Chapter 14
Bianca
“Do you want me to come with you?” Carla offers as I grab a sweater and drape it over my shoulders.
“No.” I shake my head. “I mean, thank you. But I need to do this on my own.” I don’t miss the way Luca’s jaw tightens. I give him a soft smile. “I’m really okay, Luca.”
“I looked this kid up—” my brother starts.
“He’s not a kid,” Carla murmurs.
Luca narrows his eyes at her. “He’s twenty-five. He’s starting his first season playing in Europe, and he just found out he’s going to be a father,” Luca scoffs. “And you think he’s going to stick around?”
Carla winces and I sigh.
“He’s here, Luca,” I remind my brother. “After I pretty much ghosted him. He got on the first flight the second I told him the news.”
“I’d say he’s handling things pretty well,” Carla adds.
I nod. As much as I hate to admit it, Niko is taking this news a lot better than I expected. Much better than Christian did.
Hell, even better than I handled it, which I’m trying not to hold against him.
Luca swears and drags a hand through his hair. “Invite him over for dinner.”
“What?” I gasp.
My brother gives me a look. “I want to meet him. Invite him for dinner. Tomorrow night.” He glances at Carla and she nods, indicating that their schedules are free to host my baby’s daddy for dinner.
Fuck. I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I don’t know how much time he has or—”
“He’ll come.” Luca cuts me off. “If he’s serious about this, about you and the baby, he’ll figure out a way to come. Tell him.”
“Fine.”
“Good.” My brother moves toward the door and yanks it open. “Be honest with him, B. But he better fucking step up.”
I sigh and move to walk through the door, but at the last moment, Luca reaches out and tugs on my ponytail.
“You can do this,” he murmurs the encouragement.
I drop my head so I don’t fucking cry. Nodding, I say, “I hope so. See you later.”
Then, I leave the apartment and take the elevator to the ground floor.
When I push out of the apartment building, I suck in a cool, crisp breath. Moving through Mercat Colon, I slow my pace and enjoy the airy breeze, the chatter spilling from the restaurants and cafés, and the moment of solitude.
The arches of the market are high, leading to intricate mosaics and gorgeous stained glass.
I study the images of a harvest and take comfort in the depiction.
There is simplicity and abundance, perseverance and community, all in one overarching theme.
And I realize that impending motherhood, and all the conflicting feelings it brings, isn’t new.
It’s something that women have endured for centuries. I’m going to be okay.
Cusping my abdomen, I take a deep breath.
We’re both going to be okay.
I cut through the market and approach Niko’s boutique hotel. Through the front windows, I note him pacing in the lobby.
I pause, taking in his towering frame. His thick, dark hair he keeps running his fingers through. The black track pants and simple, lightweight sweater that hugs his biceps.
His lips are pursed in thought, moving slightly as if he’s silently mouthing his thoughts. He looks nervous, on edge, and it fills me with a flicker of relief. He’s taking this seriously. He’s here. He…cares.
No, I can’t let myself hope that Niko cares more than he has to. He’s here because of the baby. Not because of me. I definitely can’t allow myself to believe delusions like that or I’ll end up heartbroken as well as an unemployed, single mother.
He turns and my gaze drops to his firm ass. But damn, is he a sight to behold.
“Woman up, B,” I tell myself.
Then, I square my shoulders and stride into the hotel.
Niko turns the moment I push the door open. In the next breath, he’s in front of me, yanking the door the rest of the way open and reaching for me.
“Bianca,” he breathes, wrapping me in his arms.
My body goes rigid even though I desperately want to melt into his embrace. I suck in a breath, inhaling his spicy cologne, the scent of his laundry detergent, and him. His arms encircle me and it feels so damn good to feel cared for.
But I can’t be stupid about this. I have to be smart. Rational. Pragmatic.
I pat his back once before stepping out of his hold. “Thanks for meeting me.”
He frowns, his eyes narrowing. “I’d have been here sooner if you’d have answered my calls.”
I bite my bottom lip, shaking out my hands as awkwardness settles over me. I don’t know how to have this conversation. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do. “I didn’t need rescuing, Niko. I needed…space. Time to process things.”
