The next day… #5
“I love every damn thing about you,” I said as I kissed her lips soft. “You still the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on. That ain’t changed ‘cause you had a baby, gained some weight or started havin’ a hard time. Ain’t shit about the way I see you changed.”
“Then why you don’t want me?” she whispered.
The pain in her voice hit me harder than I expected, and I held her tighter ‘cause I finally understood what my silence had been tellin’ her. While I thought I was protectin’ Pluto, I had left her alone to make up her own reason for why her husband stopped touchin’ her.
“I do want you,” I assured her as I brushed my thumb across her cheek.
“You ain’t never gotta question that. You walk past me and my whole body react to you before I can even think.
I miss touchin’ you, and I miss bein’ close to you in every way we used to be.
But right now, I need us to focus on gettin’ you okay.
Not the kids, not sex and not none of the other shit we think a marriage supposed to look like.
I need my wife to feel like herself again, and I need you to know I’m still right here while you figure that out. ”
Pluto rested her head against my shoulder, and I kissed her temple while my hand moved slow along her back.
“I’m gon’ take some time away from everything,” I told her. “Cloud 9 can run without me, and them dispensaries got managers for a reason. I’ll handle what I need to handle from here, but I’m stayin’ close to the house.”
“You don’t have to stop working because of me,” she murmured.
“I ain’t stoppin’ shit,” I replied. “I’m movin’ different ‘cause my wife need me. That’s what the fuck I’m supposed to do.”
Pluto went quiet, and I kept holdin’ her while I thought about everything that needed to change.
The kids had nannies, and there was enough help in this house for Pluto to stop carryin’ every damn responsibility like nobody else had hands.
I could make sure Zurie stayed on top of her own schedule, handle more with the boys and take over nights with Isley whenever Pluto needed rest.
More than that, I could make sure my wife had time where nobody was callin’ her Mama or askin’ her to solve a problem. She needed space to remember who Pluto was outside of raisin’ children and takin’ care of a household.
“I’m takin’ you away for a while too,” I added as I rubbed her thigh. “Just me and you.”
“What about the kids?” she asked immediately.
“They got a whole house full of people who love ‘em, and they gon’ be fine,” I assured her. “Everything don’t gotta be about them right now. We gon’ get out this house, and I’m gon’ make sure you sleep, eat and breathe without somebody cryin’ or needin’ you every five minutes.”
Pluto let out a light breath that sounded like relief through her tears, and that lil’ sound gave me some relief ‘cause it was the first part of her I recognized since I walked into the room.
“I’m serious,” I told her while kissin’ the corner of her mouth. “I’m finna make everything about you for a minute.”
She looked down at the front of my shirt, still holdin’ on to it. “I don’t even know what I need.”
“You ain’t gotta know tonight,” I replied. “All you gotta do is stop hidin’ from me and let me help you figure that shit out.”
Pluto finally looked into my eyes again, and I saw how scared she was. Not of me, but of whatever was happenin’ inside her. She had spent so much time bein’ everybody else’s safe place that she ain’t know what to do when she needed one herself.
I kissed her lips again and held her face between my hands.
“I got you, baby,” I told her. “I got these kids, this house and every other damn thing you worried about. My job as your husband is to protect you, provide for you and bring peace into ya life. If you ain’t feelin’ none of that right now, then I need to do my job better.”
Pluto started cryin’ again, but this time she wrapped herself around me and buried her face in my neck. I held her as tight as I could without hurtin’ her, pressin’ kisses against her hair while she let everything out.
“It’s okay, baby,” I whispered. “Cry if you need to. I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”
“I’m sorry,” she cried against my neck. “I’m sorry about Zurie.”
“We gon’ handle that together,” I assured her. “You gon’ apologize when you ready, and she gon’ apologize for her part too. One bad night ain’t finna destroy everything y’all got.”
Pluto nodded against me while I kept rubbin’ her back.
I knew this wasn’t somethin’ I could fix with money, a vacation or one conversation.
My wife needed real help, and whether she liked it or not, I was gon’ make sure she got it.
I would sit beside her through every appointment, take over whatever she couldn’t carry and remind her every day that none of this made her weak.
For tonight, though, I just held her.
I cradled her against my chest while her cryin’ eased, kissin’ her face and tellin’ her I loved her every time I felt her start breakin’ again.
Everything outside this bedroom could wait ‘cause Pluto had spent too long makin’ the whole world about everybody else.
Now it was my turn to make sure somebody took care of her.