CHAPTER 25
Kennedy
“You know what I thought when I pulled up in my car just now?” Kennedy asked once they were inside and she was sitting on the sofa next to Cameron.
“What?” Cameron asked.
“That you and Lacey looked a little like you’d just done something wrong, and that I was pretty sure I knew what that something was.”
“What?” Cameron said in a totally different tone. “No. Kennedy, no.”
“I know,” she replied. “And I think part of me had always known that you’d never cheat on me.”
“No, I wouldn’t. I messed up. I forgot to tell her that you didn’t want a couple’s massage and that it would just be me. Then, I tried to be friends with her, but she thought this was a job, which it was, and she asked if she could go. She did. That’s it.”
“You like her, Cam,” Kennedy stated and finally looked over at her.
“Yes. She’s nice.”
“Cam, come on. Let’s just do this.”
“Do what?”
“Cameron, I love you.”
“I know. I love you, too.”
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore.”
“Oh, wow.” Cameron turned her face toward the wall. “God, that really fucking hurts.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. You’re my favorite person.”
“That you’re no longer in love with?”
“I don’t know when it happened or how. You didn’t do anything.
I’m not sure if I did, either. It just happened.
But I do love you, and I think that’s what’s taking us so long to get here: we both really love each other and don’t want to hurt the other person.
But I think we’re doing that anyway, and we’ll just continue to do that unless we finally admit it. ”
“That we’re over?” Cameron asked, still without looking at Kennedy.
“Don’t you feel it, too?”
Cameron nodded slowly and replied, “I do. I didn’t know how to tell you, though.”
“I didn’t know how to tell you, either,” Kennedy shared. “I mean, five years, Cam. It might not seem like a lot to some people, but in Hollywood, five years is practically a silver anniversary.”
Cameron chuckled and said, “Yeah, I guess. I just don’t get it, Ken. What happened? We were perfect together. Then, we weren’t, and I don’t know how we got here.”
“I think the fight was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
“That’s a terrible expression.”
Kennedy gave her a tight smile and said, “I know. It was like all my anger at you, which wasn’t really at you but at myself for not being mature enough to tell you that I wasn’t sure about us anymore, just came out.
Then, we lost job opportunities because of it, and all we do is sit around this house and bother each other.
I was honestly happy to have Zane call me today, because the thought of sitting here while you and Lacey flirt was too much for me, but I didn’t have anywhere else to go; at least, not somewhere that would’ve made sense.
I can’t just go to a grocery store around here most days.
Even in a hat and sunglasses, I get recognized, and I didn’t want to deal with that. ”
“Did you get the directing thing?”
“They were willing to talk to me, but it’s not for me. It’s a half-hour comedy and only one episode. I have no experience in comedy.”
“I think you’re funny,” Cameron teased.
“Thanks,” she replied, laughing a little, and then added, “Cam, I don’t know how to not have you in my life.
I lived for over thirty years without you around, but now that I know you and I’ve been loved by you, I don’t know what to do.
I think that’s part of the reason it’s taken me so long to finally say it. ”
“I could’ve said it, too.” Cameron turned to her. “But I didn’t want to lose you, either, Ken. You’re my best friend.”
“When did we go from wanting to tear each other’s clothes off all the time to not wanting to touch each other at all because it felt weird?”
“I don’t know. It’s been a while.”
Kennedy took Cameron’s hand and said, “I know you like Lacey.”
“Ken, I–”
“Just hold on, okay? I know you like her. I could see it all weekend, Cam. She… brings something out in you. I don’t know if I brought it out in you, too, at one point, but I don’t anymore, and I loved seeing you happy like that again.
Did it hurt? Yes. I’m human. But I want you to be happy.
That’s important to me, and if she… can do that… ”
“Kennedy, nothing happened.”
“That’s not completely true, though, is it? Something happened. Maybe not physically, but you see something in her, and I can tell that it’s there for Lacey, too.”
“What about River?” Cameron asked her.
