Chapter 5 Sabrina
It takes me way too long to tear my gaze away from Tyler. He holds eye contact with the tiniest hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth, and he practically glows from postpractice endorphins and the bright summer sunshine.
Single, huh?
I flush. Good information for the fans only. Because I have work to do.
So, I raise a hand in farewell and hurry across the field.
The air hangs heavy with Midwestern humidity, and everyone with any sense is either hiding in air-conditioned movie theaters or lying out by the pool, solidifying their tan before the first day of school, dipping into the chlorinated water whenever they start broiling.
But my to-do list is too long to fantasize about swimming pools and movie theaters: matching up football players with Spirit Committee members for locker decorating, getting updated rosters and class schedules from the front office for the buddy program, and running off posters for the pep rally.
I swipe open my phone as I walk, admiring the fruits of my Canva labors.
We’ve got every football player and their fun talent represented.
There’s Will, dark brown skin gleaming, hair freshly twisted, all QB pretty privilege in his perfectly-tailored dress shirt; Gabe, his light brown skin tanned a shade darker after summer, focused game face on; Kai, his undercut flopping dramatically over half his face, eyes sparkling with his unique mix of focus and humor.
There’s just one glaring absence.
I frown as I push through the double doors of the front entrance. We need to get Tyler’s face added to the team lineup ASAP. Hamilton Lakes is going to eat this guy up.
And that means my next stop is clear.
The headquarters of the Herald is tucked away in the back of the school. Its windows look out onto the football field, letting in the strong summer light, and a few fans run to mitigate the greenhouse effect. There’s only so much this ancient air-conditioning can handle.
Marissa’s the only one inside, frowning at her computer. I rap tentatively on the doorframe. “What’re you doing here?”
She doesn’t even look up, just keeps tapping furiously at her keyboard. “Well, if there’s going to be a first-week edition of the Herald, someone needs to review everyone’s articles. Standard editor-in-chief duties.”
“You got the spot?” I clap and hop up and down a few times. “Congrats!”
“Thanks.” Marissa even cracks a smile. “I’m holding a high bar this year. I’m getting into Medill if it’s the last thing I do. So…” She waves a hand impatiently through the air. “If you can ask your favor?”
“Oh.” I bounce forward and turn my phone toward her, displaying the notes from my interview with Tyler. “Can you get this added to the website?”
She heaves a long-suffering sigh. “Another one?”
I shrug. “Gotta keep the people updated.” I ignore the way my stomach flutters at the memory of Tyler and his muscled chest dripping with water, his wry smile when he said he didn’t have a girlfriend back home.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last few months, it’s that guys that hot might not be worth the flirtation.
Marissa takes a deep breath. “Sorry. Of course. I’m trying to be less judgmental this year, you know. A good journalist knows the meaning of nuance. I’ll get it added right away.”
I bend to give her a quick hug goodbye, but she’s already turning back to her computer, so it turns into an awkward half-crouch kinda thing—but with Marissa, I’ll take it.
Next on the list is scouting homecoming vendors, so I head for the parking lot. But in between praying my car doesn’t have any issues today and vaguely wondering if we should interview Tyler’s old team for some juicy background details, I’m not paying nearly enough attention to my surroundings.
I should know better.
“Hey! Sabrina! I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
I freeze. My momentary distraction has cost me.
I turn slowly, coming face-to-face with that crooked grin and long waves that have gotten bleached an even brighter blond by the summer sun. “Hey, Ryan.”
He leans against my car, much more at ease than someone who’s been left on read for days logically should. It’s almost admirable. “Hamilton Lakes missed you this summer. How was your trip?”
That grin almost, almost melts me. There’s something so uncomplicatedly charming about Ryan, with his summer tan and easy insistence that nothing in life can possibly matter more than enjoying yourself.
It almost makes me believe it myself. Hard not to, when you’re faced with his shrugging, hands-in-pockets, slouchy posture and constant smile.
I feel a pang of guilt at dodging him. “It was good. South Carolina’s pretty. But I’m, um, sorry I haven’t responded to you. It’s been super busy ever since I got back.”
And all I’ve heard from my dad since he dropped me at the airport was when he sent me a photo of Lisa kissing his cheek at the beach, which, to be honest, was the last thing I needed to see.
