Chapter 50
I’ve always had dreams.Big fat ones that were so out of this world they were almost laughable. I loved that I was a dreamer, and so did my parents. They encouraged me to chase them every chance they could get. From the mud cakes I used to try and sell to the kids on the playground for fifty cents when I was six, the lemonade stands that I would spend weeks crafting a menu for at age eight, all the way to the seedling of an idea to open a body-inclusive pole studio in a close-minded town shortly after I turned twenty-three. It was only one of the many I wished to have one day, but I’ve never stopped dreaming of creating a franchise of my own built on something I feel so strongly about.
Hard work has never intimidated me. It has quite the opposite effect. It entices me, beckons me close with a curl of its finger.
My dreams have shifted over the last couple of years, though. They haven’t changed as much as they have simply grown, twisted into a craving for more. I still want more success, yes, but also more love. A relationship like the one I watched Anna and Brody find and nurture and a marriage like my parents have kept for two decades now.
I was lying to myself with Garrison. It was never going to be just sex. Not from the moment we met and he tested me in a way that spoke to the part of me that loves testing the limits. I wanted to work for his affection, and in the end, I hadn’t had to at all. Everything fell into place the way it was always supposed to.
My thoughts are a mess of knots that have become so tangled I can’t find which one to undo first. That’s why I’m here, brushing through Kip’s mane and coat after running from my house to the ranch. The sun has only just begun to rise, but it hadn’t stopped me. I needed to run. To feel the burn in my lungs and the strain in my muscles as my mind cleared. It’s been too long since I’ve slipped on my running shoes. I’ve missed it.
The rush I feel while running is the same I feel on a pole. It’s just me, the gulp of air into my lungs, and my will to keep going. I don’t do it to lose weight. I do it because I love it. There are far too many stereotypes out there about plus-size women and exercise. I hate every single one of them. There doesn’t have to be some number on the scale that we’re working toward every time we hit the gym or sign up for a workout class. You should be able to exercise for any reason out there and receive no judgment. Myself and every woman who attends a Beautifully Bold class is a prime example of that.
I love myself, my beautiful body included. It’s the only one I’ve got, and I’m proud of it every day.
I smile to myself, continuing to stroke the soft brush down Kip’s side. He’s the strongest horse on the ranch, with thick muscles and a height that has him towering over me. His presence soothes me the way I knew it would. It’s not hard to recognize why he and Garrison connected the way they did.
They’re both big beasts with the softest of hearts that they only show to a select few.
“Do you miss him as much as I do?” I ask him, petting his neck while brushing him.
I’m in his pen today so I can brush all of him, and the tidiness of the stall shows how well taken care of he is. How well all the horses on Steele Ranch are taken care of. The love and care they get here is unlike anything else.
Kip shifts closer to me as I move further up his body with the brush. He was far from dirty when I got here, but I wanted the connection with him today. I needed it. Similar to Honey, he loves a good brushing regardless of if he’s dirty or not.
“If you could suddenly learn how to talk, I’d appreciate it,” I tell him, running my palm down his silky black mane.
He doesn’t need to talk to answer me, though. I’ve heard all about how much he misses Garrison. Between him, Honey, and Sky, he’s never been the sassy one. But by the third day after Garrison left, he’d been the one giving attitude. Wade had to leave him in his pen the other day because he wouldn’t stop neighing and attempting to bring them to the fence line despite Wade’s orders.
I know he was trying to look for Garrison.
Glancing at the trough behind me, I find it mostly full still despite not being topped up since last night. My heart pangs.
“You have to eat. Starving yourself isn’t going to bring him back.”
Kip snorts, and I fight a smile and lose.
“I know. But if I have to eat, so do you.”
The stubborn thing can read the tone of my voice too damn well and turns his head to look at Honey in the stall over, giving me the silent treatment.
“Don’t you be sassy with me. Honey might not find it attractive, and then you’ll be single, just like me. Is that what you want?”
