Caveman Alien’s Baby (Caveman Aliens #27)

Chapter 1

– Theodora –

The sand is dry and loose, swallowing my feet with each step. Closer to the surf it’s firmer, but I don’t trust that ocean. There are bound to be monsters just as bad as on land.

The breeze has picked up, cooling the jungle behind us as the sun sets and replacing the stench of rot and decay with a salty freshness. Heavy waves roll lazily to the shore, making a constant roar.

Golden hour here on this alien beach is incredibly pretty, but it’s mostly wasted since none of us have seen a cellphone for years, much less a real camera.

“So you two definitely won’t be coming with us?” Cora asks, pushing hair out of her face.

“This is where the flying saucer is,” I tell her. “It’s the only way we know of getting off this planet. Sure, it doesn’t fly now, but we might find a way.”

“And if those aliens come back to get us,” Callie adds, “the ones that abducted us, this is probably where they’d land.”

It’s the last time we take an evening walk along the beach with Cora.

She and her caveman husband, Sprisk, will start walking back to their tribe and village tomorrow morning, along with my friends Morgan and Riley.

Callie and I will stay with the flying saucer we were brought here in.

It’s a wreck, pretty much, but I think it can be fixed.

And if it could take us from Earth to planet Xren, it should be able to take us right back.

Maybe we’re being foolish, but the wreck feels like the last piece of Earth we have left.

I can’t let it die. If I leave, it’s like admitting that I’m never getting away from this hellhole.

That I’ll never taste another Philly cheesesteak sandwich, that I’ll never smell warm asphalt, that I’ll never again be able to turn on the light with a switch.

“I get your point,” Cora says. “I lived in the jungle on my own for years, too. And I don’t regret it. But at some point, maybe consider the possibility that nobody’s coming to get you? Life in the village is really good. In some ways,” she adds after a pause. “Actually, most ways.”

“We’ll think about it,” Callie says. “That saucer’s toast, Dorie. Even if it weren’t, I doubt we’ve got the intergalactic equivalent of AAA. Or it might be out of space gas.”

I glance over at the trees that are hiding the saucer from view. “We don’t know that. We may just have to wait for Dex to return.”

Cora picks up a piece of driftwood and flings it into the ocean. It skips on the crest of a wave and vanishes in the white, foamy surf. “Mmm. I’ll see if we can send someone to come and check on you every so often. Every six months, maybe? It’s a long walk.”

“That’s very kind of you,” Callie says. “But we don’t want to make all kinds of trouble for you guys.”

“I’m not sure we need to be checked on,” I say.

“The saucer is safe. No dinos ever came that close to it. Some smaller things made a nest under it, but they turned out to be nice.” I look behind us, where little Otis is locked in a fight to the death with the half-rotted branch of a huge tree that’s washed ashore. It’s not giving him much resistance.

“We’ll see,” Cora says, and in the couple of weeks she’s been here, I’ve gotten to know her well enough to understand what that means: I disagree.

“It might be nice to get food delivery once in a while. Did I tell you we bake bread in the village? It’s really delicious.

We’re experimenting with pizza, too. And you already know we have booze that only makes you retch the first couple of times you try it. After that, it’s almost tolerable!”

“Now you’re fighting dirty,” Callie grumbles. “Fine, bring some pizza and alien wine. Make mine a pepperoni.” She sends me a quick glance. “But there’s no rush. Take your time. Have to let the mozzarella cheese ripen.”

I give her a thin smile. I suspect the reason she’s not going with Cora is that I’m staying, and she feels that someone should stay with me. That would be just like her. She has the warmest, kindest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. And I know she’s not as hellbent on going back to Earth as I am.

“Unripe mozzarella is the worst,” Cora chuckles.

“I’ll see what I can do.” She looks over at the edge of the jungle.

Somewhere in there, we can hear her caveman alien husband chopping down trees that he’ll use to build a barricade around the flying saucer.

Since he and Cora found us, he’s been constantly busy improving the area around it.

He’s being extremely effective, and the jungle keeps echoing with the sound of his heavy axe chopping into wood.

“Well, I just thought I’d check with you two one last time. When you get that thing flying, come see us before you go back to Earth. We may want to peruse your frequent flyer deals.”

