was here with you again, and I realized I don’t know how to go back to life without . . . this.”
I bite down on my lip as a tiny fear casts a shroud of uncertainty. It’s all so perfect, it almost seems impossible. “When you left New York, you didn’t mention anything about the future or what would happen to us. I assumed that meant you didn’t want anything more than casual.”
“I’ve steered clear of relationships for so long, I didn’t think I knew how to be a boyfriend to you,” he explains. “We had rules too, and it was confusing when I started wanting something real. I wasn’t sure if I was even allowed to want those things.”
A softness in his eyes reminds me of our conversation at the gorge, under the waterfall. No defenses, no masks, just his unguarded truth. It stirs in me a protective instinct, and I reach out to him, cupping his face in my palm.
“You want to be my boyfriend? You know what that entails, right?”
“I’m familiar with the concept.”
“It means cohabitating with three different air purifiers. Waiting in line with me at the next viral restaurant. Staying in to watch movies on a Friday night when I don’t feel like going out.”
“You mean, like everything we’ve done since New York?” he counters, and as always, his confidence is unshakable. “I was already your boyfriend before you knew it.”
“But how would we do this?” I ask almost reluctantly. “We live on opposite sides of the country.”
“About that.” A bold grin lifts the corners of his lips. I know that one. It tells me I should prepare myself for what comes next. “I asked Venture to transfer me to New York.”
The shock hits me like a wave, and I take a step back. “You can’t leave San Francisco for me.”
“Well, that’s too bad, because I sent them my request this morning.”
“Parker, you need to think this through—”
“This is what I want, Dani,” he says. “I don’t want casual, and I don’t want to wait months to see you for two, three weeks at a time. Those aren’t options anymore. At least, not for me.”
He sounds so assured, so unhesitating, that I want to put all my faith in him. Haven’t I waited my whole life for this? This is the first boy I wanted to kiss, ever since I learned what a kiss was. My eyes pool with tears once more. Parker reaches for my face but can’t wipe them away in time.
“I don’t know if you’re doing the right thing, but I know that I want to be with you. Ever since we were kids, it was all I ever wanted.” Taking a deep breath, I ready my heart. “I love you, Parker.”
It’s so easy to say. I’ve had it on the tip of my tongue for so long. Maybe it’s as simple as that. Maybe that’s all the reassurance I’ll ever need.
I watch the way his face changes. His eyes softening, the slight parting of his lips. Thoughts that I can’t read flying through his mind.
“We suck at casual.” He smiles at me, and it’s as crushingly charming as ever. How is it possible to love someone this much? My heart has never been so full. It’s like every second that I’m not kissing him is tragically wasted.
I pull him in and kiss him hard. God, it’s a wonder how I lasted three months without this. All at once, my doubts fade to a quieting solace. I can’t be worried about the future, or tomorrow, or even the next minute when I lose my mind to the stunning thrill of this kiss.
A muted protest is on my lips when he breaks away too soon, whispering into the space between us, “I should take you to the airport.”
I glance over his shoulder at the Jeep before returning to him with a defiant grin. “I’m not catching that flight. I already decided that when I stepped outside with you.”
Startled, he asks, “Are you sure?”
“My dad might kill me, but it’s fine. I can take a red-eye tomorrow and be back by Monday morning,” I say, giving his chest a reassuring pat before circling the car to the other side. “Shall we go for a ride?”
Without missing a beat, he opens the door for me, and this time I don’t struggle to climb in.
Even after seven long years, it’s just as I remember.
The very same aux cord hangs forlornly from the center console, and the all-black interior is as pristine as ever, all traces of strawberry milkshake diligently scrubbed away.
“This is so nostalgic,” I say in quiet awe as Parker climbs in beside me. “You know, the first time you picked me up in this car, I thought you were finally going to make a move on me.”
He winces at this, turning on the engine and fiddling with the controls just like when he was eighteen. “If I’d known I could’ve kissed you sooner, that night would’ve gone a lot differently.”
“Okay, humor me.” I buckle myself in. “What would’ve happened instead?”
“Well, you would’ve kissed me back because you were likewise obsessed with me.”
I laugh. “And then?”
He thinks about it. “And then I would’ve said, ‘I know you’re going to New York for school, and I’m staying in-state. But I don’t mind waiting. I’d wait forever for you.’ Turns out I’m pretty good at it.”
Somewhere off the side of a cliff, my heart beats wildly for this man. I don’t know how he keeps doing it, but I hope he never stops. “Not me. I don’t think I can wait any longer.”
“No, I can’t either,” he says, and Parker finally kisses me in the front seat of his Jeep.