Cathal
I knew that I’d gone over the edge, but I wouldn’t stop. Protecting her was all I could think about. She hated me anyway, so why worry about making it worse? Though I hoped that Dar and Daid could convince her dad to stop and let us handle it.
The danger wasn’t over just because no one had shown their hand again.
They were waiting for Faolán or Bronagh to stick their heads out.
I was convinced of it. If they killed her dad, the only one capable of leading the Bragan family was her.
The rest of the family was weak. That meant whoever was behind the takeover attempts would have to eliminate Bronagh, too.
As I stared at her, drinking in the sight of her, though she was pale and tired, and relishing that I had touched her, even if it was only her arms, I saw the horror on her face at my confession.
I hadn’t intended to tell her that, but it just came out. I’d stopped falling in love with her three days ago. I was there. Every part of me loved Bronagh Bragan. And even if we weren’t married, I would safeguard her with everything I had, including my life.
Suddenly, she went white, and her whole body began to shake. I stood next to the bed. I leaned over her, placing my hand on her cheek.
“Mo ghrá amháin, My only love, what’s wrong?”
Her mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out. Alarm hit me in the chest.
“Someone! Help!” I shouted, hoping that not all of my family had left.
Bronagh’s breathing was becoming labored, as if she couldn’t catch her breath.
“Bronagh, try to breathe. Slowly breathe in to a count of five, then hold for two and let it out slowly,” I automatically instructed. I recalled how to deal with hyperventilation from somewhere.
“Is anyone out there?” I tried one more time. Nothing. I’d have to call someone.
Straightening, I searched for my phone. When I found it and took it out, Bronagh snatched it away.
“Leanbh, give it back. I need to call for help,” I crooned.
She shook her head and clutched it to her chest. Seeing hers on the bed, I went to grab it, but she got to it first and held it the same way. I couldn’t leave her alone to fetch anyone.
“Bronagh, you need to let me call for help. You’re clearly not alright.”
“I-I d-don’t need it,” she rasped out.
Her breathing slowed, and her color returned to normal ivory. I sat on the bed next to her.
“I need someone to make sure you are,” I told her.
“It’s a p-panic attack. It’s going away.”
Unable to resist, I rubbed her upper arm, then her cheek, hoping it would soothe her. The silence lasted a couple of minutes before she was breathing normally again, and her color was normal, too.
“How do you feel?” I asked.
“I’m better.”
“Good. You need to stay in bed. I’ll go prepare you something fresh to eat.”
I started to rise, but she dropped her phone and grabbed my arm. I stopped. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want more right now. Cathal, we need to talk about what you just said about killing yourself. Please, you can’t think like that. Remember what you told me when I said I’d do that? My death isn’t a reason to do it.”
“Your goddamn absence from the world is the best reason. I have no control over losing you, but I control whether I live with the loss. And if you’re gone because I let you be killed, that’s even more of a reason.
I know it doesn’t matter to you anymore, but I love you.
One hundred percent love you. I can’t stop it.
“And I’m sorry that I was a coward and never told you about Wicked Desires and my involvement there. My only excuse is that I waited, hoping that if you loved me, you wouldn’t care. That you could accept all of me,” I confessed.
“How could you believe that, Cathal? There’s no way that I’d ever be okay with you having sex with other people.
The fact that you refuse to share your desires with me makes me realize how fake our time together was.
You don’t love me. If you did, you wouldn’t expect me to be fine with cheating and you faking your enjoyment of our sex life.
” Her words were bitter, and the underlying pain hit me as the words sank in.
“What the hell are you talking about? I never said I would fuck other people. And I sure didn’t fake anything with you!” I snarled.
“What else could it be!? You’re into kinky sex, won’t tell me what kinds, and our sex, while mind-blowing for me, can’t have been anything special to you, though you acted like it was.
I heard what you said. You need kink. You left me to stay at your kink club.
If you don’t get it from me, then how else would you satisfy your need other than to cheat! ?” Bronagh shouted.
Tears sparkled in her eyes, though none fell.
Her fists were clenched. The one holding my phone was white-knuckled.
Wildly thinking of how I could persuade her that I wasn’t lying, I slid off the bed.
I went to my knees and clasped my hands together, holding them up. I stared straight into her eyes.
“Bronagh, I swear on the lives of my entire family that I never intended to cheat on you to fulfill my desires. Yes, I hadn’t told you about them.
I waited, hoping that you’d fall in love with me and it wouldn’t matter.
You would be willing to listen to what I have to say.
Maybe even be willing to try some things with me.
But if you refused, I’d go without it. And I never once pretended to get sexual gratification from our love life.