The thought strengthens my resolve—I can’t talk to Ryan about that stuff, so what’s the point in getting further entangled?
He shrugs. “I get it. But we should catch up sometime.”
I nod, opening my car door. Ready to flee this conversation. “Yeah, sure.”
But Ryan just slides closer, eyes widening pathetically. Oh no. Not puppy-dog-eyes Ryan. I’ve yet to meet anyone who could withstand that power.
Stay strong, Sabrina. I smile back politely, not relinquishing my grip on the door handle.
“You know,” he says softly, “we never had a chance to debrief the summer-kickoff party.”
Slowly, I drop my hand and turn to face him fully. “What’s there to debrief?”
Ryan looks surprised. “What do you mean? Didn’t we—I—”
“Don’t worry about it, Ryan.” I flutter my hand dismissively through the air.
The last thing I want to do is talk about that embarrassing party.
It’s not like there’s much to discuss other than a few too many drinks, one ill-advised moment, and then a whole lot of nothing.
“We can just move on. It’s been a busy summer for both of us. You don’t owe me anything.”
He blinks. “I… I mean, I don’t feel like I owe you anything. I just… I wanted to… well, I was kind of thinking it would be cool if we went to homecoming together?”
My mouth hangs open. I won’t lie, there’s a lot to like about Ryan—his charm, his humor. It was nice to have someone around who kept things so light and sunny last year when otherwise it would’ve been all too easy to get consumed by everything dark and stormy in my life.
But the whole point of light and sunny was no expectation of more! How did he get from that party to homecoming? I wince at the idea that I might have led him on.
And more importantly: How do I let him down easy? “I’m really not looking to start something senior year—”
He hastens to add, “It doesn’t have to be anything serious.”
For a moment, the only sound is the swooshing of car wheels on the road outside the parking lot. Ryan is as earnest a golden boy as ever, eyes shining and lips curled up in the slightest hopeful smile.
But even if he’s not looking for serious, I’m afraid of what a casual thing might do to me. I’m not about to get involved with a serial monogamist like Ryan—falling fast and easy, only to move on to someone new just as quickly.
I’ve had enough of people in my life who think they can just show up for a day or a party or a summer and then disappear on you again.
Ryan’s smiling cheekily, not a shadow of a doubt in his eye—not the kind of guy who sticks.
Hanging out last spring was fun, but did I really let him expect more than that?
Maybe, Kara’s dry voice says in my mind, because you can be a little bit of a people-pleaser, and you don’t always tell people the real, ugly truth.
I bat the thought away, a problem for a future therapist. Because that’s not the only thing Kara’s right about. I remember our conversation at the diner, and it gives me an idea.
If I can’t figure out how to tell Ryan to back off outright, maybe there’s another way I can get him to leave me alone.
I can’t run the risk of hurting his feelings and making things awkward between us—he’s friends with all my friends, and integral to Spirit Committee events, and the only thing worse than tension at home would be tension at school, too.
Ryan has the persistence of a puppy, and for whatever reason, he wants this to happen. Maybe I need to make it clearer that I’m unavailable.
“I’m actually already going with someone.” My gut twists at the lie—and the idea of disappointing him—but I keep my tone as casual as I can, opening the car door at the same time to toss my bag into the passenger seat.
“You are?” His voice rings with disbelief. “Who?”
“Oh, you probably don’t know him,” I say breezily. Because neither do I. Ryan frowns and opens his mouth to ask a follow-up question, so I rush to cut him off. “We can hang out at the dance, though! You could probably go with Olivia, right?”
Ryan clutches his heart as if wounded. Ha. Distracted, just as I planned. “That was just one date!”
“At least three, according to my sources.”
“Okay, well, that really depends on what you classify as a date—”
I can’t help laughing, though I roll my eyes so he knows I’m not interested in indulging this nonsense. “I gotta go, Ryan. Good to see you.”
He steps back to give me space to pull out of the parking spot, pouting. “I’ll be pining for as long as we’re parted.”
I wave and slide inside my car, counting my blessings that this is one of the days it chooses to start right away. I pull out of the parking lot, heave a sigh of relief, and point my clunker into the sunset to make my valiant escape.
A win: I have Ryan off my back.
And a loss: Unfortunately, now I might need to find someone to go to the dance with after all.