CHAPTER 28
Cameron
Kennedy hadn’t been home in a few days, and it had been odd, walking around the house without her there.
Sure, she’d been gone for longer before, but never after they’d broken up, and as many times as they’d fought, neither of them had ever even mentioned that as a possibility.
Never had their arguments reached the height of saying to the other person that they should break up.
It was strange then that they’d fought so much, yelling at one another time and again, but that their actual ending had been solemn, without either of them raising their voices, and it had also been with them giving the other permission to move on.
Not knowing if Kennedy had reached out to River yet or if she even would, Cameron worried that maybe Kennedy hadn’t meant it, but that it had been something she’d said to try to ease them both out of their relationship.
Giving Cameron permission to move on with Lacey or anyone else might have been lip service, and if Cameron did it, she could hurt Kennedy worse, which she didn’t want to do, but Kennedy hadn’t ever been the lip service kind of person, so Cameron hoped that she’d meant it.
She knew she had meant it when she’d told Kennedy that she should pursue something with River if she wanted to.
They hadn’t discussed what to do about Jessie or Zane.
Cameron hadn’t called to tell either of them that their relationship was over, and she doubted that Kennedy had done so without talking to her about a plan first, so that would have to wait until they were both able to talk beyond a simple text letting her know that Kennedy had arrived at her hotel and that she’d been okay.
Days after their breakup, Cameron picked up her keys off the table where she usually left them until Kennedy then picked them up and put them on the hook by the garage door.
Without Kennedy there, though, the keys had remained on the table, and that, too, felt strange to her.
Cameron walked into the garage, got in her car, opened the garage with the remote clipped to the visor above her head, and waited for it to open fully before backing out.
Then, she sat in her driveway, waiting for the gate to open behind her and for the garage door to close in front of her.
It was symbolic, really, she thought to herself as she sat there.
She was in between right now, in transition, about to maybe take a big step in one direction but not yet fully sure if it was the best idea to do so.
“Fuck it,” she said and backed the rest of the way out of her driveway.
She headed out of the perceived safety of her neighborhood, wondering how long she would still call it her neighborhood now, and hit the highway to Anaheim.
When she’d messaged Lacey to see if they could grab coffee, she’d made sure to mention that it would be as friends.
Lacey had accepted, but they hadn’t texted or talked otherwise since, so Cameron had been trying to focus on getting to see Lacey again and not on the possibility that Lacey and River had had an amazing date full of light and fun conversation, followed by a night of hot sex, them saying, ‘I love you,’ and then them recommitting themselves to their relationship.
It was fascinating how the mind played tricks on people.
She believed Lacey when she’d said it was over between her and River and that they needed to talk, but that hadn’t prevented her brain from still trying to convince her that Lacey would take it all back and that River would be moving into Lacey’s apartment soon.
Cameron hated those thoughts and tried to push them out of her mind when she pulled up to the strip mall coffee shop that Lacey had recommended.
It was a local place that Lacey, apparently, went to a few times a week to, as she’d put it in her text message, waste money on coffee that she could just make at home, which had made Cameron laugh.
She was a few minutes early and didn’t know what to do with herself, so she reached for the baseball hat she kept in her back seat for moments like this to hopefully avoid being recognized, donned it, wishing she didn’t have massive bags under her eyes from crying and not sleeping over the past few days, and decided to get inside to find them a table.
When she pulled open the glass door, though, she saw Lacey already sitting there, wearing her khaki pants and polo shirt, lifting a big cup of coffee to her lips.
She stalled when she saw Cameron standing there, and Cameron couldn’t help it.
She smiled. Lacey smiled back and nodded for her to join her.
“Hey,” she greeted. “I thought I was early.”
“I got here a few minutes ago. I would have gotten you something, but I didn’t know what you’d want. I can get it now, though. You drove all the way here to meet me.”
“You drove all the way to LA to not give me a massage. I think I can get my own coffee. I was going to buy yours, too. Need a refill?”
“Still working on this one,” Lacey replied.
“Right. Pastry or something? Sandwich?”
