Forever Secret
Hayes
Thunder rumbles so intensely outside the church that it rattles the stained-glass windows.
It makes my eyes close momentarily, and an ironic smile springs to my lips.
I think God is trying to tell me something.
Snowstorms are fairly common in Boston, but thunder snowstorms aren’t.
That’s what we have right now. On New Year’s Eve. On my wedding night.
Behind me, the organ starts playing. It sounds like a death march rather than the beautiful hymn it’s meant to be.
My fingers tingle, and I shake out my hands, trying not to adjust my tuxedo jacket or tie for the millionth time since I walked up here.
In front of me, Jesus hangs on the cross in large relief, and I stare up at him.
“You had ninety-nine problems, but a woman wasn’t one of them, lucky bastard,” I mutter under my breath.
“What was that?” the priest asks as he finishes whatever he’s doing with a cloth.
“Nothing, Father. Just… saying a prayer.” For this to not be the worst decision I’ve ever made.
People usher in and take their seats, their murmurs echoing off the high ceilings.
My heart starts to pound, and a cold sweat breaks out on my neck.
Shit. Not a good way to start. A hand slaps my shoulder, and I spin around to find two of my lifelong friends, Crew and Forest, directly in front of me.
“How’s it going?” Crew asks. “You breathing? You don’t look like you’re breathing.”
“I’m breathing enough.”
“Undo your top button behind your tie,” Forest suggests. “It’ll help.”
My fingers work on the button when Crew’s eyes widen at something over my shoulder and he tenses.
“What is it?” I question.
He throws Forest a wary side-eye before returning to me with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”
“Bullshit.”
I go to turn, but he stops me. “Really. It’s nothing. Just a flower thing.”
I arch an eyebrow. “A flower thing?”
Forest shakes his head. “Dude, that was the worst. It wasn’t even believable.”
“Whatever. You stick to being a lawyer, and I’ll stick to football.”
While they’re bickering, I turn and look, and fuck me running. My heart hiccups into my throat, and my body grows hot. Serena.
“What is she doing here?” I whisper, unable to look away. It’s like a fucking car wreck right here in the middle of the church, and to punctuate the point, a flash of lightning illuminates outside the windows immediately followed by a boom of thunder.
“Well, that was creepy.” Roman, our other best friend, joins us at the altar. “What are we looking at that has you all… oh fuck. And shit, I just said fuck in church.”
“I thought you didn’t invite her,” Forest inquires.
“I didn’t.”
“She’s been here since Christmas,” Crew informs me. “I wasn’t going to tell you.”
Sorel is Serena’s twin sister, and Crew is Mason’s younger brother, so it’s not surprising that he knew, and I appreciate that he wasn’t going to tell me. I wish I hadn’t known she was here, but now I do.
Serena tucks her long blonde hair behind her ear in an uncomfortable gesture. She’s wearing a black gown that would make me smile if I were capable of such a thing. It’s long, sleek, and hugs her curves perfectly, including her round pregnant belly.
My breath hitches at the sight of it, and a dark wave of jealous venom slithers through me. I knew she was pregnant. I just haven’t seen her this pregnant yet.
“I’m going to say hi,” I announce, and before they can stop me, I march down the three steps from the altar and across the church to where she’s seated beside her sister and brother-in-law toward the back. She spots me coming and her cheeks flush and her lips part.
She gets to her feet and so do Sorel and Mason.
“Hey, man,” Mason greets me with a firm handshake. “Congrats.”
“Thanks.” I smile and kiss Sorel’s cheeks. “Glad you both could make it.” I turn my gaze on Serena. “Do you have a second?”
“Um.” She shifts her weight and exchanges a very brief look with Sorel. “Sure.”
She steps out of the pew, and I don’t dare touch her. Instead, I storm off, and she follows me to the back side of the church where it’s dark and quiet.
“What are you doing here?” I snap without any preamble.
She blinks up at me with those beautiful hazel eyes, and her confusion at my question turns into matched ire. “I was invited.”
“Not by me.”
Her lips twist. “I was invited by your lovely bride-to-be. But I assumed you knew.”
“I didn’t.”
Fucking Helene. What was she thinking inviting Serena? Did she do it to hurt her or torture me?
I cut Serena out of my life. She became my enemy instead of my lover and my rival instead of my partner. At least that’s what I told myself she was. Those were her choices. I didn’t pick up the few times she called, and I never returned her texts saying she needed to talk to me.
