Chapter 36
I was wishing I’d been anesthetized.
CELEbrITY STRAIGHT TALK , DECEMBER 8
AMIL: Happy holidays, everyone! I’m Amil Nair with Celebrity Straight Talk , and this is my cohost, Isla Wallace. Love the reindeer antlers, Isla.
ISLA: Thank you, Amil. I brought a pair for you, too.
AMIL: Oh, aren’t you on the nice list! So, last night we all got to experience the colonoscopy-level discomfort of Jason and Emmy on Celebrity Showdown , and I’m not talking about Emmy’s singing voice.
ISLA: Yes, I was wishing I’d been anesthetized, Amil.
AMIL: It was their last chance to resuscitate a dying promo tour.
ISLA: And now that promo tour is officially dead.
AMIL: There’ll be no premieres, no red carpets.
ISLA: No nuthin’.
AMIL: I kind of wish they hadn’t canceled it, though, Isla, because there’s something so captivating about those two.
ISLA: Never a dull moment, that’s for sure.
AMIL: I heard something on the street. Maybe you heard it, too, Isla?
ISLA: That Jason might be trying to win her back?
AMIL: Yes! But what about Margarita?
ISLA: She’s about to have her tethers loosened so she can float away! [ laughs ]
AMIL: [ laughs ] What?
ISLA: Just kidding. She looks radiant.
AMIL: Maybe they’re going to share him.
ISLA: A friendly little love triangle?
AMIL: More of a love trapezoid. Rumor has it Margarita’s dipping her pita chip in a different flavor of hummus.
ISLA: Amil, I don’t know how you do that when the hummus you have right in front of you is so gosh darn delicious.
AMIL: That hummus is delicious, but it’s also a fool. Jason needs to stay away from Emmy. Focus on his family. Focus on damage control for his career.
ISLA: Agreed, Amil. Except Jason’s been posting on social media that he’s going to be out at the Pershing Square ice skating rink tomorrow night with, get this… a big surprise for Emmy .
AMIL: What could it be?
ISLA: I have no idea, and he’s not letting on.
AMIL: Do you think she’ll show up?
ISLA: I don’t know. He did hijack Celebrity Showdown and get the premiere canceled.
AMIL: That was pretty awful.
ISLA: But she’s no angel, either.
AMIL: If these two are really ready to forgive and forget in front of the whole world, this is going to be epic.
ISLA: Maybe he’ll give her a huge present.
AMIL: Oooh! Like a ring! Or a Tesla.
ISLA: Maybe it’s a trick. Maybe he’ll throw hot chocolate all over her.
AMIL: Yes! And then they can beat each other to death with giant candy canes.
ISLA: Here’s a thought: maybe they’ll act like normal people and just go ice skating.
AMIL: [ laughs ]
ISLA: [ laughs ]
AMIL: Honestly, I would wait an hour to see any of those things.
ISLA: Me, too.
AMIL: Save me a spot, Isla?
ISLA: Always, Amil.
AMIL: Happy holidays, everyone!