Kennedy swallowed and replied, “I don’t know if they’ll stay together or–”
“Ken, that’s not what I’m talking about. Yes, we don’t know for sure what will happen, but it seems to me like they’re about to do what we’re doing right now, and probably soon. They’re not happy, either.”
“I know.”
“And you like River.”
“River’s great, yeah, but I don’t know.”
“What don’t you know?”
“What to do about any of this because I do like her, but, Cam, I’m breaking up with my best friend and the woman I thought I’d spend my life with.
We’ve been together for half a decade. I don’t know how I feel about just calling River up and asking if she’s broken up with Lacey yet, because I want to go out with her, when I don’t know if I’m ready to go out with anyone. ”
Cameron nodded and said, “I get it.”
“My whole life is in turmoil right now. We live together. We own this place together. We have assets, even though we never got married, that we’d have to decide what to do with.
On top of that, I won’t be…” Kennedy felt her eyes well with tears.
“I won’t be falling asleep next to you anymore.
I know it hasn’t exactly been sexy with us for a while, but I had my best friend there next to me every night, and when this whole fight thing happened and caused us to at least temporarily be unemployable, you were right there next to me, trying to put on my favorite old TV show to take my mind off it and making me laugh with your ridiculous jokes. ”
She chuckled as tears fell.
Cameron wiped them away and said, “We might not be in the same bed anymore, but I’m not going anywhere. And we will figure the house stuff out. We can be amicable about that, right?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Then, there’s nothing to worry about, Ken.
” Cameron wiped more of Kennedy’s tears away.
“It just didn’t work out. We were maybe right for each other for the time we had, but not meant to be forever.
I know I might not be beside you in bed every night now, but I’ll always be by your side whenever you need me.
I don’t know what else we can do right now.
I think I could use some time to think and maybe to get a little space from this.
” Cameron’s eyes welled with tears then, too.
“But I don’t want to lose you ever, okay?
So, we’ll find a way to be friends, and we’ll always be friends.
Nothing changes that. We’re best friends. We stay that way.”
“And when you start dating Lacey, she’s just going to be okay with you being besties with your ex?”
“I’m not dating Lacey, Kennedy.”
“But we both know you want to, Cam. I don’t want to stand in your way.
I want you to know that, okay? I’m not in your way.
If you want to ask her out and see where it can go, I want you to be able to do that, because you and I probably should’ve ended a year ago, and we didn’t.
I’m not going to hold you back anymore. If you need time, that’s your decision, but I don’t want you to worry about hurting me whenever you do move on. ”
Cameron wiped a tear before Kennedy could get to it, but she still managed to reach the second one that slid down Cameron’s cheek.
“I want that for you, too. Maybe you’re not ready now, and I get that, but if you are, or if you think you might be, I don’t want you to worry about me, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” Kennedy replied. “So, um… I think I’m going to pack.”
“Pack? Why?”
“Cam, we just broke up. I can’t sleep in the same bed as you tonight.”
“We have guest rooms, Kennedy. Plural.”
Kennedy smiled at her and replied, “I know, but I can’t be here right now. I need some space.”
“From me? I’ll go. I can pack.”
“No, I need space from the home we bought and shared for years, Cameron. I’ll just get a hotel for a few nights until I figure out what I want to do. Maybe then, we can talk about the house. I don’t know if you want to keep it or if I would, maybe, once I had a little time out of it.”
“We don’t have to make any of those decisions anytime soon, Ken.”
“Yes, we do, Cam. If we’re moving on, we should move on. I want to be happy. Don’t you?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Then, we have to actually do it. I’ll be at a hotel for a few days. Then, we’ll see how we feel about things.”
“If that’s what you want.”
“Do you really want to go out with someone and bring them back here, to where your ex-girlfriend is sitting on the sofa?”
“I’m not going out with Lacey.”
“Tonight, you’re not. But, Cameron, I sat in that car with you on the way home last weekend. I saw you.”
“Saw me what?”