He studies me and it’s unnerving. His eyes are serious as they sweep my frame, lingering a second too long on my abdomen, before searching my eyes.
“What?” I mutter.
“You look exhausted,” he admits.
And I snort. “Yeah, thanks. I feel like shit, too.”
He shakes his head as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “You don’t look bad, Honeybee. I didn’t mean…” He sighs. “I hate that you’ve been doing this on your own. I wish I could have taken some of the stress off your plate. That’s all.”
I drop my head and stare at the toes of my sneakers for a beat.
Why the hell does he have to be so damn nice about everything? I don’t want his pretty words, no matter how sincere they sound, because I can’t trust them. I can’t trust him. I barely know him!
“We should talk,” I say.
“Okay,” he agrees. “Do you want to come up to my room? I just checked in.”
Nerves fill my veins. As much as I want to get this conversation over with, the idea of sitting in a cramped hotel room and discussing something so important feels…even more fucking awkward than whatever the hell this exchange is.
“Do you want to go across the street to the market and get a coffee? A bite to eat?” I offer.
“Sure. That works too.”
I turn toward the door and feel his presence behind me. And I hate how good it feels to know that he’s here. Even if I can’t admit it to him.
We wander into the market and I give Niko a chance to look around.
“This place is dope,” he remarks, glancing up at the same harvest mosaic I studied on the way to his hotel.
“We can eat over here.” I gesture to a corner restaurant.
Niko follows me into the open-air space and we take a seat at a back table.
“Are you hungry? Do you have any cravings?” he asks softly, his eyes scanning mine again. “I don’t…I don’t really know anything about this.”
“Honestly, me neither. I feel like I’m losing my mind half the time. I’m not used to all these feelings and tears…ugh. I cry constantly. It’s fucking awful.”
“I’m sorry, Bianca.”
“You didn’t know, Niko.”
“Still, I hate that you were doing things on your own.”
“It hasn’t been that bad,” I fib. “My friend Marlowe was ill her entire pregnancy. She had hyperemesis gravidarum and was nauseous, vomiting, and barely able to eat, for most of her pregnancy. I haven’t had much morning sickness.”
“That’s good,” Niko states, looking horrified at my description of Marlowe’s experience.
The server passes by our table and I order a sparkling water and French fries. Niko opts for a tomato and tuna salad and a Coke Zero.
I lean back in my chair and regard him. “How did you get the time off to come here?”
“I didn’t.”
“What?” I lean closer to the table. “Niko, what are you going to do?”
He shrugs. “One of my teammates is going to cover for me. I’ll say I was sick or something.
I don’t know and honestly, I don’t care.
I needed to see you, Bianca. Fuck, I was going out of my mind the entire flight here.
Seeing you on FaceTime, knowing that you’re okay, has been the biggest relief, but I needed to see you in person. ”
“I’m sorry.” I hate how tiny my voice sounds. I hate how much apologizing I’ve done lately, even though it’s warranted. I feel completely off centered.
“Don’t apologize. For anything. It is what it is, and now, we have to find a way forward. Together.” His tone is stern and his eyes flash.
I lace my fingers together and place my hands on the edge of the table. “What about your blonde mystery woman?” I ask, internally cringing that I’m admitting I stalked him on social media.
Niko frowns, then laughs. “You mean Ellie?”
My eyebrows lift in surprise.
Niko shakes his head. “The media had a field day with that one. My brother and Ellie came out to watch my first two games. We went out to celebrate after the first win and Dimi met a woman.” Niko snorts. “A woman he took back to my place.”
I bite my bottom lip as amusement, mixed with relief, rolls through me.
“Ellie and I grabbed a drink at a bar and the next day, it’s splashed all over socials.” Niko shakes his head. “Ellie is like my sister. I’m not dating anyone.”
I nod, averting my gaze. I don’t want him to see how relieved I am to hear that.
Because I shouldn’t be relieved. I shouldn’t be anything other than focused on the baby.
“I don’t know how much you want to be involved with…
everything, but I don’t want you to rearrange your life.
I understand that your career is in Germany.