She saunters in Sprisk’s direction. In her dark brown suede dress and gladiator sandals, she looks like she belongs here on prehistoric planet Xren. And with a huge, spiky, half-dinosaur alien warrior like Sprisk to protect her, she probably doesn’t ever want to leave.

Not that I’m envious at all. Except for a tiny, traitorous spark I stomp down right away.

I’m never going to fall for an alien, much less marry one.

Even if I were to stumble upon the George Clooney of cavemen, with a mischievous smirk, a black Armani loincloth, and a sword as shiny as Lake Como, I wouldn’t want to get involved.

That would be an anchor on Xren, when all I want is to return to Earth. That’s where my life is.

I turn to Callie. “I think you should go with them. Cora’s right. There’s not much of a life here. That village of theirs sounds much better than this desolate place. And we only need one of us to stay here in case the aliens return or we get the thing working. Or if Dex comes back.”

“What if those Plood aliens return and they only take with them anyone who’s here?” she asks, the same question we’ve fruitlessly pondered for years. “Leaving everyone else behind? I can’t take that chance. If that saucer leaves, I’m going to be on it.”

I kick at a dried-out piece of driftwood, breaking it in half. “Even if they will probably only take us to that space station? You know you won’t like it.”

“That station was terrible,” she agrees, the memory of our abduction and the events after it making her unconsciously adjust the jumpsuit the aliens gave her. “But there, we had options. More or less. Here, everything tries to kill you. Kind of gets on my nerves, you know?”

“Yeah. Okay, just don’t stay because you don’t want me to be alone. I can’t handle that responsibility.”

She shrugs. “I’m a big girl, Dorie. I can make my own decisions.”

I gently cuff her shoulder. “I know. Thank you.”

“And anyway, I bet they don’t have sunsets like this one.” She puts her hands on her hips to admire the scenery.

She has a point. The sunset here on the beach is incredible.

Our quickly lengthening shadows stretch from the pristine white sand into the jungle.

Unlike Earth beaches, there’s not a speck of plastic trash or medical waste anywhere.

It could be a paradise if it weren’t for all the deadly wildlife.

The whole place feels like a zoo. Every time we leave the safety of the saucer, it’s like stepping into a huge cage—one that contains all the most lethal animals ever.

Most of them are dinosaurs, alien monsters that range in size from leopard to a good-sized office building. I hate it here, despite the tropical paradise vibe.

Otis comes bounding in one of his sudden bouts of energy, and I squat down to pick him up. He squirms in my arms and snakes his long, furry tail around my neck, tightening it just on the safe side of strangling me.

We can’t quite figure out what he is. At first, we thought he was a rodent of some kind, but he’s got strong hunting instincts and reminds me more of a cat.

A crimson cat with six legs, a long double snout, and two purple eyes the size of tennis balls, perhaps—but still with enough feline qualities to satisfy me.

His random mix of complete aloofness and sudden surges of aggressive affection only confirms his catness.

To me, anyway. The other girls are less enamored with my alien pet, saying that I’m crazy to feed him and keep him around, considering his claws and impressive set of fangs.

But I don’t care. He was abandoned by his mother and her brood of other cubs in the nest she’d made under the saucer, so I saw no other option than to care for him.

His affection displayed for today, Otis jumps out of my arms and prowls off. His non-retractable claws leave just one or two minor scratches on my forearms.

“He’s growing,” Callie says, eyeing him skeptically. “You know he could become the size of a lion, right?”

“Nah, let’s stay optimistic,” I misunderstand her concern on purpose. “He’ll grow to at least buffalo size, I’m sure.”

She side-eyes me. “Mmm-hmm. Maybe then he can hunt for us, do something useful—”

“Get inside!” comes a distant yell from the jungle. “Monster!”

We both whirl around and sprint toward the saucer.

Cora has made it clear that when she and Sprisk are here, they’ll handle any dinosaur attack, and we should retreat to the only safe place whenever they tell us to.

This is the fifth attack since they arrived, and I can’t help noticing that it’s two more than the total number of aggressive dino sightings we had in all the years before the couple came here.

Morgan and Riley reach the saucer at the same time as us. The hatch is open, but we stop outside and turn to listen. There’s a clang of a blade against a dinosaur’s thick skin, as well as an occasional roar from the monster and a loud rustle from the vegetation.

“Where’s Cora?” Riley whispers. “She doesn’t even have a spear. She can’t help him.”