His ears twitch, and then he’s turning to look at me again. He moves around me in a circle, and I shuffle with him as he settles on my other side now, staring toward the stable door. I left it open just enough that the sun could leak through the crack once it rises, but maybe I shouldn’t have. A small animal could definitely slip inside if it wanted to.
I set the wooden brush down and wipe my palm off on my jeans before scooting around Kip’s body toward the pen door. The sound of his high-pitched whinny after a morning spent in silence has me on high alert. I set my hands on his neck, and he does it again, even louder this time.
My brows furrow, concern sharp in my chest as I watch his ears flick forward before he attempts to slip past me out of the pen. I push on him, shaking my head.
“What is it, Kip? If you’re this excited to see a squirrel or a raccoon, I will never let you live it down,” I warn him while crouching and slipping beneath his head and out of the pen.
I’m about to shut the door when he lets out another loud noise, and the stable door slides open enough for a body to appear.
His reaction makes sense the moment I lay eyes on Garrison.
I stop breathing. All too similar to the first time I saw him, he’s wearing a pair of ironed black slacks and a button-up white dress shirt with the cuffs open and rolled up his forearms. The similarities to that day end there. The top button of his shirt is undone today, and a pair of sunglasses are tucked by the arm over the dip of the collar. His jaw is scruffy, dark beneath the shadows cast by the black hat on his head. The cowboy hat.
I flush from top to bottom, my legs restless, wanting to move in his direction. He’s so fucking good-looking that it’s a miracle I haven’t simply fallen to my knees already, let alone run into his arms.
“Did he really think I was a squirrel?” are the first words he asks me.
I choke on air. “No. He knew it was you.”
“So it was you, then?”
He takes one step toward me and then another. The distance between us shrinks quickly as Kip’s hot breath hits my shoulder. I’m too afraid to move, not trusting myself to be able to avoid making a fool out of myself.
“You’re a little big to be a squirrel, now that I think about it,” I say.
His grin is blinding in the dimly lit stable. My throat grows sticky, hard to breathe through.
“I’d say so, yes.”
“Why are you here?” I blurt out.
He doesn’t react to the question, his smile unwavering. “Why would I be here if not for you?”
“Well, you did leave without me in the first place, so.”
“Mm, I know. Biggest fucking mistake I’ve ever made.”
My stomach tries to fly up through my chest. “Is that so?”
He nods, suddenly right in front of me. The first touch of his fingers to my face sends sparks shooting along my skin like flint striking stone. I suck in a breath and hold still, as if one move from me will spook him and send him running again.
“Yeah, honey. That’s so,” he says, voice deep and raspy.
“Why’d it take you so long to come back for me, then?”
My pulse is racing, thumping like a drumbeat in my ears. There’s no right or wrong answer to my question, but I’m too curious not to ask everything I can think of right now. I wasn’t expecting him to come back. Not now, two weeks after leaving, and not ever.
He drops his head and brings his nose to my hair before breathing in. I shiver, goosebumps pebbling over every inch of my skin.
“You smell like me, Poppy.”
“No, I’m pretty sure that’s my other boyfriend you’re smelling.”
He stiffens, and I roll my lips to keep from immediately telling him I’m joking.
“Hmm? What was that?”
I lift a shoulder. “I asked you a question first.”
His laugh skitters down my spine as he leans back. His eyes smother mine, the promise of forever gleaming in them. My toes curl in my boots.
“It took this long because I decided to turn my entire world upside down before coming back for you. I wanted to have answers to any and every question you’d come up with once you’ve learned about what I’ve been doing. Now, tell me there’s nobody else.”
“There’s nobody else,” I whisper, slowly lifting my hand to his chest. The feel of the soft fabric beneath my palm, his warmth soaking through and heart beating frantically, is better than anything I’ve ever experienced. “I doubt there ever would have been.”
