Chapter 40
Mom, be quiet.
EMMY ELLISON’S PERSONAL VLOG, DECEMBER 30
EMMY: Hey, everyone, this is Emmy Ellison with Jason Connor coming to you, as promised, with a photo slideshow from our road trip from Florida to California!
JASON: Howdy.
EMMY: If you look at the background, you can see we’re in Joshua Tree National Park. Almost home! Let’s take a look at the trip from two weeks ago up until today. Jason, would you start the slideshow? Okay, here we are pulling out of my old park and waving goodbye to my parents and my best friend. Notice the license tag on the trailer?
JASON: It says FERRARI . With a 3 instead of an E .
EMMY: A little homage to Terica since she promised Jason a Ferrari for winning my poll. We’re gonna tag her on that one.
JASON: Here we are watching Florida State play UF at the FSU football stadium.
EMMY: Jason ate, like, six hot dogs that night.
JASON: I skipped the buns, so it only counts as three.
EMMY: Here we are at the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta. And here are the kids eating s’mores at the campground in Daniel Boone National Forest.
JASON: As you can see, my son’s creepy doll made the trip with us.
EMMY: Jason! Her eyes are glowing in that photo. Do you think her eyes are glowing?
JASON: Don’t look or you’ll get a phone call right before you’re murdered.
EMMY: We stayed a few days with Jason’s family near Cincinnati. There’s your mom. Look at her smiling at you!
JASON: There’s my brother Keith and his wife and all their kids.
EMMY: Mattie had a really good time. Look at his face.
JASON: Mattie also got his hair cut by one of his cousins. That’s why he’s got a buzz cut in the rest of the pictures.
EMMY: Peyton feels terrible about that.
JASON: Well, it’s not Peyton’s fault. You can’t put a twelve-year-old in charge of eight little kids. It was Lord of the Flies up in there.
EMMY: Here we are at another campground in Missouri, where we sang karaoke with this lovely couple named Earl and Shasta. They thought Jason was Luke Bryan. That was hilarious!
JASON: I didn’t correct them.
EMMY: Oh, here’s the Grand Canyon! And here’s Jason pretending to chuck Possessed Baby into the Grand Canyon and Mattie crying about it.
JASON: Stellar parenting moment. Ah, there’s the one of Emmy and Peyton looking beautiful as they dare each other to touch a cactus. And a few frame-by-frames of that whole installment.
EMMY: And here we are arriving at Joshua Tree National Park. Wait, Jason, what are you doing?
JASON: I’m giving Peyton the phone so she can take a video for us.
EMMY: Why is Peyton taking a video for us? Peyton, why are you taking a video for us?
PEYTON: Mom, relax.
EMMY: Jason, are you injured? Why are you on the ground?
PEYTON: Mom, be quiet.
JASON: Emmy Ellison, in front of our children and the world and a bunch of really weird trees featured in a 1990s U2 album…
EMMY: Oh my God!
JASON: Will you marry me?
EMMY: Jason Connor just asked me to marry him! Oh. My. God.
PEYTON: Answer him, Mom!
EMMY: Yes! Of course! Yes, I’ll marry you!
PEYTON: Mom, don’t knock him over. Let him put the ring on you.
EMMY: Wow, look at it! It’s like an ice cube on a keychain.
JASON: Show it to the camera, Emmy. Peyton, hon, zoom in, will you?
PEYTON: Zooming!
JASON: Is it okay? Do you like it?
EMMY: I love it. And I love you.
JASON: I love you, too. Peyton, you can zoom out again.
PEYTON: Oops! Sorry! Zooming out!
EMMY: I can’t believe Jason Connor asked me to marry him!
JASON: Hashtag believe it.
EMMY: Hashtag we’re getting married!
JASON: Hashtag we are.