Chapter 5
JADE
It’s been three amazing months since Lauralyn was born, and being her mother has filled a void inside me—that emptiness that the Bianchis dug when they took my son away.
And though I’ll never get back the years they stole with Robby, a part of me has healed when I had her, when no one was there to tear her away from my arms.
I’d do anything to get those same experiences with Robby that I get to have with her.
All those firsts I’d missed out on. The first time he smiled.
The first time he said mama. The first time he took his steps.
The hugs. The kisses. God . . . I can’t even think about it all without my heart breaking.
And though I’m grateful Aida was there for all of them, her kindness and love for my boy giving me some relief, still, it hurts to know I wasn’t there for any of it.
He missed out on so much of the bonding between us, but I have done everything to make up for it—Mommy and son dates, time alone at home, showering him with as much of my attention as I can.
The thing with Robby is, he’s adjusted fine. I’m the one who had the weight of her failures on her shoulders—feeling not good enough, like I failed as a mother. I know none of it was my fault. I know I couldn’t change a thing, but I still felt that way.
It took a while for me to let the guilt go. My therapist has been kind of like my fairy godmother. If it wasn’t for her, I’m not sure I’d be where I am today.
She has helped Aida too. We both learned a lot about ourselves through her wisdom. We learned how to let go, to embrace the present and tuck away the past. She now works for Helping Hand part-time, helping the women like she’s helped us.
I turn the car off, parking it in the space closest to where my mother’s grave is. I haven’t been here since before I gave birth, and I usually go every month. But it’s been one sleepless night after another, and before we know it, it’s been three months.
I’d normally go with Robby or sometimes Enzo would come along too. Other times, it’d just be Elliot and me.
Having him back has been like having a piece of myself returned to me. We’ve gotten really close, and he's over at the house like once a week, hanging with Enzo, Robby, and the rest of the Cavaleris—shooting hoops, barbequing. It’s nice that he doesn’t live but ten minutes away.
He still works for Dante and the guys, but now it’s as security for their growing businesses.
They shuffle the men they employ between the nightclubs and hotels they run.
That’s actually how he met this woman I kinda hope he marries.
Dante assigned him to her family while they’re here for business for a few weeks.
He’s crazy about her, even though he acts like she’s just a job. But a sister knows. Becoming an aunt wouldn’t be so bad either.
I turn my attention to my children, twisting around to the back of the SUV. “We ready to see Grandma?”
Robby grins, holding a bouquet of pink carnations, her favorite.
I want my mother to meet Lauralyn, someone named after her, someone she would’ve loved had she still been around.
The hurt from losing my mother is hard, especially in the beginning.
When I was still in the clutches of the Bianchis, I had pictured seeing her face again, hearing her voice telling me how much she missed me.
But I never got that and it hurts like hell. I miss her every day.
She’d be so proud of me and the family we’ve created. She and Enzo would’ve gotten along splendidly. She had a sense of humor and he’d make her laugh for hours.
I sometimes imagine it, like it’s happening. All of us around the kitchen table—Elliot, Mom, Enzo, the kids. Happy. Fulfilled. Then my eyes open and it all disappears.
Robby unbuckles himself while I get out to get Lauralyn’s car seat, and together we stroll down the freshly cut grass, arriving a short distance to my mom’s plot.
It’s a simple headstone and looks like it’s been taken care of, pink and yellow flowers already there, probably from Elliot. I know he comes here alone too.
Robby sits right down in front of the headstone, while I place the car seat on the ground, joining him.
“Hi, Grandma,” he says, and my nose instantly burns, emotions stumbling through my heart—utterly broken yet so full all at the same time.
“I have a sister now and her name is Lauralyn. Now we’re both named after you,” he explains, since he’s named after her middle name of Roberta.
Tears slip past the edges of my eyes. She should be here. This isn’t fair. She was too young. There’s so much she’s missing out on.
Her love. Her memory. It’s there, within my children. I hope they grow up to be just as beautiful as their grandmother once was. Because beauty, it’s what grows inside your soul. And nurturing it, feeding it, giving it life, that’s what being human is all about.
ALMOST TEN YEARS LATER
Balloons flutter in the wind, the laughter of children filling the space in between, all of us gathered in the yard of our home for Lauralyn’s tenth birthday. She invited the entire class and most of them came, plus all her cousins too. It’s a full house, and we have plenty of food to feed an army.
The family is sitting in the large gazebo, Enzo and me sipping on our drinks—Baileys on the rocks for me, a bottle of beer for him. I pass a bowl of pretzels to Chiara, who takes a handful, giving some to Raquel seated beside her.
Kayla and Elsie are here too. Both of them married now, a family of their own. After everything we’ve been through, each of us has carved a piece of the world and made it ours.
