Chapter 20 Sabrina
Somehow, no one clocks how twitterpated I am when I emerge from the bathroom. No one comments on my swollen lips, on the hair that’s loose where it used to be up, on the tiny smile that keeps creeping onto my face. The one I only catch when my cheeks start to hurt and I lift my hand to check.
I’d surprised myself, following Tyler into the bathroom. But I hadn’t been able to resist after watching him from across the room.
Every time I caught his eyes on me, it sent an electric jolt all the way down my spine.
His shoulders looked even broader than usual when he was leaning forward on the couch to talk to someone, drink cupped in his hands, elbows braced on his knees.
The featherlight brush of his fingers on the small of my back made me wobble, all the more powerful for being secret.
When I turned to watch him leave the kitchen, unable to keep my attention on whoever I was talking to, he’d been looking back at me.
The look in his eyes should’ve been a warning. But, oh, I’m glad I didn’t heed it.
No one seems to notice I’m at an entirely different party than them.
Except my best friend, of course.
Kara’s eyes sharpen the moment I approach her and Harper on the couch. They flutter over my loose hair, narrow in suspicion. She helped me tie that ribbon earlier.
What happened? she mouths.
I shake my head subtly and mouth back, Later.
She frowns at me, surely about to protest, but luckily Harper’s standing to give me her spot. “I’m off,” she says with a yawn. “Past my bedtime.”
“Oh, come on!” Kara pouts. “Stay a little longer! It’s still so early!”
“No, thank you.” Harper’s unfazed, grabbing her jacket and bag from the floor without pause. “I know what kind of nonsense happens here when it gets late. This house has seen things.”
As if on cue, Ryan cheers from the kitchen, holding out fresh cups to the football players waiting at the island. It reminds me of the flirting we started here last fall. Biggest mistake of my life. If only I’d known the havoc that would unleash…
The butterflies in my stomach flutter at warp speed. I take a deep breath and remind myself: I’m managing the fallout. He’s getting his team to bake brownies, for heaven’s sake! We’re safely friends again, thanks to Tyler as a buffer.
My cheeks flush. I can still feel Tyler’s hands on my thighs.
Ryan’s with Haley now. Maybe… maybe we really can have that conversation “catching up.” Maybe it would be okay.
At some point. When I’m feeling brave enough.
“But there are upsides to nonsense.” Harper grins cheekily. “I gotta get to my FaceTime date with Dawson, so…” She shrugs. “Have fun, you guys.”
While Kara whistles and makes some joke about who exactly will be having the most fun, I glance at Tyler. He’s talking to Will, but his eyes are still fixed on me.
Nonsense is right.
I duck my head so my hair falls in my face, hiding the smile that chases away my every worry.
I listen to Kara get recommendations for her cross-country road trip from Gabe, who did a big college tour with his family this summer, and somehow manage to make all the expected noises of awe and excitement. I even ask a few questions.
I keep an eye on Naomi while she flirts with Jenna, and I’m there to take a photo of them for Naomi’s story.
I frame it perfectly, capture their best angles, and give my friend the chance to snuggle up to her crush unencumbered.
Afterward, we whisper on the couch about how it really does seem like Jenna’s healed and moved on, and is probably prime for asking to homecoming, and what are the cutest ways to do it?
I clean up cups and bring everyone more snacks and keep smiling, acting normal. Sabrina of the Spirit Committee, the girl who’s always looking out for everyone and never causing any trouble.
But I’m not present for a minute of it. I’m floating above my body, totally sober but absolutely wasted on Tyler’s kisses. Part of me is still in that bathroom, smelling lavender soap and feeling the cold press of the sink against the backs of my knees.
Only Kara’s elbow in my side nudges me back to consciousness, long after midnight. “I think Naomi needs to go home,” she murmurs.
When I turn to look, sure enough, Naomi has somehow fallen fast asleep against Priya’s shoulder even amidst the chaos of the party.
Priya has gone very, very still—she meets our eyes with a shrug, stroking Naomi’s hair gently.
“She’s lost to the world,” she murmurs, using her free hand to adjust the sweater draped around Naomi’s shoulders.
Black and oversized, so it’s definitely not Naomi’s—Priya must have blanketed her in it whenever she went down.
If we don’t get her home to her own bed, she will definitely be passed out here for the foreseeable future.
I stand, relieved that I don’t have to pretend to be normal anymore. “Designated driver, reporting for duty.”
We circulate briefly to say our goodbyes, but that turns into a lot more recaps of the game and hugs of congratulations while Naomi sways in tipsy exhaustion. We finally make it to the front door when Ryan intercepts us with full puppy-dog eyes.
They don’t affect me at all anymore. I give him a brief, friendly hug before opening the door.
“You can always stay the night, you know,” he says, leaning against the doorframe with a charming smile. “You remember—”
“All the spare bedrooms? Oh, I remember.” I roll my eyes and duck under his arm.
But giving Ryan a hug makes it easier to give Tyler one too. He steps out behind me, Ryan waving us along from the door, and wraps his arms around me.
I let this one extend much longer. The eucalyptus smell of him makes me dizzy—maybe because I know what it’s like surrounding me, clinging to my hair.
He subtly brushes his nose against my ear, and it sends a shiver down my spine.
