Rhys
ONCE HE’D ADJUSTED his seat and we were back on the road, I tried not to think about how long it had been since I’d actually fucked someone, and how badly I wanted to.
Imagining Kendall’s warm, tight body under me was definitely not going to make the drive back to his apartment any easier.
As I tried to focus on the music he had playing, which I didn’t even recognize, my phone rang.
“It’s my mom,” I said, resisting the urge to groan as I stared down at her contact name on my screen.
“Are you going to answer it?” He asked.
“Yeah.”
At least talking to her would deflate my throbbing boner. And if I didn’t pick up and she somehow found out from Benjamin that I was with Kendall… I was probably being paranoid, but I didn’t want any speculation.
When I answered it, she laughingly remarked on how she’d thought I’d been in my room the whole time and hadn’t even noticed me leave, which I tried not to cringe in guilt about.
I’d been so hyper focused on my nerves and excitement about seeing Kendall that I’d forgotten to even tell her bye. At least she didn’t sound offended.
“Where’d you go, anyway?” She asked. “Your dad’s car is still in the driveway.”
“Ah, Kendall picked me up,” I said. “We’re shopping for baby shower presents.”
“How exciting!” She responded, with just the amount of infectious enthusiasm I’d expected. “Is Kendall with you? Put it on speaker so I can talk to him.”
“Alright,” I responded, once I’d obediently hit the speaker button.
“Hi, sweetie!” She greeted him affectionately, like always.
“Hi, Mom,” he answered. The sparkles in his eyes and the pretty curve of his mouth at hearing my mom’s voice put an odd little flutter in my stomach. He really, truly loved my parents. He loved my brother. He was basically a member of my family.
Shit.
This could get so messy if things ended up weird between us.
What was our end goal? What would happen when things fizzled out?
He was totally smitten, even at the lowest point in my life with basically no self esteem I could see that.
He’d been obsessed with me since we were kids.
But now that I’d actually let him get close and I wasn’t some mysterious, unattainable symbol for him to dream about…
Eventually he’d get bored and move on, wouldn’t he?
Would I eventually get bored and move on? I didn’t know how I’d feel in a week, let alone any substantial length of time. But with the way he’d been plaguing my mind since I’d come back, it didn’t feel likely.
Would having sex with him change that for me? What if I didn’t like it? It felt crazy to wonder about that, since the two times we’d messed around had already been some of the hottest action I’d ever gotten in my life. And one of those times had only lasted approximately 30 seconds.
I liked his cute face. I liked his slim, sexy little body. I loved the pretty, needy moans he’d let out when I’d had him pressed up against the wall with my mouth on his neck. It wasn’t really a feasible concern that I’d suddenly decide I wasn’t into it, even though he was a guy.
What did that say about me? Was I problematic or something?
Was I making him a sexual object in my mind?
If I was, I wasn’t trying to. But at the same time, it felt kind of wrong to be so into him and not even consider that I might be…
Not straight. Was I bisexual? Or maybe one of those other something-sexuals I’d never paid attention to because I’d never thought I would need to know?
Dolly’s sheet of various colorful flag stickers at the parade flashed into my mind, and my stomach clenched with stress. Christ. I wasn’t ready to think about all that.
Switching my focus to the conversation happening between Kendall and my mom through my phone, I waited for them to finish up.
He talked about some of the cute things we’d picked out, and how the dresser would be delivered before the baby shower, which was taking place at our house.
She gushed about how cute everything sounded and how adorable it was that we’d coordinated on the gifts and how much Josie would love everything.
“Rhys, honey,” my mom said, shifting her attention to me. “When you get home would you mind helping me? I have that big ol’ glass bowl in a box up in the top of the linen closet, and I need it for the picnic.”
Right. The big, annual Cherryvale summer picnic thing was only two days away.
Nearly everyone in town would be in attendance, and there’d be games and contests.
Lots of stuff for the kids. I didn’t have much interest, but I hadn’t bothered trying to get out of it.
I knew my mom would insist on me going out and being social.
“Yeah, I’ll grab it for you,” I responded easily. I’d fortunately gotten my height from my dad, so reaching the top of a linen closet wasn’t exactly a hardship for me.
“Oh, perfect,” she said, sounding happy, as she tended to be. I hadn’t inherited that aspect from her, either. “You’ll be home soon, won’t you? Since you’re all done shopping?”
