Chapter 29 Tyler
The occasional car swooshing past, headlights sweeping over us, is no distraction at all from the conversation happening just a few yards down the road. I cross my arms over my chest, shivering underneath my hoodie.
If only I had a letter jacket to layer over it.
The thought makes me glance at Ryan and Sabrina again.
Just checking on them. I’ve kept my back turned for most of their conversation to give them privacy, but I’m poised to intervene if things get weird or she starts looking uncomfortable in any way.
I watch as she crosses and uncrosses her arms, tilts her head up to look at him defiantly, takes a step forward and raises her voice to a level where I can almost make out her words.
And then Ryan… sinks to his knees? What, is he getting revenge by proposing?
That’s the moment I’m most tempted to step forward, fists clenching and unclenching at my side, eyes flicking over their posture vigilantly—
And then they laugh, and Ryan stands up, and something in Sabrina’s posture relaxes. Something I hadn’t even realized she’d been holding on to as long as I’ve known her.
That lets me relax too. When they drift back toward me, conversation concluded, Ryan gives me a little nod.
Good. I’m glad they made amends. Even if I don’t know where Sabrina and I stand anymore, I didn’t want to mess something up between them. Didn’t want to break something else in Hamilton Lakes.
The three of us stand in the quiet for a minute. I wonder if they’re thinking about things broken and mended, too.
I turn to Sabrina, and her eyes immediately flick over to me.
As if she’s been monitoring my posture and presence just as carefully as I’ve been monitoring hers.
She’s swallowed up by my jacket, and I’m not cold at all anymore when I see her swaddled in it.
I open my mouth, trying to find the right words to say I’m sorry—whatever words Ryan found to make her laugh again—but then a new set of headlights pins us, and Ryan sends up a celebratory cheer.
The tow truck is here.
Saved.
I shove down my disappointment and frustration and step forward to help. While Sabrina talks to one of the drivers about the problems with her car (“I know, I know, but it’s lasted this long!”), I supervise the one hooking it up to the tow.
In no time at all, they’re pulling off down the road, Sabrina’s car disappearing into the fog. It feels almost anticlimactic, after so many weeks of performing rituals to make sure it starts and jumping the engine in the worst possible circumstances.
Sabrina waves sadly beside me. “Goodbye, cursed clunker. I hope we meet again soon.”
We stand there in respectful silence for a moment until Ryan clears his throat and jerks a thumb over his shoulder. “So… anyone else wanna get home?”
I’m even more grateful than usual for Ryan’s endless patter as we pile into his car. I give Sabrina the passenger seat and slide into the back while he starts talking about the homecoming game, and the English essay he has to write, and for some reason the life span of blue whales.
I make a few affirming noises whenever it seems called for, but I’m preoccupied by staring at the back of Sabrina’s head.
It’s torture to be riding in a car where I can’t touch her.
The last time we were driving together, my hand was encircling her thigh, my fingers were in her hair, my lips were pressed to the curve of her neck—
She’s not even wearing a ribbon tonight. Just a utilitarian hairband in her ponytail. Even her hair looks limp and dejected instead of optimistic and bouncy.
My stomach flutters at the signs that not all is well with the usually unbothered queen of Hamilton Lakes.
The thought of Sabrina believing the rumors she heard stings, but… I never really gave her the chance to believe anything different. I should’ve told her the whole story when she asked for it instead of portioning out half-truths, afraid she’d judge me if she knew everything.
I wish I’d trusted her more than that. I wish I’d believed she could be different from everyone back home.
I stare at the nape of her neck that I’m not allowed to touch, the ponytail I’m not allowed to release—and all I can think is that I messed up.
Ryan clears his throat in the driver’s seat, and I crash back into the present moment. “So, um. I know I have the gift of gab and everything, but there’s only so long a guy can hold up a one-sided conversation. This is… awkward, right?”
I almost laugh from the sheer audacity of it. “What made you think that, Ryan?”
He shrugs, oblivious. “Sabrina and I talked! There’s no reason for it to be awkward anymore!
We’re cool! She taught me the error of my ways!
” He pauses, and his eyes find mine in the rearview mirror, widening.
“Unless… hang on a sec. Are you two fighting? Three days ago you had your hands all over each other in my foyer—which I’ll never forget, by the way, you owe me laundry duty for a few weeks, bro—and honestly, if I hadn’t walked in when I did, I’m afraid there would’ve been a lot more than hands involved, if you know what I mea—”
“Stop!” I hurry to cut him off before he can go any further with that image. The back of Sabrina’s neck is turning red, but the pure panic in my voice startles a laugh out of her. The first one I’ve heard in days.