“I swear, if both of those boys make it to their eighteenth birthday, I’ll be shocked.” Chiara shakes her head, blowing an exhausted breath, her eyes glued to Gianni and Frankie, throwing each other around.
“Are they wrestling again?” Aida asks on a laugh, her head tucked on Matteo’s shoulder, his arm firmly around her.
“Sure.” Chiara blows an exasperated breath. “If you wanna call it that.”
“It’s okay,” Dom says, throwing an arm around her. “We’ve got good insurance.”
She bites back a laugh.
“So,” Matteo says this time. “Are you all joining us on Corvo Island this summer?”
“Hell yeah,” Enzo answers. “Can’t wait.”
“Hey, Mom. Dad.” I turn to the sound of my son’s voice.
Robby is there with his girlfriend, Serena.
Who could even imagine that he’s now twenty-one, studying law to work his way up to one day become a judge.
He hopes to put away the type of people that once held us prisoners.
To say I’m proud of him is an understatement.
I climb to my feet, Enzo too, both of us greeting them, pulling up a chair for each of them, then loading their plates with food that Elena was in charge of preparing.
Elena not only faced her demons and left the center, but she was able to hone her talents in the kitchen, the ones she picked up at Helping Hand, and become a chef.
She now has her own restaurant. It’s successful enough that she’s able to open a new location.
I’ve been proud of her—the girl I once met, and the woman she is today.
“How’s school, Robby?” Dante asks. “You’re smarter than all of us here. Graduating with honors? I mean, come on.” He tosses a hand in the air. “We’re all proud of you.”
He smiles shyly. “Yeah. Doing what I can.”
Serena looks proudly at him, her blonde hair fluttering around her shoulders. They had met in college, studying criminal justice together. She plans to become a lawyer too, but on the defense side. That should be interesting.
When I see Elena cleaning up, I excuse myself and head to her. “Hey!” I call, and she pivots, removing her gloves and throwing them into the trash.
“Jade, hey, I was just getting ready to head out.”
“This is for you.” I hand her an envelope with a large cash tip. “You did an amazing job. I’m in awe of your talent.”
She looks to me with fondness, her head falling slightly to the side. “It’s all thanks to you, Jade.”
“No way.” I shake my head. “It was all you and—”
“Nah,” she cuts me off with a shake of her head. “If it wasn’t for your love for us girls, for all the nights you spent on the phone with me, giving me encouragement, listening to me when I was ready to give up, I wouldn’t be here.”
My heart swells. “I’m glad I managed to do that.”
“You remember that last time I called you crying, when I called my mom who said she wanted nothing to do with me unless I had money to give her?”
I nod, recalling that exact moment. My God, she was so broken, she could barely keep herself from hyperventilating.
“Well, if you hadn’t gotten in your car and driven up to the center to see me that night, I would’ve gone back to my pimp.
I have a feeling I wouldn’t have come back.
” Tears coat her eyes, but she clears her throat.
“I would’ve ended up dead. I know that’s where my life was heading.
But you . . .” Her palm lands across her chest. “You loved us. You helped give us a new life.”
My arms circle around her and I hug her to me. “You’re an amazing person, Elena. You always have been. You just needed some reminding.”
I hear her sniffle as she tightens her own arms around me.
“You deserve to be happy.” My mouth widens into a small grin as I pull away. “And I know that with Brandon, that wonderful husband of yours, and those two kids who adore you, you truly are.”
“I am.” Her sigh is deep and content. “Speaking of kids, I gotta go pick them up from the sitter. It’s good to see you guys.” She grabs her duffle bag, slinging it over her shoulder. “Come out to eat at the restaurant next weekend. All of you. I’ll make whatever you want.”
“You spoil us.” I grin. “We’ll be there. Tell Brandon I said hello and the girls too.”
“I will. Tell everyone I said goodbye.”
“Take care.”
She starts for the gate, and I make my way back, but Elliot stops me.
“You leaving?” I ask him, finding him without Layla, his wife, and Madison, his nine-year-old daughter.
“Nah, just gotta get something for Layla from the car.”
“Oh good.”
We both smile at one another, and then he marches away, and I do the same. I only make it a few steps before he stops me.
He turns to me just as I twist toward him. “You ever think about our life now and wonder what it would’ve been like had you not . . .” He trails off, but I know what he wanted to say.
“No.” I smile softly. “Because no matter what I went through, everything is how it was meant to be.” I walk up to him and place a hand on his arm.
“Yeah, you’re right.” His gaze zeros in on me in concentration. “I’m glad we got a second chance, Jade.” There’s much sincerity and love in the cadence of his voice.
“Me too.” Emotions riddle through me.
I wish you were here, Mom.