Chapter 28
Cam opened the door to their room to the sounds of Emma’s sobs. Whatever anger he’d been feeling took the backseat to the heartache he felt for her. He was still mad, but his initial instinct was to check on her. He entered the room to find her sitting cross-legged on the bed, her head in her hands.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he tried gently.
She looked at him with red-rimmed eyes. “Don’t pretend like you care. I saw the way you reacted. I know you’re as pissed at me as the rest of them.”
He clenched his jaw and tried telling himself she was mad and taking it out on the closest person to her. However, she wasn’t wrong. He was pissed. “I do care, Emma, but I was also caught off guard that you didn’t think twice before blowing the cap off our secret. A heads up would’ve been nice.”
“It doesn’t matter now. It’s all out there. You can hate me along with the rest of them.” She didn’t even bother to get up from the bed, just lowered her head back into her hands.
He sighed. “I don’t hate you, but I am mad,” Cam said. “You completely threw me under the bus and didn’t stop to think what it’d mean for me.”
She shot him a glare. “What? You thought just because we slept together that we would walk off into the merry little sunset and live happily ever after? You didn’t plan to tell them all the truth at some point?”
“That’s not what I’m saying, but a healthy relationship would’ve consisted of talking about the approach first and then doing it together.”
Now she rose, her face as angry as it was downstairs. “Well sorry I couldn’t give you a healthy relationship, Cam. I knew this was all too soon and I knew taking this job would ruin everything.”
He frowned at her. “That’s not what I was saying. I’m allowed to be mad that you took it upon yourself to tell them we were fake dating in order to make your argument against Lauren.”
“Oh yes, because poor Lauren. Everyone feels so bad for little Lauren.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” He heaved out a frustrated breath.
“Isn’t it? You wish I didn’t tell them the truth to get back at Lauren.”
He frowned, then spoke low. “No. I wish you would’ve talked to me first, thought about how your actions would affect me too. You know that’s my boss and colleague down there. I don’t give a rat’s ass about Lauren. Yeah, she’s nice and been kind all week, but if you want to pick a fight with her, then I’m rooting for you.” He stepped closer. “I’ll always be in your corner, Emma. But that doesn’t mean sinking my ship to sail yours out to victory.”
She swallowed, blinking several times.
Cam felt like he might’ve gotten through to her. His mind was pulled in twenty different directions, his heart with it, but he believed they could salvage this.
“You need to leave for your flight,” she said quietly.
“I know.”
She looked down. “Just go, Cam. There’s been too much damage done today.”
He tensed. “What’s that mean?”
She shook her head, not meeting his eyes. “It means go.”
He swallowed past the lump in his throat, tried taking another step toward her, but she moved away as he reached his arm out. “You don’t mean it,” he said. “I know everything went to shit downstairs, and yes I’m mad too, but that doesn’t mean we can’t work it out. The damage is done. I’ll face the outcome with Henry and Lulu.” But she only continued to shake her head no as she walked to his suitcase, pulled the handle up, and rolled it over to him.
He looked at her with bewilderment. “So that’s it? You have one fight with your family, I get caught in the cross arrows, so you just toss me to the side?”
She looked at him now, and he could see her face turn to steel. “I told you from the start that this would be a bad idea to get involved, that you’d be sick of me by the end of the week.”
It was his turn to shake his head, but it was with disbelief. “I don’t regret getting involved with you.” He squeezed his temples, eyes shut for a moment. “Dammit, Emma. What the hell is this? I still want us,” he waved his hand between them. “Everything we talked about yesterday on the beach, all the plans for the future we discussed last night. I want all of that, even if I’m pissed off,” he tried explaining. “But we can move on from it. Fights happen. No one and no relationship is perfect.”
She held his gaze. “No,” she said simply, and he felt his heart begin to crack. “Asher had been right. I’m too busy and on the go. I couldn’t even say yes to a man I’d been with for years, so why think I could make it work with someone I just met?”
This was crazy, Cam thought. Where was the woman he’d been falling for? He knew she was in pain, but he didn’t expect this. He tried keeping the hurt off his face as he asked, “Why did it turn into a fight downstairs?”
“What?”
“Downstairs,” he prompted. “Why did it turn into a fight?”
She looked at him like he was speaking a different language.
“Are you annoyed that Lauren didn’t want you to leave early and miss their wedding, or is it because they’re getting married and whatever else you’d learned from her yesterday?” He didn’t bother asking why she hadn’t felt like talking to him about it yesterday.
All the emotion that had left her face previously now returned in a wave of anger. She let out that bitter laugh he heard downstairs. “I tell you to leave so you’re going to insult me,” she stated. “Downstairs had nothing to do with Asher to answer the question you’re not asking,” she seethed. “I didn’t lie about that. I don’t give a damn about him or who he’s with. I’m just tired of people discussing and deciding my narrative and life without shutting their damn mouths and letting me tell my truth. I’m sick of people assuming how I must feel or choosing to pity me or blame my curiosity for the world on the abandonment they deem I must feel.”