It emboldens me. “I’m working the closing shift at the Lakeside most days this week,” I say. I can’t help thinking about the last closing shift she visited. How much I want to rewind and have that conversation again. “In case you ever want to come and talk.”
Sabrina bites her lip. She looks torn, based on the sliver of her expression I can see, and the thought pierces me straight through the heart.
“I’d like that. I’m just not sure when I’ll have the time this week, between getting this car fixed and salvaging homecoming.
” She spits out the last word with bitterness.
I frown. “Homecoming? What happened?”
“We didn’t meet our fundraising goal.” She lets out a shuddery breath, shaking her head.
Oh shit. Fundraising for that thing has been her whole reason for living this fall.
Maybe her red-rimmed eyes aren’t just from thinking about us. A fierce protectiveness sweeps through me. All I want to do is make it better for her—but I don’t get that privilege anymore.
Before I can say anything, she meets my eyes in the rearview, and I’m struck entirely dumb. “But I’ll try to stop by.”
I only realize we’ve reached her house when Ryan slows to a stop.
Sabrina tears her eyes from mine and slides out the front door.
For a minute, I think she might run up the sidewalk without even saying goodbye—but then she turns and looks right at me, gaze unwavering. Hint of a smile. “Thanks for the ride.”
And then she whirls, ponytail a banner behind her, and disappears inside.
The pit of yearning in my chest is absolutely disgusting. Suddenly nothing sounds better than plating burgers and mopping floors at the Lakeside.
“Thank you, Ryan,” Ryan mutters as he pulls away. I think it’s supposed to be an imitation of Sabrina, though it sounds more like Mickey Mouse. “Thank you for the good talk, and for driving! But most of all, thank you for delivering me a chance to talk to the love of my life, Tyler Hollo—”
I scramble into the front seat—partly so I don’t feel like he’s my chauffeur, and partly to smack him.
All that relief about coming clean to Ryan seeps away as the reality of his sure-to-be-eternal teasing sinks in.
“All right, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
But I do owe you a thank-you. I’m glad you and Sabrina figured things out. ”
Ryan nods. “Me too. It was definitely shitty, the way you two didn’t fill me in.
But I called Dawson, and he talked some sense into me.
Same way I did for him once upon a time.
” There’s a glimmer of a smile on his face.
“He helped me see things from your perspective too. And I didn’t want to lose another friend, you know?
It’s been kinda lonely here this fall. Dawson’s in Chicago, and Alex has Max, and… ” He shrugs.
I frown, studying his profile as we drive underneath stripes of light and shadow cast by the streetlights.
I never would’ve considered Ryan lonely, but if this is how he’s been feeling, maybe he fooled me.
He sure has a lot of acquaintances in Hamilton Lakes—enough to fill his house for every party—but between his busy parents, and his brother at college…
maybe having me around meant more to him than I knew. More than just kindness.
“I’m sorry I kept blowing you off.” I look ahead, at the dark street unspooling before us.
“That wasn’t cool. Let’s plan something this weekend—just the two of us.
Because you’re not losing my friendship unless you want to.
” My throat feels a little thick, and I swallow.
Point a threatening finger at Ryan. “Not unless you move in on my girl.”
“Who, me?” He grins and pulls out onto Main Street again, and I slug him in the shoulder, and just like that, things are back to normal. But then his face clouds over. “Hey, did you know the homecoming news? That seriously sucks.”
I shake my head. “This is the first I’m hearing of it.
” Guilt curdles in my stomach again. If I hadn’t fought with Sabrina, I could have been there when she found out.
“You’re going with Haley, right?” I vaguely remember something about a flash mob, but I’ve been too consumed by my own shit this fall to pay attention to Ryan’s life.
Though to be fair, Ryan’s life is a lot to keep up with, especially when it comes to his flirtationships.
“Yeah,” he says, his frown deepening. He looks like he’s reflecting very hard about something, which is not typical Ryan behavior.
That Sabrina conversation must have affected him more than I know.
“If the problem is just where to hold the dance, it feels like we should be able to solve that, right? Why can’t we have it in the new hockey facility? It’s barely a year old!”
I bite my lip to suppress my smile. “Well, we can’t exactly have a dance on an ice rink. Would need to give everyone skates.”
But as we drive through the quiet streets of Hamilton Lakes, his comment gives me an idea…