“I’m okay,” Lacey said. “But get whatever you want.”
“Give me a minute. I’ll be right back.”
Cameron joined the three-person line and checked the menu board behind the counter to see how she was supposed to order, considering she was used to the terms branded chain stores used.
She figured out what she wanted, made it up to the barista, and tapped her card against the reader after placing her order.
“You’re Cameron Levine, aren’t you?” the barista asked.
Cameron looked up at her and said, “Can you not tell anyone you saw me? I’m just here with a friend today.”
“Oh, okay,” the barista replied. “Your order will be up at the bar in a minute.”
“Thank you,” she said and walked over there to wait.
When her drink was ready, she grabbed it and looked toward Lacey, who looked back at her at the same time. It all felt very high school, so Cameron laughed as she carried her drink over to the table and sat down across from Lacey.
“So, how have you been?” Lacey asked.
“Since my girlfriend and I broke up?” Cameron asked back and looked around the semi-crowded café.
She needed to be more careful. In fact, she should have suggested a more private meeting place, but she hadn’t been sure Lacey would agree to that.
Seeing no one around them paying attention and feeling even better about the fact that the only table next to them was empty, she lifted her cup to her mouth to blow on it.
“I’m okay. I cried a bunch that first night and a little the next day. I haven’t been sleeping well, but that’s primarily because you get used to your end-of-the-day routine. We did the same things pretty much every night, and she’s not there beside me anymore, so that’s weird, too.”
“Yeah,” Lacey replied. “You miss her?”
She set her cup back down and said, “Not like that, if that’s what you’re asking.
I miss the woman who’s been my best friend for five years.
It’s strange, not having her there, because she’s always been there.
Like, if I go to make coffee, now I don’t need to make her one.
That made me cry a little. But I don’t miss the romantic part of our relationship in the way you might be thinking.
I’ll always cherish those memories, and I’ll be grateful for them.
I have no regrets; even the stupid fight that got us at least temporarily banned from work.
I don’t regret it because it was the thing that got us to finally admit what was supposed to happen, and…
” Cameron swallowed. “Well, also, because it got me here.”
“Here?”
“Sitting here with you, pretending we are drinking this coffee because it’s something to do, when, really, we need to talk to each other about what happens now.”
“Ah,” Lacey replied.
“I’m not going to pressure you for anything, Lacey.
I want you to know that. We had an amazing weekend together, and I’d be lying if I said that’s all this was for me because it’s not.
I don’t think it’s meant to be that way, either.
I had more fun with you than I’ve had in years, but I also know that you are with someone, and as long as you’re with River, I’m only going to ask you if we can be friends.
I realize that can make things awkward because you know I like you and would be interested in more than that, so if you tell me that we can’t be friends, I’ll definitely understand.
I’ll back off. I don’t want to, but I will. ”
“Cameron, you just got out of a very long relationship. How can you be so sure that you want anything else now? I don’t do casual dating. I never have. I’m not a one-night stand kind of woman or someone who wants something short-term. I’m looking for love. I want a partner, a real relationship.”
“I want that, too.”
“But you just ended–”
“Kennedy and I both knew this was coming. We held on so long because we didn’t want to lose each other, Lace.
We were both afraid that if we broke up, we’d lose someone we love, and we weren’t ready to go there, but when we did, it was probably one of the best conversations we’ve ever had, and we both said we understood. ”
“Understood what?”
“I know she likes River. She knows I like you. We understand, and if we’re ready to move on, we want the other person to do that.”
“And you’re ready to move on a few days later?”
“I’m ready to try, Lacey. But I wouldn’t be saying that if there were no you. It’s not like I’m ready to go to some club and meet random women. It’s you or… Well, it’s you.”
“Or no one?” Lacey asked.
“For now, yeah. I want to fall in love again, Lace. I’d like to get married one day. I know I come with a lot of baggage, and not just because my long-term relationship has recently ended but because what I do for a living comes with a lot of adjusting for someone who isn’t in the industry.”
“Kennedy didn’t have to adjust.”