Center of Attention (Utah Knights Rugby #1)

Prologue

Levi’s trying his best to distract me from the tears streaming down my face by rambling aimlessly.

Something about a time-old tradition, or bachelor auction at the county fair he’s intent on taking me to when we get to Utah, but his efforts are futile.

I can’t focus on anything other than the task in front of me.

Not until it’s done.

Besides, nothing can distract me from the ache causing a gaping hole in my heart.

More wetness gathers along my lashline as we park in front of the familiar white, raised, ranch-style house, in the middle of the cul de sac.

One final time, I take in the worn, faded, red shutters on the windows that match the paint on the front door.

Another wave of grief crests in my chest when I realize I won’t be here to see what color they’re painted later this summer.

I won’t walk through the halls of a house that feels more like home than the one I grew up in. Here, I learned that a home should be filled with love and laughter. Here, I learned what a supportive family is supposed to look like, what a home should feel like.

In between the walls of this house, I learned what it’s like to be loved.

The Gentrys have become more like family than the one I was born into. Knowing I won’t be here to see Kylie compete in her first solo competition this fall, or be in the stands of Ezra’s games, hurts just as much as knowing I’m not going to be there to watch Davis crush his goals.

But I deserve to follow my dreams, too. Even if it’s terrifying.

The sun catches on the small stone set in the middle of the gold band on my left ring finger.

I should have taken it off long before now, but I couldn’t bring myself to let go of the last piece tying me to him yet.

I hold my breath and slip it off my finger, securing it back in the velvet box it came in.

The quiet click of the lid feels like the punctuation marking the end of this chapter of my life. I always imagined I’d start the next chapter with Davis by my side, but I’m changing the whole plot, apparently.

I can do this.

This is the best choice for both of us.

I repeat the two phrases in my head like a mantra, the same way I’ve done a thousand times in the last two weeks.

Who would have thought a singular email would derail my entire life’s plan?

I tried to ignore the acceptance at first. I was going to decline the scholarship and move on with wedding planning, and the future Davis and I envisioned for ourselves. I tried to ignore the longing in my chest, but every time I thought about the email, I kept thinking what if?

What if I do accept?

What if marrying Davis is the wrong decision?

What if this is a sign?

I started weighing the options, and really thinking about my future, and what I want, instead of what the easiest, safest route was.

The more I thought, the more I realized I didn’t want to end up like my mother: living life vicariously through her kids because she got married before she could fulfill any of her dreams.

Eighteen is too young to be making a lifelong commitment like marriage, anyway.

We’ve barely crossed the line into adulthood, so we’re still trying to figure out life outside of our childhood bedrooms. We deserve the time and space to figure out who we are, and who we want to be, without adding the pressure of marriage.

I deserve to figure out who I am, and who I want to be far away from my family’s pressure and influence.

As devastating as it is to end things with Davis, I feel in my bones, this is the right decision for both of us. I’m under no illusion that it’ll be easy to move across the country and lose what little support I have, but at least I won’t be alone.

I’ll have my cousins, my aunt and uncle, and I’m sure I’ll make friends. I already have a job lined up for this summer, thanks to Levi’s family connections, and my scholarship covers most of the larger costs that come with school.

Maybe in the future, my path will cross with Davis’, and we can try again to have the happily ever after we planned. Maybe it won’t, but I have to believe whatever happens, we’ll be happier because of it.

It’s time to live for myself and not for everyone else.

I set the velvet case in the small box of pictures and mementos from our relationship.

My favorites are the small blue teddy bear he won me at the school carnival, photo booth pictures from our trip to Coney Island, and the sweatshirt he bought me at Disneyland because I was cold during the fireworks.

A time capsule of little moments I’ll remember fondly, but I can’t bear to take with me. Keeping them would stop the cut I’m about to make from healing, and I won’t have room in my dorm, anyway.

