19. Renza Mensah #2
“I know where he stay,” I told them. “Buildin’, apartment number and all. I know where he work, what he drive and what airport his ass use when he leave town.”
Pressure nodded like that was normal information to have. “A’ight.”
“I don’t understand what she see in that nigga,” I continued. “She rather stay in Greystone, deal with her mama house and be with some lame ass nigga than come live good with me.”
“Maybe she want you to give her time,” Pressure said.
“She had time,” I replied. “She had a whole damn week with me and still chose to stay.”
Kay’Lo was quiet for a second before he reached for his drink. “Speakin’ of them, Toni told me they grandma back in the hospital.”
My hand stopped near my plate. “What happened?”
“She got dizzy at home and almost fell,” Kay’Lo explained. “Her pressure shot up, and they said she was dehydrated. Since she had that mini stroke before, they kept her overnight to run tests and make sure it ain’t happen again.”
“She straight?” I asked.
“From what Toni said, yeah. They watchin’ her, but she talkin’ and movin’ around. Sha’Nelle been up there with her.”
I nodded and looked down at my food, but my appetite changed after that.
Sha’Nelle loved that old woman, and I knew the last time her grandma went into the hospital had scared the hell out of her.
A part of me wanted to pull my phone out right here and call her, but another part remembered she ain’t checked on me once in almost a month.
I wasn’t finna reach every time somethin’ happened while she acted like I ain’t exist.
Still, the thought of her sittin’ in the hospital worried about her grandma stayed on my mind through the rest of brunch.
We finished eatin’ and talked about other shit for a while before everybody got ready to move.
Pressure had to get back home, Kay’Lo had some business to handle at ‘Lo Motion and I had an order waitin’ on me at my shop.
We hugged, talked our shit for another minute near the entrance and then split up in the parkin’ lot.
I drove over to Trill Hills and went inside the barbershop first. A few niggas was sittin’ around waitin’ on cuts while everybody argued about some game from the night before. Soon as they saw me, one of ‘em started talkin’ shit about how long it had been since I let anybody in there touch my head.
“I got a barber,” I told him while leanin’ against one of the empty stations. “I come in here to make sure y’all ain’t runnin’ this shit into the ground.”
The barber laughed and said, “Don’t nobody need you checkin’ on us. Go sell a gun or somethin’, nigga.”
“That’s exactly what I’m finna do,” I replied. “Make sure you sweep this dirty ass floor first.”
I kicked it with them for a while before headin’ to my gun shop. The order I needed to fill wasn’t no regular walk-in purchase. The niggas who placed it ran enough shit across a few countries that they needed equipment most people couldn’t walk into a store and ask for.
They wanted rifles fitted with custom parts, handguns with modified sights and enough ammunition to supply more than a few people.
I checked every piece myself before my men packed it. I made sure the serial records was handled the way they needed to be, verified the payment and had everything loaded into black cases without logos or nothin’ that would draw attention.
By the time the order left, the money had already cleared.
After that, I met Blaqson and spent a few hours movin’ around the island.
We stopped by one of his spots, handled some shit with a nigga who owed him money and ended up smokin’ in the truck while we talked about whatever came up.
I ain’t mention Sha’Nelle ‘cause I was tired of hearin’ her name in my own head, and sayin’ it out loud wasn’t gon’ fix shit.
It was late when I finally made it back to the mansion.
Pressure’s side of the crib was quiet, and I figured he was upstairs with Pluto and the kids. I went to my room, rolled up before I showered and left the blunt sittin’ in the ashtray for when I got out.
The hot water helped loosen some of the tension in my shoulders, but it ain’t do nothin’ for my mind.
Kay’Lo tellin’ me about Sha’Nelle’s grandma kept playin’ over and over, and every time I tried to think about somethin’ else, I pictured her sittin’ in some hospital room tryna act stronger than she felt.
Once I got dressed, I sat in my recliner and sparked the blunt. My phone rested on the table beside me, and I stared at it between every few pulls like the shit was gon’ call her by itself.
Sha’Nelle ain’t reached out to me…
She ain’t ask how I was doin’, ain’t say she missed me and ain’t send one lil’ message to let me know I crossed her mind.
I was still salty about Greystone, and the fact that she was dealin’ with that other nigga made it worse.
I hated knowin’ he was probably around her while I sat all the way out here, wonderin’ how she was doin’.
My pride told me to leave the shit alone, but my heart picked up the phone.
I found her name and stared at it for another second before pressin’ call. It rang long enough for me to think she might not answer, but then the line connected.
“Hello?” Sha’Nelle answered.
The sound of her voice went straight through me.
