5. RENZA MENSAH
‘LoLux Estate
Tonight, I was kickin’ it with ’Lo and Blaq at Kay’Lo’s crib while we drank and figured out what the hell we was gettin’ into later.
We had been in his den for a couple hours already, and none of us had made one real plan.
The liquor was out, music was playin’ through the speakers, and Blaq had spent most of the night sittin’ there talkin’ shit while me and ’Lo kept pourin’ drinks.
That was usually how our nights started anyway.
We would say we was pre-gamin’, but half the time we ended up sittin’ around so long that wherever we planned on goin’ damn near closed before we made it out the house.
Pressure was supposed to pull up at some point, but I already knew that nigga probably wasn’t comin’.
He had been movin’ different since Pluto had the baby, and I ain’t blame him.
The way shit happened with her had put somethin’ on him that none of us could joke away, even though we still tried every chance we got.
“I bet that nigga in the crib right now holdin’ a baby while Pluto sleep,” I said as I stood from the couch and reached for my empty glass.
“I know one thing,” Blaq laughed. “If Pressure pull up tonight actin’ like he ain’t drinkin’, I’m still pourin’ him one.”
“With the way that nigga been movin’, he probably gon’ tell yo’ ass no,” Kay’Lo replied.
“And I’m still gon’ pour it.”
’Lo laughed and leaned farther back in his seat.
I laughed to myself before gettin’ up, and walkin’ into the kitchen.
I opened the freezer and reached for more ice. Before I could scoop it into my glass, my phone started vibratin’ across the counter. I glanced at the screen and saw Reni’s name, then stood here for a second tryna decide whether I felt like answerin’.
Me and Reni had been done for months, and I ain’t have no confusion about that.
Whatever love I had for her was different now, and my heart wasn’t sittin’ over here waitin’ on us to find our way back to each other.
Sha’Nelle had that muthafucka tied up and draggin’ behind her while she walked around town with another nigga.
Still, I couldn’t look at Reni’s name without thinkin’ about everything we had just gone through together.
I had watched her body and her mind take a hit that neither one of us came out of clean.
I was still a lil’ tripped out about the decision she made, and I probably would be for a long time, but that ain’t mean I could pretend she never mattered to me.
I picked up the phone and answered while leanin’ against the counter.
“Wus’ good?”
“Hey,” she said, but her voice sounded rough enough to make me straighten up.
Before I could ask her somethin’ else, she started coughin’. It wasn’t one of them lil’ fake coughs niggas did when they wanted attention either. She sounded congested, tired and wore the fuck out.
“You good?” I asked.
“I’m okay,” she replied, then coughed again before clearin’ her throat. “I think I caught a cold.”
“You think?” I questioned. “You sound like somebody done sanded the inside of yo’ damn throat.”
A weak laugh came through the phone, but it turned into another cough before she could say anything.
“That shit ain’t funny,” I told her. “When you start feelin’ bad?”
“Yesterday. It wasn’t that serious at first, but I woke up feelin’ worse today.”
“You take somethin’?”
“Yeah. I took some cold medicine, and I’ve been drinkin’ tea, but it’s not really helpin’.”
I looked down at my empty glass and ran my thumb along the rim while thinkin’.
My mama kept enough herbs in her house to bring somebody back from the dead.
“I’m gon’ stop by my mama crib before it get too late,” I told her. “She got some herbs that’ll open all that shit up. I’ll bring ’em by later.”
“You don’t have to do that,” she replied, but the way her voice softened told me she wanted me to.
“I know I ain’t gotta do it. I said I was gon’ do it.”
She got quiet for a minute, and I already knew what that silence was. Reni had been lookin’ for pieces of us in every lil’ thing I did lately, and I ain’t want her mistakin’ concern for me tryna rebuild what we had.
“You still at home?” I asked before she could turn the conversation into somethin’ else.
“Yeah.”
“A’ight. Stay there, keep drinkin’ water, and don’t start movin’ around ‘cause you feel a lil’ better. I’ll hit you when I’m headed your way.”
“Thank you, Renza.”
“It’s cool.”
We got off the phone a minute later, and I stood here lookin’ at the screen after the call ended.
I felt for Reni, and I hated knowin’ she had been goin’ through shit by herself, but that still ain’t put my heart back in her hands.
I could care about her without lyin’ to myself about where I wanted to be.
The problem was, where I wanted to be ain’t wanna cooperate with me.
I set my phone down long enough to fill the ice bucket, then grabbed another bottle of liquor from the counter and headed back toward the den.
