Chapter 16 #2
I shake my head. “No, water is perfect. Thanks.”
He nods, helping himself to a taco and some chips and sitting on the chair opposite the table.
For a few minutes, the room is filled with the sound of us crunching on chips and tacos. Eventually, I break the silence between us.
“Fernando?”
“Hmm?”
“Can I ask you something personal? You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”
He chews and swallows slowly. “We’re beyond the point of you needing to ask for permission. What’s on your mind?”
I dip a chip into the container of guacamole I’ve commandeered. “What freaked you out earlier at the rink?”
Placing his food down, he blinks slowly. “I’m psychic. I knew that was the first question you were going to ask.”
“Like I said, if you don’t want to answer, don’t.” I sense he’s fighting an internal battle with himself.
“No, it’s okay.” He takes a deep breath. “Just before you hit the wall, I saw someone I haven’t seen in a couple years.”
The wheels in my mind begin to whirl. “Who?”
“My ex-fiancée, Isabel.”
A large chunk of lettuce and meat falls from my taco onto the foil as my hands start to shake. “Is she a skater too?”
“Yeah. She had a successful career representing Portugal. She won something like six national titles.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Last I heard, she was living and teaching in Asia. I have no idea why she’d be here in Madrid.”
I stare at the foil, studying all the wrinkles intently. “How long were you guys together?”
“Six years.”
“That’s a long time,” I say slowly, still in shock. I never imagined Fernando would’ve been in a relationship for so long. Let alone engaged.
“It is.” He nods.
“If you want to call her and reconnect while you’re here, I can entertain myself for a day or two.”
“No.” His tone hardens, and his brow forms a deep V. “She’s had more than four years to contact me if she had anything left to say and she hasn’t. As far as I’m concerned, it’s better if we each continue to pretend the other doesn’t exist.”
He opens his water bottle and takes a long drink. My shoulders tense. “Sorry for bringing it up,” I say carefully.
“Don’t apologize. You didn’t know.” He tightens the lid on the bottle and takes a deep breath. “We met as teenagers at a skating camp here in Madrid. We were both big practical jokers, and we constantly tried to one-up one another.”
“Uh-oh. I bet that caused a lot of trouble.”
He snorts. “It did. We were always in the doghouse with our coaches. But being in trouble brought us closer together. By the end of the summer, I’d fallen for her, and I asked her to be my girlfriend. She agreed.”
His voice grows softer. “The first three years, we were lucky. We were training close to one another and were able to see each other every weekend. I proposed on our second anniversary, and she said yes. Around our third anniversary, just after I’d turned professional, the trouble started.
Isabel shocked me by announcing that she was moving to Toronto to train.
I was happy for her, but hurt she never consulted me. ”
He closes his eyes. “The distance tested us. For two years, we squeezed in video chats, texts, and calls when we could. Whenever I had time off, I’d fly out to Canada to spend time with her. But she never made an effort to reciprocate.”
His eyes open and he looks up at me. “During one of my trips to Toronto, I opened up to Isabel about how frustrated I was. I wanted us to be a real couple. No more long-distance dating. I was more than ready to quit Dreams on Ice, move to Canada, and become a coach if it meant we could go back to the way things were. But instead of getting excited about the idea, she wanted to break up.”
“What?” I exclaim. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“I had the same reaction. Isabel had recently finished fifth at the World Championships. She saw her results as a sign her singles career was about to take off. She wanted to become the first woman from Portugal to win an Olympic medal in skating. The Games were a year away and she didn’t want to have any distractions.
Winning was more important to her than us. ”
My heart aches for him. “Seriously? She was willing to throw away your relationship because of some dumb medal.”
He nods. “She’s not alone. It’s how a lot of people in my sport are.”
“What did you do?”
“The only thing I could. I told her to take all the time she needed. If she wanted me to give her space, I would. I wasn’t willing to break off the engagement without a fight.
As painful as it was to not see her for ten months, if it meant having her as my wife for the rest of my life, it was a small price to pay. ”
I open and close my mouth. Fernando’s just confirmed to me that his heart is made of pure gold.
He continues. “Isabel agreed to my terms. I stepped back and watched her from the sidelines. She had a great season in the run-up to the Olympics and was considered a medal threat. But the thing about ice skating is that falls can happen anytime, anywhere. Even if you’re the world’s most consistent skater. ”
“Did she fall at the Olympics?” I guess.
“Yeah. Isabel had a fluke fall in her short program on a double Axel. Unfortunately, it took her out of the medals. Even with her brilliant free skate, she finished in fourth. To say she was devastated would be an understatement.”
“Fourth place is the worst. You’re so close, but so far.”
He shoots me a sad smile. “I tried my best to console her. I thought she needed a mental and physical break from skating. I booked us on a two-week Alaskan cruise. I thought it’d be the perfect way to get away from it all, but that’s the opposite of what she wanted.
Isabel was determined to jump right back into training and work even harder.
Without talking to me, she publicly announced she was committing to another Olympic cycle.
I heard about it on TV. After that . . . ” His voice falters.
“After that . . . I knew that I’d lost her.
When we had lunch the day she returned home from Norway, she gave me back my ring.
In her words, she needed to ‘go the journey alone.’ I tried to reason with her, but she wouldn’t change her mind.
My heart broke, but I loved her too much to hold her back.
I told her I understood, and then she walked away. That was the last time we spoke.”
“I’m so sorry, Fernando. That’s horrible.” It’s taking everything inside me not to rush over to his side and offer him a huge bear hug. “I can’t believe you had to go through something like that. Especially after being together for so long.”
He nods glumly. “It took me a long time to get over her. I eventually tried dating again. I’ve had two short-term relationships, but both times, they ended with me getting dumped. My heart just wasn’t in it. I’ve given up on ever finding love.”
“What if the right woman came along?” My pulse thuds painfully hard against my ribs as I wait to see how he responds.
“It’s not gonna happen. Isabel was the girl of my dreams. I don’t know if I can ever find someone I’ll love more. So it’s better not to even try. I’ve come to terms with being single.”
“But Fernando, you deserve to be happy.”
“But don’t you see, I am happy.” He forces a smile onto his face, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I have my health, a great job, friends that are like family, and my cabin. I don’t need anything else.”
I open my mouth to fight him, but I sense it’s not going to get me very far. Change isn’t going to happen overnight. He deserves to get his own happily ever after. Especially after dealing with a relationship like that. He may say he’s happy being single, but he’s not fooling me.
Our conversation shifts back around to our road trip as we eat. We decide to play tomorrow by ear and see how we’re both feeling. I use his heating pad to release the muscles in my back. It helps, but doesn’t alleviate all the aches. My gut tells me tomorrow is going to be rough.