Chapter 6
If anyone doesn’t feel like ripping somebody’s head off, they should leave now.
VLOG, RANDOM YOGA POSES , APRIL 18
EMMY: Good morning, everyone! It’s time for Random Yoga Poses with me, Emmy Ellison. Today we’re going to do Virabhadrasana 2, also known as Warrior 2. This is a great pose for when you feel like you want to beat the crap out of someone, but A , you live in a civilized society and B , your frustration is kind of unfocused and might potentially get you picked up by a roving police cruiser…
But a little history first. The pose is named for a mythological Hindu warrior that I know you don’t care about. All you need to know is that he had a thousand arms, flaming hair and eyes, and wore a necklace of skulls—and that makes him the best. So here we go. Feet wide apart. Leaning deeply into the lunge. This is a great hip-opening stretch because having closed hips leads you to doing and saying stupid things and feeling like a fool in front of people you want to impress, and I don’t want that happening to any of you. You may not even know what a moron you are until some random stranger posts about it online. Arms up and out, one pointing fiercely in front of you and one pointing fiercely behind you. Look out over that front arm like your enemy is in your sights and you’re going to blast him or her or them with your deadly yoga skills. Maybe your enemy is your own stupid thoughts and expectations that got out of control and now need to be pummeled into submission. Oh wait, we have someone on the live chat!
@namaste4ever says, Peace and love to you, Emmy. I can feel that you need it today. Stop trying to make me cry, @namaste4ever. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. We’re doing angry yoga, and if anyone doesn’t feel like ripping somebody’s head off, they should leave now. The rest of us are getting our Warrior 2 on. Okay, so as I get back into position, I want to tell you another reason why I picked Warrior 2 besides the flames and skulls, which were the major selling points initially. Warrior 2 helps with concentration. As you fix your razor-sharp gaze ahead, your mind will become clearer, and you’ll be able to focus on whatever you want to manifest. Whether it’s good or bad, or not necessarily bad but definitely not something to be proud of, you can manifest it. Okay, let’s do this, people. Flames! Skulls! A thousand arms! (I can’t believe I left that out as a selling point.) Go!