It felt like I had been holdin’ my breath for the whole damn month, and hearin’ her say one word finally let me breathe again. I sat back in the recliner and closed my eyes for a second ‘cause I ain’t want her hearin’ how much that shit affected me.
“Wussup, ‘Nelle?” I asked.
She went quiet for half a second before answering, “Hey, Renza.”
“How you been?”
“I been good,” she replied. “How you been?”
“I been straight.”
Another silence settled between us, but it ain’t feel empty. It felt full of every damn thing we had left unsaid when I dropped her off at her mama house.
“I heard ‘bout yo’ grandma,” I told her. “I wanted to make sure she good.”
Sha’Nelle let out a light breath before answerin’ me. “She better now. Her blood pressure got too high, and she wasn’t drinkin’ enough water. They keepin’ her another night ‘cause of the stroke she had before, but all her tests been lookin’ okay.”
“You been up there with her?”
“Most of the day,” she said. “I just left not too long ago.”
“You eat?”
“Yes, Renza,” Sha’Nelle replied, and I could hear the smallest change in her voice.
That lil’ bit of softness made me smile even though I knew I had no business doin’ it. “I’m just askin’.”
“I know,” she said. “Thank you for callin’ to check on her.”
“Ain’t gotta thank me for that.”
We got quiet again, and I rubbed my thumb along the side of my phone while starin’ across the room. I could’ve ended the call there and protected whatever pride I still had left, but hearin’ her voice had already fucked that plan up.
“I miss you,” I told her.
Sha’Nelle ain’t answer.
The silence went on long enough for irritation to start mixin’ with the ache in my chest. I sat forward in the recliner and took another pull from the blunt before puttin’ it in the ashtray.
“You been doin’ you in Trill-Land?” she finally asked.
I frowned. “What that mean?”
“You know what it mean,” she replied. “You been seein’ anybody new?”
“Nah.”
Sha’Nelle paused before askin’, “Anybody old?”
I already knew where she was goin’ before she said the name.
“Like Reni?” she added.
The truth sat right here in my mouth, but I couldn’t make myself give it to her. I had told Reni the truth when she asked about somebody else ‘cause lyin’ to her ain’t feel necessary. With Sha’Nelle, I knew one honest answer could close a door I still wanted open.
“Nah,” I lied.
Sha’Nelle stayed quiet, and I couldn’t tell whether she believed me.
I leaned back and said, “I know you still fuckin’ with that nigga though.”
She sighed into the phone. “Renza, I appreciate you callin’ about my grandma, but I gotta go.”
That shit irritated me ‘cause she had just questioned me, then tried to run the second I brought up what she was doin’.
“Why you always do that?” I asked her.
“Do what?”
“Start some shit, then try to get off the phone when it turn toward you.”
“I ain’t start nothin’,” Sha’Nelle replied. “I asked you a question.”
“And I asked you one back.”
“I don’t wanna get into all that tonight,” she said, soundin’ tired now. “I already got enough goin’ on.”
I ran my hand down my face and tried to pull my emotions back before I said the wrong shit. “I miss you, ‘Nelle.”
She went quiet again.
“I love you too,” I continued. “And I know you feel that shit even if you wanna keep actin’ like you don’t.”
“Renza…”
“Nah, just tell me the truth,” I said. “You ain’t gotta tell me you comin’ home or none of that shit. Just quit actin’ like I’m the only one feelin’ this.”
Sha’Nelle took a deep breath on the other end. When she spoke again, her voice sounded softer and more tired than before.
“I miss you too,” she admitted.
Those four words did more to me than I wanted them to.
I closed my eyes and rested my head against the chair ‘cause for one second, it felt like maybe all this shit between us wasn’t dead. She was still there behind the pride, the fear and whatever she had goin’ on with that other nigga.
“I miss you bad,” I told her.
“I know,” Sha’Nelle replied. “I’m just overwhelmed right now, Renza. I don’t wanna get into us tonight.”
“A’ight,” I said, even though I wanted more. “You gon’ call me?”
“I’ll call you soon.”
“You promise?”
Sha’Nelle paused before answerin’, “Yeah, I promise.”
I held the phone tighter against my ear. “I love you.”
She went quiet again before sayin’ my name like it hurt her to hear me say it.
“Renza…”
That was enough to tell me she wasn’t givin’ it back.
I stared toward the floor and swallowed everything I wanted to say next. “Shit, a’ight then.”
I ended the call before I could sit here beggin’ a woman to love me out loud.
The room felt colder once her voice was gone. For a few minutes, I stayed in the recliner with the phone still in my hand while the blunt burned in the ashtray next to me.