I knew what she had to tell me. I heard all about it.
I made sure I saw her as little as possible. That was easy to do. I stayed in Boston instead of going to Paris, and she never came home to visit, or if she did, I didn’t see her. For nearly four months, I’ve avoided this very moment, and now she’s here on my wedding day at the hands of my fiancée.
What the fuck?
“Why’d you come?” I can’t help but ask.
Her hand goes to her belly, almost protectively, and she releases a shaky breath. “It doesn’t matter, does it? Not anymore.”
“Tell me anyway,” I insist.
Her eyes glisten as she says, “To see it for myself. To know it’s happening and real.”
My hands go to the top of my head, and I spin around in a circle.
She ended it with me. She walked away. She had her reasons, or so she claimed.
Yes, she’s older than I am. Yes, she hated that she was working for me instead of running her own fashion house.
Yes, our situation was more than a little complicated with her living solely in Paris with no intention of moving back to Boston and me living in Boston and unable to move to Paris.
But fuck… I didn’t care about any of that.
I loved her. I’ve loved her my whole life. She gutted me, and I’ve been ruined since.
She was also hiding something from me that she should have told me about long before I learned what it was. She was too secretive. Too evasive.
I have to remind myself that it doesn’t matter. That her showing up here tonight doesn’t change anything. That the reasons I’m marrying Helene are still as important and valid as they were before I saw Serena.
“Where Damon? Wasn’t he invited too?” There’s no hiding the bitterness in my tone.
She works to keep her emotions at bay, even as she ignores my question. “I didn’t mean to come here and cause an issue. If you want me to go, I’ll go.”
I step into her until I’m hovering over her. “That’s the thing. All I’ve ever wanted from you was to stay.”
I don’t know why I said that. Why honesty is leaching out of me. Maybe it’s because it’s already thundering and lightning outside and I don’t want to be struck down for lying in a church.
Her chin drops, and I feel like shit. But I’m so fucking angry with her I can hardly stand it.
My hand grazes her gown over her belly. Her breath catches, and she shakes.
It’s funny or perhaps not. I used to picture her like this, but the circumstances surrounding it were very different in my fantasy.
“When are you due?”
She clears her throat. “About three months.”
“Is it a boy or a girl?”
“Suddenly you care?”
I huff an enraged breath. “You’re right. You’re not my business or my problem. Regardless, I’ll hear about it either way.”
“You son of a bitch. How can you be so cavalier with this?”
“How can I…” I trail off with an incredulous laugh. Cavalier? Is she kidding me with that? I’ve been a lot of things with her over the years, but cavalier isn’t one of them.
She shifts her weight and sighs. “I don’t want to fight with you. It’ll only make me hate you more, and I don’t have the energy for it. You made your choices, and I made mine.”
My insides twist at the tears lining her eyes.
She reaches up and rebuttons the button I had undone. “I wish you all the happiness in the world with her, Hayes.”
I touch her stomach again. I can’t make myself stop. “Then you’re a bigger person than I am because the thought of you having this with him instead of me burns me up.”
Her jaw drops and her eyebrows narrow in confusion, but before she can say anything else, there’s a small tap on a wood beam that stirs us over to Forest. “It’s time.”
I swallow and give him a nod. “I’ll be right there.”
He lifts his chin in hello to Serena, who’s his cousin, gives me a sad look because he’s one of the few who knows about our past, then leaves us. Everything I had with Serena was a secret. Maybe even a lie.
I refocus on her, capture her chin in my fingers, and dip my head to hers. My lips graze the corner of hers, and with my heart in my throat, I whisper, “Take care of yourself.”
I force myself away from her and move through the church back to the altar.
Crew, Forest, and Roman are all giving me looks that I don’t bother acknowledging.
I get myself into position with my back to the room, and a moment later, the music changes and the doors at the far end of the church open. My heart hammers and dread fills my veins. Bridesmaids file down the aisle one by one and line up on the other side of the altar from me.
I swallow and make myself turn. Helene, on her father’s arm, floats down the aisle like a pageant queen, wearing a sparkling white gown shaped like a pastry.
She’s smiling her I’m the most amazing woman in the room smile.
Everything about her is flawless and entitled.
Lightning flashes through the colored glass of the windows, and a crack of thunder momentarily overpowers the music.
“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Roman mumbles, and I press my lips together to hold in my smile.