‘Lo glanced at me when I walked in, but he ain’t ask nothin’ until I sat down and started pourin’ another drink.
“Everything straight?” he asked.
“Reni caught a cold. She sound fucked up, so I told her I was gon’ grab some herbs from Ma and take ’em over there.”
Blaq nodded from across the room. “Them herbs yo’ mama got will have her clear by mornin’.”
“I know. Ma keep shit in that cabinet that ain’t supposed to exist no more. She probably got a leaf in there from the Garden of Eden.”
’Lo laughed while liftin’ his glass. “You better not tell her that. Auntie Nyori gon’ make yo’ ass drink somethin’ just for bein’ smart.”
That started another round of shit between us, and before long, the call with Reni had moved to the back of my mind.
We kept drinkin’ while Blaq told us about some woman who had been blowin’ his phone up all day after swearin’ she ain’t want nothin’ serious.
Some time passed while we drank and talked, then Blaq’s phone lit up on the table again. He picked it up, read whatever came through, and leaned forward to place his glass down.
“I gotta slide,” he said. “I told ol’ girl I was gon’ come through, and she already sent me three messages askin’ where I’m at.”
I looked toward his phone. “That the same one who don’t want nothin’ serious?”
“The very same one.”
“You better hurry before she stop not carin’.”
Blaq stood and laughed while grabbin’ his keys. He slapped hands with ’Lo first, then came around the table and did the same with me.
“I’ll catch y’all tomorrow,” he said. “Try not to end up on nobody news tonight.”
“Nigga, gone head,” I replied while he walked away.
Me and ’Lo stayed in the den with our drinks while the music played, but the energy shifted once it was just us.
I leaned back and looked over at him. He had his phone in one hand, and his thumb moved across the screen while a grin kept pullin’ at the corner of his mouth.
I knew that look…
“What you over there smilin’ at, nigga?” I asked.
He ain’t answer right away. He kept lookin’ at his phone, then sat it face down on his thigh and reached for his glass.
“Nothin’.”
“That ain’t no nothin’ face. That’s yo’ messy face.”
’Lo laughed and took a sip. “Nigga, I ain’t got no messy face.”
“Yeah, you do. It’s the same face you make when you know some shit and tryna decide how much damage you want it to do.”
He looked over at me and held my stare for a second. The grin came back, and that was when I knew whatever he had just found out had somethin’ to do with me.
“I know where Toni at,” he finally said.
I waited ‘cause I knew my cousin ain’t bring that shit up for no reason.
“And?” I asked.
“And Toni ain’t by herself, ‘cause ‘Nelle still in town.”
I sat my drink down on the table, then leaned forward with my elbows on my knees.
“So her and Sha’Nelle together right now is what you basically sayin’, nigga?”
He laughed and set his unfinished drink on the table. “Come on nigga.”
I grabbed my keys and stood from the couch. We left our drinks sittin’ on the table and headed through the house, grabbin’ what we needed for the ride. We walked out the house and made our way toward my whip.
By the time we got inside, my mind had already moved all the way to Sha’Nelle. I started the engine and backed out while ’Lo pulled the location up on his phone.
The truth was, I was crazy about Sha’Nelle.
That was why I was leavin’ a half-full drink at Kay’Lo’s house and drivin’ across the city without knowin’ what I was about to walk into.
I ain’t give a fuck if buddy was beside her, across from her, or holdin’ her damn hand.
That nigga bein’ present had never stopped me from doin’ what I wanted when it came to Sha’Nelle.
She kept actin’ like havin’ another man meant I was supposed to erase everything between us. She wanted me to forget the way she gave in every time I got close enough, and she wanted me to ignore the fact that her body still belonged to me even when her mouth was tellin’ me to leave her alone.
I could still remember her tears beside that damn buildin’ and the way she fought me before that fight left her.
The city lights moved across the windshield while I drove, and every mile had my mind runnin’ faster.
I only wanted to put my eyes on Sha’Nelle and remind her that no matter how much distance she tried to create, I could still reach her whenever I felt like it.
Kay’Lo checked the map and pointed toward the next turn. “Make this right. They about ten minutes away.”
I followed his direction and looked ahead as the road opened in front of us. My drink was sittin’ back at his crib, and whatever plans we had made for the night had disappeared the second he said Sha’Nelle’s name.
She was somewhere in this city with a nigga who thought he had her, and I was on my way to erase whatever the fuck they had goin’ on.