25. Alexis
The next few weeks pass by quickly. Full of sex, I love you’s, and attempts at dates where the paparazzi don”t find us. We”re winning at about 60/40 with them at the moment.
Tonight, though, we’re going to a party.
After a string of shootings, two with police officers involved, I”m ready for some time when I can turn my brain off. The whole hospital has been on edge. Shootings are traumatic enough for staff to treat, but add in officer-involved shootings where it”s unclear if the violence was justified, and the hospital becomes a powder keg of differing opinions. Most of us know that police violence against people of color is disproportionate, but there”s always one or two staff who still staunchly believe the police are always justified. This can lead to horrible tension and, on some occasions, shouting matches in breakrooms or hallways. I even had to send two male nurses to opposite sides of the hospital this week because they were about to throw punches in the middle of the cafeteria.
So yeah, this week has been incredibly difficult.
The party tonight is black and white themed. When I asked Jason why the hell this sounded like a party out of high school or college, he shrugged and said, ”Mitch is kind of immature. He only throws themed parties, but his house in Malibu is amazing, and it”s almost always a blast. So, people put up with it. We”ll have fun, I promise.”
This will be my first official “Hollywood” party, so I’m a little nervous. But with the theme, I feel like I can pull something together with what I have in my closet and not feel out of place. Jason said, and I quote, “I’ll want to rip off anything you wear anyway, so buying anything new would be pointless.” Honestly, his caveman side is off the charts sometimes.
At least the media frenzy over us has died down. We actually have Jason”s ex to thank for that, sadly enough. She disappeared shortly after their very public breakup. She”d been caught in public more than once with other men, and when Jason confronted her, it dissolved into a shouting match on the sidewalk. A few days ago, it was leaked that she was currently at a recovery center for alcohol abuse. Jason and I had a long talk when the news broke. He felt so guilty for not seeing how much she was struggling and failing to help her. I only did a few rotations in psych during med school, so I couldn”t give him much insight beyond that it wasn”t his fault. Sure, he could have pushed harder when it was clear she was unhappy, but ultimately, people need to be ready to receive help for it to have a lasting effect. I can tell that didn”t completely assuage his guilt, though, and every once in a while, I”ve caught him staring off at something, and I know he”s running through their relationship, trying to pick apart every sign he missed.
I suggested he see a therapist, which made him defensive. We talked about my therapy journey and how much it has helped me cope with my job and the demands of being a medical professional frequently dealing with life and death situations. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but he came down from “absolutely not” to “I”ll think about it.” Which is all I can ask for, really.
But for now, I’m headed to my favorite brunch place to see my girls.
“DETAILS! I need details now.” Nique is holding my hand from across the table, staring daggers straight into my eyes. Even though I’ve seen all three of them often at work, I’ve shared very little. Mostly because I don’t love personal talk in the workplace, but also because I was still enjoying the honeymoon phase of our relationship.
”I know what kind of details you want, Kiki, but I will not be sharing those. I will say, though, that I am never unsatisfied.” I pause for dramatic effect, ”and neither is he!” I wink, causing all three to dissolve into hooting and exaggerated fainting. God, these girls are the best.
“Ok, ok, ok!” Allison throws her arms out, trying to regain control. “Kiki asked the wrong question. The real question is: have you both said the L-word yet? Because those photos from that charity auction and that date you guys had last week? Woowee, the L-word was practically pouring out of your eyes!” She smiles at me, hopefully bouncing in her seat. Of the three of my friends, she is the most romantic. You would think that after separating from her husband last year, she would be disillusioned by romantic love. But if you ask her, she”ll maintain that love is always possible if you”re willing to be open to it.
I bite my lip, trying not to smile too hard. I feel like all I do lately is smile when I think about Jason.
”Not that it is truly any of your business, but yes, we”re serious and saying ”I love you.”” We all sigh collectively.
”Oh, Lex, we”re so happy for you! When can we hang out with him again as a group? I feel like last time, it just dissolved into an interrogation. Now that you”re official, we should get to know him as friends.” Tristan nudges me with her shoulder just as the server reaches our table with our food.
We”re silent for the next few minutes, filling our faces with the best brunch in our neighborhood. Hell, maybe even in the city.
Once we”ve eaten at least half of our food, I follow up on Tristan”s request. ”He would love to have a group hang with you three, he keeps asking, actually. He leaves tomorrow for two weeks of filming on location before they wrap. He gets home the day before my parents descend, so we will both need a break from them at some point.” All three snicker; they know my mom well and know exactly how much she”ll drive me up the wall.
”But, enough about me. I want to hear what you three have been up to lately. I feel like we haven”t had enough time to talk recently, and when we do, it”s always about Jason and me.”
By the time we head out to go about our days, the serving staff is practically shoving us out.
***
A few hours later, Jason and I are in his car, headed to the party. He has one hand on the wheel, and the other holds my hand. I love that he just adopted my quiet time routine without question. I even think he likes it a bit.
Tonight, he”s dressed in dark wash jeans; they aren”t quite black, but they work, and a black dress shirt. I”m in a pair of white jeans and a silky cream tank. I have a black bralette on too that made Jason”s eyes nearly fall out of his head. His obsession with my boobs is almost comical at this point.
When we finally enter the party, and I have a chance to see the guests, I let go of the rest of my anxiety over my outfit. Jason was right, people are dressed nicely but on theme, and in nothing that screams, ”I paid a thousand dollars for these jeans.” When he sees me scanning the crowd, he pulls me in close and pops a kiss against my temple. ”See, babe? I told you; you”d be the hottest one here tonight.” I just roll my eyes. I don”t know about that, but I know that it”s true, at least in Jason”s eyes.