And my life is between New York and Spain. ”
Niko lowers his gaze, but when he looks back up, I note the seriousness of his expression. “I want to be involved in everything, Bianca. What do you need?”
I shake my head, bristling at the question. “I don’t need anything. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I can handle this.”
He sighs heavily. Rakes a hand through his perfect hair. “Okay, let’s start over. Why don’t you tell me everything that’s happened, including the scare in New York, and catch me up to speed, yeah?”
“Fine,” I agree, filling him in on everything that happened in New York from the moment I discovered I was pregnant, to the confirmation by the OBGYN, to passing out at the photoshoot and being rushed to the hospital.
The more I talk, the more agitated Niko becomes. His fingertips tap the ledge of the table. His knee bounces, every now and then, bumping against mine. His jaw tightens and his eyes narrow.
When I’m done, he drags a hand over his face.
“I’m not asking you for anything,” I remind him.
He drops his head. “That’s part of the problem, Honeybee.” Niko looks up and his blue eyes blaze. “I don’t want you to ask. I just want to be here for you, for our baby.”
“And I appreciate that, but you have a career, Niko.”
“So do you.”
“It’s your first season,” I continue. “You can’t just fly in and out.”
“I’ll make it work.”
“I don’t want you here out of a sense of obligation.” I spell it out for him.
“Bianca, I know we don’t know each other that well. But everything you do know about me, about my family—do you honestly think I’d walk away from this? From my child?”
His words bury into my chest and I lower my gaze to admit the truth. “I don’t think you understand what this is yet.”
“Maybe not,” he agrees. “But I want to figure it out with you.” He reaches across the table and covers my hand with his. “Please, let me.”
Rolling my lips together, I inhale and nod. “Okay.”
“Okay. When is your next doctor’s appointment?”
“It’s supposed to be in two weeks, for the end of the first trimester.”
“Have you found a doctor here in Valencia? Or…are you planning to go back to New York?”
I shake my head, feeling like a failure as I admit, “I think I need to stay here. My support system is here. In New York…”
“You were burning out.”
I nod, brushing my hair away from my face.
Our server drops off our drinks and I crack the top on my small water bottle. “I don’t know how to do my job at half speed. Or half intensity.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“Leaving URBN Move?”
He nods, his expression solemn.
I take a sip of water and let the cold liquid temper some of the heat in my cheeks. “Like a failure.”
“Bianca,” Niko says softly. “You are the furthest thing from a failure. Honeybee, you’re growing a life. That takes a tremendous amount of work.”
“I don’t feel like I’m doing anything though. Just…existing.”
“I’ll help with all the financial things. I don’t want you to worry about money.”
“I’m not,” I admit.
“We don’t need your brother to bankroll our baby’s start at life,” Niko says seriously, his hand resting over his chest. “I’ll provide for you both. I promise.”
“Thank you. But I want to be able to provide for us both too. It’s important to me.”
“I get that,” he says, nodding. “I really do. But right now, your health and the baby’s health need to be top priority.”
“I’m going to call Chris and have the dreaded conversation. Then, I’ll make an appointment with a doctor here.”
“Please, let me know the date as soon as you can. I’ll be there.”
“Niko—”
“I’ll do everything I can to be there,” he amends, as if knowing that I’m skeptical of his words.
I need to see the action behind them.
But I don’t doubt his sincerity in this moment and that brings me a sliver of comfort.
“My brother wants you to come to dinner tomorrow night,” I admit.
“I can’t wait to meet him,” he replies easily.
I narrow my gaze. He can’t be serious. I’m about to press him when the server approaches and places his salad and my French fries on the table.
“Gracias,” he says, grinning at her.
She blushes and I fight the urge to roll my eyes.
I know Niko wasn’t flirting but the realization that I’m going to give up my career, move countries, and most likely not date for the next six months hits me like a punch to the gut.
I’m going to change my entire life. Hell, my perspective. My…everything.
And Niko is going to be his charming, sexy, single self…playing soccer in Stuttgart. Making women blush just by looking at them.
How fucking unfair is that?
And how shitty is it that I need to get used to it…