“Good. You’re my woman. And you know how little I care for sharing.”
“Am I your woman?”
He breathes a laugh and pinches my chin, tilting my head back. “Yeah, honey. You’re my fucking woman. Hope you’re okay with never being single another day in your life because that little break we just had? It was the last one you’re ever going to have. I’m keeping you for the rest of my life.”
“I’ve never been more okay with anything, Garrison. I want a life with you. But I need answers first.”
He strokes his thumb along my bottom lip. “Tell me what you want to know.”
“Why the hell did you leave without saying goodbye? And why were so cold to me when you texted me? That was cruel. I don’t know what I was wanting from you, but I know it wasn’t that.” My voice breaks, and I shut my eyes for a moment to collect myself.
“If I had stayed to say goodbye, I wouldn’t have left. I think you know that as much as I do. I couldn’t text you on the plane ride home because I would have told the pilot to turn home. I’m so, so sorry, baby,” he murmurs, setting his forehead against mine. “Let me make it up to you. I’m here to stay as long as you’ll have me.”
“In Cherry Peak?” I ask, immediately scrunching my nose, knowing that that isn’t what needs to happen. He was right when he said he’d suffocate here. He’s too big for a city this small. I’ve come to realize that maybe we both are.
“Not Cherry Peak.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m shifting to oversee the Calgary branch of Swift Edge. It’ll be my head office for the foreseeable future. No more Toronto, honey. Not without you coming with me when I have to visit, at least.”
“What?” I shriek, shaking my head as he tightens his grip on my chin and laughs. “You made that decision in two weeks? Garrison Beckett! You’re a lovesick fool!”
He shakes his head, expression certain. “I actually made the decision in less than two weeks, and I haven’t regretted it since. Not once. The only thing I regret is not having thought of it before I left in the first place. I’m more content with this decision than I have been any other I’ve made.”
“Do you—do you have a place to live? What about your parents? Your mom? You can’t leave her. She needs you, and you need her!” I ramble, too many emotions firing at once.
“Breathe, Poppy. Everything will be just fine. I promise. My mom is coming with me. Her and my dad. They’re looking for houses right now. We’re going together. Starting a new chapter as a family,” he explains, smoothing his fingers along my cheeks.
“Your dad?” My eyes well with tears, and I blink them back profusely. “Oh, Garrison. That’s amazing.”
“I’m serious about this. About you. Three hours is still too much distance between us, but eventually, I’m sure I can move closer. Somewhere in the middle, maybe?”
“Ask me to move to Calgary with you, Garrison,” I tell him, my voice strong.
I don’t have to stop and think about what I’m saying. I’m as sure about this as he is about the decisions he’s made. This man is it for me. The person I’m going to be with for the rest of my life. Both sides have to sacrifice, and even though it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice as much as a change of direction, I’m still positive this is what I want to do.
Garrison doesn’t look as positive in my decision, though. His dumbfounded expression makes me giggle. “What? I would never make you do that for me.”
“Just ask me.”
“Poppy,” he says bluntly.
“Garrison,” I sing back.
“I’m not asking that of you.”
“Then you don’t have to.” I smooth my hand up his chest before curling it around his nape. “I’m coming with you to Calgary. As long as you want that as much as I do. We’ll start over together.”
“Of course I want you to move with me. But your family is here. Your friends and career.”
“And your family was in Toronto. Your friends and career. You don’t get to be the only one who makes these decisions. We’re going to do things together from now on. As a pair.”
His exhale is shaky as he brushes a kiss over my nose and then across my mouth. “I love you. With everything I am.”
I chase his lips, kissing him three times. “I love you with everything I’ve ever been.”
“There’s more we have to talk about,” he says.
“Just let me kiss you for a minute. Then, say hello to your horse because he might have missed you even more than I have.”
His lips part on a low laugh, and I sigh, so damn happy to hear that sound again. If that’s the only thing I heard for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t mind it for a second.