Chapter 25
Niko
Surprise floods my system, followed by confusion, and then…sadness. Because Bianca looks fucking heartbroken as her confession hangs in the air between us.
Instinctively, I reach for her, tugging her closer.
“What happened?” I ask, curiosity surging.
Did she give the baby up for adoption? Have an abortion?
A miscarriage? They’re all devastating, gut-wrenching scenarios and part of me doesn’t want to know the answer because I fucking hate that any of them could be part of her story.
I hate that she’s felt that type of bone-deep hurt at all.
Tears well in her eyes.
“You don’t have to tell me,” I murmur.
She shakes her head. “I want to. I owe it—”
“You don’t owe me a goddamn thing.”
She sniffles. “I owe it to myself to tell you. If we’re going to have a real chance at a future, if we’re going to be in a real relationship, then I need you to know the truth. I think it explains why I’ve been so stressed, angry, just emotional since learning I’m pregnant.”
“It could be the hormones,” I say gently, recalling the entire chapter I read about hCG and relaxin.
“It’s not.”
I brush her hair from her eyes, cup her cheek, and stare at her beautiful face. Right now, it’s shrouded with raw emotion. Guilt and shame and sadness.
“What happened?” I ask again.
Bianca rests her hand on top of mine and says, “I had a boyfriend for most of high school and college. His name was Christian. We met freshman year of high school and became a thing, the ‘it’ couple I suppose, my sophomore year. My dad had passed away, Luca was living in Spain, playing fútbol professionally, and it was just Mama and me in New York. Because it was just the two of us, I got away with a lot. I had a huge friend group, was super active in clubs at school, and had Christian. His parents were both doctors, surgeons actually, so they weren’t home a lot.
Even when they were, they were usually checked out or on call.
Christian was an only child and often had his apartment, a huge space on the Upper East Side, to himself.
I would regularly sleep there, telling my mama I was at a friend’s house.
We started having sex when I was sixteen.
I was certain we would attend NYU together and then get married, start a family, the whole thing. ”
She scrunches her nose, as if gathering her thoughts.
I wait for her to continue, trying to keep my face neutral. No matter where this story goes, I know I’m not going to like it. But I don’t want my reactions in real time to impact how Bianca shares her situation.
Schooling my features, I brush my thumb along her cheek. She presses her hand more firmly into mine and continues.
“I did go to NYU but Christian was accepted to Columbia. Still, we were both in the city and saw each other often. Christian was pre-med, planning to follow in his parents’ footsteps, and his school load was heavier than mine, so I didn’t question it when, by our junior year, he started cancelling plans because he had a study session or a lab. It seemed reasonable.”
My stomach dips at the implication that his excuses weren’t reasonable.
“At the end of my junior year, Mama was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was already stage four and the news rocked my world. Mama was my rock, my person. Luca had our father. They had even spent time living together in Italy and then, Spain, before he passed. But for me, it was always Mama. I unraveled a little after her diagnosis. I knew I had to pull my shit together and help her fight. But that summer, I threw caution to the wind. Everything felt fleeting. Temporary. I partied hard, going out with my friends from high school and NYU, and ended my nights in Christian’s bed.
I was too caught up in the drama of my life to realize that he was losing his patience with me.
He had applied to medical schools across the country and was gearing up for the next phase in his linear path while I was spiraling.
He had grown closer to his friend Kim, a serious, pre-med student like him.
Their goals and plans were more aligned than mine and his.
At some point, he had outgrown me, but the years we spent together were so significant that he didn’t know how to break up with me.
So, while I thought we were planning a future together, he was pivoting, making plans with Kim.
Until I found out I was pregnant.” She pauses, closing her eyes as if the memory is too painful to recall.
“When I told him, he couldn’t keep pretending.
He told me that he didn’t want to be a father.
That he wasn’t ready. That he had plans—moving to California or Texas, medical school, marrying Kim—and none of them included me or a baby.
He accused me of baby-trapping him. Of wanting a payday.
I told him that I didn’t need him, that I could figure it out on my own.
And he fucking laughed. ‘How?’ he asked.
I was such a fucking mess, I couldn’t be a good mom.
Besides, how was I planning to care for my dying mother and a newborn baby at the same time?
I figured he was right and I made an appointment for an abortion.
I texted him the details of the appointment, sat in the cold waiting room, and he never showed up.
He never reached out. We never spoke again.
Christian leveled me with his coldness. He was so detached from the situation, so different from the guy I fell for at fifteen.
“And obviously, it didn’t happen overnight.
It happened little by little, but I didn’t see it.
Not the way I should have. And so, his cutting contact felt like another loss.
In the end, waiting by myself, I panicked and couldn’t go through with it.
I walked out of the clinic and decided I was going to keep the baby.
