Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
JAX
My head swims as I stare at the ceiling. I’ve never been overly worried about how quiet my place is, never had a reason to care, but suddenly, it’s overwhelming. Being too quiet wasn’t something I thought possible, but here I am, my skin itching with it.
The remote to the TV is on the bedside table next to me; it’s not like I couldn’t turn it on if I wanted to, but I can’t seem to remove myself from my thoughts long enough to actually do it.
My mind keeps being filled with chocolate brown eyes and a touch that leaves my body feeling electric.
His tongue tangling against my own.
The hot breath that skated across my lips.
Sticky skin resting against my forehead.
Little things that shouldn’t have that much of an effect on me, but here I am, with a boner, while I remember every little fucking second.
Was turning him down a bad decision? I really feel like it was, but what if it’s also just my gut saving me from a lifetime of pain and suffering?
Fuck this.
I fling my arm over to grab the remote and my phone. After the TV is on, I start scrolling social media, desperate to fill my mind with something other than him. Of course, what’s the first thing I see? Us.
Like, us us. Last night, kissing. His hand is locked in the hair at the back of my head, my hands had found his shirt, grabbing fistfuls of it while we were clearly having a moment.
Of course, the account is some college-drama-based profile, posting nothing but gossip and what they would consider juicy, and I got caught up in all this mess.
The Football Quarterback Knows How To Play Ball
Even a stupid caption to go with it.
I pick my head up and let it fall back with a thud into my pillow, as if the action will help.
I guess I have a decision to make? I mean, basically the whole world has seen us now.
Maybe I do let this happen? Class is tomorrow, and I can keep a lookout for him, maybe actually give him my number and see what could happen?
The other thing to keep in mind is the whole college thing.
My brain had the right idea talking about us being different sides to a coin, and what college relationship actually works long term?
It might be fun short term though, would definitely make this place a lot less quiet in moments like this.
It could definitely be fun, we obviously have quite a bit of natural chemistry between us.
Worrying my lip, I think about my options are start thinking about a list of pros and cons.
Monday
The amount of sleep I’ve gotten since the party has been slim to none. It’s impossible for me to feel anything but the strum of want flowing through my veins.
Thankfully, I only have one class today, and I will be skipping it in the hopes of seeing Kai. I’ll give him my number and go from there. Maybe it’ll be great, maybe he’ll never call me, but at least I’ll know, right?
I’m within walking distance to the campus, so I’m there at 7:45 am with my iced mocha—extra shot of espresso—and eyes wide open.
I’m hoping if he has an 8:00 am class, I’ll be there.
I don’t know, I feel like maybe the jocks will have early morning classes so the afternoons are left for practice? That’s just logical, at least to me.
I pull my phone out, scrolling to pass the time, when the deep rumble that I’ve come to fawn over rings out. My head snaps up, trying to find the human it belongs to, and although I can’t see him, I spy a similar group to the one that was at the party walking towards a lecture hall.
I immediately jump up, but I’m still not quick enough. They all go inside, and I’m shit out of luck. Sitting back down, I let out an audible groan as I go back to scrolling. I have at least until nine, if not even later, so I might as well enjoy the sun on my face and the well-made caffeine boost.
This time of year on campus is nice, especially at the end of October and beginning of November.
The temperature has a good bite to it in the mornings, but it warms up enough to enjoy life mid-day.
A nice sweatshirt in the morning, giving me every excuse to continue my unkept look while also being stylish, given the time of year.
Time seems to escape me as the door swings open, and I see Kai again, that smile plastered across his face and a group of friends surrounding him. I stand, taking a step forward, because, duh, this is why I’m here.
They all huddle near the entrance, chatting, and I wait for my chance.
How fucking embarrassing would it be to do this in front of everyone? There’s not a lot of confidence built up anyways; it still kind of feels like a dream. But is it really so weird to give someone your number after the fact?
Is it weird? Probably weird, but it’s too late now. Or I can turn around?
Am I overthinking this?
I worry my lip, a bad habit that has only gotten worse the more stressful life has become, until I taste the coppery metallic taste of blood flooding my mouth.
Fuckin’ A. I can’t do anything right. Despite my active bleeding, I still continue to bite, somehow talking myself out of doing it, despite taking a few more steps forward.
Reaching into my pocket, I pull out a hard candy to give me something to do besides continuing to chew.
I’m standing far enough away, phone in hand, that if someone were to see me, they’d think nothing of it, but I’m also close enough that I can hear every word.
Every word I really shouldn’t be listening to.
“I can’t believe you kissed him,” some blonde says.
“I know. You are the one who dared me to though.” Kai.
I can’t help but continue to listen, despite every inkling telling me to step the fuck back.
I don’t want this kind of heartbreak, especially not when my head is already trying to convince myself this is a really fucking stupid idea.
I’ve somehow also convinced myself in the same breath that this might be really good for me, though.
“You didn’t have to.”
“I know, but did you see him?”
Tears flood my eyes; there’s really nothing else I want to hear. I turn and slam into someone who happened to be behind me, their papers falling to the ground.
“Oh shit, I’m so sorry.”
We both spend a moment picking up the scattered documents when the tattooed forearm peeks out of my periphery. Oh, hell no.
“Jax?”
I wipe at the tears under my eyes. “Hey,” I sniffle, “I gotta go.”
Moving as fast as I can without running into anyone else, I stand and speed walk my way out of there.
“Jax—hey, wait!”
I don’t even bother turning around. I don’t need anyone’s pity. I don’t need to feel like this, and I definitely don’t need the extra attention that being with him would bring.