You make me come harder and better than anything, including the kinky things I’ve done. ”
My confession was met with absolute silence as Bronagh studied me intently. I stayed where I was, the way I was, as time slipped by. I don’t know how long I was on my knees before she broke the tense quiet, but my knees hurt.
“You mean it. You actually mean it all,” she whispered in disbelief.
“Yes, I mean every single word. I could never be with you, then turn to someone else. The thought makes me sick. I love you. I knew that wishing for someone who can accept everything I am was nearly impossible. I’d accepted that I’d never marry and have kids because of it.
It’s why I agreed to the marriage when I saw you.
But after I met you, I knew that even if you wouldn’t accept that side of me, I had a chance at happiness with you.
“It was what made me say no to making it temporary. Then, as the days passed, I fell for you and my life became so goddamn perfect. I found I wasn’t needing the kink.
Sure, I thought of things I would like to try with you at times, but I wasn’t mourning its loss.
Nor was I plotting to get it at the club when I returned to work. ”
“But you told Fallon you need it,” she reminded me.
“I did, but I should’ve said that I had needed it with others, but could be with you without it. I never meant for you to find out that way, Bronagh. I hate that I hurt you.”
Unable to stand it, I eased up and sat back on the bed. I reached over and took her empty hand into mine. Bronagh let me hold it without a fight. I fought back the hope that it might mean she was willing to forgive me, let alone accept me back into her life.
“Cathal, I need you to tell me about Wicked Desires. What do you do as the manager there? And what exactly are the kinks you have that you believe no one can accept?”
It was my turn to be surprised. “Really?”
“Yes, really,” she said softly.
I smiled. “I can do that. Let me start with what I do there. There is a manager whose job is to be there five days a week. He oversees the staff when the club is open. He handles patron and staff complaints. He’s a manager like any other.
When he’s off, I have a part-time one to cover for him.
I handle the business side: payroll, suppliers, contract negotiations, and sometimes interviewing people interested in joining the club.
“We don’t just allow anyone in. We conduct comprehensive background checks, and there is an orientation and a set of rules.
At times, I get involved in disciplinary problems. Jaleel, he’s my full-time manager, handles things without me.
I provide the family’s oversight and choose to do more than just walk through and say it’s good to go. ”
“And when you weren’t working there, but were a participant?” Her voice was hesitant.
“Let me start by telling you when I discovered I wanted things that my brothers and cousins don’t, or at least not to the degree that I do, and from the club. Then I’ll explain what it has evolved into. Is that okay?”
“Yes, that would be good.”
Nodding, I opened up to begin, but I halted because my cell phone rang. Bronagh jumped, then glanced down.
“Oh, I forgot I had it,” she said, holding it out to me. Taking it, I looked at the screen. It was Darragh. Damn, he had to be calling about Faolán.
“I have to answer this. It’s Dar.”
“Go ahead.”
“Hey, Dar, what did Faolán say?” I asked as I answered.
“Foc, he wasn’t happy, Cathal. He refused to call off his escort team.
He said he wouldn’t have them return unless his daughter told them straight up she wanted to stay after all.
And they had to believe her. If they thought we forced her to lie, he’s ready to fight for her, even if it means certain death,” my cousin said gruffly.
I groaned and closed my eyes.
“There’s more. The escort showed up at the gate five minutes after I hung up with him.
They’re demanding entry and a private meeting with Bronagh.
Cathal, Faolán is part of it. He didn’t tell me that.
He came out of hiding to get his daughter.
I don’t want to fight them, but I will if you say there’s no way you’ll let her go. ”
I knew what saying that did to Dar. He was willing to straddle the line between good and dark for me. He understood what losing Bronagh would do to me.
“Please, don’t hurt them. Let me talk to Dad. I’ll tell him that we’re talking things through. And that we’re not done. I can’t leave until we do that,” Bronagh said out of the blue.
I glanced over at her. “You’re serious?”
“Yes, just don’t hurt them.”
“Did you hear that, Dar?”
“I did. We’ll let them in. Do you want to have them come to your house or do it in the main one?” Darragh said.
“Here. That way she can rest and not move,” I decided.
“Alright, we’ll be there shortly. I need a few minutes with Faolán first.”
“Got it. We’ll be waiting.”
Dar didn’t bother to say more. He hung up. I lowered my phone.
“It looks like we have to have an intermission. Let me get you more to drink and something to snack on. You haven’t had enough.”
“I will if you will. You look terrible, Cathal.”
“I’ve been pining, leanbh. I’ll share some with you. Just stay here and rest. I’ll be back shortly.”
As I made my way to the kitchen with the tray, I couldn’t help but feel there might be a ray of hope. Dia, I prayed I was right.