Rhys #4
I racked my brain for a highlight reel of every guy I’d ever met in my entire life.
The boring, nondescript guys I’d worked with at my last job.
The fit, competitive guys I’d played sports with in college.
The rowdy, fun-loving guys who I’d been hanging out with lately at the sports bar in town.
None of them held any kind of interest for me in that way.
But then I remembered the interior decorator Hailey had hired when we’d first bought our house.
Her dad had paid for the guy as a kind of housewarming present.
I could barely remember his name. Marky?
Manny? He was around a lot back then, discussing all kinds of things with her that I couldn’t have cared less about.
Furniture style, rugs, paint swatches, the art that should be on the walls.
He’d been young and short, with a slim body and a cute face, usually in tight clothes that showed off his lean form.
He’d been a total fucking snob, so I’d avoided him anytime he’d come over.
But if I thought about him objectively, separating the pretentious personality from his appearance…
I could admit he was kind of hot. Had I thought that back then?
I couldn’t remember. If I had, then… I’d definitely just repressed and ignored it.
Then I thought about the barista at the coffee shop next to the gym I’d used before moving back to Cherryvale.
He’d been pretty and even kind of androgynous with smudgey eyeliner and lip gloss most days.
He’d always remembered my order, espresso over ice in a large cup that I could pour my own protein shake into, and he’d hit on me pretty shamelessly most mornings.
I remembered feeling flattered, but… I’d been married.
If I hadn’t been, would I have considered it?
Thinking back on it now, he was definitely hot. I couldn’t deny it.
Seeming to immediately sense the shift in my mood, Kendall wriggled a bit in my arms, tilting his head back to kiss me.
“You okay?” He wondered.
“Um, yeah,” I answered quickly. “I’m fine. Just thinking.”
“About what?”
“Uh…” Nerves bloomed in my stomach, but the realization was swelling and swelling inside me, and I instantly knew it couldn’t be contained. “I think… I think I like guys. Guys that are, you know. Cute. Like you. You know, twinks or whatever.”
There was a long, silent pause where I had to bite down into the tip of my tongue to keep from babbling more, until Kendall turned around to stare into my face with an incredulous, but highly amused expression.
“That’s really good to know, Rhys. I’m so relieved.” The obvious sarcasm in his voice had a flush washing over me.
“I mean, obviously I like you, but other guys too! I’m saying there’s other guys in the world that I would, you know, mess around with.
” When he raised an eyebrow, I cleared my throat and went on.
“N-not that I would, you know, because I have you, but…” Oh shit, was that too weird to say to him?
We’d never had a conversation about being exclusive or anything.
“I was kind of worried that maybe I was, uh… I don’t know, fetishizing you or something. ”
“Fetishizing me?” He repeated flatly, blinking. “Have you been doomscrolling on Twitter, Rhys? You know the stuff people make a big deal about on there isn’t, like, real.”
“No!” I denied, shaking my head, knowing I sounded like a complete moron. “Never mind. Forget that. I just mean… I’m… I’m bi. Bisexual. I like guys. And I just… thought you should know that. Or something.”
“Rhys.” My name came out gently as he turned around to face me and I waited for him to make fun of me. To remind me that I’d literally come in my pants the first time I’d sucked his dick, or some other embarrassing anecdote revolving around how attracted to him I was. “How do you feel?”
His question surprised me, and my brows drew together. “I feel… good, I think. I think it took me a while to understand what was happening in my brain, and maybe that makes me an idiot, but…”
“It doesn’t make you an idiot,” he promised, brushing a lock of my hair off my forehead. “You’re just figuring stuff out. I’m glad you’ve been able to do that since coming back here.”
The understanding in his voice, the way he always was with me, with no judgment ever and the harrowing way I could imagine how horrible this realization about myself could have been without him struck me so intensely that I grabbed him again, yanking him against me and burying my face in his neck.
“This could have been really scary for me if you weren’t here,” I muttered, breathing him in and squeezing him as hard as I could without hurting him.
The need to have him as close to me as humanly possible, like I wanted us to start fusing together, was totally foreign to me, but I didn’t know how to ignore it.
He stroked his fingers over the top of my head before pressing his lips to the crown of my hair. “You don’t have to worry about me not being here, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”
“Yeah,” I said, ignoring the way my voice had gone a bit rough with the emotions washing over me.
I’d always hated this, hated feeling so much when I was with someone else.
It was a prickly, uncomfortable feeling.
I never knew what they would think, how they would react.
But with Kendall, all I wanted was for him to be with me.
“I’m not going anywhere either, Sparkles. ”
I didn’t know if it was a good thing, this overwhelming connection to him while I’d only just gotten untangled from my last relationship. I was still technically married. But for once in my life, I was just going to embrace it and let myself feel it.
If there was anything or anyone in the world I could be sure wouldn’t hurt me, it was him.