“But I couldn’t tell anyone. My mama needed me.
Luca was so far away. I just…went through the motions.
Made an appointment at an OBGYN. Started my senior year of college.
And then, at my thirteen-week scan…” She sniffles, sucking in a breath.
“There was no heartbeat. The baby had passed away and I… I didn’t even know. ”
“Bianca.” My voice cracks.
She shakes her head, needing to get the rest out. “I figured it was my fault. I mean, hadn’t I considered ending the pregnancy anyway? And what kind of a mother would I be?”
“A wonderful one.”
“I didn’t believe that then. It’s still hard for me to believe it now.”
“Is that why you tried to shut me out when you found out you were pregnant?” I ask quietly.
She nods, tears spilling onto her cheeks. It’s as if now that she’s shared the story, she can allow herself to feel the emotions the memories stir up. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Niko. I…you’re the only person I’ve ever told this to.”
Shock jolts through me. “Ever?”
She nods.
“You mean, this entire time, you’ve just…carried this around?”
“Yes.”
“Honeybee.” I pull her into my chest and wrap my arms around her. “I’m so sorry you felt so damn alone.”
“When I first learned I was pregnant, this time,” she clarifies, “I was certain something similar would happen. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t think it would last. I figured I’d fuck it up or it would be like karma from all the thoughts I had last time…
” She trails off, shaking her head. “My head was all over the place. I assumed you wouldn’t want to be involved because you were at the start of a huge career move, the way Christian was and—”
“I’m not him,” I say seriously, sickened by her ex’s actions when she needed him to step up.
“I know that. That’s what I’m trying to tell you…
that’s why I am telling you. I know you’re not him and I trust you, Niko.
It just took me a while to understand that.
” She sucks in a deep breath. “I’m falling in love with you, Niko, and it scares the hell out of me.
I thought I was in love with Christian. I thought I was going to marry him and spend my entire life at his side.
And now, I realize what I felt for him pales in comparison to what I feel for you.
He destroyed me. You could ruin me for the rest of my life. ”
“Bianca—”
“I don’t want you to ruin me.”
The weight of what she’s giving me—herself, her truth, her future—settles over me. And I welcome it. Fuck, I want it.
“I would never do that to you, Bianca. And I’m not just saying that.
No matter what happens between us, I will always protect you, care for you, and honor you.
Not only because you are the mother of my child but because you are a woman deserving of all good things.
You’re one of my people, Bianca, and I always show up for the people who matter to me. ”
She blinks back tears as I close the space between us and press a gentle kiss to her mouth.
“I promise you. For always,” I murmur.
Her lips tremble beneath mine but she kisses me back.
“We’re having a baby, Niko.”
I smile. “I know we are, sweetheart. Is the baby a boy or a girl?”
She pulls back and shakes her head. “I don’t know.”
“What?”
She lets out a little laugh. “I have an envelope, but I didn’t open it.”
“Why not?”
She shrugs. “It felt like something we should find out together.”
I can’t stop the grin that cuts my face. She didn’t find out the sex of the baby with Huntington. She waited for me, even though I didn’t make the appointment. Even though she was disappointed with me.
She doesn’t know it but that action speaks volumes. It’s the assurance I need that she’s just as invested in this, in us, as I am.
“Can we open it now?”
Bianca nods. “I’ve been waiting for you. Wait one second.” She hops out of bed and moves to the living room. A moment later, she returns with her purse in her hand. She fishes out an envelope stamped with the name and address of the OBGYN office.
I shift my weight, settling back against the pillows and tugging her to rest against my chest so we can both read the note. She slips her finger under the envelope flap and loosens the seal.
Glancing at me, she asks, “You ready?”
“Yes.” My heart rate ticks up.
It doesn’t matter if the baby is a boy or a girl but the anticipation, the excitement, of finally knowing courses through me the same way my adrenaline spikes before I step onto the field ahead of a big game.
It’s the accumulation of a thousand hopes, infinite prayers, in a single moment.
“Okay,” Bianca breathes, pulling out the folded note.
She opens it.
It’s a girl!
“Oh my God!” Bianca exclaims, turning in my arms.
I’m already dragging her up my frame and kissing her hard. Tears stream down her cheeks and well in my eyes. The intensity of my emotion—excitement and relief and pure joy—crashes over me. My fingers shake as I clutch Bianca’s hair and kiss her deeply.
“We’re having a girl,” she breathes.
“We’re having a girl,” I repeat, wonder laced in my tone.
And then, we begin to laugh. Big, unchecked laughter that quakes in our bellies, shakes our shoulders, and causes tears to track down our cheeks.
I’ve experienced true happiness before, but nothing will ever top this.
Right now, I feel alive. Aware. Present.
And truly at home.