Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
KAI
It’s the day before Christmas Eve—I should be excited, since tonight is the company party.
It’s the one time everybody, from the CEO to janitorial staff, all gather in one place and mingle.
Food and drinks are provided, and there’s normally some sort of live band with games and prizes galore.
It’s a formal event, everyone dressing their best and getting a chance to show off.
There’s never been a year I was thrilled to be going, but it’s different this year. There’s a sense of dread overcoming me, filling my belly with a nauseous feeling. It’s like, instead of the normal happy butterflies, I’m full of angry wasps. And I’m fucking allergic to wasps.
Everyone else in the building has the day off, but I’ve asked Jax to come in with me under the illusion I’m on the wire to get a piece done, and we can both leave at lunch so we can get ready for the event tonight.
I’m wearing this burgundy velvet suit with a black bow tie, and I’m excited for his reaction when he sees me for the first time.
I’m also just as excited to see what he’s going to wear.
My glasses keep falling down the bridge of my nose, forcing me to push them up.
It’s like the universe doesn’t want what’s coming either, forcing my mind to other places, as if time will run out and I won’t have to do the inevitable.
But, I do. It’s the only option I can reasonably think of, given all the circumstances.
Giving up, I take them off, the arms closing with a little clink, and toss them onto the desk. Jax looks up at me from his computer before I lean back and rub at the bridge of my nose. This can go two ways, but, in reality, I know it’s only going to go one.
“Okay, I’ve put this off long enough. We need to talk.”
Jax doesn’t have a sucker currently stuck between those perfect fucking lips, so instead, he goes for chewing on his lip. Once again, I wish I wasn’t the cause of this anxious tick, but hopefully, he understands my reasoning. I can’t lose him, not again.
“Can you come have a seat over here?”
He stands, cautiously sitting in the same chair where I was on my knees before him a month earlier. Why that one, out of the two?
His teeth keep biting, and I watch as the skin gets plucked before popping back out. It’s so silent in the room, the only noise is my own heart thrumming in my chest.
I’ve never had to do this before. I’ve never wanted to. Every shred of doubt is rearing its ugly head while the stupid stomach-wasps go berserk.
I take a deep breath when Jax yells, “Just fucking say it already!”
I’m shocked, to say the least. I didn’t think he had it in him, but I also do as he wishes.
“The last two-ish months, I’ve really appreciated everything you’ve done.”
Tears fill in his eyes, and he bites his lip harder. God, no. Please.
My own voice is choked as I continue, and I have to cough to clear it.
“You’ve been great, Jax. Unfortunately, though, there are other things I’m looking for, and you will no longer be needed to fill this role.
Um—” I clear my throat again, not able to make eye contact with him as the tears roll down his face.
I want nothing more than to tuck him into my arms and tell him I have this elaborate plan, but I can’t.
“This is your final day of employment. You will not be needed after today, and, although I’m not requiring it, I would really, really like you to go to the party tonight.
If not for me as my assistant, then to say goodbye to Becca, to the people down on the editorial floor.
Of course, I would be happy to write you a letter of recommendation, but you can also give them my phone number, and I can give it that way. ”
I sneak a glance back up, and his green eyes have gotten darker, his pale skin red and splotchy. There are wet tracks down his beautiful face, and my throat feels as though there’s been a rock lodged in it.
“You can go ahead and go home. Uh—get ready if that’s what you choose to do. Jax, I really am sorry. I know you don’t see that now…”
“No.” His words come out as a sob, and that breaks my heart even more.
“No, Kai, I don’t understand. I’ve never been told I’m doing something wrong.
I’ve never been told how to do better. I wasn’t even taught how to do this fucking job.
I’ve just been winging this shit. I—I’ve been working my ass off, and now I’m just fired? ”
“It will all—”
“No. Don’t tell me it’ll all be okay. Don’t tell me shit.” He stands abruptly, pulling the company phone out of his pocket and putting it on my desk before striding out of the room.
I let my own tears go; the sob that wracks me has me hyper-ventilating while trying to get my shit together.
I want him to know the reasons, but it’ll be harder for him to deny it if I just announce it all later.
I’m just sitting here hoping I get a later, that he’s not once again the one who got away.
I’m not sure I could take it another time.
They say if you love someone, let them go, and if they come back, they were always yours. If they don’t, then they never were. But what if you let them go twice?