“Ah…” I glanced over at Kendall and met his eyes for a brief moment before he flicked his gaze back to the road in front of us. I couldn’t read his expression.
No, Mom. I won’t be home soon. I know you haven’t been privy to this information until now, but I need to fuck really, really bad. And I’m in this weird phase of my life where I can’t even bring myself to imagine fucking anyone but Kendall.
You remember Kendall. The guy you take with you to see the Nutcracker ballet every December because no one else wants to see it every single year like you do. The guy that Dad taught how to drive at the same time as he taught Benjamin because his parents didn’t care enough to. Yeah, that Kendall.
“Rhys?” She asked, probably because I was taking way too long to answer. “Did I lose you?”
“No. Uh, yeah. I’ll be home soon.” Fuck. Fuck. Damn it.
“Okay! See you soon, honey. Bye, Kendall!”
“Bye, Mom.”
I listened to the little blip noise signaling a finished call before dropping my phone into my lap and dragging my palms over my face with a frustrated groan.
“Sorry. I didn’t know what to say.”
“It’s okay,” he said. Even without looking at him, I could tell he was trying not to laugh.
So he was taking this whole cockblocked thing more gracefully than I was.
Not too surprising. He was the kind of person to take disappointments gracefully.
Not like me. “You could have just said we’d be home in an hour. She wasn’t exactly grilling you.”
I didn’t want to be home in an hour. I didn’t want to rush through everything, blow my load, pull up my pants and pile back into the car to go home so we didn’t look suspicious.
I wanted to take my time, and let him talk me through it.
I wanted to fuck him, and then after we’d caught our breath and wallowed in each other long enough to recharge, fuck him again.
I wanted the serenity I’d briefly felt in his silly pink palace of an apartment when I’d stayed over before.
But this time I didn’t want to sneak out like a guilty kid who’d missed curfew.
I wanted to bask in it. I wanted to see his bedroom, roll around in his sheets, and talk about the things that had happened in the decade we hadn’t known each other for.
I wanted intimacy with him.
Fuck. That was even worse. So much worse. Immeasurably worse. What the fuck kind of flag was I supposed to use for that?
“… Yeah,” I agreed. I didn’t want him knowing any of that yet. I needed to understand how I felt about it before I could even think about opening up to that degree. “I could have just said that. I kind of panicked. Sorry.”
“Rhys.” Why did my name always sound so cute and endearing coming out of his mouth? “It’s really okay. You don’t have to apologize. It’s just bad timing.”
“Yeah, so I’m kind of cursed, if you haven’t noticed. Unfortunately you’re just going to kind of be along for the ride while you’re hanging out with me, so get used to it.”
He shook his head a little, but I could see the corner of his mouth was perked up a little.
“You’re not cursed.”
“No, I am. Really. I’ve been cursed since I left for college.”
I didn’t need to say it out loud. I’d fucked up my knee and ruined the career I’d worked so hard for and dreamed about since I was a kid.
I’d gotten married and sucked at that, too.
I hadn’t even been able to keep a corporate middle management job, something that some of the biggest morons on the planet could do.
He didn’t say anything for a while, leaving me in the quiet with only his soft music and the ambient sounds of the road. Dark tendrils of stress crept down from my brain to poke and sting at my body until he spoke again.
“I don’t think you’re cursed, Rhys. But even if you were, it would be worth it. We can just… Be cursed together. It’s fine.”
I snorted at the sweet and casual tone and they way it juxtaposed with the words and sentiment, but his statement had those prickly little needles lifting away.
Pulling the tightness from my chest so I could breathe again.
And suddenly the need to be pressed up against him again, skin to skin, mouth to mouth, was an urgent, nearly painful ache.
“Turn left here, Sparkles,” I directed him, as we pulled up to a stop sign near the neighborhood my parents lived in. He gave me a curious look before doing as I said, even though he was clearly aware that left wouldn’t lead to my house or his apartment.
“Go right,” I told him at the next turn, when he did.
We ended up on an empty, quiet back road lined with woods on either side.
“Slow down a little,” I said, squinting a bit as I scrutinized the area.
It had to be around here somewhere… “There,” I said, as I finally located the tiny, nondescript dirt path that looked like it led to nowhere. “Turn in there.”
“This isn’t somebody’s driveway, is it?” He wondered, but still carefully maneuvered the car onto it.