He knew his chance to walk out of here with any semblance of a relationship between them still intact was now gone. His question wasn’t meant to offend or insult her, but he’d become so confused downstairs, he had to know.
She was still seething when Cam let out a sigh of defeat. “I’m sorry,” he said.
She didn’t respond.
He grabbed the handle of his suitcase, chewing over what to say, then shook his head and made to turn. He was almost to the door when he paused. “Was any of it real? Between us?” He swallowed, trying to keep his voice steady.
Emma’s brows furrowed. “Just go,” she replied. She saw the hurt flash in his eyes before he left, the door clicking shut behind him and then she collapsed to the floor, her tears overtaking her in waves.
What had she done? How did everything go so sideways?
◆◆◆
Emma felt laden with bricks by the time she reached her apartment door that evening. She unlocked it and slowly made her way inside, ready for the comfort of home to seep into her bones and mend her broken heart.
But nothing happened. Instead, her apartment felt empty and quiet. She refrained from focusing on it, and instead, flicked on the lights as she made her way to her bedroom and deposited her luggage.
Today had been nothing short of the shittiest day of her life. She hadn’t picked herself up off that hotel floor until it was time for her to check out and head to the airport. She managed to avoid running into anyone as she left in the ride she’d had to coordinate to get her there. For a brief moment, she’d allowed herself to wonder if Cam had any trouble getting to the airport on time and later about how his flight home went, but then she squashed those thoughts. She couldn’t think about him if she expected to move on from that miserable shattering of her life that took place.
Her family. They were the people she called family outside of her aunt and she had completely torn into them, fueled by anger and betrayal, and then she attacked with her verbal nails. She’d spent plenty of her flight home hating herself for what she’d said, for deceiving them in the first place, and then she’d spent equal amounts of time getting mad all over again for what Lauren implied, her role in it.
As Emma walked into her kitchen and opened the empty fridge, which wasn’t surprising since she’d not been home in weeks, she sighed. She let herself wonder if Lauren and Asher still had their wedding ceremony or if the ugliness from the morning had put a stain on this day and that plan for them. She shoved the thoughts out. The guilt with it.
Picking up her phone, she ordered delivery. There was a text from her aunt asking if she’d made it home safely. She responded, letting her know they could talk more tomorrow after she’d rested. A small part of her was putting it off, knowing she’d feel ashamed of her words and actions the moment she said them aloud, no matter how much she’d been beaten down by everything else said.
As her aunt’s text came through saying she’d stop by tomorrow and to get some rest, Emma sat down on a barstool, facing her empty apartment. She bit the bottom of her lip, trying her best to refrain from any more tears. How did she have any left? But as a conversation between her and Cam tugged at her memories, she knew another dam was about to burst open. She could still feel his enthusiasm as he kissed her and she said she wanted to show him her life, where she lived, her favorite restaurants, and she wanted to know and experience everything about his life back in St. Louis. He’d peppered her with kisses, making her heart swell in ways it never had before, and then he proposed meeting her here at her apartment whenever she got back from Europe.
She looked around her home again, and although he’d never stepped foot inside it before, it now felt like it was missing his presence. She didn’t try stopping the tears as they came full force down her cheeks.
◆◆◆
The next morning, after a fitful night of sleep, Emma began her laundry. She hadn’t bothered with unpacking last night, too emotionally drained to do anything but eat and curl up in her bed. Now she had to get the ball rolling before she hopped on another plane tomorrow.
She heard the knock on her door after she started the washer and quickly went to answer it. In the doorway stood her aunt with a smile on her face, the aroma of delicious food surrounding her, and holding a carrier with two coffees.
Emma took the coffees from her, turning to go place them at her dining table for two. “You’re a lifesaver,” she said, sitting them down as her aunt did the same with the food. Then she wrapped her in a big hug, inhaling that familiar scent of the woman who raised her. “It’s good to see you.”
“I’m glad to have you back, even if just for a day.” Her aunt smiled and gave her a kiss on the side of her head. “How’s my girl?” She took a seat at the table, pulling food from the bag. She’d told Emma she’d bring over breakfast, knowing her lifestyle enough to know that she wouldn’t have food here and a trip to the grocery store would be pointless since she left again tomorrow.
Emma took the other seat and gulped down the coffee. She needed this. “I’m good,” she said. “I didn’t start preparing last night, so I’ll have to get everything ready today. I’ll probably pop over to the store to refill some of my travel toiletries.”
Her aunt gave her a no-nonsense look. “Don’t lie to me. I know somethings up.”