“You sure about this, Sutton?” Levi asks for the tenth time in five minutes. He asked me over and over when I called to ask him about living in Utah, and a million more times when he offered to fly out and drive me back so I didn’t have to make the cross country drive alone.

Every time he asks, my answer is the same.

“I’m sure.”

“Alright. I’ll be right here.”

I nod and take a deep breath before I exit the car.

The concrete path to the front porch is as familiar as the back of my hand.

I know which cracks are raised so I can avoid them, and which squares are newer than the rest. I know there’s a blue stain on the second to last block from a mishap with popsicles, and I know Mr. Gentry will be out here in the next few days to pull the weeds growing through the cracks.

Ascending the steps, I reach to press the doorbell, but the door swings open and Ezra barrels out, crashing into me.

“Oh, shit, Sutton. I’m sorr—hey. Are you okay?” He asks, stabilizing me. His brows furrow as he looks at the box in my arms, then at me.

I’m sure I look like a mess since I’ve been crying all day.

Seeing Ezra brings on a fresh wave of tears.

I didn’t think he’d be home since he usually works the morning lifeguard shift.

Is it shitty of me for not wanting to say goodbye to the rest of the family?

Probably. But my heart can only take so much breaking.

“Is Davis home?” I manage to ask.

“Yeah, Yes. Come inside and—”

“No!” I blurt out. “I need to talk to him out here. Can you grab him, please?”

His gaze softens at the panic in my tone. “Of course. I’ll be right back.”

A minute later, Davis comes out alone with a frazzled expression on his face. He rushes to me, cupping my face with his familiar, gentle touch.

“What’s wrong, babe? Are you okay? Why are you crying?”

I sniff away my tears, shaking my head. Wordlessly, I hand him the box.

He takes it, and I see the moment he realizes what it is—what it means.

Flipping the lid open on the velvet box, his breath catches, and a pained expression melts across his face when he sees the ring nestled inside.

He sets the cardboard box down on the concrete, stepping into my space and gently gripping my crossed arms.

“Sutton… what?… Why? I thought we were happy. We had a plan. We—you—what changed?” He glances behind me, taking in my packed car and Levi in the driver’s seat. “Utah,” he realizes. “You’re leaving.”

“I’m so sorry,” I sob.

“Shhh, it’s okay.” He wraps me in his arms, crushing me to his chest. “Are you positive about this, though? This is what you want?”

I nod against his chest, wetting his t-shirt with my tears. “I didn’t want to, but then I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Levi offered to let me stay with his family, and found me a summer job… It all started to fall into place. Everything except—”

“Me. Us.” Davis exhales sharply, sniffing away his own tears. “Would you consider long distance? Or I could move to Utah with you, we can make this work.”

I step out of his embrace, offering him a watery smile as I shake my head.

I considered all of those things, but continuing our relationship would hurt more in the long run.

I’d worry constantly about making enough time for Davis, and neither of us would give our full attention to our studies.

Something would give, and it would most likely be our relationship.

“You can’t give up your dream school for me. You’d be miserable all the way across the country, too far from your family. This is what’s best for both of us. We both deserve to follow our dreams.”

“You’re probably right, but I still hate it.” He wraps me in one final, bone crushing hug. “I’m so proud of you, babe. You’re going to crush it in college. Just promise me one thing, okay?”

“What?”

“Never settle for less than you deserve. You deserve the world, Sutton, and I never want you to let anyone tell you otherwise again, okay?”

“Okay. I promise. Thank you, for everything.”

There’s a heavy tension surrounding us as he places one final, achingly tender kiss to my cheek. There are so many things I want to say, but the words stick in my throat. The longer I stay here, the harder it will be to leave.

Davis walks me to the car and opens my door, squeezing my arm one last time as I get in. As he shuts it, I feel both lighter, and like a new weight has been added. He stands at the curb and watches us drive away.

As his figure gets smaller and smaller, I realize I’ll never get back the piece of my heart that’s crushed in the grass on the Gentry’s front yard.