Chapter 13
That’s gotta hurt, I don’t care who you are.
CELEbrITY STRAIGHT TALK , AUGUST 4
AMIL: Have you heard? Our boy Jason Connor has spawned a new hashtag. He’s such a trendsetter! Hello, all. This is Amil Nair with Celebrity Straight Talk , coming at you, as always, with my secret weapon, Isla Wallace.
ISLA: Hi-la, it’s Isla!
AMIL: So, Isla, you’re going to have to take the lead on this segment because my therapist has banned me from all depressing subjects, like war, climate change, and Jason Connor.
ISLA: No problem, Amil. You know I’m always here for you. Jason Connor is the genesis for the recently trending How Not To Break Up hashtag. It comes after he filmed himself ending his relationship with costar and longtime partner, Margarita Ayala, and posting it online . That was a real penis move.
AMIL: What was he thinking, Isla?
ISLA: He obviously wasn’t, Amil. Because you just don’t do that. Hence the hashtag. He’s taking a beating for it on social media, too.
AMIL: Isla, you know I’d stop my own heart if Jason Connor was doing CPR training, but I must say, he’s really made a donkey butt of himself with this stunt.
ISLA: The mother of your child deserves more respect than that, even if she is seeing some producer on the side.
AMIL: That’s a rumor, but agreed. She took it pretty well, though.
ISLA: She appeared to, but, Amil, that’s gotta hurt, I don’t care who you are.
AMIL: Truth be told, Jason looked a little unhinged in the video, don’t you think, Isla?
ISLA: I didn’t want to be the one to say it, but I agree. The hinges were definitely hanging off the door.
AMIL: Did he seem rushed to you?
ISLA: Yes! Like he couldn’t wait to get it over with.
AMIL: It begs the question. Could there be someone else?
ISLA: You mean someone like that author, Emmy Ellison? The one he did the steamy Vanity Fair spread with?
AMIL: Her? No way, Isla. There’s nothing going on there.
ISLA: Are you sure? There were a few photos in that magazine where I was pretty certain there was something going on under the surface. Literally.
AMIL: Here’s the question you have to ask yourself, Isla: Would you dump Margarita Ayala for some nobody romance author from nowheresville?
ISLA: Uh, no, Amil, I wouldn’t.
AMIL: I rest my case.
ISLA: But Jason might.
AMIL: Actually, you’re right. He’s done crazier things.
ISLA: So, here’s the real question, Amil. Are we going to forgive Jason Connor this time?
AMIL: Jesus tells us to forgive everyone, Isla. Especially fools and tax collectors. And Jason Connor is definitely a fool.
ISLA: [ laughs ]
AMIL: [ laughs ]
ISLA: I’d still collect his tax, though.
AMIL: Oh, me, too. I’d raise his bracket.
ISLA: File his extension.
AMIL: Handle his arrears.
ISLA: [ laughs ]
AMIL: [ laughs ]
ISLA: Who knew taxes could be so much fun?