Emma frowned at her. “What are you talking about? You just got here.”
“You were texting funny yesterday.”
Emma scoffed as she took a bite of her breakfast sandwich. “What? No, I wasn’t. I was texting normal.”
Her aunt shook her head, her brown eyes looking at her with the same insight she’d had all of Emma’s life since she moved in with her. She knew better than to think she could hide her turmoil from Aunt Mel.
“Fine,” Emma gave in, sitting the breakfast sandwich down and leaning back. “Do you want the good, the bad, or the downright heart-wrenching ugly?”
Her aunt’s brows rose. “Well, I suppose let’s start from the beginning,” she replied. “Then maybe we’ll have enough caffeine in our systems to face it together.”
Emma’s heart plunged at “together,” thinking about that brown-haired, blue-eyed man who had wanted to do the same. She took a steadying breath and began.
If she hadn’t already believed her aunt to be one of the greatest people on this planet, then she would’ve by the time she finished catching her up. Aunt Mel reached across the table, giving Emma’s arm a gentle and reassuring pat as she offered a mother’s smile. Not that Emma had ever called her by that title, but she’d always felt like she received that kind of love from her aunt.
“For starters,” Aunt Mel began, “I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with all of this on your own.”
Emma shook her head. “I’ve not. I had Lulu and Cam in the know until yesterday morning.”
“Yeah, but even twenty-four hours can catch up to you when your heart is bleeding out.”
Emma swallowed at that and nodded because that’s exactly what it felt like.
Aunt Mel laid one hand on top of the other in front of her on the table. “Sweetie, even the closest of families have the ugliest of fights.”
Emma’s shoulders sank. “This was worse than that. Trust me, you should’ve seen the way they were looking at me. I severed all ties.”
“You don’t think that with some time and self-accountability, the relationships could be mended?” She let out a laugh that suggested that was nonsense. “Love isn”t that fragile, I can promise you that.”
“Lauren even said as much that I’m not family,” Emma protested.
“Yeah, and you called her desperate, a second choice, and implied she was after your leftovers,” her aunt responded, giving her a look that suggested she didn’t find that as one of Emma’s finer moments, though there wasn’t harsh judgment in those caring eyes. “Did you mean those things?”
“No,” Emma said, appalled.
“Exactly. And she probably didn’t mean her insult either.” Aunt Mel let out a sigh. “Unfortunately, that’s just what we do when we’re mad and in pain. We twist the knife a little further, demanding they feel as much hurt as we’re suffering.” Her eyes held a far-off look that made Emma wonder if she wasn’t reflecting on some of her own experiences, if maybe Emma’s mom and aunt had their fair share of words and hate flung at each other. The thought made Emma wonder if her aunt ever regretted that they didn’t get to mend things before her mom left this world.
“You don’t have to do it today,” her aunt began saying, tearing Emma from her thoughts. “But when you decide those relationships mean more to you than your pride,” she gave her a pointed look. “And you feel ready, you should reach out and say your piece. But not until you can speak from your heart without needing them to return the apologies or sentiments. They may find themselves needing more time.” She shrugged. “Or maybe not, but you need to decide if and when you’re ready.”
Emma nodded, a slight weight lifting from her shoulders. Somehow, by being able to admit all of the horrible and shameful things she said and still be understood and shown love by someone she cared about, she felt a spark of hope, like maybe this dark road she created had light at the end of it after all.
“Now tell me, is this Cam worthy of you?”
Emma laughed, but her smile quickly faded. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Why not?”
“You heard what I did and said,” she replied. “I ripped the rug right out from under him after he’d gone along with my crazy plan, and I just fed him to the sharks.”
Aunt Mel scoffed. “I’d hardly call Henry a shark,” she balked.
Emma’s brow raised. “Have you met him?”
“Yeah, he’s a big ole teddy bear.”
Emma gave her a questionable look and shook her head in disagreement.
“Trust me, sweetie. You may know him as the big, bad, scary dad who’d destroy worlds to keep you three girls safe, but at the end of the day he just wants what’s best for the people he cares about like the rest of us.”
“He’s Cam’s boss, though.”
“You’ve already said that. But he’s also a reasonable man and it sounds like he might’ve gotten to know Cam this week, too. If you managed to fall for the man, and if you think he’s worthy of you, my bet is that Henry would have noticed that, too.”
Emma frowned, not buying the logic. “Either way, it’s over. I made that clear.”
“And why can’t you fix it?”
Emma looked down at one of the water stains on her table. “I don’t know if I could face him again,” she admitted. “I was cruel. So cruel. And I pretty much threw everything we’d built straight into the trash.”
Her aunt shook her head. “I can’t make you see things differently, but I think you should consider how he’s feeling in all of this too.”