We meet Mitch and a litany of other guests. Jason was right; Mitch is immature, but in the class clown kind of way that makes him endearing. I don”t think I”ve seen him sit down once, moving through the crowd constantly, checking in, and catching up. Nearly two hours in, and I feel like I”ve met everyone I”ve ever wanted to meet in Hollywood. A few times, Jason has had to pinch me to snap me out of my awe. It would be embarrassing if anyone were anything but friendly and gracious about it.
I’m stuffing a mini crab cake into my mouth when I feel it. The familiar gush that every menstruating person knows. Blood completely drains from my face, and I nearly choke on the food I”m swallowing.
No, no, no, no, no!
My hand latches onto Jason”s forearm, tugging urgently. He looks down and then does a double-take once he sees my expression. ”Babe, what”s wrong? Is the crab no good?”
I shake my head vigorously, trying to school my features, so no one else notices my distress. ”Bathroom! I need the bathroom. Where is it?” I”m starting to stress sweat.
“It’s just down the hall there, first door on the right.” I’m off before he even finishes his sentence. Please, please, please let there be no one in there.
I nearly kiss the person who exits just as I reach the door, and once I”m in, I quickly lock it, kick out of my shoes and yank down my jeans. No wonder they felt a little tighter than expected when I wiggled into them earlier tonight.
The period gods must be feeling benevolent tonight because there”s only a tiny drop of blood on the crotch of my jeans; I bet you can”t even see it from the other side. My underwear, however? Absolute massacre in there.
The first day of my cycle is always a gusher, then it tapers off and is pretty chill for the next four. I track my period on my calendar, and it”s supposed to start in a few days. I guess the stress from work lately made Aunt Flo visit me a little early. And of course, it had to be at a Black and White themed party in which I chose to wear all white! Fuck me.
I whip off the underwear and toss them in the sink. I then take a huge length of toilet paper and fold it several times, making a makeshift pad and stuffing it between my legs. I then spend the next several minutes riffling through every drawer and cabinet, looking for anything I can use. When I can’t find any period products of any variety, I turn to my underwear, trying to rinse out all the blood. Maybe I can get them clean and dry enough for the trip home?
There”s a knock at the door that startles me, and I realize I”ve been in here a long time. ”Occupied!” Fuck, I don’t want anyone one to know! I’m a grown-ass adult, I shouldn’t be surprised by my own period anymore!
”Alexis, it”s Jason. You ok in there? Are you sick?” He sounds worried, and oddly, it calms me a bit. I”m reminded that I”m not here alone; there”s a man outside who loves me and will do anything to help me right now. I unlock the door, open it just enough for him to enter, and then lock it again.
When I turn, he’s staring at me in shock. I almost laugh.
“Uh, babe. Why aren’t you wearing pants or underwear? Better yet, why does it look like you murdered someone in the sink?”
Now I do laugh. Because from his perspective, this is pretty perplexing. He looks so cute when he”s confused.
“Well, Hollywood. This is what happens when your period makes a surprise appearance a few days early.”
”Oh shit, ok. What can I do to help?” I could kiss him right now. Of course, his first thought is to ask how he can help, not be grossed out. He”s so wonderful. Too wonderful, honestly, because now I”m crying.
His worry turns into alarm as he sees the tears slip out. ”Oh no! Honey, don”t cry. I”m right here to help; just tell me what you need.” He pulls me into his arms, rubbing his hands up and down my back, lips pressed to my temple.
I give myself a minute in his arms before I pull myself together and take a step back. ”Jason, I need you to find the kindest, chillest, least likely to gossip woman out there and ask if they have a tampon or pad. And then we are going to head home so I can wallow in ice cream.”
He”s nodding vigorously, heading for the door. Before he can open it, I add, ”And tell Mitch that he is a nearly forty-year-old man. The least he can do is provide a few period products in his guest bathroom for when he hosts parties.” Jason shoots me a thumbs up, then slips out the door, careful to keep anyone who might be in the hall from seeing me.
He returns only minutes later with a tampon, and I take care of business. Once I feel sufficiently put back together, we exit the bathroom and leave. Jason said he”d call Mitch tomorrow and let him know we had fun, but needed to leave. And pass along the period product advice.
I”m staring sullenly out the window as we drive home, so I don”t immediately notice that we”ve pulled off the freeway until the car stops. We”re at a convenience store. Before I can ask Jason why we”re here, he asks, ”What kind of ice cream do you want? I know most women like chocolate too, anything in particular you like? Or snacks? Are you low on your own period products? I think they might sell some here.”
Before I can stop myself, I burst into tears. Again. He doesn’t question my reaction, just takes my hand in his and rubs the back of it, waiting me out. Just when I didn’t think I could love him anymore, the feeling grows a little deeper.
It takes a minute, but I calm down enough to make my ice cream and candy request. “Oh, and bacon, if they have some that looks ok, grab some.” He doesn’t even question it, just adds it to the list he started on his phone before heading in.
Twenty minutes later, we are back at my apartment.
”Lex, why don”t you hop in the shower? I”ll grab you some clean underwear and PJs and get started on the bacon.” He gives my ass a light slap and sends me toward the bathroom while making a beeline for the kitchen himself.
I laugh when I step out of the steamy shower a while later. On the counter is my largest pair of grannie panties and my unicorn onesie. This man knows me.
After a snack of bacon and rocky road ice cream, we”re snuggled into bed, just holding each other.
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
”Go for it, Doc. You know you can ask me anything.”
“If you could do anything besides being an actor, what would you be?”