CHAPTER 20
KIERAN
Something warm and fluffy covered his body, making him slide out of sleep and blink a few times so his eyes could adjust to the dim light in the room. If it weren't for the open door illuminating the room with the dim light from the hallway, he would have been immersed in darkness.
He didn't remember dozing off. Kieran went to the hospital after training at the rink to keep his friend company, who, thanks to the powerful drugs in his IV, was split between a few minutes awake and long hours asleep.
He was worried about Adrian. Not so much about the physical part, since he knew the winger was surrounded by a team of very capable professionals. No, his biggest concern was with his friend's mental state.
Yes, having hope was important and would help him try to regain movement in his legs in any way possible. Whatever was available in the recovery means, they would do.
But Kieran knew that there was still a chance that nothing would change. However, Adrian didn't seem to think about that possibility.
— Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up — Rila whispered beside the recliner he was crammed into.
That thing was ridiculously small for his broad frame, but it was better than the couch Rila had curled up in a fetal position to sleep the night before.
— I was just napping — the words came out deeper and hoarser than normal, forcing him to clear his throat softly before speaking again — What time is it?
— Almost two in the morning — she spoke softly, allowing him to enjoy the sound of her voice.
Rila had no idea how his chest filled with relief every time he heard her. She didn't know how desperate he felt when he woke up one day and realized he was forgetting that sound.
He heard somewhere that someone's voice was the first thing to be forgotten and that proved to be correct in the worst possible way.
Kieran could see her perfectly in his mind, every little detail of her beautiful face was engraved in his brain. But, the sound of her voice was slowly slipping away, escaping from his memory without permission.
Even with so many things to remember her by — the tattoo, his jersey number, the smell of snow and citrus, and moments he held dearly in his brain —, he was utterly devastated when he could no longer hear her.
Because since he couldn't have her by his side in the flesh, keeping her untouched in his mind was the least he could do.
But thanks to a concussion a little over a month ago, he no longer had to live in memories.
Not when he had her right there, only one step away in her usual attire of dark red scrubs and her hair tied back.
Now he could hear the voice he loved so much again.
Even if it was to fight him or if it was accompanied by an eye roll.
He didn't care, he just wanted to hear her.
— Two? — Kieran raised his eyebrows, surprised by the revelation — Damn, the workout really took its toll on me.
— I don't think it's just that— Rila crossed her arms, not moving as he pushed the chair back so he was sitting, which brought them close enough that his knee gently scraped against the side of her thigh — You've been splitting your time between the team and here every day.
I think if we do the math, you've been sleeping less than I have.
And that says a lot considering I'm a resident.
Yes, he was spending all his free time there.
Since it was the middle of the season, he didn't have many hours to spare between ice workouts, weight training, and meetings to watch videos of previous games.
It was exhausting, but he couldn't stay home and sleep when his best friend was in a hospital bed.
He couldn't stay away when someone he loved was going through something so difficult.
However, he wasn't expecting her to notice his new routine. Which meant only one thing.
— Hm, so you've been keeping an eye on me? — his cheek twitched and he couldn't help but smile a little when the doctor rolled her eyes.
— You're a famous player in my hospital, I hear things even if I don't want to.
— Uhum — he could even believe it if it weren't for her shoulder rising slightly, and he had never loved so much that proof that her body produced against herself.
— Whatever — she snorted and raised her chin — You can go home if you want, I'll sleep here until about six if everything stays the way it is down there.
— So, is the emergency room cal… — he began to ask, but was interrupted by Rila's hands, which covered his mouth with an impressive speed.
— No! Don't say that! — she exclaimed in a hurried whisper — You can't say that the ER is you-know-what. If you do, shit hits the fan and the place will be packed in twenty minutes.
Kieran raised his eyebrows, surprised by this superstition. But more than that, he was amazed at their closeness.
She had leaned over the arm of the chair to reach his face, bringing their faces close enough to make him wonder how easy it would be to pull her by the nape of the neck and lock their mouths together.