“He hates me,” Emma quickly added.
“Doesn’t sound that way to me. Sounds like he was heartbroken, shocked, and rightfully angry. But it also sounds like he has a strong head on his shoulders and wanted to work through it with you. You don’t find partners like that every day.”
Emma swallowed the burning in the back of her throat, a sheen covering her eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she said.
Aunt Mel gave her a knowing look but didn’t push it. “So how about this here new gig? You didn’t sound all that excited about it.”
Emma’s eyes widened. “Oh, I am,” she assured. “It’s just that everything else has me weighed down I guess.”
“What makes you want to travel to Europe? I didn’t know you were interested in this field of work.”
Emma frowned as she pondered the question. “I mean, it’s a chance to see the world,” she offered.
Her aunt’s brow rose. “Can’t you see the world anytime you want? Europe is only a flight away. You just have to save up for it first,” she joked.
“Yeah, I guess so.” But she smiled at the humor. “I would see things no one else has access to.”
“Is that a big deal to you?”
Emma’s head went back. “Well, it’s pretty freaking amazing, isn’t it?”
“Absolutely,” her aunt agreed. “I’m not denying that or trying to talk you out of it. I’m just curious is all.”
“About what?”
“About why you aren’t lit up about it like you normally are with new jobs. And don’t feed me the line about everything else going on again.”
Emma sighed. “I’d be crazy not to take the job.”
“Why?”
She looked at her aunt like she was the crazy one. “Because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”
“So?”
“What do you mean ‘so?’”
“Who cares if it’s once in a lifetime if that’s not how you want to spend the time in your life.”
Emma shook her head, feeling frazzled and confused.
“You said so yourself, that you applied not thinking you’d get it. Then you hesitated once the job was offered to you. Why?”
Emma frowned. “I don’t know. It was unexpected I guess.” She rose from the table and began grabbing their trash to dispose of. Her aunt gave another knowing look that was starting to rub her wrong. “Look, this is the kind of work photographers dream of,” she said, more aggressive than necessary.
“Says who? I don’t know any wedding photographers who are dying to take pictures of ruins and rocks.”
Emma rolled her eyes. “Well I’m not a wedding photographer, and you know what I mean.”
“No, I really don’t.”
“What’s the point in me building my business and a career if I turn down a huge opportunity?”
“I think you’re asking the wrong question,” Aunt Mel countered.
“Okay, so what question should I be asking?” Emma placed her hands on her hips.
“How about, ‘Is this opportunity going to help me achieve the goals I have for the direction of my business?’ Or how about, ‘Do I want this job? Does it give me what I’m after?’ Emma, the point of working so hard to create a life for yourself is so that you can access the freedom to choose how to live. How do you want to spend your free time? Your money? Does this trip align with your goals for yourself?”
“I can’t say no just because I met someone,” Emma groaned, a hand going to massage her temples.
“I never said anything about you meeting someone,” her aunt replied. “But if that’s something on your mind or why you hesitated, then what’s wrong with listening to it?”
Emma gave her a look that suggested she should know the answer. “I can’t be one of those women who choose a man over their career.”
“Why not?”
She was taken aback. How could her aunt not get this?
“Would it be choosing a man over your career or choosing a better path for yourself? Going after the life you want versus the life you think you’re supposed to want?”
Emma stopped, dumbfounded at the questions. She hadn’t stopped to think about it that way. She couldn’t see past the way it would make her look if she chose to say no to the job.
Her aunt continued with a light-hearted laugh. “If I cared about the unspoken rules of society then I’d be a self-loathing woman by now. I’m not married, I live alone, I raised a child on my own, and I spend more time with my friends than I do on dates.” Emma couldn’t help but smile. “And yet, I’m perfectly content and happy,” her aunt said.
“Yeah, but you were going against the grain,” Emma countered.
“What’s that got anything to do with it?”
“If I chose Cam over a job, then I’d be the woman who gave up her career for a man.”
“Is Cam asking you to give up your career?”
“No.”
Aunt Mel laughed. “Honey, this isn’t about choosing between a man and a job. It’s about choosing the right path for yourself. If you decided this wasn’t the gig for you or in your best interest, that doesn’t mean the next thing you line up wouldn’t be the right fit. And who says you can’t choose love and happiness while having a fulfilling career?”
Emma shook her head. Then shook it again. “I don’t know, Aunt Mel. This is all too much.”
Her aunt rose and came over to wrap her in a hug. “I know, sweetie. So I’ll leave it at this, if you want this job, then take it without any remorse or guilt over chasing your dreams. If it’s not what you want, then don’t let society or fear of judgment force you into living in any way that isn’t true to you.”
Emma didn’t bother blinking back the tears as she squeezed her aunt tight. “I love you so much,” she said.
“I love you, too.”