37. Ledger
Ledger
It’s early, and the dog drags his paws as he follows me into the bullpen.
“Good morning, Dozey,” Daisy says, picking him up.
He licks her face as she hands me my cup of coffee.
“Thanks, Daisy,” I mumble.
She hums. “You seem tired, boss.”
I grunt and pull my computer up.
After getting a few things done on my long list, including reports for Kensington’s people, my phone rings.
Lawrence Beckett.
Hopefully, this is productive news.
“Agent Beckett,” I answer.
“Morning, sheriff. So we’ve talked to our new friends. They lawyered up pretty quickly. That being said, it’s probably time to finish this. But of course not without your go-ahead,” Lawrence says.
“I figured. It’s been oddly quiet over there.
We haven’t seen any of the Kensington family in town either.
But my guy is still in there and we can’t get ahold of him at the moment.
He has another check in today, and I won’t move until we have confirmation.
I don’t want this to turn into a hostage situation,” I tell him.
“I understand. Verify his status, then call me back,” he says.
“I appreciate that. Thank you.”
“No problem. Talk soon.”
I hang up, tossing my phone onto the stack of papers, and drop my head on my chair.
I glance through my window into the bullpen to see if Luke is here yet, but his desk is empty.
Trying to focus on everything that isn’t Shiloh, or worry that I made a terrible decision to let Will, my employee, my friend, walk into the lion’s den with little backup because I couldn’t give it to him. I close my eyes, trying to think through our plan A, but considering a plan B.
“Ledger, Luke is here,” Daisy calls.
“Can you go get him, please?” I ask her.
“He’s already coming this way,” she says.
Luke hurries to my office and tosses a half-hearted wink at Daisy before stepping into my office and closing the door.
“He didn’t check in,” Luke says.
My stomach drops.
Luke’s face is pale as he paces back and forth.
Shit.
“He’s in a tough position, but I should have tried harder to let him know we were picking them up.”
I take a deep breath, trying to release the tension in my jaw.
“We need to follow protocol. We wait for the second check-in. If he doesn’t … then we move the timeline up,” I tell him.
Luke rubs his neck. “Yeah, okay.
“Elise, John, and Connor already lawyered up.”
“Can’t say I’m surprised,” Luke sighs.
“We have to do this carefully, or it puts Will at more risk.”
Luke nods. “I know. But I’ve got a bad feeling about all of it.”
I should have stayed at the office because the mountain of paperwork I need to do keeps building.
We’re so close to ending all of this chaos with the Kensingtons, and I’m on edge.
Everyone is. But we have to keep our cool, operate as normally as possible, or it could make dominoes start falling faster than we’re prepared for.
We have to catch them before shipping the product.
It will spread the teams thin, but the only way this works is if we strike together.
In the meantime, I need to seal up our plan and make sure it goes off without a hitch because if it doesn’t, that not only puts my people on the line, but that means a lot of cocaine gets to a whole lot of people. I can’t let that happen.
Normally, I would have stayed at work, eaten at my desk and kept working, but I can’t shake the feeling that something is up with Shiloh. My wife is a tough nut to crack, and it’s a good thing I’m a proactive man because I’m going to get to the bottom of it tonight.
I thought she’d be ecstatic about the copper still I got her and the barrel. But it seemed to almost scare her, which is an odd reaction if I’ve ever seen one.
Or maybe she’s afraid to tell me what else is going on. If I can do anything to help her with it, I will.
And I miss her.
When she was living with me and we were together, the moment I got home I’d get home and my shoulders dropped from my ears. It was a relief to see her, a gift to feel her lips on mine.
She centers everything in me, makes me feel like I’m not letting everyone I love and the whole county of Paxton down.
I think a small part of me has always been afraid to commit to a woman because I’ve committed so much of myself in so many other ways.
I didn’t think there was much more to give, and it’s not right to only give pieces of yourself to someone when they are giving everything.
But falling for Shiloh after I married her changed everything.
I couldn’t wait to commit myself to her for real, and even now, she wants to be friends, but I’m still committed.
I always will be.
This time I got takeout from the burger joint in town, aptly named Burger Burger Burger. Hopefully, she likes it.