“Saw the expression on your face; the tears you tried to cover up. You missed her, and we’d just left. You knew you’d see her today for the stupid massage thing you booked, and you still missed her.”
“Ken, that wasn’t about Lacey.”
“Then, what was it about?”
“Us,” Cameron revealed. “I knew it was over. I knew I liked someone else. I’ve never even looked at another woman since you and I met, but I’d been looking at Lacey all weekend. That’s not like me. I’m a one-woman woman. And for the first time in a long time, that woman–”
“Wasn’t me?” she guessed and wiped more tears from her cheeks. “I’m going to go pack. Can you maybe stay out here for a while? I think I need to do it alone.”
“If that’s what you need.”
“It is,” Kennedy confirmed and stood up.
“Wait. Just…” Cameron stood up, too. “Ken, can I hug you? Can we hug goodbye? Is that all right?”
Kennedy wanted to sob then because this was it; this was really the end.
She held it in, nodded, and turned to her now-ex-girlfriend.
There was a pleading look in Cameron’s eyes, and she felt it, too.
Kennedy wrapped her arms around Cameron’s neck, and that was when she let it all out.
Cameron held her while she sobbed uncontrollably, recalling every moment she’d had with Cameron over the past five years.
She recalled Cameron standing in front of her with a smile, bordering on a smirk, the moment they met.
She saw Cameron looking nervous on their first date; Cameron above her the first time they made love; Cameron telling her the three words for the first time, and everything else.
It all hit her in waves as she held on to Cameron, crying into her neck, while Cameron held her tightly, gripping Kennedy’s shirt, and cried, too.
“I love you,” Cameron said.
“I know,” she replied, pulling herself together and out of the hug, and after wiping her eyes, she added, “Me too. But this is right, and I have to go.”
Cameron nodded as she wiped her own face with her hands, and Kennedy left her in their living room.
She went into their bedroom, and was met with further images of their life together, like their first night in this room when they still had boxes stacked around the bed.
She let the tears fall as she packed two suitcases because she didn’t know how long she’d be gone before she’d come back for more of her stuff, or if she’d decide to stay there if Cameron wanted to move out.
So much was up in the air right now, and Kennedy hated when things were up in the air.
They went out through the garage together, and Cameron helped Kennedy load her bags into the trunk like she’d done so many times before, when Kennedy had a work trip.
Then, they stood there, not saying anything for a long moment, before Kennedy wiped yet another tear from her cheek and nodded at Cameron.
“I’ve got to go.”
“Do you have a reservation somewhere? I can make you one.”
“I’ve got an assistant for that, Cam. I’ll call her on the way there.”
“Where’s there? Where are you going to stay?”
“I’ll text you when I get there, okay? So that you know I’m okay.”
“Can I text you, too? Just to check on you? I will not bother you or anything. But if you need more time, I get it. I–”
“You can text, Cam. It’s okay.”
“Okay,” Cameron said. “I guess… drive safe, Kennedy.”
“I will. Bye, Cam.”
Then, Kennedy turned quickly, got into the car, turned it on, and backed it out of the driveway.
Cameron waved at her as if she were just on her way to the airport and would be home in a week, but she wouldn’t be home in a week. At least, she wouldn’t be coming home to Cameron.
“Hey,” she said to her assistant a minute later over the Bluetooth speaker in her car.
“Hey. What’s up?”
“Can you get me a hotel room for at least the next three or four nights? Maybe longer.”
“Hotel? Do I not have an up-to-date schedule for you? I don’t have you traveling for anything.”
“I’m not. Local,” she said.
Kennedy took a deep breath and thought about where she wanted to stay.
Los Angeles had plenty of nice hotels. She could order room service, take a bath, and cry until she fell asleep if she wanted to.
She could book a massage treatment at a spa, too, but that would just remind her of the masseuse Cameron had a clear interest in, which would only make her cry more.
“Local? Okay. Where, exactly?”
“Can you find me something nice in Anaheim?”