All I can think about is his hands licking flames along my waist, his tongue stroking inside my mouth, the press of muscle against me—
I’m flushing by the time I make myself pull away. “Good night,” I say, unable to tear my gaze from his chocolate eyes.
He doesn’t look away either. “Drive safe. You have the jumper cables, Kara?” he calls.
I hold up both middle fingers as I step backward down the walk, but I can’t stop grinning.
“Shotgun!” Naomi calls as she half slides, half collapses into the passenger seat and immediately puts Chappell Roan on the aux.
I can’t resist smirking at her as everyone fastens their seat belts. “Five minutes ago you were dead to the world, and now you’re ready to party again?”
She shrugs. “The night can contain multitudes.”
I laugh. “Any luck with Jenna, by the way?”
Naomi pouts and shakes her head. “No. We danced a little, but she danced with a lot of people. I don’t know. I’m starting to wonder if she even knows who I am. I don’t seem to mean anything special to her.”
The way Naomi slumps in her seat goes far beyond normal dismay or tipsy moodiness.
She seems genuinely deflated in a way our princess rarely is, and it makes my whole heart hurt.
I don’t know what to say—I want to scream it’s dumb to waste her time on someone who doesn’t think she’s special, but every sentence I form sounds too harsh, and the last thing I want to do is make her defensive.
Priya just reaches forward to pat her shoulder. “Her loss, if so. No one with eyes could miss how special you are.”
Naomi softens immediately, smiling a watery smile at Priya. Of course she found the right thing to say—she knows Naomi inside and out. I try to catch her gaze gratefully in the rearview, but Priya’s still keeping a watchful eye on her best friend.
But then Naomi turns up the radio, and the heavy moment has passed, and finally we can pull away from the curb.
I count my blessings that Naomi’s in her own world thinking about Jenna tonight, and Priya’s focused on making sure she’s okay, and Kara’s stuck in the back seat, where she won’t be able to interrogate me nearly as easily—
“I knew it!”
I turn to see her holding up Tyler’s folded letter jacket.
So much for not being interrogated.
I flinch away from the evidence and pull out smoothly onto the street. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I keep “forgetting” to give it back. This is why you don’t get sentimental, Sabrina. You fool.
“Uh-huh.” Kara catches my eye in the rearview, not having it for a moment. It doesn’t matter how much she’s had to drink tonight—when it comes to sniffing out my secrets, she’s a stone-cold sober bloodhound. “The problem with letter jackets, Sabrina, is that their owner is very, very obvious.”
Shit. As much as my heart is still racing from that kiss, the thought of exposing Tyler to everyone’s judgment makes me nauseous. If this gets back to Ryan, things could get so, so awkward. I swallow hard. “We’re just friends. He gave it to me after the car wash debacle—”
“Because he’s a gentleman,” Naomi says with a swoon-sigh, tuning back into the conversation now that there’s gossip and romance to be found.
“—and I keep forgetting to give it back.” I shrug. “That’s it.”
Kara gives me a death stare. “Really, Sabrina? You wouldn’t be lying to your best friends in the world about your new crush, would you?”
Naomi goes the opposite route and makes puppy-dog eyes. “You wouldn’t deny us the joy of our bestie falling in loove!”
Even typically grounded Priya raises an eyebrow. “Friends can easily slide into something more, you know.”
I flush. Love is a strong word. But I can’t ignore the way my stomach flutters at the reminders of Tyler’s hands and lips, of his patient interest in my TV shows, of the way he waits for me after practice and jumps my car and listens to everything messy I have packed away without the slightest hint of judgment.
My friends would be happy for me. I want to be happy for me.
“Okay, okay!” I throw my hands in the air when we hit the downtown red light. “ ‘Love’ is a little much, but… maaaaybe we’ve been getting closer.”
“Ha! I knew it!” Kara smacks the headrest of my seat, and I wince. “And by ‘closer’ you mean…”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep my smile from spreading across my face. The anticipatory silence in the car stretches and stretches—
“Maaaaaybe it means we made out in the bathroom at the party?”
The car erupts in cheers and squeals, and the light turns green, and Naomi spins the radio dial up to blast Taylor Swift next, and I floor it through the intersection. I let myself smile as wide as I want.
This is what I wanted from my senior year. Scream-singing on dark roads, cherishing moments that will only come once, sharing one another’s joy.
It’s only when the song ends and we’re gasping for breath that Kara meets my eyes in the rearview mirror once more. There’s a tiny furrow between her brows.
“I don’t want to yuck your yum, but—”
“I asked him about the rumors,” I interrupt. My tone is fiercer than I expected. I’m ready to defend him to the death. “He said they weren’t true. That he never got kicked out of school. Sounds like just some drama with his team?”
“Okay.” Kara nods, though her expression is still serious.
She reaches into the front seat to play with my hair, starting to braid a strand of it.
The way she does when we’re sharing secrets at a sleepover, when we’re making up after a fight, when we’re talking about everything and nothing without censoring a single thought.
Though if I’m honest, there’s been a lot of censoring this year. About how much I’m running from at home. How much I’m struggling this year, deep down. How much of an escape Tyler is.
“I’m glad,” she says. “I want you to be happy. Just… be careful, okay?”
I hum affirmatively, but I’m not sure I want to be careful. Right now, I just want to cling to the feeling of Tyler’s lips against mine, his shoulders under my roving hands, laughing about it with my best friends—the only kind of night I want to have this year.