He wanted to kiss her again. Rila's kiss was like a drug to him, one he had been abstaining from for five years, ten months and twenty-five days. And now that he remembered how their lips fit together perfectly and their tongues moved in unison, he wanted it all the time.
All. The. Fucking. Time.
Her soft hands were still on his lips and he didn't want to lose that contact, but he needed to stop acting like a complete idiot and say something. So, he curled his fingers around her thin wrists, releasing his mouth while holding her with both hands.
— Are you serious? — Kieran used all his willpower to tear his attention away from her drawn lips and focus on her dark eyes.
— Yes, it's the first thing we learn when we enter medical school — her tone was sober, making it difficult to tell whether she was making fun of him or not — This and how to wash your hands properly.
— Washing hands? They teach that in medical school? — he moved his thumbs gently, almost imperceptibly, caressing the sides of her wrists.
—Yep, there is a whole technique for hand hygiene, it's more complex than it seems — now, Rila's voice was not only low, but slightly breathless as well. It was something so subtle that it would go unnoticed by anyone else. But not by him.
Kieran felt his heartbeat increase and was about to run his hands down her forearms and use her elbows to pull her closer when a rustle of sheets cut through the air.
The noise made their eyes flick to the man in the hospital bed. They watched Adrian for a few seconds to confirm that he was still asleep and not getting up to go to the bathroom or something.
It was when he remembered that his friend could no longer do that. Get up.
That was enough to make the mood in the room change and his chest tighten painfully.
— Adrian didn't deserve this — he blurted it out, his gaze still fixed on the bed a few steps in front of him.
— I don't think anyone deserves something like this — Rila muttered and slowly pulled her arms away, freeing herself from his fingers to place one hand on his shoulder.
— This shouldn't be happening — Kieran shook his head from side to side, still unable to believe the situation they were in.
Surprising him again, the doctor slid down the arm of the cushioned chair, her body half in diagonally and one leg resting on the floor, while the other remained suspended.
That position made their arms stick together and the place where their skin touched seemed to burn.
And God, how he wanted to burn himself in her.
It might not seem like a big deal, after all, it was just their arms touching.
However, she was the one who approached.
She was the one who sat down next to him.
She was the one who touched his body. He didn't have to beg or make a deal for it, and they weren't in a situation where the tension between them was palpable like it had been on the night of their second date.
no, this time, Rila touched him of her own free will.
Since Adrian's accident, it was as if they had taken a break from their little battle. They weren't living the push-and-pull of the past few days, where he tried to pull her closer while she pushed him away.
— Yeah, life is like that. I'm not gonna say that everything happens for a reason — Rila sighed — I think this is a way of trying to make us believe that the shit in life has a purpose when, in reality, it just happens.
Shit happens and we have to survive it the best we can.
Something bad happened to Adrian and now we have to help him get through it, that's all we can do.
She was right, what happened to his best friend was shit. And a big one. But the thing was it shouldn't have happened to him.
— It was supposed to be me — Kieran let all the guilt he felt seep out of his mouth with those words. Pretty much every thought he'd had since seeing Adrian passed out in the ice had boiled down to that. Guilt.
— But it wasn't, and you're not to blame either. There was nothing you could do, Kieran — the doctor turned her neck toward him, staring at him with determination — It wasn't your fault.
— I feel like it was — he sank his fingers into his hair, tugging at the strands lightly — If I hadn't moved, the guy would have hit me and Adrian would be fine.
— And how would that be better? The situation would be the same, just with a different victim. And I'm sure Adrian would be here mourning the same way you are — Rila pointed out — It sucks, regardless of who got crushed on that rink.
— Hockey was everything to him and I don't want him to be alone.
— He won't, ‘cause he's got you and me — she spoke firmly, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers before letting their tangled fists rest on her thigh — We'll take care of him.
We.
He hadn't thought he'd hear her say that word again. At least, not anytime soon. It was incredibly satisfying to hear those two letters come out of her mouth. He just wished the situation that had made her say it had been different.
But yes, Kieran would make sure Adrian was taken care of. He would do everything in his power for his friend. Everything.