I look around the lot and surrounding area again before I get out. I don’t have my badge on me and I drove my truck to her place. It’s dark and my hat is on, shielding my face, but hopefully no one is watching either of us.
I hit the bell button and instead of a hello, I get, “Seriously, Ledger?” she groans.
It goes silent before I can respond, and a minute later she’s standing on the other side of the door, staring at me.
“I brought dinner,” I tell her.
She sighs and opens the locked door, takes Dozer’s leash out of my hand, and starts up the stairs.
Closing and locking her door behind me, I set the bag on the counter, and nothing has changed. She still hasn’t bought a couch, and I have to admit that gives me a bit of hope.
“What are you doing here? This is the third time in less than two weeks.”
I shrug and take my shoes off. “I wanted to hang out with my friend.”
She purses her lips and goes to the window, pulling back the blinds.
“Are you okay?”
“Why do you keep asking me that?” she snaps.
“Maybe because you keep responding like that, which is indicative of something being wrong.”
She rolls her pretty eyes and pets Dozer. “What did you get this time?”
“Burger Burger Burger has good fried chicken.”
She huffs. “They really do.”
Before she can open the containers, I snatch the bag back.
“Hey!”
“Tell me what’s going on,” I say a little rougher than I intended.
Her cheeks turn pink and she won’t look me in the eye.
“I said it before, I’ll say it again, I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. Shiloh, I’m not an idiot. I can see it with my own eyes. Tell me what’s going on … please,” I rasp.
Then, to my horror and confusion, she bursts into tears.
“I can’t tell you. Please, please don’t make me do this.”
“Why not? You can trust me, you know this.”
“It’s not you I’m worried about!” she yells.
Closing the distance between us. I take her face, making her look me in the eye. “I’m begging you, Shy, please,” I whisper around the rocks in my throat.
She shakes her head in my hands.
“Please, baby, please tell me what I need to do.”
She nibbles her bottom lip, and I mentally prepare myself for what she’s about to say, expecting the worst.
“I shouldn’t be telling you anything,” she whispers.
“Do I need to sit down for this?” I ask her.
“Probably. But I’m more afraid you’ll be mad at me,” she says.
My stomach squeezes and I tilt my head, wondering what in the world is about to come out of that sassy mouth of hers.
Does she want a divorce? It’s not time yet.
I have to finish this case first, and then find other reasons to convince her not to divorce me because then I’ll really lose her for good.
“You asked me what I knew about Grey, and everything I told you was true. But I didn’t tell you everything.”
Swallowing my irritation, I ask her, “Why?”
Her arms tighten around herself as if I’m about to push her away and storm out of here. I wouldn’t — couldn’t if I tried.
I take her wrist and pull us to her pillows and blankets on the floor, keeping her hand in mine. “Why Shy?” I ask again.
She gathers herself and looks me in the eye. “You know how I said I think Grey used my car to dump bodies?”
I nod, reining in my irritation at hearing his name on her lips.
“Well, I don’t think. I know. We were at a party on the Kensington property.
I saw the whole thing happen. I have no idea who the man was, and at the time I didn’t look too closely.
I knew better. But they got into some kind of fight, I guess.
Again, I didn’t hear the conversation because I didn’t want to.
Then there was shouting, and he was walking away.
Then a gun went off. He was shot right in front of me … ”
Tears line her eyes, and her expression twists painfully.
“Blood spattered on my face. I tried to help him, tried to slow the bleeding, but it was useless. I watched the light fade from his eyes,” she rasped, looking over my shoulder, probably replaying the night in her mind.
“Then they used my car to get rid of him and cleaned it, but you already know that.”
She’s my smoking gun. She’s a material witness. No wonder Grey was so worried.
I grab her chin, forcing her disturbingly vacant eyes to mine.
They warm a touch, and my chest aches because of it.
“I’m sorry you had to see that,” I say quietly because she feels fragile, and if I make one wrong move, then she might shatter.
But even if she does, I’ll be there to pick up the pieces, regardless of how she feels about me. I always will be.
“I tried to forget, push it out of my mind, and move on. I thought I had,” she says, and I hate that her voice sounds so unsure — unconfident.
“I know you’re probably wondering why I stayed with him.”
I am, but I don’t tell her that.
“He, uh, he apologized. He said I was never supposed to see that, and it wasn’t supposed to happen.”
I hum running the pad of my thumb over her hand.
She closes her eyes, squeezing my hand tighter. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
I nod, keeping my poker face. “I’m not angry. But why didn’t you tell me earlier? I would have … gone about things a lot differently.” Though I don’t think marrying her would have been one of them, as reckless as that sounds.
“How? I know I’m a witness to something that could hurt the Kensingtons.
The only reason they didn’t bury me out in the pasture was because I was Grey’s girlfriend.
I don’t have that protection anymore. But after he hit me, I thought maybe they figured that was threat enough to keep me silent.
Then I married you and moved in, and I thought it was fine because we were quiet about it, and being the Sheriff’s wife definitely helps. Then…”
I pinch my lips together. “Then what?”
“I think the whole town knows we’re married,” she sighs. “But I was the one who wore my wedding ring. I could have kept that a secret, which may have helped in the long run.”
“I thought marrying you would help more than put you in danger. I didn’t think it could…” I trail off and brush a hand over my face.
I messed up. I did the one thing I tried to ensure never happens, and I failed her.
“You didn’t know Ledger. This isn’t all on you. I didn’t tell you, this is on me.”
But I can’t take it back. All I can do is fix it. She’s mine, friends or not, and she needs to be protected now more so than ever. But I don’t know how else to make sure no one gets to her when she isn’t living across the hall. It’s not like Paxton County has safe houses available.
“I didn’t want you to get hurt either,” she says, bringing me out of my thoughts.
I frown, wondering how she would come to that conclusion.
She looks me in the eye and proceeds to roll hers. “You might be Superman, but you’re not invincible, Ledge,” she whispers, cupping my face with her soft hand.
I lean into her touch, turning to kiss her palm. “What are you getting at? Are you talking about the house?” I ask her.
She nods. “Then someone from the Kensingtons came from the diner a couple of days ago. It’s why I left. I think Grey was warning me again because I’m sure he assumed I ratted, and if he tried to kill me while I was living with you, that would be far too obvious, you know?”
“You scared him,” I mutter.
She huffs. “I didn’t agree to take your offer to stay with you because of this.”
“I didn’t think you did, but that explains why I can’t find him,” I mutter.
“I’m sorry I’m doing this now, but after everything, and we …”
“Thank you for telling me.”
She nods and reaches for Dozer.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay? Now I really don’t like the thought of you living here without …”
“Without you?” she finishes for me.
“I don’t like it, Shy. For a multitude of reasons. But also because …” I trail off, unable to say the words again, and I’m man enough to admit that it would hurt too much to hear her shut me down again.
“Not many people know I live here. I have a gun. I’ll be okay. I promise.”
I sigh. “I get that, I do, but I don’t have to tell you that nothing is a secret in this town.”
“I’m being careful. I keep an eye out. I’ll be fine.”
I lean against the wall as Dozer nips at my finger, trying to get me to play with him. No one would expect Shiloh to be on Hayes property, and if I explain the situation to Mom, she’d be fine with it.
But if the Kensingtons have been watching Shiloh and me take her to the ranch, that exposes my family, and I can’t let that happen.
She’s a high-profile witness who could be the final nail in the Kensington coffin.
“Would you be willing to say what you told me on record?”
Shiloh huffs. “You’re joking, right? What about our spousal privilege?”
My chest twinges at the word spouse. “No, I’m dead serious. Your testimony can be used to put all of them away, and privilege wouldn’t fall under that.”
“I’m not reporting it. That would defeat the purpose of everything I’ve done,” she says.
I jerk back. “What does that mean?”
She sighs. “It means, can we eat dinner? I’m starving and I know you’re probably tired.”
She hops up from the floor and unpacks the food.
We eat and then I’m on my way home, reeling from her confession, regretting leaving her, but I know she wouldn’t let me stay.
And in all this planning and coordination, I never considered that protecting Shiloh should be part of that, not in this way.
I thought the pressure of making sure this bust goes as planned couldn’t get any heavier. It did because all I can think about is whether my wife will be okay, and I can’t clone myself to protect her and make sure the Kensingtons are put down for good.